Prologue
She just wanted to forget. She didn't want to keep reliving that horrific memory over and over.
And over.
But she did.
And in attempts to leave that memory behind. She ran. She ran as fast her legs would carry her, she didn't know where and she didn't care. Anywhere was better than the town she was leaving behind. A town where glares penetrated her very soul, a town where whispers scaled her ears, and a town with so much loathing that she could not help but loath herself even more. She didn't blame them, no she only blamed herself. And she knew she deserved it more than anything. More than the guilt. More than the shame. And more importantly the pain she's caused herself and everyone. That's why she vowed to never be happy again, perhaps content but never truly happy. No, that sort of happiness was reserved for people who've earned it. She gave that chance up a long time ago.
She knows she's too damaged to let anyone into her life and she knows she doesn't deserved to be in their life either. Something so dark and corrupted such as her shouldn't taint someone else's light. As she ran, she hoped to find a place where she could do just that. Simply exist, without really living. To simply forget, without really remembering. But sometimes such days were impossible
Her heart was nothing more than a hollow stone lodged in her chest. She doesn't remember it ever beating since the fateful day. But now has she ran through the dead of night, with rain plastering her face and her hair dripping over her shivering body she could feel her heart beating, thudding painfully loud in her ribcage. Her ears were ringing with each beat her heart took. Her body was so cold yet so warm at the same time as blood coursed underneath her skin. Thunder and lightning crackled across the sky and her body involuntarily flinched. The thunder sent an image through her head, an image involving a fist and blood. She shuddered once more as blood dripped from her forehead into her eyes. She blinked the rain or was it blood? She blinked the wetness out of her eyes as she tried once more to focus on the road ahead. Although it was pitch black out the lightning illuminated enough light for her to see where she was going. The forest around her closed in around her, making it seem as if the shadows would swallow her whole.
The wind picked up again as it whistled and sung through the branches and leaves into an high-pitched howl. The trees were beginning to moan and groan as the wind threaten to topple them over. Again, she blinked against the rain and the blood that threaten to obstruct her vision. Again, she wiped her fingers across her brow feeling the warm blood dribble from her fingertips. As the wind howled against her almost forcing her backward as if the wind was telling her to go back. But she couldn't go back. She shook her head as if to tell the wind, 'no.' Not to that. Not back to that type of life. The wind howled again and she could of sworn she heard a deep, sadistic laugh among the wind. Sending another shiver through her body, bringing her bruises and cuts back to life. As each sensation rushed through her she felt each blow inflicted upon her pale skin as if it was only moments ago. However, in truth it wasn't that long ago.
Regardless, she focused her mind on something else. Trying to forget that horrific moment and focus on how her legs were starting to burn, how her lungs were freezing inside her chest, and how worst of all heart somehow felt heavier at the small reminder of what she done. But her heart kept beating as she ran with only a rucksack on her back filled with a few pieces of clothing, a wad of a cash, some books, and other memorabilia she thought was somewhat still worthy of her possession. Her adrenaline was almost at its breaking point. She could feel it. Her legs would getting sluggish, her head was getting lighter, and she could of sworn she was seeing dots in front of her eyes.
Thunder crashed again, startling so much that slipped on some mud or a rock she didn't know. All she knew was the sharp pain that shot up her back as it collided with the ground. Searing and blinding pain shot all the way from her tailbone to the base of her skull. For second she laid their dazed, catching her breath as the wind was literally knocked out of her. She took deep breaths trying to let the pain ride out before she attempted to get back up again. Already the wounds on her back were beginning to reopen. She cursed under breath, since she only re-bandaged them hours ago. Warmth was seeping along her back down to her bottom and through her shirt. She cursed again.
As the wind howled around her, the thunder roared overhead and lightning lit up sky she took another deep breath trying to gain her composure. Although chaos was swirling around her deep inside she was calm, as calm as the eye of an like the eye of a hurricane she knew what fellow suit more and more chaos and shadows that threaten to engulf her very being. As she rode out the pain, she took in assessment of her body's condition. The adrenaline was already starting to leave her, making her feel exhausted and nauseated at the same time. Her legs were beginning to ache already and her lungs seemed to be burning from the inside out. Ever so slowly, she tried to prop herself up on her elbows. She knew she couldn't run very far like she has been. That her energy was almost depleted and she needed to find shelter fast. She placed her hands on either side of her body, placing her body in an upright position while still sitting on the ground with her legs wide open.
