Disclaimer: Rumiko Takahashi owns all charachters. I own a spoon, but then some freaky kid in a movie said "there is no spoon", so I guess I own nothing.
SCENTCLAIM"Higurashi! Hey, Higurashi!"
"Eh?"
Kagome turned around, surprised by the sudden call. She had just finished her fifth schoolday in a row, and was on her way home to rest a bit before heading back to the feudal era. Kagome was sure a certain hanyou was driving her other friends nuts despite the fact that they had agreed she'd stay for five days this time. However, Kagome's glorioys prospects were now postponed by that one happy call.
"Hi, Hojo-kun..." Kagome said, faking a smile and enthusiasm.
Hojo ran up to her, standing almost a little too close, his never fading smile plastered to his face.
"I'm so glad I found you, Higurashi! It seems you have been feeling a lot better lately?"
"Eh? Yeah, somewhat..." Kagome said vaguely, knowing she'd come down with something again soon... next schoolday, in fact.
Hojo smiled even more.
"The, Higurashi... would you possible want to go on a date with me? Tonight?"
"Wha- tonight?" Kagome repeated, starteled.
"Yes! I know it's a little sudden, but since you've been feeling better lately I thought..." Hojo blushed. "There have been too many dates when you've forced yourself to go even when you didn't feel well, Higurashi... and you did it just for me."
/Uh, What is he talking about??/
(A/N: Hojo is referring to the one date Kagome actually showed up on, but then left to search for Inuyasha. In Hojo's mind, that was but the first of many. Cute, brilliant and ignorant that one.)
Kagome stood quiet as Hojo continued:
"I'd just like to be with you when you're healthy, like today. E-even if I of cause like you every day, Higurashi."
/What should I do? I can't go on a date, the others are waiting! Should I say I'm sick?/
Kagome met Hojo's shining gaze and suddenly, she knew.
/He won't give up unless I tell him the truth. Oh, this is going to be so hard.../
"Um, Hojo-kun?"
"Hai?"
"I'm sorry, but I can't go."
That killed Hojo's smile. Worry appeared instead.
"Why? Are you feeling ill again?"
Kagome shook her head. This was so hard.
"Hojo-kun, I... I like someone else!"
Hojo twitched in visible pain, eyes wide. Kagome wasn't aware that it would hurt her to see the way she hurt him. She lowered her gaze, her voice almost a whisper.
"I really like you as a friend, Hojo-kun. I'm sorry."
Kagome turned to leave, feeling everything that could be said had been said. However, Hojo did not concure.
"Who is he?"
Kagome stopped, but did not turn.
"Nobody you know."
"Is he treating you right?"
Kagome smiled a twisted smile.
"Sometimes... when he's not calling me 'bitch' or 'wench' or yelling at me or trying to boss me around and stuff like that."
"Is he calling you bitch?!" Hojo sounded really upset. Kagome laughed.
"Yeah... but coming from him, it's not necessarily an insult."
/After all, bitches are she-dogs, so it might just be a way for Inuyasha to call me woman./ Kagome added silent.
Hojo frowned. Kagome could feel his disapproval.
"Higurashi, this guy doesn't sound good at all!"
"He doesn't, does he?" Kagome agreed, and spun around.
Hojo felt his heart make a strange jump when his beautiful Higurashi whipped her hair, a serene expression on her face. In the afternoon light she looked like a more mature version of herself, one that Hojo if possible loved even more.
"Higurashi..." Hojo said.
"Hojo-kun. It's hard to explain, but it's my duty to be with him. And more so, it's my will."
"Duty? Is he your fiancée or something?"
"Not in this life." Kagome murmured.
"What was that?"
Kagome shook her head and waved that remark away.
"No, it's nothing. Anyway, Hojo-kun, I must go now."
Kagome turned to leave only to be caught by Hojo by her wrist, snapping her back, embracing her.
"H-Hojo-kun!"
"Know this Higurashi. I'll wait for you. When that rude guy's driven you away, I'll be right here for you." He held her even closer. "That's a promise, Higurashi."
