The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any cartoon characters has gone off on summer vacation. This is just an insane fic I had that came to me in a deranged dream. There was nothing else on TV…Takes place in the Misfitverse after Living the Normal Life. Sort of. You'll see what I mean.
Dad Switch
"Come on Jean! It's almost on!" Scott called out from the couch of their new apartment.
"I've got the popcorn!" Madelyne hopped on a chair with the popcorn.
"Coming! Coming!" Jean came in and sat down next to Scott. "Did it start yet?"
"It's just about to," Scott said. "This I have got to see!"
"I can't believe they are actually going to air this," Jean said.
"I can," Madelyne said. "Thanks to the writers' strike and the upcoming possible actors' strike they gotta put something on TV!"
"Yeah but this was made almost a year ago before we went into outer space," Scott said. "I thought it was lost forever. Or at the very least burned by those producers."
"Oh they always make backups for everything," Madelyne said.
"I tell you the networks must be really desperate to air this," Scott said.
"Shh! It's starting!" Jean said.
Hello everyone! And welcome to Dad Switch! The show where real life fathers trade lives and families for two weeks and see what life is like on the other side! The TV announcer spoke.
"I can't believe they even allowed the Misfits to do this!" Jean said.
"I don't even know how they thought of it," Scott said. "Or why they thought of it for that matter."
"Let's meet our first Dad," The announcer said. "He's a Wall Street Investor who's the father of three children. Say hello to Brad Bankerton!"
There was a well tanned businessman in an office. He had brown hair with a touch of gray and wore glasses. He had blue eyes and a big smile.
Brad is a successful investor at the exchange firm of Steel, Lye and Cheatem on Wall street. His hobbies are playing squash, chess, golf, tennis and dog breeding. Brad has been a widower for about one year and is coping with the loss of his wife.
"My beloved wife passed away as a result of a botched Botox treatment," Brad sighed. "I've decided to start a charity. The Tiffany Bankerton Foundation For Women With Botched Surgeries."
Brad has three lovely children. His oldest son Brad Junior age 17 is the president of the Young Republican's Club and the Future Bankers of America. He's also vice president on student council and a serious contender for valedictorian at his high school. His daughter Muffy, age 16 and her twin brother Duffy are also excellent students and champion tennis players. Often competing together in mixed doubles.
"Oh look perfect blond hair and everything," Madelyne quipped. "Looks like they stepped out of a commercial for Richtown."
"What we hope to get out of this experience is an understanding of how different people from different backgrounds think and interact with them," Duffy said. "It's a learning experience."
"Plus we talked to our sociology teacher and he said this would be an easy way to not only get extra credit but we could put this on our application to Harvard and everything," Muffy said. "And Duffy and I are both planning on touring professionally with tennis one day so why not get as much media exposure as possible?"
"Interesting choice of words," Scott said.
So let's find out what happens when Brad changes lives with a completely different stranger!
"Uh one thing," Brad asked. "Can I bring my dog Champ? I mean we've been inseparable for years. We even take vacations together. And we've won best in show for two years in a row at the local Canine Associations competitions. See Champ is a very rare Valerian Pincher."
"Looks like a pit bull mated with a yak," Madelyne blinked as they showed the dog.
We had no trouble filling Brad's request. Because our next Dad was rather close to his pet too! So in this special edition both dads and their pets trade lives! It's gonna be rrufff!
"Those poor people," Jean sighed. "They never had a chance did they?"
"Nope," Scott shook his head. "Not a chance."
"They are so doomed," Madelyne cackled. "This is gonna be good!"
And now we'll meet our second Dad. He's a sailor stationed with GI Joe and the father of six children. Say hello to Hector 'Shipwreck' Delgado!
"Hey there!" Shipwreck waved a beer can on top of a sailboat. Polly was on his shoulder. "Ladies of America, feast your eyes on a real man!"
"Awk! Yeah! Change the channel and find one!" Polly squawked.
"Keep it up Shark Bait!" Shipwreck snapped. Polly bit him. "OW! Why you…" He chased the bird around the boat only to lose his balance and fall in.
Shipwreck is divorced. Gee I wonder why?
"My wife ran off with a rich guy and dumped me with the kids," Shipwreck said in confessional. "Seriously! I'm the victim here! I'm the guy who rescued her from Cobra and gave her a home and a family and how did she repay me? She traded me in like a used boat with a broken engine! I was a good husband! We had a nice house with a large aquarium. My family never went hungry! I never even cheated on her! Although I had offers! Plenty of 'em!"
"I don't think imaginary women count," Scott remarked.
"I'm talking some serious hot women here! Supermodel quality!" Shipwreck went on. "They were all over me! But did I do it? Noooooooooo! I had to be the sap and play the good husband while my wife lay on her back for any scalawag with a few gold coins in his pocket!"
