The Pain in Her Heart
6
Title: The Pain in Her Heart
Author: Skagengiirl
Rating: PG
Spoilers: The Wannabe in the Weeds & The Pain in the Heart
Disclaimer: I don't own anything
Summary: She tried to pretend he didn't mean anything to her.
A/N: I don't really know what to say about this fic / It was just an idea that sprung into my head one day and I've been working on it little by little, taking it easy and trying not to force it out and I think I've done better this time.
BB
She didn't know what she was doing there, she just knew that she was here standing outside Booth's door, wanting to knock, but couldn't.
Her emotions were still filled with the anger that he didn't tell her he wasn't dead. But it didn't change the fact that she had missed being with him, talking to him, having his arms around her or his lips on hers, but most of all… she'd missed him.
With these thoughts on her mind, she raised her hand and knocked lightly. After about ten seconds, she was beginning to think that maybe he hadn't heard her three light knocks, so she knocked again – more loudly this time.
"Hang on!" She heard him yell.
A few seconds later, she heard the door chain being taken off or on and the door opened to reveal a shirtless Seeley Booth with ruffled hair. Had she woke him up? It wasn't that late.
"Hey." She said with a nervous smile.
He seemed confused. Probably because she'd been so angry with him, he hadn't expected her to show up at his door. "Hi." He said with a hoarse voice.
"Did I wake you?"
"No, no" he hurried to say, "I couldn't sleep."
No one said anything for a few minutes – at least that's what it felt like.
Brennan was just staring at Booth, looking him up and down. Her eyes held sadness, anger and disbelief. She probably still couldn't believe he was really alive. He wanted to kill Sweets for not telling her.
Thinking she must have come here for a reason, just not having the guts to say whatever it was, he took a step aside and motioned for her to come in. She gave a small smile and stepped inside. He closed the door behind her. After a few seconds, she turned around to face him. He could see tears in the corners of her eyes.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
"Yeah, I just…" She swallowed. "I still have a hard time believing that you're not really dead. I mean, I spent two goddamned weeks without you, Booth! I thought you were dead and all I did was bury myself in work, trying to compartmentalize. But I couldn't stop wishing that you would be there when I turned around, even if you were just annoying me and now… Now that you're actually alive I can't help but feel angry that you didn't tell me." She paused to take a deep breath, willing her tears to not spill over her cheeks. "You must understand." She half-asked, half-said.
A few minutes went by, where they just stared at each other. Brennan's whole body shook from a silent sob, but she wouldn't let her tears fall – if she let them fall now, she wouldn't be able to finish what she wanted to say.
But Booth noticed that she was crying silently. He hated seeing her like this – just… hated it! He took a step forward with the intention of taking her in his arms and comfort her, but she held a hand up stopping him, so he stepped back.
"No, don't. I need to say this." She sighed. "When I asked you, if you were going to betray me and you said no… I actually believed you! I trusted you. And now I don't know, if I'll ever be able to trust you again."
He took a step forward. "I understand that, Bones, I do. But you have to know that, if I knew you didn't know, I would've called and told you the truth."
Somehow she knew that. Somehow she'd known that he would've called her, if he knew she didn't know that he was actually alive. But still… nothing could make her forget the hurt she'd felt the past two weeks.
Somehow she wished she could just forget the two weeks and go back to where they were, but it hurt too much. And somehow she just wanted to walk into his arms and kiss him – she'd missed his warm and gentle kisses for the two weeks he was 'dead'. She knew that her punching him wasn't exactly the greeting he thought he'd get. He'd probably thought that she would kiss the life out of him, because of the two weeks apart, but she was too angry. Of course, he didn't know that. He didn't know that she'd lived two weeks not knowing that he was alive.
At that moment everything just became too much on Brennan; her father's trial, Booth getting shot, having to live two weeks without him, thinking that he's dead and then finding out that he's alive after all – and now Zack's betrayal? It all just became too much, that she couldn't hold the tears back any longer and a loud sob sounded.
Booth ignored her plea to not take her in his arms – he couldn't just stand there watching her cry and not do anything. So, he stepped over to her and took her in his arms, squeezing her tight. And though she'd asked him not to, she wasn't resistant to his hug. She melted into his loving arms, burying her head into his chest.
Booth tightened his grip on her to keep her from falling to the floor as he felt that she wasn't able to keep herself standing. He hated seeing her like this. He hated seeing her hurting. And what he hated even more was that she was hurting partly because of him. He hated that! He never wanted to hurt her.
He ran his hands up and down her back, whispering soothing words as an attempt to try and comfort her. Every now and then he pressed a soft kiss to her temple, but nothing seemed to be calming her. He couldn't blame her – everything had just happened within a short period of time, he was surprised she'd held it out for this long.
Her sobbing subsided after a while, but tears kept coming. She loosened her grip on Booth a little, but not too much – she really needed to have him close. She couldn't live without Booth, especially not after how their relationship had changed drastically since their mistletoe kiss. Of course, it had taken them about five months to actually figure it out – a week before he got shot to be exact.