Kagome gasped, but not because Hojos actions or words, but because she heard a distinct and increasing growl from nearby. A stray dog or...?
/As if I'd ever be that lucky!/ Kagome thought as she violently pulled away from Hojo.
"I must go" she said sternly. "I'll see you in school someday, Hojo-kun."
With that, Kagome turned and began to run, ignoring whatever nonesense Hojo was screaming after her.
/I hope Inuyasha will follow me. If he decides to have a showdown with Hojo-kun, I'll- /
"UAAH!" Kagome screamed as she suddenly was thrown up in the air, waving with arms and legs in a vain attempt to regain composture, only to be caught in the very arms of the one that tossed her. Kagome looked up to see Inuyashas tensed jawline, a very low growl still to be heard from his throat.
"Inuyasha..."
The only response Kagome recieved was his arms holding her tighter, his hands almost clawing her in his possessive grip, the growl increasing. He lept forward, obviously heading for the shrine. Kagome peeked down and saw the ground far beneath them.
/I guess conversation will have to wait until we land.../
Kagome gripped the front of Inuyashas haori and snuggeled her head towards his chest. There she was, flying high above the streets in the arms of a rather pissed off hanyou who was effordless jumping from rooftop to rooftop in a time not his own – and Kagome had never felt so safe or so content ever before, in her life. Kagome was disappointed when they reached the long stair up to the shrine, but luckily Inuyasha carried her all the way up. It wasn't until they were standing in the yard in front of the house Inuyasha did put Kagome down, but close, so that they were still touching. Kagome backed away a few steps and met Inuyashas gaze.
/Uh-on, he's mad!/ Kagome thought as golden eyes penetrated hers.
"Ano Inuyasha, about earlier – yip!"
Kagome made a shrill sound when Inuyasha suddenly pulled her back into a fierce embrace.
"I- Inuyasha...?"
"You have been gone for five days, Kagome!" Inuyasha said, as if that explained everything.
"Well, we did agree that I would be, didn't we?" Kagome asked. "Since both Miroku and Sango had personal matters to attend to –"
"It's not that you've been gone!" Inuyasha interrupted.
Kagome was now totally confused. Then she stiffened. Inuyasha began to sniff her hair and neck, still holding her.
"Only five days and I can't find my scent anywhere on you. And worse, when I come to get you, some shit of a male is putting his scent all over you, acting as if you belong to him or somethin'!"
Kagomes heart was racing.
"Inuyasha...?"
Inuyasha let his hand slide to Kagomes waist and pulled his head back. Standing tall, honesty in his eyes, he said:
"Kagome, if you belong to anyone, that one person is me."
Kagome felt hope built inside her. Could he mean...?
/No, he referres to me being his shard detector...And he's not wrong. Until we're done, I am. But.../
"I agree. If I belong to anyone, it is you."
/But not the way I want to!/
Inuyasha sighed and took a better hold of Kagome, embracing her again.
"It kills me when you reek of so many peoples scents, especially boys'."
This notion did noting to clear Kagomes confusion, but she said:
"Don't worry. I'll change before we go to the feudal era."
Kagome thought her mentioning going back would make them proceed to do just that, but Inuyasha just helt her closer.
"You really don't get it, do you?" He whispered.
Kagome couldn't answer; she had no clue!
"I..." Inuyasha began, vioce shaky, "It's not often I get to hold you like this, Kagome. But I can carry you on my back – or carry your backpack – or lend you my haori – or let you lean towards me – many small things like that. And everytime I do, my scent mingles with yours."
"I...guess it does." Kagome said, not knowing where this was heading.
"It does!" Inuyasha snapped bluntly. Then he clamed down again, relaxing his embrace a little.
"I sometimes forget that humas can't smell scent as yokai or hanyou can..."
Suddenly Inuyasha pulled back, only his hand remaning on Kagomes shoulders. His big, golden eyes were facing Kagome, searching her eyes.
"You...you really have no idea what I'm talking about, do you, Kagome?"
Kagome knew she probably looked like a living questionmark, but shook her head anyway. Inuyasha gasped, his mouth half-opened. Then he cursed, letting go of Kagome completely.