"Nice to see he's not bitter," Scott said.
"Well ladies of the world! You wanted it! Now you got it!" Shipwreck tore off his shirt and posed to the camera. "Here's your prime rib of he man right on the market! And you're in luck because I'm on sale! Wait…That came out wrong. I didn't mean you could buy me…Although I wouldn't be opposed to a nice dinner or something. On the other hand what's wrong with being a kept man? Make me an offer ladies!"
"Yeah an offer everyone can refuse," Jean groaned.
Shipwreck has six children who just happen to be all mutants and part of a military sponsored team called the Misfits.
"I'm Althea, code named Wavedancer," Althea was shown. "I'm the oldest of my family as well as the leader of the Misfits. Take my father, please!"
Daria, Quinn, and Brittany were shown next. "Our father has problems," Daria said. "Lots of them."
"Just ask the MP's," Quinn added.
"On the other hand the stuff he does lets us get away with some of our pet projects," Brittany said. "By the way has anyone seen a pink alligator the size of a housecat around here?"
"I like Shipwreck," Todd was featured next. "He makes me feel normal. And that's an accomplishment."
"I was once shut up for years in a mental institution," Wanda said. "I can't believe all those years I was locked up, Shipwreck roamed free! He's more of a menace to society than I am!"
"Hey at least Shipwreck is better than my father," Pietro said. "Okay our father is a mutant terrorist who beat the crap out of us so it's not a hard standard to beat. But still…"
"I like being a Misfit," Xi spoke. "It's better than being an assassin because you let your targets live and suffer."
"And if anyone knows how to make people suffer it's Shipwreck," Fred said cheerfully.
"I used to run a gang," Shane Shooter said as he was interviewed. "It was either this or jail. I should have taken jail."
"This is an old one," Jean said. "Shooter's still there."
"Where did he go again?" Madelyne asked.
"Became a space pirate," Jean reminded her.
"Oh that's right," Madelyne nodded.
"You know the more I think about it, the more I realize that Shooter was probably one of the smartest ones of that bunch," Scott said. "At least he found a way out."
Unfortunately as soon as Brad arrived at Misfit Manor, the entire GI Joe base fell under attack from a ruthless terrorist organization named Cobra. It was a little…Hectic.
"HELP ME! AAAAAAAAAA!" Brad ran for his life from some Battle Android Troopers. They got trashed by Fred and Lance using his powers. There was fighting everywhere and a few fires going on.
BOOOOM!
Since our camera got blown up we can't show you any more of the battle. The good news is, the Misfits and GI Joe won. The bad news is Brad got knocked unconscious by a flying android head and he was out cold for the rest of the day. Let's go see how Shipwreck does with his new family.
"Hey there kids!" Shipwreck strode in with Polly on his shoulder. "Your new daddy's home!"
"Oh my God…" Muffy blinked. "We got one of the Village People!"
"No, I'm straight," Shipwreck said. "I just dress like this for my job. I'm a sailor in the Navy!"
"Must have a pretty relaxed dress code," Brad Jr. blinked.
"I'm part of GI Joe," Shipwreck smiled. "You can't wear fancy duds when you're fighting Cobra!"
"Oh that explains it," Brad Jr. blinked. "Oh would you like me to take your bags sir?"
"And we can fix you a cocktail while you relax," Muffy said.
"You would actually give me a drink?" Shipwreck asked.
"Why wouldn't we?" Duffy asked. "Is there anything you'd like us to do?"
"Hold on a second," Shipwreck blinked. "You kids just do whatever I tell you to do? No back talking? No smart remarks?"
"Well you are the adult, Sir," Duffy blinked.
"Holy Crap I just found paradise!" Shipwreck grinned. "Okay kids! New plan! Let's go to the nearest country club! The ladies await!"
"Boy those kids are so gonna regret this," Madelyne chuckled.
Uh why don't we go see how Brad is doing with his new family?
"Okay," Brad held a blinking Baby Beak. "This isn't so bad. You're kind of cute…in a very weird sort of way."
"BLEAH!"
"Boy for a little guy he sure can throw up a lot," Madelyne remarked.
On screen was Trinity. "Hey Mister wanna see our room?"
"Don't go into the room!" Scott shouted at the TV. "You do not want to go into the room!"
"Sure!" Brad said.
"Big mistake!" Scott groaned.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Brad screamed.
"How did those girls cross breed rabbits with electric eels?" Jean blinked.
"They're Trinity! They can do anything except be sane!" Scott groaned. "Brad I told you not to go into the room!"
WHOOSH!
WHACK! WHACK! THUD!
"Running into the next room where Spirit and the Blind Master are throwing shuriken isn't a smart move either," Scott sighed.
