Sybok turned to McCoy. "Your pain is the deepest of all." he said.
"What?" said McCoy, confused.
"I can feel it." said Sybok. "Can't you?" As they watched, a city skyline materialized.
A whisper of pain, "Leonard..."
McCoy took a step back, his expression guarded. "It's some kind of trick." he said.
"Leonard." the voice implored.
McCoy stopped, recognition dawning on his face. "Father?" he said. His face became frightened. "Oh my god, don't do this to me." he begged Sybok. His surroundings suddenly changed. He found himself standing in a brilliantly white hospital room. A wasted figure lay motionless on the bed, connected to a powerful life support system. McCoy's father, David McCoy.
"Leonard." he said, barely audible.
McCoy ran to his side. "I'm here." he said. "I'm with you, dad."
"The pain..." David moaned."Stop the pain."
McCoy reached for his father's hand. "I've done everything I can do. You've got to hang on." he begged.
"I can't stand the pain." the old man whispered. "Help me." In the background, Sybok watched with Kirk, Spock and Bella. They watched troubled, yet entranced by what they were seeing.
"All my knowledge and I can't save him." McCoy groaned.
Sybok stepped forward. "You've done all you can." he said kindly. "The support system will keep him alive."
McCoy backed away. "You call this alive?" he said angrily. His father whispered something. McCoy bent down and put his ear next to the old man's parched lips.
"Son, release me..." his father whispered. McCoy looked deep into his father's sunken, sky blue eyes. The David's gaze travelled to the life support system. He wants it turned off.
McCoy recoiled in agony. "I can't do that, dad." he hesitated. But how can I watch him suffer like this? He wondered.
"You're a doctor." said Sybok.
"I'm his son!" McCoy cried. McCoy looked at his father, the wasted man on the bed. He closed his eyes and unplugged the machine.
"Thank you." said the old man. He died in his son's arms.
Sybok appeared at McCoy's side. "Why did you do it?" he asked.
"To preserve his dignity." McCoy answered quietly.
"That wasn't the worst of it." said Sybok. It wasn't a question.
"No." said McCoy.
"Was it?" Sybok asked.
"No." McCoy repeated.
"Share it." said Sybok.
McCoy hesitated, trembling. This was his dark secret. "Not long after... they found a cure." he said, his voice shaking. "A goddanm cure!"
"So if you hadn't killed him, he might have lived." said Sybok matter of factly.
"No!" McCoy cried, breaking down. "I loved my father. I released him." he said, tears rolling down his face.
"Then you did what you thought was right." said Sybok sympathetically.
"Yes. No! Yes!" sobbed McCoy.
Sybok put his hand on McCoy's shoulder. "Release this pain." he said. "Release it. This pain has poisoned your soul for a long time." Kirk, Spock and Bella all looked at each other with concern. McCoy wept for several moments, and then wiped the tears from his face. He looked at Sybok's comforting smile and was filled with a deep sense of release. "Now you've taken the first step." said Sybok. "The other steps we'll take together." McCoy nodded. Sybok turned to Bella. "Your pain runs deep as well." he said.
"I can handle my pain." she said.
He looked at her sympathetically. "Can you?" he said. "You haven't handled your pain in a long time."
She looked around. She was in her old house on Vulcan. Her eight year old self sat on the floor, showing some friends the lighter she'd found. "Look at this!" she said excitedly. She clicked the lighter, sending a tongue of brilliant blue flame shooting up towards the sky.
"I want to see!" said one of her friends, reaching for the lighter.
"No, wait..." she said, but the lighter was knocked from her hand. Hungry flames shot across the floor and licked up the walls. Her terrified friends scattered, heading for their own houses. She choked as acrid smoke filled the room. What was she going to do? Her parents were sleeping, her sister's upstairs. "Fire!" she screamed, running up the stairs. "Fire!" Her parents ran into the hall.
"Bella, what's wrong?" her father asked.
"Fire!" she screamed. "Downstairs!"
He froze for a second, and then whirled to face his wife. "T'Sari, go get Aria and Lyssa!" he yelled. She nodded and ran down the hallway. She was back a moment later, with two terrified girls behind her. They all ran down the stairs, with the three girls in the lead. They ran across the room and to the door when the awful sound of splintering wood filed the air. They turned just in time to see the beam break free and fall on their mother, trapping her underneath.
"Mother!" they screamed.
"Girls, go wait outside!" their father yelled, desperately trying to lift the beam. They ran outside. Minutes seemed to crawl by like hours.
"Dad!" Aria screamed. No answer and then... a dark shape loomed out of the flames. It was their father, coughing violently as smoke swirled around him.
"Dad!" they cried and ran to hug him.
"Dad." said Bella. "Dad, where's mom?"
"I couldn't get her out." he said quietly. They stood silently and watched as the flames tore through their home. Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Sybok and the older Bella watched, too. Kirk looked sideways at Bella. The flames were reflected in her eyes as she stared at the burned, buckled ruins of her home, tears streaming down her cheeks.