"Kuso! I thought you – that we – that I – nevermind!" he finished, turning away from Kagome, arms folded.
Kagome felt her confusion tuirn into anger as the delicate moment was shattered. She grabbet Inuyasha by his shoulder, spinning him around.
"Hey Inuyasha, how am I supposed to understand if you don't...tell...me..."
Kagomes outburst faded away when she saw the look in Inuyashas eyes. He looked so sad, so completely and utterly out of joy or hope.
"Inuyasha..."
Kagome saw that Inuyasha wouldn't say anything just now, as he struggeled to hide already revealed emotions. Therefore, she grabbed his hand.
"Come Inuyasha. Let's go to my room at least."
Kagome pulled Inuyasha along, not thinking about that she now was doing one of those "mixing scent"-things. Inuyasha however was very aware of it. Luckily for them, the house was empty. These awkward moments between them did not need witnesses. When in her room, Kagome motioned for Inuyasha to sit on her bed. He complied, and Kagome kneeled with her back towards him, proceeding to unpack her schoolbag. She knew Inuyasha followed her every move.
"Inuyasha?" Kagome said in a low oice.
Only a small rustle told her he was listening, but that was enough. Still keeping her hands busy, Kagome continued.
"We know each other pretty well, you and I. In fact, I often know exactly what you would say or do if you were in my place in school or something...because, even if we're very unlike, we seem to understand one another."
Kagome picked up a toy frog Eri had given her earlier that day; it was a good-luck charm. Kagome smiled. A frog for good luck, huh? She'd go for a dog any day... Pushing that thought away, Kagome kept talking.
"I guess that's why we always fight. It's hard to to know that someone really understands you, despite all displays."
Kagome put the frog on her desk and began to sort out what school books she would bring to the warring era. She knew Inuyasha was still listening, waiting for her to continue, but she didn't turn.
"This understanding...I guess that's why there are certain subjects we never talk about..."
Kagome could feel Inuyasha tense, as did herself, when the forbidden topics "Kikyo" and "What happens when Naraku's defeated?" passed the room. It felt like someone stepped on their graves. Kagome lowered her head, determinated to finish what she had to say.
"It's really hard somtimes, to be able to understand you. And it's not always nice knowing you understand me. But all and all...I really lo – like that we do understand each other, Inuyasha. So in moments like this, when I don't understand you, and you won't tell, I- It just makes me sad. Like you're leaving me out."
Kagome decided to quit there, since her voice threatened to crack. She remained on her knees, silence filling the room. It felt like an eternity passed before Inuyasha spoke up.
"Me too."
"Nani?"
"Me too. I also feel left out."
Kagome turned. Inuyasha sat with Tessaiga in his lap, head down. In the fading afternoon light, he gave a very downcast impression. Kagome crawled to the bed, trying to catch Inuyashas gaze. She failed. Inuyasha spoke again, his voice hoarse.
"Kagome, when you go here to your time, I have no idea what you're doing. And when you tell me, I understand shit. So then I go see for myself, only to be sat by you. Not that I don't get why. We can't risk exposure, that'll be the end of it all."
Inuyasha pasued and Kagome sneaked up on the bed, snuggling in by his side. When her head was comfortably placed upon his shoulder, he continued.
"It haunts me, you know. Having no idea what's happening to you when I'm not there. And it kills me when you come back, smelling of people I don't know, like that baka human today!"
/Back at the scent thing/ Kagome thought, but instinct told her to just be quiet.
Inuyasha growled and seemed to struggle with himself. Kagome let her hand trail his sleeve, inviting him to take it. He did, as if taking comfort and strength.
"Scent...tells hanyou or yokai who belongs together, who's pack, even if it doesn't look like they are."
"Like Sesshoumaru, Rin and Jaken?" Kagome asked.
"Yes, like them." Inuyasha agreed, relieved. Then he remained silent, so Kagome asked, very low:
"Like us?"
Inuyasha gasped for air before letting it be eaven again through a long breathing out. Kagome felt his hand tremble. Inuyasha chose to start on a new thread.