"AAAAAAHHHHHH!"
HEX!
"Or Wanda's room while she's changing clothes," Jean sighed. "Oh look. It's time for a commercial already."
Coming this fall! Watch contestants run for the race of their lives! The hottest new game show has arrived! Electric Rabbit Run! Who will outrun the electric rabbits and dodge the ninja throwing stars to win two million dollars? Find out this fall!
"Well at least the rabbits were able to find work," Madelyne remarked.
Okay let's go back to Shipwreck. Due to impending lawsuits I'm afraid we can only show you this clip.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Shipwreck ran for his life wearing only his sailor hat and boxer shorts. He carried a margarita in one hand and a tennis racket in the other. Several women were chasing after him pushing a ball launcher and it was firing rapidly at him. In the background there was a golf cart on fire and several men in polo outfits fighting each other.
"GIVE ME BACK MY TOP YOU STUPID BIRD!" A blonde woman chased after Polly trying to keep her top half covered.
"I always said Shipwreck was half a dozen lawsuits waiting to happen," Scott remarked.
"You know those women have really good aim with that ball launcher," Jean said. "Storm should be watching this. She could get tips from it."
"The biggest tip is to never let Shipwreck or Polly loose anywhere there's alcohol," Scott said.
Twenty minutes and fifty commercials into the program…
"Okay so we've seen Shipwreck get thrown out of a country club, a tennis match and ruin Brad Junior's scholarship," Scott totaled the damage. "Shipwreck has also dragged Brad Junior to a strip club and got them thrown out. There's a hole in the east wing of the house. Polly has attacked a neighbor's prize Chihuahua."
WHAM!
"YIPE!"
"And chased the dog right into the path of a semi," Scott quipped. "It's official. Shipwreck has caused more damage."
"Don't be so sure," Jean said. "After the electric rabbits and the throwing stars Brad had to endure three hours of Pietro's whining. Two hours of Pyro's theories on the Pineapple Plan to take over the planet. Nearly got blasted by Shane Shooter and Firestar at target practice. Had to go to the infirmary after eating Roadblock's Eleven Alarm chili. And accidentally got slimed by Toad."
"Yeah but that's more emotional damage than physical damage," Scott pointed out.
"Let's not forget the damage to Brad's stomach lining when he also ate some of BA's cafeteria food," Madelyne pointed out.
"Oh right," Scott nodded. "Uh oh. Looks like he's going to crack…"
Brad was in his bedroom in the dark with a flashlight on his face. "Day five of this insane asylum and I'm still alive. But I think I survived the worst of it. I'm a banker on Wall Street! I can do this! I can do this!"
Suddenly he became aware of a pair of glowing gold eyes behind him in the dark. "Eeeeee…." He whimpered as he turned around.
"Can I cuddle with you?" Xi blinked.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Brad screamed and jumped through the window.
"There he goes," Scott said. "Right into a minefield."
BOOM!
"I'm amazed the guy didn't lose a limb," Madelyne said.
While Brad is recovering in the infirmary…Let's see how Shipwreck is doing.
"HOUSE PARTY!" Shipwreck whooped it up.
"Of course Shipwreck's idea of helping would be to throw a big party for the kids while inviting all the single mothers!" Jean winced. "Oh god! Shipwreck in a hot tub with two of the mothers! I can't watch!"
"I am going to be sick!" Madelyne winced.
"And so are Brad's kids," Scott commented as they vomited. "Ironic they didn't get sick from drinking any alcohol but by eating Shipwreck's famous chili."
"Shipwreck wouldn't let any of the kids drink any alcohol," Jean said. "He always takes it for himself."
"WHOOPIEEEEE!"
"And of course the mothers at the party," Jean winced as a topless woman ran by. Her top half covered by a black bar of course.
"Mom! Put your clothes back on! You're embarrassing me!" Her teenage daughter ran after her.
"MOTHER GET OUT OF THAT HOT TUB RIGHT NOW! DON'T YOU HAVE ANY SELF RESPECT?" A teenage boy yelled.
"NO! NO WET T-SHIRT CONTESTS!" Another teenage boy screamed. "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MOM GET OFF THE STAGE!"
"Tell you one thing, thanks to Shipwreck the teenage pregnancy rate for the whole county is going to go down by a landslide," Scott said.
"Nothing like watching your parents act like sex crazy lunatics to dampen your own sex drive," Madelyne groaned.
"Having a wealthy family switch places with the Misfits was a bad idea," Jean said. "Not to mention having a champagne fight near some lit Tiki torches…"
BOOOOOOOOOM!
"Wow, I only thought the Xavier Mansion caught on fire like that," Scott blinked.
"No wonder these people didn't last the full two weeks," Jean said.
"Gotta admit they do make entertaining television," Madelyne chuckled.