AN: MY FIRST FIC IN THIRD PERSON! I don't usually write in Third Person. This fic is rated M, although not so much for this chapter. Still, beware.

Copyright: 2009 digi
Disclaimer: I do not own The L Word, the characters used in The L Word, or the plot The L Word has created for their show. I also do not own Katherine Moennig or Mia Kirshner. I also do not own the lyrics used from The Postal Service, or She Wants Revenge. So, basically, I am just a sad little girl who doesn't own anything but the writing itself.
Pairing(s): Shane/Jenny, and a few other surprises
Characters: Shane, Jenny, Cherie, Tim, Marina, and Alice. Bette, Dana, Tina, and Kit may be mentioned sparsely.
Warnings: angst, drug abuse, scenes of a sexual nature
Timeline: Starts from the pilot after Marina and Jenny get together for the first time. Not AU, but what I consider AU Light. Since it didn't happen, but it's in the same time period, place, and starts with a scenario that actually happened.
Lyrics: Chapter title credit is always to She Wants Revenge, Story title credit is always to A Postal Service.

UPDATE 03/13/10: I just edited this chapter. There are much fewer mistakes and I think it flows a bit better. Thanks to everyone who read, and those two that read and reviewed. I wasn't expecting it, because I just write L Word fanfic for the sake of remembering my favourite show, and I write in general to keep my sanity. Anyway, thanks for the reviews. It means a lot to me to think about how people can enjoy my hobby with me.

-digi

What If This Does Not Belong To You?

I

Something was not right here, something did not belong. It was all too forced, too awkward. Shane could feel it in the air – stale and thick with smoke from the cigarette dangling from her spindly fingers. Her eyes lined in smoky black flashed around the room, trying not to be obvious. She wouldn't allow herself to settle on anything for too long. Even when she caught a flash of the tug on Jenny's eyes, as though she were tightening some invisible bound around her to keep herself together- pulling far too much.

Shane looked up at Jenny, though averting her eyes slightly to the left. Casually, she took a deep drag off of her cigarette, the smoke clouding her lungs as her head filled up with thought. It was true that she didn't know Jenny well, but, Shane knew more about her than Jenny knew about Shane. From what Shane could tell, all the small girl knew was that Shane was a lesbian. A bit of a playgirl – and that it was hard for the Midwestern girl to wrap her head around.

No one could tell by looking at Shane, engaging in conversation with her, or even knowing her, but on occasion, she had a good understanding of people. Something about the new girl, Jenny, grasped Shane's attention. So she watched -examining nonchalantly- as her tracing paper skin was stretched too thin amongst her face. Big, blue, doe eyes never seeming to move, pupils being pulled down to the bottom corners of her whites by some unseen force. An unseen force called tension, wonder, sorrow, and uncomfortable.

Something does not belong, and her name is Jenny. But more than that, it was a thing called feeling. On a night like this, feelings weren't allowed. Only the ones known fondly by Shane as lust and pleasure. That's all she had been thinking tonight at Milk, one of those nights where she wanted to escape from her financial woes and unrelenting loneliness to forget everything. Drink and smoke herself to oblivion, fuck some faceless, nameless girl who she would forget about in the morning. That's all she wanted, she didn't feel bad, either. No one was here at this time of night to feel.

It emanated from her, the despair. So much so, that Shane could feel it. Almost see it intertwine with the cloud of smoke hanging in a shroud over the group of girls by the corner. It wove with the smoke, slightly pathetic and trying to be stronger. It was trying to grasp something to bring back to Jenny, something worse than itself. It would come up with nothing, and Jenny would be full of it. Nothing. She would be hollow, a shell made up to look just like a human being.

Jenny was simply trying too hard to feel something other than the depression and the churning guilt that haunted her, but it was hard when she was so sure some one knew. She knew it had to be so, and it made her increasingly uncomfortable. Jenny felt as though she was about to suffocate. Her head was full of nothing but memories she wanted to forget, all floating on the tequila and the beer that she was allowing herself to swim in. With each sip, she felt the memories corrode more – if only temporary. Tonight, she needed it.

But Jenny knew- she could tell – some one was watching her. She was deathly afraid that all of her injustices were written in dark ink across her pallid face, falling into the pits of her sallow cheekbones. Subconsciously, she grabbed a handful of her coal hair and swept it across her shoulder, creating a curtain to shut out the judging stares she'd imagined. Jenny was hidden in her own cage now, trying hard not to concentrate on every little thing that she did wrong.

Jenny knew damn well that it was easy to think too hard when you're like her. When you've faced so much bullshit growing up, it's too fucking easy. She was taught to be reasonable - just think, right? Just work it out. But when everything is locked away in that secret place within your mind, she could study and study and study all that she wanted, but , eventually, she gets lost in her head, drowning in her own thoughts, desperate for an answer but too lost to find them. It's not until one has the courage to splay themselves out to some one, become naked and vulnerable – that one can work things out.