"Scent tells hanyou and yokai if someone's... taken, too. Kagura smells like Naraku because she's part of him, but..." Inuyasha paused before he blurred out: "But she'd smell like him if she was his mate too."
Kagome felt her heart beat way too hard in her chest as she tried to comprehend what inuyasha had said. Now she really had to chose her words wizely.
"So...mated yokai and hanyou smell like one another?"
Inuyasha nodded and tightened his grip of Kagomes hand.
"Humans do too."
Kagome nodded and swallowed. This was not easy.
"So when you deliberately put your scent on me..."
"...I'm telling every got damn yokai around that you're mine!" Inuyasha snapped out. "And now I find you didn't even know what I was doing!"
Kagome was glad Inuyasha didn't pull away, but she was also glad she couldn't see him. He sounded so hurt! Suddenly a new thought entered her mind and her eyes gew wide as realisation struck her. Kagome sat up, not touching Inuyasha. He glanced at her, too many emotions in his eyes.
"Tha- that means...every time I've touched you – or sitting with you – like now, I've – "
"...told every got damn yokai around that I'm yours. But you didn't mean that, did you, Kagome? Feh, you didn't even know it, how could you mean it..." Inuyasha said dejected.
Kagome thoughts were spinning. She didn't care about what some random yokai believed; she cared about what Inuyasha apparently had HOPED.
/By scent he has been claiming me his...and he has accepted my scentclaim on him...even if I didn't know./
The words Inuyasha had said before came to Kagomes mind.
"Kagome, if you belong to ANYONE, that one person is ME."
/He was referring to our repeated scentclaims! I'm not mated, so I really don't belong to anyone, but... I have given tokens of belonging with Inuyasha. Isn't that like an engagement of sorts?/
Kagome had been so deep in her thoughts she didn't notice how Inuyasha slowly saddened as she remained distanced from him. It wasn't until he moved to get off the bed Kagome came to life. Seeing her love about to leave her, Kagome quickly flung herself towards him, hugging his waist. Inuyasha tensed. Kagome pressed her head against his back.
"This time I know what I'm doing, Inuyasha." Kagome whispered. "It's true I didn't know before, but I ment it then too."
Inuyasha drew a shaky breath.
"H-how can you decide that so sudden? That you want to...to..."
"Sudden?" Kagome laughed.
She sat up and moved to sit beside Inuyasha, grabbing his hand in hers. He recultantly turned toward her, his eyes clouded by his fear of rejection.
"Inuyasha. Didn't I say before: 'If I belong to anyone, it is you?'"
"Yes you did, but-"
"By then, I didn't know about this scent business, did I?"
"N-no."
"Then tell me, Inuyahsa...why did I say that?"
"I..." Inuyasha couldn't find any good answer.
Kagome smiled and hugged him as good as she could from her position. Since that wasn't good enought, she pushed Inuyasha to scoff back to lean towards the wall again, while saying:
"I said that because I love you, baka. It has nothing to do with scent."
Kagome crawled up in Inuyashas lap, straddeling him and embraced him fiercely.
"But if scent makes you mine in any way, I'll mix ours every day." She whispered.
Inuyasha sat motionless, afraid that one wrong motion, one wrong word could shatter the moment and reveal it to be a dream. He truly wanted to embrace her back, to answer her, but that might wake him up, so he didn't dare.
As seconds became minutes without Inuyasha responding, Kagome suddenly felt cold. And scared.
/He...he won't hold me! But why?Didn't he make scentclaim on me? Maybe..maybe I misunderstood what it ment, since I love him so much.../
Kagome pondered that for a few seconds and then she was sure.
Of course I misunderstood! Inuyasha loves Kikyo, not me! But I smell like Kikyo, don't I? At least he said so first time I met him – didn't he? So, so it's not about me at all.../
Kagome felt tears of sorrow rise in her eyes and she quickly withdraw from Inuyasha, turning her back towards him.
"I'm sorry, Inuyasha. I shouldn't have done and said that. After all, I'm not...I'm not Kikyo."
/Wha- what??/ Inuyasha didn't know what to think.
