Paper Romance
Disclaimer: Not mine.
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Less than a day after they took my knife away, it seemed Xemnas had more plans for me.
Apparently, I needed to be more "social". Apparently, I needed some self confidence.
And apparently, it was the Superior's Kingdom Hearts-given duty to get me to 'come out of my shell' and achieve the aforementioned goals.
So, it was less than two days after they took my escape away, a falsely shy and extremely awkward Demyx approached me before lunch and spoke with a stutter born not from nervousness, but from memory lapse, as he struggled to remember the lines the Superior had set him.
"Zexion, I've always really admired you and hated how lonely you always seem. I don't want to see you alone anymore. Will you be my boyfriend?"
Needless to say, my not-heart was already screaming YES, YES, and dancing some unorthodox tango in the empty cage of my chest. And my brain (for that organ at least I still possessed) was saying NO, NO, and shoving memories into the front of my consciousness, memories of the flowers Demyx had given Larxene last week, and the way his cheeks colored whenever he stood near her.
But I knew this was part of Superior's plan, and a refusal would mean worse, far worse consequences. So like the good little obedient puppet I was, I nodded with obvious reserve. And he sighed with obvious regret, and took my hand with obvious distaste, and we went to grab something to eat."
Less than five days after they took my emotions away, the whole of the Organization knew that Demyx and I were a "thing". He seemed to be taking it better than I'd imagined, for it had to have been much easier than he'd imagined. He was a full rank below me, and the neophytes and the Original Six had so little interaction, that we saw one another once a week at best. When we did pass in the halls, he'd greet me with a falsely cheery "Hey, Zexy!" and; occasionally, a hug.
And for quite a while after that, things went relatively smoothly for the two of us. In the minds of every Nobody, IX was my boyfriend, but in reality, there was nothing between us. There was no affection from either of us (on his part due to the fact he honestly didn't like me, and on mine due to the fact that I was shy and reserved by nature).
But of course, things couldn't last.
Less than a month after they took my heart away, I realized how sad this whole business made me. Our mandatory "dates," set up by Xemnas, were cold and reserved. We barely talked, and they mostly considered of sitting around in Marluxia's garden, clasping hands like good little boys, my dark eyes fixed on the ground (or sometimes on his beautiful hair or expressive face) and his fixed on the light in the Nymph's window.
And then I'd go back to my room, and cry false tears and try again and again to mar my pale, now scar-less skin with my own short fingernails, missing the pain more and more every day. Then I'd fall nearly comatose on my pillow, eyes shut as I dreamed of a Demyx who loved me and a Superior who didn't care if I used pain to feel.
And we grew more and more distant, and our relationship grew more and more strained, but we couldn't, just couldn't break up because Xemnas 'didn't trust me alone yet' and I loved (as much as I could love, without my pain) the musician too much, in that guilty, tragic, storybook way I knew would never be returned because I was neither blonde nor female nor Larxene.
And I sat for hours in the darkness, listening for the faintest echo of a beat in my empty cage of a chest and willing my eyes to close, as even sleep's blissful oblivion was denied me. And my boyfriend-in-name-only went off in his own little Larxene-centered, music-playing, happy-go-lucky world and didn't notice me because I was just some emo kid he had to look out for to prevent him from cutting again.
And it hurt, hurt me so bad, and not in the good way either, because the feelings I got from this pain weren't anywhere close to the euphoria of the knife.
Less than two months after they took my life away, I realized that my not-heart just wouldn't be satisfied with a paper romance.