She found herself trying desperately hard to avoid both options. She drank more, secure behind her hair and what she thought to be a blank gaze. The more she drank, the more she forgot. She forgot why'd she come here in the first place, only a foggy inkling of thinking that it would be a perfect escape. And when she'd gotten here, she recognised Shane with a group of attractive, yet unfamiliar faces. She'd heard of the club from Marina – but that's when she stopped trying to remember why she'd came, and asked for another shot.

It was perhaps in that moment that the room swelled so much with feeling.

And Shane was caught looking, as a hazed Jenny looked up through the slits in her sweaty hair. Apprehensively, she shifted her gaze up at Shane. A blush fell over her cheeks, remembering the day she was moving in. Seeing Shane move in closer to whisper in her ear , Jenny couldn't help but feel a little preyed on. Couldn't help remember more clearly seeing Shane and the blonde in Bette and Tina's pool. The blush deepened. And the numerous shots of liquor were screwing with her common sense, it was all she could think of as she saw Shane's small frame and pale skin.

Her eyes blurred and readjusted to the close proximity, the scene still playing in chopped pieces, causing her to float in and out of the present. The pool, her body, the way she fucked without seeming to care, keeping things distant.

Her mind was too distracted to make her body behave right. Jenny flinched and almost tripped over a bubbly blonde bobbing next to her, before she caught herself on the table, which then wobbled and caused a drink to spill and crash on the ground.

"Oooh, watch out." The words fell out of Shane's pink lips with ease, seeming suave as ever.

Jenny pushed her hair away from her face and -embarrassed- covered her blush with her hands. "I'm not myself," she mumbled, before forcing her gaze to Shane, trying hard to forget what she saw, and harder not to blurt it out in her drunken state.

"Right." Shane recognised her pre-emptive apology, nodding slightly and giving a small, understanding smile. "Why'd you come out tonight?" Shane finally asked after a moment of silent tension, only making the recycled air thicker and more stale than it already was. With ease, she allowed her slender fingers to snub her cigarette on the bottom of her converse shoes, still keeping eye contact with the strange girl.

Jenny gave her signature, shy smile to match with her sparkling eyes. She was thinking of an answer. Truthful, yet keeping things private. "Um...I didn't want to go home."

"Oh?"

"Yeah..." Jenny fumbled on her words, tripping over her heels and pulling her blue dress up. A smell wafted from the straps. Smelled like Marina...not like Tim. Her eyes flitted shut with guilt. "I couldn't face him," she said absent-mindedly, the alcohol speaking her mind for her.

Shane took a swig of her beer, trying to stay neutral. "Tim?" She questioned, before silently shunning herself on being too invasive for an almost stranger.

Jenny nodded, feeling something warm and wet slip from her eye, leaving a faint black streak across her face as it fell. She gave a quiet curse as she realised she'd betrayed herself. Jenny didn't want to think about this. She didn't want to go home to face Tim, have him hold her with his hands and smell her hair. She didn't want to feel like she was falling again. Of late, when she was with Tim, she felt as though she was falling. Not falling in love, falling into some endless cycle of an unresolved mess.

But, she'd grown up a good girl. Taught to be faithful and lovely, not a cheater. Never a cheater.

"Fuck," Shane mumbled, blaming herself for the tears now fighting their way out of a reluctant body.

"Oh, no, please," Jenny laughed, wiping her eyes and smearing her make up even more. "I'm sorry, I'm a mess tonight." The quivering girl took a deep breath to steady herself. "I shouldn't have come out tonight, but I didn't want to see Tim, and I certainly couldn't stay with Mar- I'm fine, really." Her words tripped without grace from her chapped lips, her mind not having time to process them before they were heard.

Shane wanted to ask about Marina, she did. It seemed as though the rumours were confirmed in that last statement, but she knew a blind man could tell that's what Jenny had been trying to avoid in this whole scheme.

She hated to see girls cry. Like an uncontrollable urge and pattern that Shane had pushed into herself all too well, she heard the words before she realised it was she that said them.

"Do you want to get out of here?" It was instinct. To feel better, to make Jenny feel better. Her slightly vain attempt to pull Jenny from her darkness. Although, now, all she could think about was that she was only going to make it worse.

Jenny was caught off guard, stumbling more and catching herself on the table once more. Her eyes widened and she felt like crying again. She knew she wanted to leave with Shane, perhaps believing that it would wash away her previous act of adultery, ignoring that this would really only add one more to the list. In an impish nature, her head tilted to the left as she felt her hand touch Shane's by an instinct of her own, which stirred a bit of an awkward uncomfort within Shane.

"Yeah," she murmured.

Playlist, feel free to avoid.

Hands up by Kira Kadiri

Legal - Snow

Roads - Portishead

Alright - Kinnie Starr

Strawberry Gashes - Jack Off Jill