Three real dates and they never actually had sex. They were about to one night, when they got called in for the case about Tommy Sour, so that idea went down the drain. But that would've been the least of their problems, if they'd known that Booth would get shot less than 48 hours later.
"It's going to be okay, Temperance – it's going to be okay." He said as he kept running his hands up and down her back.
"How do you know that?"
"Because, Bones, we've been through so much together and we've gotten through every one of them and we'll get through this. Okay?"
She nodded into his chest and he placed a kiss on the top of her head again.
Though she was actually here, in his arms, she couldn't believe it. He'd been dead for two weeks and all of a sudden he was alive and in her life again. She thought she'd lost him and she'd tried hard to move on and forget the fact that they had started dating a week before he was shot. She tried to pretend he didn't mean anything to her. But they were all lies.
She thought back to the day she got the call and was told that her partner had died. Her heart had broken into a million pieces and she felt like none of them would be pieced back together. But then came the funeral and she found that he wasn't dead – he was alive. Two thirds of the pieces of her got pieced together, except for the last bit. Why wasn't she told? She'd felt like he didn't care about her – like she didn't mean anything to him – which was so silly, cause she knew he cared about her… a lot. Before she knew it, she'd started sobbing again, when all of the things she had been feeling, when she saw him fight with that guy, came flooding back to her.
He pulled away a little, when he felt her trembling, and took her face in his hands. "Hey now." He said softly, wiping her tears away and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.
She hated this! She hated crying! She hated showing her vulnerability!
She could see the question in his eyes – he wanted to know. "I just… I felt like you didn't care." She closed her eyes and looked down.
He made her look up at him again as he said: "I care. You know I care." He paused for a moment, then whispered: "I care… more than you know."
He loved her and he wanted to show her every single day just how much he loved her. He knew she didn't really believe in love, but she did know that love was a big thing for him.
He leaned down and kissed her lovingly not wanting to let her go… ever. He thanked the Lord, when he felt her kiss him back. He had been a little afraid that, because he didn't tell her about his faked death, they were done. But when he felt her lips move against his… it felt amazing. He knew they were meant to be.
His hand moved to the back of her head, curling in her hair, while the other moved to her lower back to pull her closer. Her hands moved up to his shoulders to his neck and face. Right now she hated that breathing was necessary – she didn't want to pull away.
But he did pull away, leaning his forehead against hers. He tipped his head up a little, so that his lips met her forehead. He placed a kiss. Brennan closed her eyes, squeezing the rest of her tears out of her eyes to flow over her cheeks. She let her hands slide down from his jawbones to his chest, followed by her head – burying it between her hands.
"I never cried." She whispered.
He pulled back a little. She lifted her head to look up at him. "What?"
"During the two weeks you were 'dead'… I never cried. Not once." She paused, swallowing. "I couldn't cry. Not 'couldn't' as in 'didn't want to'. This time I wanted to, but I couldn't."
He pulled her tighter to his chest, back into the position they were in before. She wrapped her arms around his waist, holding on tight.
"Those who don't cry hurt the most." He said after a moment of silence.
She lifted her head from his chest and looked up at him. "What?"
"You know the saying, 'those who don't cry hurt the most'?" He said and brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "You were hurting, Bones – too much, really. You couldn't cry, because you just felt numb, like a piece of you was missing – am I right?"
Temperance looked down, biting her lower lip and doing everything in her power to keep from crying. But when she looked up at him again, she couldn't keep the tears from flowing over her cheeks. The way he described how she felt during the two weeks – it amazed her that he could describe them so accurate.
"How did you know?" She whispered, frowning a bit.
"Because I felt like a piece of me was missing during the two weeks we were apart." He paused, breathing out. "I hated that I couldn't call you, talk to you or kiss you for two whole weeks. Probably the worst two weeks of my life."
She smiled softly, leaning her forehead against his and bringing the tips of her fingers to his jaw. "Ditto." She whispered.
He gave her a light peck on her lips, before moving in again intending on giving her a more passionate kiss. She moved her hands around to his neck and pulled him down, needing more of him. She couldn't get enough right now, and neither could he it seemed. Her hands moved over his bare chest and down
his arms, till she found his hands and took a hold of both, intertwining them with hers. She pulled away for just a few seconds – enough to look into his eyes.
"Make love to me, Seeley." She whispered against his lips.
She kissed him gently, before taking a few steps back; holding one of his hands in one of hers and pulled him towards her. She walked backwards, pulling him with her towards his bedroom. When he finally got up close to her, he pulled her up in another passionate kiss and led the rest of the way to his bedroom.
This was perfect. This was right. There was no other way it was supposed to be. She and him were meant to be and he wasn't going to let her go… ever – and she wasn't letting him go, either.
Brennan, who didn't even believe in love until she met Booth, had changed drastically over the past few years. Booth had broken down her walls – every single one of them. He had been patient, loving and a real good friend – the best a girl could have.
And in the end… it was all worth it!
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And there you have it – my second Bones fic :)
This has taken me all summer and these first days of the fall to finish, so I really hope you like it. Please review and tell me what you think!
Summer/Fall 2008