Wassup, peeps? So I'm one of those people who really tries to separate fiction from cannon, but lately my imagination's been running, and I have an alternate storyline, starting with surrender benson. Quick note that for the purpose of the story, the events of surrender benson take place in March of 2013. I haven't written a fic in over a year, so reviews are great, but please at least try to be nice about it. Hope you enjoy!

CHAPTER 1

She'd been having nightmares for weeks now. She just couldn't seem to get them out of her head. Tonight was no different.

She was back in her apartment, drowsy, bruised, and restrained to a chair, her mouth covered with duct tape. She sat there in silent agony until an evil voice whispered, "Time to wake up, sweetheart. Our fun hasn't even started yet."

She whimpered in fear as she turned her gaze to match that of William Lewis' but she was immediately met with a shower of alcohol all over her hair, her face, her beaten body. Silent tears streaked her face as he violently slapped her and knocked the chair she was sitting in backwards in one swift movement. As her head made a deafening crack as it made contact with the floor, everything went black.

Her eyes flew open as she gasped and realized that she had experienced yet another flashback in her dream. Feeling lightheaded, she cautiously made her way out of her bedroom and towards her bathroom mirror.

When she glanced at the reflection in the mirror, she saw a shell of a woman. Her eyes were glassy from her restless slumber, and the sticky streaks of tears that were still on her cheeks were proof that she had once again been crying in her sleep. It had already been a month, yet she was still haunted by him. For the first time in her life, Olivia Benson had been so damaged that even she wasn't sure whether she could keep on going. She still had another month of mandatory leave, but even getting out of bed every day was proving to be a struggle for Olivia. To make matters worse, she had completely cut herself off from the outside world. Outside of attending therapy and doctor's appointments, Olivia Benson had disappeared from the lives of others. Nobody in her squad had heard from her, and Brian had left her as soon as he had found out what had happened to her. She hadn't seen him since.

Focusing again on her reflection in the mirror, Olivia watched as her already pale face became even more flushed than it already was. She had a sneaking suspicion as to what was causing her sudden loss of color; the nausea that erupted in her stomach moments later confirmed that she was going to be sick yet again. Already in the bathroom, Liv used what little strength she had to fall to her knees and crawl over to her toilet, where she spent ten minutes dry heaving and coughing up the contents of her stomach. She silently scolded herself for not expecting her bout of sickness the moment she had woken up. When it was finally finished, she began quietly sobbing as she sat down against the tile wall and pulled her knees to her chest.

She continued with her agony until she glanced at her clock and noticed that it was already 6: 19 A.M. Remembering that she had to be at her physician's office that morning at seven to get the results of the blood test her doctor had ordered three days prior when Liv had stumbled in for her annual physical looking like hell. Olivia slowly pushed herself up from the floor and went to get dressed. Choosing a thin beige sweater that was fitting for the breezy April weather in New York. Wanting to be comfortable, she grabbed her favorite pair of black fitted slacks. She put on her top without any issue, but after sliding her pants up her legs, she noticed that her slacks were not only a little tight around her midsection, but that they were also reluctantly refusing to meet so that she could button them. After minutes of futile attempts at buttoning her pants, Olivia gave up, left them unbuttoned, and pulled her sweater over her waistband.

She once again sauntered over to her mirror, where she pulled up her shirt and gave a defeated look at her slacks that were now too small on her. For the first time that day, she spoke, muttering to herself, "I need to get back to work, or my other clothes are also going to stop fitting due to all this weight I've put on."

Coming to terms with the fact that she had gained weight and now had a little belly where her abs used to be from being on leave, she attempted to comfort herself, stating "It's okay, Olivia. You can't even notice the pudge when you've got your clothes on."

Frowning at her reflection one last time, she pulled her sweater down, noticing that it was a little snug. She cursed under her breath, grabbed her keys, and left her apartment, trying to forget the nightmare she had woken up from just two hours before.

Sitting in the waiting room twenty minutes later, Olivia grimaced as the scent of the coffee the woman sitting across from her was drinking began to upset her stomach. She groaned quietly, attempting to control her desire to give up her stomach contents for a second time that morning. She put a hand to her stomach as she silently willed herself to not be sick.

As she was struggling to not throw up from the stench, her mind started racing and she started worrying that something could be seriously wrong with her. She was still recovering from the torture she had endured from Lewis, the last thing she needed was to have a life-threatening illness. Because her eyes were squeezed shut as she was attempting to cope with her silent agony, she didn't notice the nurse who had poked her head out into the waiting room as she chirped, "Olivia Benson?"

Getting no response, the nurse repeated again in an obnoxiously peppy voice, "Is Olivia Benson here?"

Olivia snapped out of her mental musing long enough to hear the nurse when she called her name a second time. Olivia slowly rose out of her chair as she tried to stand firm and not let the sudden wave of dizziness she had gotten from standing up overtake her. She gave a wary smile to the young nurse and made her way to the examination room.

Olivia had one hand clutching her still bloated and upset stomach as her physician, Doctor Caitlyn Manson, entered the room holding a clipboard.

Olivia didn't bother to hide the concern on her face as she slowly lifted her head and pleaded, "Please tell me there's nothing wrong with me!"

Doctor Manson was slightly taken aback by her patient's desperation, but she maintained her composure and reassured Olivia, stating, "Don't worry, Ms. Benson. The results from your blood test are back, and I can assure you that there is nothing wrong with you."

Olivia let out a sigh of relief and was about to hop down from the examination table when her physician cleared her throat and continued, "However, I am happy to tell you that your test results show that you are five weeks pregnant. Congratulations."

Pregnant. The word hit her ears and resonated like nails on a chalkboard. Olivia pretended to be happy, set up an appointment to have an ultrasound done by Doctor Manson in three weeks, and hurried home.

The moment her apartment door was shut behind her, she backed up against her living room wall and slid down against it, lifting her shirt and staring ruefully at her belly that was making her pants not fit. She blinked back her tears that were threatening to spill for the umpteenth time that day as she realized that she wasn't getting fat, but rather, she had a tiny life growing inside her.

After five minutes of sitting in silence, Liv let her emotions get the best of her as the floodgates opened and her tears poured out. She had thought that if she would ever get pregnant, that she would be crying tears of joy when she found out. Although she certainly was crying now, they were by no means happy tears. Unable to will herself to do anything else, Olivia sat there, a broken shadow of the confident SVU detective she once was.

She told herself that she would keep this secret from everyone as long as she possibly could the moment she realized an important fact about the baby growing inside her: She was five weeks pregnant, and the only person who she had sex with in the last two months was William Lewis, when he had raped her in the beach house. She didn't want to believe it, but she had to face it. Olivia Benson was pregnant and going to be a mom at forty-one years old, and the child's father was William Lewis.

And that's the end of chapter one! Hope you enjoyed, and your reviews would be helpful and greatly appreciated as I continue on with this fic.