She hissed in pain the second her back was off the ground. Something warm was sliding down her shoulders to her hips and she only had two guesses as to what it was. Slowly she eased knee close to her chest inspecting any potential damage only to bring another round of pain throughout her body. Through her worn jeans she could see previous scars from years past and other scars from...she stopped the thought from going any further. She was trying to forget. Or at least trying to. The cold was finally getting to her. All the way down to her bones. She shivered reminding she needed to get moving if she didn't want to freeze to death.
Ever so slowly she eased herself upwards until she was standing. She gritted her teeth through the agony and nausea that washed through her. Swaying on her feet she gripped her side where pain was starting to emit from. Pain that she didn't even realize was throbbing till she pulled her hand away and noticed blood coating her fingertips. Once more she swayed and put her hand out in attempts to steady herself. Her hand grazed over a hard, surface that felt similar to bark. She twisted her head and saw it was in fact a large oak tree, she smiled for a moment before the thunder crashed and boomed across the sky.
She jumped out of stupor and almost awaking her instantly but her body was at it's breaking point. She used each tree trunk to steady herself as she walked forward, with her head hung low. Her breath was more ragged and labored than before and her heart was beginning to slow. She smiled a bitter smile to herself. If I die here...Above all else she didn't want to die, she didn't think she deserved something as quick and simple as death to rid her of inner turmoil and agony. No, living life with this inner turmoil and agony is what she deserved. After all, after all I've done to the one's...She abruptly stopped.
Before her was a small, log home. From what she could see the house looked worn down as if it hasn't been used in years. Perhaps more. She couldn't see many windows on the house and therefore there wasn't any light peering out of the glass either. She double checked her surroundings ensuring that this place was vacant. She noticed in the corner of the field was a old, barn. The roof was collapsed in and windows were broken. She looked around noticing the yard hasn't been kept maintained in who knows how long. The grass was tickling her legs and stones, and overgrown bushes were littering the yard. She took another look around before resolving this house didn't belong to anyone. She took a few steps into the yard, cautiously like a young doe making it ways up to your fingers to determine whether the treat in your hands is safe to eat.
Another step and another and she was standing in the yard. The wind was picking up again, the rain splashing in her face reminding her that she didn't have the leisure to be considerate enough if someone occupied the old house or not. So she ran. She ran towards the door and fiddling with the handle hoping it was unlocked. At first the door wouldn't budge, so she pressed her shoulder into the wooden door putting all her weight into that one side of her body. Her body groaned in protest but she rammed the door in hopes to get some leverage. She grunted in pain, but tried once more. Finally the door gave away where she almost went sprawling on the floor. She tightened her grip on the door handle to steady her body and prevent herself from falling face first onto the the floor. She let out a sigh of relief holding her other hand on her chest to steady her breathing.
After a moment, she used her hand to search the walls for any sort of light switch. She cursed when didn't find what she was looking for. So instead she navigated by touch. Touching a table that she almost ran into, her hands glided over the back of a chair which she almost tripped over. Eventually she came to a bed that was in the corner. With soft sheets and a plumped pillow. She sighed loudly feeling the stress and tension leave her body, she glided her fingertips over the soft covers. Smiling to herself as she went back to close the door, thankful that it wasn't a long walk.
As she navigated through the dark once more she found the bed and literally let her body fall atop of the soft, cloud like puffiness. A cloud of dust billowed around her the minute her body hit the mattress. But at the moment she didn't care. She didn't care that wind was howling against the beaten house, she didn't care that the rain was pelting the house so hard that it could pierce through the glass and wood, and she didn't care that her body was screaming at her in pure torment, all she cared about was getting some sleep. Although she knew in her case that was almost impossible.
Sleep came to her easily. It was staying asleep that was the problem. As the storm raged on outside and she let her eyelids drift shut with her body face down. She reached a shaking, shivering hand for the covers. Once they were secured under her chin and around her shoulders she let herself drown into darkness.