Harry Potter and the Most Random Fic Ever

Narrator (a.k.a me): Hello, and thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to read this piece of crap. Before I begin this "story", I would like to introduce myself and the storyline. First, my name is Chr- …………..ummmmm….Nikki (changed for social reasons). I'm going to be in and out of the story line. Enough about me, lets talk about the story. It will start off with Harry arriving at the Burrow, before the start of sixth year. Harry got kicked out of the Dursley's for overdosing the family cat with Imodium A-D.

WARNING!

I WAS EXTREMELY BORED WHEN I STARTED THIS! IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY CRUDE HUMOR, OR JUST CAN'T TAKE A FREAKING JOKE, DO NOT TURN THE PAGE!

ON WITH THE STORY!!!!

CHAPTER ONE

(Harry arrives at the Burrow two days before school before school begins. When he arrives, he walks up and before he knocks on the door, it swings open.)

Ron: Harry! (they give each other slaps on the back) Long time no see!

Harry: We just saw each other five days ago.

Ron: Whatever!

Narrator(aka me, aka Chr- I mean Nikki): Harry picks up his bags an-

Harry: Hey! Who the hell are you?!!

Narrator : I'm Chr- DAMN!! I mean Nikki, I'm going to be narrating the story you guys are in.

Ron and Harry: We're in a story?!?!

Nikki the Narrator: Yes! Now shut up, and do something illegal!!!

(Ron and Harry decide not to ask questions)

Nikki the Unstoppable: The sun sets, and Harry and the Weasleys are sitting down to a peaceful dinner, when the doorbell rings.

Harry: Ron, why does your doorbell play "Hott in Here"?

Ron: Mum loves that damn song.

Mrs. Weasley: (singing) "………its gettin' hot in here, so take off all your clothes.."

(The twins start to take their shirts off, but Mrs. Weasley slaps them before they accomplish it……thank goodness)

Harry: I'll get it!!(stands up, and rushes to the door, dashing Mrs. Weasley's pelvic thrusts. Ron quickly does the same.)

Nikki the Emperor(sp?): Who could be at the door? (raises voice) What could they want? How did they get here? Will this bring a strange, and uncomfortable twist to the story? WHY IS THAT DAMN SONG STILL PLAYING?!?!?!

(Harry opens the door)

Nikki the 22nd Wonder of the world: (voice still raised) IT'S- IT'S- HARRY WILL YOU MOVE OUT OF THE FREAKING WAY?!?!?!!!

(Harry moves very quickly)

Nikki the disapointed(sp?): IT'S- oh, (dully) it's just Hermione.

Hermione: Harry! (hugs) R- ugh.

Random dude: Regected!

Nikki the random: (pops up out of no where) AHA! I have discovered a twist! (brings out cupid's arrows) Nothing like a good teenage love triangle to bring this story out of the dark ages! BWAHAHAHA!! (evil laugh)

Hermione: (confused) Who's that??

Ron and Harry: Don't ask.

(Nikki takes out the arrows, and hits Ron and Harry. Then in utter confusion, the arrows bounces off Ron's fat head, and nails a gnome.)

Harry and Ron: (starstruck) Hey Hermione, I've just fallen hopelessly in love with you. Let's go make out in the back of the Ford Anglia.

Hermione: Oka-……….umm,(eyes get very wide) I mean (cough) of course not.(she then dashes up stairs, as red as a bad sunburn)

Gnome: Hey sexy, ya wanna see what little men can do when they-

Nikki the uncomfortable: Okay that's enough! (Covers the gnome's mouth)

Mrs.W: Who was that?(silence)………….Harry…….Ron………HARRY! RON!

(They both snap out of it)

Ron: Sorry mum. Harry and me have just fallen in love Hermione,(gnome coughs) oh yeah and the gnome, now we're going too spend the rest of the story back-stabbing each other to win her affection. Right Harry?

Harry: (stupidly) Huh?

Nikki(ran out of semi-creative names): Harry wasn't paying attention, because he was watching the gnome dance to "Hottt In Here".

Harry: Oh yeah, sounds good.

bedtime arrives

Nikki: It's bedtime at the Burrow, and Harry and Ron settle into bed, discussing the start of the year tomorrow.

Harry: I can't wait unt- How did you get in here?!?!?

(I realize he was shouting at me)

Nikki: Oh, I'm everywhere you are honey.

Ron: Let's go to bed Harry, I'm feeling akward again.

Harry: (yawns) WARNING: Gay Moment!

Sweet dreams Ron.

Ron: Sweet dreams Harry.

Nikki: Guys, that was gay.