It was real; he was here, she was here. He'd never thought Kagome would say and do what she did, despit their previous scentclaims. They had been so innocent after all and kept in the dark; there but not there the same time. Now, first, he found out Kagome didn't even knew what it ment, but as soon as she learned, she quickly assured she wanted him by BOTH scent and words – and now she was crying, believing he wanted Kikyo?
Forget the rest, he couldn't let her believe that.
Still very comfused, Inuyasha reached out to clumsily caress Kagomes hair. Kagome froze at the touch and gasped when he said:
"Kagome, I...I don't want Kikyo."
Kagome gathered her courage and turned her head a little.
"Look Inuyasha, it's ok. You don't need to lie to me, I just misunderstood. We'll forget about this."
"HELL NO!"
Kagome felt all her body twitch when Inuyasha lifted her up with ease, gathering her in his embrace before leaning towards the wall again. Locked with her face towards his chest, Kagome heard his distraught voice.
"Damn, Kagome, don't say that! Fuck, don't ever say we should forget about this! I don't want Kikyo, I don't get why you think that in the first place! I'm mixing scent with YOU, Kagome! Don't you get what that means?"
Kagomes voice was broken with emotions when she answered:
"You said it tells yokai I belong to you."
Inuyasha almost screamed in frustration. She didn't get it at all! Inuyasha let his hands caress Kagome, trying to comfort them both.
"Every fucking yokai around knows damn well you're mine... and more, they believe we're mated. They think I've made you mine, and I want them to, because them they will think twice before attacking you – and because I wanted it to be true."
Kagome tried to swallow down her tears. These ones came from joy, but still, Inuyasha hated it when she cried. Inuyasha continued, letting his hand caress her waist, tracing its line.
"Kagome, if you knew all the times I've been wishing it was true... Then our scents would be mixed forever and you'd never again smell like that stupid human, or Kouga, or anyone else but me!"
Kagome made a sound between a sob and a giggle when Inuyasha bent his head to sniff her hair. She lifted her own, allowing him to sniff her neck too. He wanted her as a mate! All this time he thought Kagome knew and partly approved...
/No wonder he's sometimes confused about me being upset when he goes to Kikyo; he thought I knew his desire and shared it. But I didn't know.../
Kagome suddenly blinked. If Inuyasha really chose her, then why...?
"Inuyasha?"
Inuyasha recultantly pulled back from Kagomes neck to face her. Kagome put a hand towards his chest to emphase the scentclaim as she asked:
"Where does Kikyo fit in all this?"
Inuyasha averted his eyes, even turned his head. Kagome felt her stomach tie knots again.
/No, don't do this to me all over again! Don't tell me she's still the one – or that you want us both!/
Kagome let her hand fall and she started to pull back, not wanting to be sitting in Inuyashas lap when he broke her heart. But before she could slid of, Inuyasha quickly caught her in his arms again, one hand promting her to face him. Kagome met his gaze and this time her heart tied knots. Inuyashas eyes were screaming out emotions, the fear of her leaving him resounding above all the others. Confirming what his eyes said, Inuyasha whispered:
"Don't pull away from me, Kagome!"
Kagome felt sad and hurt and very insecure, but there was no way for her to abandon Inuyasha when he begged her to stay. Using her most tender voice, Kagome said:
"Please. Try to explain, Inuyasha. I need to know."
For the longest time there was silence. Inuyasha struggeled with himself, trying to find the words that could describe it the best without hurting Kagome. This emotional merry-go-round was taking its toll on them both, but they had to ride it to the end. Finally Inuyasha spoke up, his eyes fixed on the bed and not on Kagome.
"My mother used to tell me how much I laughed the first time she'd let me play in the rain. She said I really loved it. I can't remember it...but I do really like it when it rains. It's like that with Kikyo."
Kagome felt him tremble beneath her. Her mind was racing, trying to comprehend what Inuyasha was saying. Careful, as if the wrong word could ruin everything, Kagome made an effort to translate.
"Kikyo once made you happy, because you loved her."
Inuyasha nodded. Feeling sick, Kagome proceeded.
