Worth Living For

Miriallia's POV

"I know, I killed a comrade of yours, a personal friend." Kira said looking down solemnly. "But I never knew the guy and it's not as if I wanted to kill him...and you killed Tolle."

I looked down. Fighting back the tears threatening to fall. I felt Dearka staring at me. Wondering if I was going to be okay. For he knew all to well what I was like after Tolle's death.

"But you never knew him either." Kira continued, "You didn't want to kill him, right?"

"No" Athrun replied. I saw that he was sorry but Tolle's memory was still lingering in me and hearing this made the pain of his death come back to me harder than I ever thought it could."But I tried my hardest to kill you."

"Same here, Athrun. It would be great if we lived in a world where we never had to fight. If only we could all live in that world forever. But this war keeps escalating. If it goes on like this the Plants and the Earth will have no choice but to destroy each other, and that's why I've decided to fight."

"Kira"

"I just wanted to protect others but now that I've pulled a trigger it's too late to go back. Are we going to have to fight each other again?"

"Kira!"

"I should get back to my duties now. We never know when they will attack us again."

As I watched Kira walk away I felt like I could no longer hold back my tears anymore. I pushed past Dearka and began to run away. But he called out to me and I instantly turned round.

"What do you want!" I shouted

"Uh...well...I...look." He rambled as he walked up to me. "He's the one that killed that guy. You know...Tolle."

I felt my anger boil inside me.

"So what is your point? Were you listening to Kira? This is what he meant!"

"Uh..well"

I didn't want to talk about this right now. "Would killing him bring Tolle back to me? Of course it wouldn't. So why don't you just stop talking about it!"

I turned away not wanting him to see the tears and pain in my face. I ran away as fast as possible. I could hear him rambling on again behind me which was soon replaced by his footsteps.

I run back to the ArchAngel and straight into my room, locking the door behind me. My legs collapse from the pain of losing Tolle and I slide down the door, resting my head on my arms, tears sliding down my cheeks and staining my uniform. An image of Tolle appears in my head and my tears begin to flow faster, my breathing becomes ragged and disjointed with little hiccups escaping my lips.

I hear footsteps growing louder and louder but stopping short outside my door. I know it's him.

Dearka.

His breathing is even, although I know he ran after me. I can hear him lean his head against the other side of my door.

"Please." he whispers, so quietly that at first I wasn't sure if he really had spoken, but then I hear him again. "Please...Miriallia."

My head shoots up. That was the first time. The first time I have ever heard my name from his lips. I smile to myself, enjoying the way it sounded as it rings through my head. I feel him turn and lean against the door, sliding down so that we are both back to back. The distance between us feels so great. Too great. The only thing separating us is the thin door to my room. I want to be closer to him. To be comforted by him. So that I can take in his smell. His touch. His taste...

No! Snap out of it Mir I tell myself. I can't be thinking about these things. I just lost Tolle and there is no way I could ever love anyone ever again.

But then why do I feel like I always want to be with him? Why do I need him?

My head leans back against the door and I can feel his head lean back to as he sighs. What is he thinking? Is he going to give up? Is he going to leave me here?

"Mir...please just let me in. Let me be here for you. I won't leave until I know you are okay." His voice sounds hesitant and I can sense the worry in it. He really wants to see me. "Miriallia."

I want to see him. More than I have ever wanted to see anyone. Even Tolle. My legs reluctantly respond to me as I move to get up. I hear him shifting to. I pat down my hair and brush away my tears even though I know I look a right state. Slowly I release the lock and wait for the door to fly open.

The first thing I see as the door opens is the look on his face as it changes from and grim frown to a warm and welcoming smile. I try my best to smile back but I feel the tears beginning to come out again. Dearka sees this and opens his arms up. Beckoning me to him. It takes one look and then I am running into his arms. Knocking him over with my force and sending us both falling to the ground.

I hear a grunt from him as he reaches the floor but I continue to wrap arms around his neck and hug myself to him. Burying my head in his chest. It doesn't take long until I feel Dearka's arms wrap around my waist as he pulls me even closer to him. It feels nice being this close to him, soaking up his smell and his warmth.

