Catfish - Nev/Max

It has been one month after leaving Cincinnati, Ohio where my filming partner, and great friend, Max Joseph and I had filmed the Antwane and Tony/Carmen episode of Catfish with our MTV camera crew, and Max and I had just finished catching up with both Antwane and Carmen through video chat for any updates. As always, both parties are doing their own thing and not letting whatever happened get in their way.

As I had told Antwane before the crew and I ended shooting, I don't always like what I'm doing with this job of catfishing, or how people like his own cousin Carmen handle situations like this. I just have an unhealthy loathing for innocent people being played into believing that whoever they are corresponding with is the real deal. Mainly because I was once walking in the same shoes as them, and how I felt afterwards was unexplainably distressing. My Megan/Angela incident left me heartbroken and depressed for the longest time.

Even though my story has sparked inspiration for millions of people all throughout the fifty states to share theirs and seek help, the outcomes of them meeting someone else completely different and see how the person we're helping is crushed makes me reflect back on that haunting time of my life, and I am pretty sure it will continue being stored in a drawer in my mind for the rest of my life, waiting to be reopened again and again.

I let out a groan of frustration and Max turns his head to look at me. "You ok?", he asked, sounding concerned for me.

"It's just that people like Carmen get me pissed off.", I tell him.

"I think people like that gets everybody pissed off, Nev.", Max told me, laughing just a little bit for me to still see that he certainly agreed. "I'm still not exactly liking Carmen at all. She probably is the queen of catfishes like she boosted, but I still believe the reason that motivated her to do it is pretty much idiotic."

I agreed with Max there, but it wasn't just this one person that got me seeing red when finding out the real reason for why they did what they did. The majority of our investigations contain someone that just wastes our time and film and money to get back at the other person. They think it's a brilliant way to feel better about themselves, and think it's fun to toy with someone else's emotions and lie to them.

The rest aren't even revenge hungry. They just feel insecure about themselves so they use someone else's photos and cast themselves as a made up individual to make them feel beautiful and better when talking to someone via technology, but it doesn't always feel good in the end. Them using someone so oblivious and naive just sickens me to my stomach.

And, just as I expected, I was once again reminiscing about when it was me sitting behind a computer and calling and texting, and even sexting, on the phone and being lied to by someone I thought was the one for me. This was something I would never get over. It was like a scar on the skin that will never go away and will always be there, except it wasn't a physical scar. It was an emotional scar.

That was how much it traumatized me.

Remembering all of this gave me a headache. I rubbed my temple with both hands as I got up from the table. "I just want to lie down right now and rest.", I muttered to Max and the crew.

"Dude, what's the matter?", Dave, our executive producer, catechized.

"I just don't feel well right now. I want to be alone for a while, please." It was more of a beg than just informing that I wanted to be by myself. I felt tears fast approaching to my eyes and I didn't want anyone to see me cry.

The crew were already making their way out of the hotel room, then it was just Max and me. "Are you sure you want to be alone?", he softly asked me. Again he sounded concerned. To tell the truth, I wanted Max to stay here with me and confront me like he does when I would get like this, because I know he cares for me and wants to be the best friend that acts like your therapist just to lead you out of your dark hour, but as much as I privately wanted Max to hold me in his warming arms and caress me I wanted to literally be alone, because Max plays a part in the dilemma as well.

"I'm sure, Max.", I answered as I got on our shared bed and laid on my back. "Just go out and have a drink, or something. Hang with the crew. Drive around town. Just, please, leave me alone." I mentally panicked when my voice sounded cracked and I shut my eyes tight. When I heard the door open and close I left them closed and let the fiery tears do their business. I felt them roll down my skin and make it to my ears and wiped them off. I sighed with grief and just let my bottled emotions free.

I felt miserable knowing that I have trust issues, but I felt even more trapped in a small box of yearning and even lust, and it was for Max. It was all for Max because I've only admitted to myself that I'm indeed falling in love with him, and it's no surprise. It's not rocket science for why it's him I want. He's always been there for me when I'm stressed. He knows my likes and dislikes and what sets me off, and I've never once thought of him as another brother to me.

I see him as my best friend that I have a hankering for. Whenever, no, every single time I look at him it's dawned on me that I want him more than anything. I want him to be in love with me back and I want him to...to just hopefully not be like all of them, Angela and the catfishes. I want him to be truthful and to not use me like I'm some toy in a child's toy box.

What I couldn't have with "Megan" is what I want with Max, and I'll tell him...whenever he gets back to me.

Sorry if this chapter seemed short but I will make a chapter two depending on how many reviews I get