"But that was a long time ago, and all that remains are memories... memories you can fell more intense when you're with her!"
Inuyasha almost nocked Kagome when he flung his head up, screaming:
"NO!"
Kagome was starteled when Inuyasha violently gripped her wrists, his face shoved in hers, golden eyes big and crowned by frowning eyebrows, a token of his frustrated anger.
"Damn it, Kagome! Why'd you always think I want Kikyo? Have I ever said that?"
Rage poured into Kagomes veins by that remark. She broke free from his grip and poked a finger in his chest, yelling:
"No, you haven't, but only because I spared you it! You were about to tell me to go once, or have you forgotten that? The only reason you didn't was because I made a decition of my own, and if you knew how many times I've regretted that -!"
Kagome bit her lip and clengthed her fists as her tears finally filled to the brim. She was too tired of this, too tired of getting her hopes up only to lose it again and again. Inuyasha sat here in her room, with her in her lap, looking as if her being sad was tearing him apart, yet somehow managing to prove his love for another woman. Kagome sobbed.
"Inuyasha, I hate how much I love you, I really hate it..."
Kagome sobbed and hiccuped, tears flooding her face. She didn't even have the strength to get off his lap. Little was Kagome aware of the hanyou who sat as if stricken by lightning after her last words, and by the ones that followed.
"Y-you say you th-think of me as a mate and – sob – yet...ALWAYS Kikyo! I..can never be like her, I..."
Kagome cried the words out, not noticing Inuyashas reaction. Therefore she was more than a little surprised when Inuyasha suddenly growled and pushed her aside on her back, nailing her to the bed, straddeling her waist. He captured her wrists again, holding her hands down.
"Kagome, I fucking love you, but you AIN'T LISTENING! I like the stupid rain because of somethin' I don't even remember, and it's like THAT with Kikyo! I don't remember how it felt to love her, but I realise it must've been good, why else would I want to go human for her? So, I go to her, and I care for her, and during short moments I can even feel some of the love I once held for her. I ain't going to forget her, I have an obligation to her, and I will avange her. But I will not make her my mate, no matter what happens, and I will not fall in love with her again. That's where Kikyo fits!"
Inuyasha lowered his upper body a bit, his eyes changing.
"Fuck, Kagome... how can you not know you're a hundred times better than Kikyo? You're so full of passion and life, making a big deal out of everything all the time, only to forgive and forget the next minute. You walk around fearless among evil yokai for days, but get freaked by a harmelss worm, or one of those stupid tests."
Inuyasha carefully caressed Kagomes cheek, whiping away the nearly dried tears. His eyes held love, no doubt about it.
"You cry when you get sad, laugh when you are happy and you scream when you're angry, acting out every emotion instead of hiding them, and you urge people on to do the same."
Kagome felt her heart soar when Inuyasha summed:
"But what I love the most about you is that you care so got damn much about people. You accept everyone just as they are, willing to try to understand them. OK, I hate that you allow Kouga to hold your hands, though..."
Kagome giggeled, all sadness and insecurity forgotten. She knew Inuyasha probably wouldn't speak like this to her ever again, but it wouldn't be needed.
/As long as he touches me and I am allowed to touch him, he won't need to say anything about love ever again./
Smiling a rather radiant smile, Kagome reached up and rubbed Inuyashas ear. Inuyasha quickly lowered his head even more so she could reach, closing his eyes in contentment.
"I feel sorry for you..." Kagome whispered.
Inuyasha snapped his eyes open at this and faced Kagome with confusion in his eyes. Kagome stifled a laugh. No one would guess he was 200 years old now, likely 5 though... And yet he was more like 17 in his mind. Ah, numbers. He was Inuyasha.
"I feel sorry... because now that I know for sure... I'll hug you and hold you and touch you whenever you or me are forced to touch anyone else and after every bath and everytime we unite after being separated and whenever else I feel like it."
Inuyasha snickered.
"So it'll be like always then?"
Kagome fumed, but then laughed.
"Yes, Inuyasha. It'll be as always. No better, it'll be as it should."
--