Jusqu'à La Fin
The skies darkened as she sat alone in the park, her gentle flow of tears were joined by a faster flow of raindrops, each heavier than the first. She gazed up at the thick blanket hiding the sun, her wet hair sticking to her pale, tear-stained face. She never cried, not if people could see, but she was alone. Her life had come crashing down around her and she was scared, not scared of having to stay in the park, not scared of where she might end up. She was scared she would be alone after losing the most important things in her life, her school, and Eddie. The one who always managed to cheer her up and was always there to support her and care for her when she needed it. But not now. She flinched slightly as the thunder roared menacingly above her and the lightning flashed blindingly around her. She wrapped her arms around her legs as the rain worsened, the ice-like particles bouncing on the ground through the force, making her skin sting like a thousand tiny burns. She closed her eyes tightly as the water ran down her face and into her eyes, running her make-up as she wiped the extra rainwater off. She shivered again, the wind blowing into her face and making it hard for her to open her aching eyes as she pulled her jacket around her tightly.
She stayed there for a large majority of the evening, her words swirling round in her head like a hurricane. 'I can't lie to the people who've trusted me. They deserve better than that. What that man just said was true, I was a prostitute. It was a long time ago. It was the worst time of my life. I feel very ashamed about it. And I've kept it a secret for all this time. If I thought for one second that my past would in any way damage this school then I would leave. But that's not for me to decide.' In many ways she regretted saying it, but then she thought about the dishonesty she would have thrust upon her pupils, and she knew that she would not have let that happen, she wouldn't have lied to them. Even if the truth resulted in her losing everything. She tilted her head towards the sky again and sighed heavily with grief. Even though the freakish storm clouds began to part and merciless rain faded away into a light patter, the harsh winds stalked the streets around where she sat. There was a beam of light shining through, like a strip of hope to guide her through her darkest hours, but there was an opposing force, holding her back, stopping her from reaching the one thing she desired even though she could see it. The light shone brighter, teasing her, mocking her before disappearing back behind the grey seclusion in which Rachel had been locked. There was no way out.
Her eyes were distant and watery, aching from lack of sleep. But she couldn't sleep, she couldn't move, she couldn't do anything. Her entire body had gone numb, her tears burning her frozen cheeks as she continued to weep silently. The sun was attempting to emerge from the clouds again but failing miserably, as she heaved herself to her feet slowly, wobbling, and started the trek home. She was drenched through to her skin, her clammy clothes sticking to her and screwing up, but she paid no attention. She dragged her feet through the puddles, water being displaced from the momentous calm just seconds before. The splashes and ripples representing her own creased life. The mountain waves she would have to overcome, the change of the tide as she continued through her life, just taking one day as it comes now, no way out until the very end of the horizon, a horizon that never appears to be getting any closer, or any easier to reach. The leaves shook at her approach, woken from a deep slumber by the sound of tapping heels on the drying concrete. The trees shared whispers as she walked past them, as if the whole world now knew her secret.
The garden held its breath on her approach, throwing her into silence. She glanced around as even the flowers had stopped waving to the gentle humming in the wind, making her feel more alone than before. She fumbled with the lock and let herself in, closing the door loudly behind her. She was greeted by more silence, the only sound was her own beating heart and shallow breaths, creating a small white cloud of smoke as her warm breath met the cold air surrounding her. A shiver was sent down her spine and she wandered, absent minded, into the kitchen, her shoes tapping on the laminate flooring. She turned the heating on and threw her coat over the back of one of the chairs, displacing a newsletter from on the table. It was from the first term she was at Waterloo Road, congratulating her on getting the job as their new head teacher and welcoming her to the school. She felt another batch of tears well up in her eyes as she ran her fingers over the picture, her fond times at the school severely shattered into a thousand tiny pieces due to one man. One man that had caused her life to change so drastically. Just one man who had caused so much damage to her, and her school.