Sybok put a hand on her shoulder. "Do you think it's possible you were angry or wanted attention and started the fire on purpose?" he said.
Agony ripped across her face. "No!" she sobbed. "I loved my mother more than anything. It killed me when she died."
"You mean when you killed her." he said.
She looked up and her eyes were full of suffering." I die every single day when I remember what I did."She said. She turned away and closed her eyes. When she opened them the scene had changed. They were in her father's house, the one he bought when they fled to Earth. The front door opened and her twelve year old self walked in. They watched as she put down her school bag and walked into the living room. And froze. Hanging from the rafters, swinging inches from the floor was her father, a rope around his neck. "Dad!" she screamed, running forward. She knew she was too late, but she had to untie the rope from around his throat. She fumbled with the tight knots. "No." she whimpered, tears pouring down her face. I need to cut it, she thought. She ran off and returned with a knife. She took a deep breath and cut the rope. He fell to the floor with a crash. "Dad!" she cried, rushing to his side. "Please don't leave me, dad!" she begged brokenly. "Dad." she sobbed. Her broken cries became fainter as the scene faded away.
Everyone turned to look at Bella. She stood perfectly still, tears pouring from her eyes. "All my fault." she sobbed. She sank to the floor. "It was all my fault." she cried. "If I hadn't been so stupid, they would still be alive."
Sybok stepped forward and knelt next to her. "You've carried this pain for a long time." he said.
She bowed her head. "It's with me every day." she whispered.
"Release it." he said. She wrapped her arms around her ribs and sobbed. After a few moments, she stopped. Taking a deep breath, she got to her feet. Sybok smiled at her. She hesitated, then smiled back.
"Each man's pain is unique." said Sybok, turning to Spock.
He frowned. "I hide no pain." he said.
"I know you better than that." said Sybok.
Spock raised an eyebrow. "Do you?" he shot back.
Kirk stepped forward. "Spock... don't." he said.
"It's all right, Captain." Spock replied. "Proceed." he said to Sybok. A woman screams rebounded off the walls. They turned to find themselves in a cave, torchlight throwing frightening shadows up the walls. Ceremonial drums beat out a throbbing pulse. Another scream reverberated through the cave.
"What is this?" said Kirk.
"I believe we are witnessing my birth." Spock answered calmly. Spock's mother, Amanda, lay on a rough pallet, her breathing labored, her distended stomach lifting. Her only attendant, the Vulcan high priestess, intoned the birthrights. A tall figure stepped from the shadows. Sarek.
He watched his wife with typical detachment. The drums built in intensity, reached a climax and stopped. An infant cried. The high priestess took the tiny infant from Amanda and held it up. The tiny infant kicked and cried. Amanda reached out for her child, but the priestess turned and presented the child to Sarek instead. He looked at the tiny child without joy.
"So human." he said. Spock turned away from Sybok and the others.
"Spock..." said Kirk. No reply. "What have you done to my friends?" he asked Sybok angrily.
"I've done nothing." said Sybok calmly. "This is who they are. Didn't you know that?"
Kirk stepped back, hit by the force of the question. "No." he admitted. "I didn't."
"Now learn something about yourself." said Sybok.
"No." said Kirk. "I refuse."
"Jim." McCoy implored. "Try to be open about this."
Kirk turned to look at him. "About what?" he shot back. "That I've made the wrong choices in my life? That I turned left when I should've turned right? I know what my weaknesses are. I don't need Sybok to take me on a guided tour of them.
McCoy shook his head. "If you'd just unbend and allow yourself-"
"And be brainwashed by this con man?" Kirk demanded.
"I was wrong!" McCoy shot back. "This con man took away my pain!"
Kirk shook his head. "Dammit Bones, you're a doctor." he said. "You know that pain and guilt can't be taken away with the wave of a magic wand. They're things we carry with us- the things that make us who we are. If we lose them, we lose ourselves. I don't want my pain taken away. I need my pain."
There was silence and then... "Sybok, this is the bridge." said Uhura's voice over the intercom. "We're in approach of the great barrier."
Sybok turned to Kirk. "Captain, I'm afraid you'll have to remain here." he said.
"Spock, Dr. McCoy, Bella... come with me." Sybok, McCoy and Bella turned and headed for the door. They stopped however, when they realized Spock had not moved from Kirk's side. "Spock?" said Sybok, puzzled.
"I cannot go with you." said Spock.
"Why not?" demanded Sybok.
"I belong here." said Spock calmly.
"I don't understand..." said Sybok.
"Sybok." said Spock. "You are my brother but you do not know me. I am not the outcast boy you left behind those many years ago. Since that time I have found myself and my place. I know who I am. And I cannot go with you."
After a moment, McCoy took his place by Kirk's side. "I guess you better count me out, too." he said.
"And me." said Bella, stepping into place beside him.
Sybok looked at the four of them with affection. He knew the ultimate win would be his. "Then I'll see you on the other side." He said. And he walked out the door.
END