I don't know how long I had been lying on top of him for and I don't know who saw us, but at that moment I didn't care. I just wanted to be with him. As I was hugging him my hiccups began to return and my tears flowed faster. I felt one of his hands leave my waist and begin stroking my hair. As he started soothing me. Calming me down.

Soon my hiccups subsided and my tears began to dry up, so I felt brave enough to pull away and look into his violet eyes. He was smiling at me as the hand that was stroking my hair moved round onto my cheek and his thumb wiped away the last of my tears.

"Okay now?" he asks me and I nod as he starts to get up helping me to my feet as well. He walks me into my room and we sit down on the bed. He turns to me, takes a deep breath and begins to speak. "I'm sorry about what I said. I didn't mean to upset you even more. I just don't want to see you looking so-"

I stop him by placing my finger to his lips. He stares at me and at last I feel like I can genuinely smile at him. "It's okay. I forgive you." My finger lingers on his lips for perhaps longer than they should and I feel him smile under them. His smile turns to a smirk as his hand reaches up and removes my fingers from his lips. He starts to lean in towards me and whispers;

"Then, will you forgive me if I do this?"

And before I have a chance to process what he has just said I feel warm lips press against my own. My eyes widen as I realise what he is doing. It feels so good. I never got to do this with Tolle. We were close but not close enough to touch like this. As I am about to respond I feel him pull away and I look into his eyes.

"Well..." he asks waiting for my response. I smile as my arms reach up and wrap around his neck.

"I will forgive you..." I say as I begin to lean forward and stop as I whisper onto his lips, "Only if you kiss me again."

Then I lean in the rest of the way and our lips begin to mould into each others. His arms wrap around my waist as he begs for entrance into my mouth. I feel my confidence growing as I begin toying with him letting him in and then shutting him out. He starts to whine against my lips and I stop playing with him and open my mouth up to him. His tongue begins to explore my mouth and my tongue explores his. My hands play with the ends of his hair. One of his hands rest on the small of my back while the other slides up my arm and cups my cheek. Our kiss becomes more passionate with every second and before I know it we have to pull away for air.

We stare into each others eyes as we break away, trying to catch our breath. His hand drops away from my face and I unfurl my arms that where wrapped around him. His hot stare forces me to blush as I realise what I had just done. I turn away in shame and my finger lifts up to touch my lips. Dearka starts to laugh and I feel his hand under my chin as he turns my head to look at him again.

"You know, you're pretty cute when you blush." He smiles at me and I can't help but smile back at him. "So I take it I am forgiven again then. After all I did kiss you again. And might I add that I don't know about you but the kiss took my breath away. Literally!"

He started laughing again and I lightly shoved him. "I can't believe what we've just done." I look up at him and he stops laughing. For a second I think he looks worried as if I might starts pushing him away again. When he had just broke down all my walls. I smile and let out a laugh. "But it was breathtaking."

"Well I'm glad you liked it as much as me. So are you willing to try again." I laugh as we both lean into each other again. Just then I hear my intercom beeping. I pull away from him and walk over towards it, hearing Dearka sigh behind me.

I press the button and Commander La Flaga's face appears. "Sorry to be pain but your needed on the bridge. It's time for your shift. Oh and if the blonde kid from Zaft is there can you tell him to come down to help us with the repairs on his Buster. Thanks Miriallia."

"No problem." I say and click the button off. I turn to Dearka. "Well looks like we're needed. Lets go."

I head towards the door but I am stopped as a pair of arms wrap around my waist. "Can't we stay like this for a little longer." he complains.

"No, we're needed. If you're good I might give you a little something later, okay."

"Fine." he sighs as he lets me go and we both head in our different directions. I feel lighter now. As if the weight of Tolle that I had been carrying around with me has finally been lifted. I haven't forgotten him. And I never will but I have found something in my life worth living for again and I am going to fight to keep him alive. No matter what it takes.