As I walk down the hallway at school, I glance around and see all these couples together, smiling and giggling at one another. Part of me feels missing when I see it, the other half wants to throw up. How can anyone be in love? Love is just a myth in my eyes. Especially at such a young age, how can anyone expect it to come to them when they don't really even understand it?
I reach my locker and get out my books for English. English is my favorite class and always has been. Who needs math and science? I plan on being a model anyways so what good would it do me? I close my locker and start back down the hall, giving a wave to Harold and Lindsay.
A lot has changed the past two years. Friends have come and gone such as Heather, Izzy, Dj, and Alejandro, Familiar faces that just suddenly disappear. Not only have the people changed, but I myself have changed as well. To all my friends I'm Justin…Gorgeous, Confident, and Emotionless….Their perceptions are way off.
In my mind these days it's a constant struggle to overcome all doubt and insecurities. After gaining feelings for Trent, dealing with my crazy family, and a Five month battle with depression and anorexia, I swore to myself that I would never be weak again. Sadly, that's all I'm feeling these days, just without the Feelings for Trent. I'm not even sure why I was ever crazy enough to get those in the first place.
As the future rapidly approaches, I feel as if my dreams of being a model or something big will never come true. I'm afraid I'll be stuck here in this small town and never reach anything of importance. Then there's the question of love. Yes I hate it, and I've never seen a real good example of the word, but I can't help but want it. To want someone who wants me and who will do anything for me. The thought of it just leads me back to my future and gives me another thing to fear.
Everything is so crazy these days, I just want to run away from it all and hide out somewhere far away. Why can't life be easier? I pray that things fall into place and that my dreams do come true, but I'm not sure if they will. I can't let failure be an option though.
I reach class and sit down, receiving a few "Hey Justin's" from my peers. I take my usual seat and listen to whatever the teacher has to say, being the perfect student as usual. I put on my perfect cheerfully confident face and take a deep breath. Only a few of my friends really know who I am…only a few really know how I feel and my true story. No one else though. My family is too caught up in their own lives to really pay attention to mine, and I only trust a few friends to tell everything too.
Life is almost as strange as love, and some people get to experience both. Those are the lucky ones. I sit here and ponder everything, everything from the past, present, and the possible futures I could have. As the bell rings I start towards the lunch room. I take a minute to see my table of friends slowly filling back up to the way it usually is, First Harold and Lindsay, then Leshawna and Cody, shortly followed by Trent, Tyler, and Duncan. I watch them all laugh and have fun, each hiding their own secrets and problems from the others.
Everyone has secrets…I've learned that from Desperate Housewives, but I've never really thought it true until I learned one about most of them. But despite our secrets and our problems, we all go on pretending we are happy and ok. Not bothering to ask each other about their problems. I guess some things are better left unsaid anyways.
I sit down at the table and smile as usual, Letting Everyone know I'm ok. But it's not always ok.
A/N: Hey Everyone! So this is a story that I got inspired to write from Chapter. Break. Chapter's story Tales of Every Day Situations. It's a very personal story to me given that most of my own thoughts are told through Justin, so it was really fun to write and quite an experience. Also, just to clarify Justin isn't gay, He's bisexual. I hope you guys enjoy this story!