DISCLAIMER: I do not own any characters or the story whatsoever. This is purely fanmade.
A/N: Hello there! Well, this is my one-shot, might be a bit OOC for Hiroki, but I tried to keep it in character.
Reviews are love and I take requests, although I don't and never will write a story for the Romantica couple.
I think thats all... Stay tuned for more :D
Rated T for the violence BTW!
What is love?
This is the question I have been asking myself since I first fallen in love – or I thought I did. At first, I have thought that love is a state of mind, when you like someone a lot and you want them to be happy. I dismissed this thought when I have begun 'loving' Akihiko. It wasn't at all what I have imagined... I thought love was all pink and sweet, when there's never sadness. Oh boy, how wrong was I. Not only I wanted Akihiko badly, especially physically, he was also not available. I hated him, I hated loving him. But now... I don't really think that what I have felt towards that man was love. Lust, maybe, deep adoration... But never love.
Now that I have a lover that loves me – apparently – I still don't know what love is. Is it one of my previous theories? Both of them? Neither? I don't have a clue. And it pisses me off. If I am willing to give up my life for this one person, isn't this love? But that's what friends do also. If I'm willing to make the person happy and spend each second of my life with the other, isn't that love? No, friends do that... What am I to Nowaki? What is he to me?
Baby, don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more...
At this very moment I and my raven-haired lover are sitting on our couch in our living room. Nowaki watches some reality show, and I'm just resting my head on his shoulder. Is this what you call love?
"Nowaki." I whisper, trying to get his attention. He turns his head, smiling at me. I look at the TV meaningfully and he apologetically turns the volume down. Now we are ready to talk.
I lift my head from his shoulder and insignificantly move away from him, resting my back on the arm of the couch. Sitting up, with my hands laced together between my bent legs I'm looking down and murmuring.
"Do you love me?" I ask. The automatic response is heard.
"Of course I do, Hiro-san. You're my everything."
I swallow hard, and lift my head up once again, yet refusing to meet my boyfriend's eyes. Then, I continue. "But how do you know that it is love that you feel towards me? How do you know it is not just friendship or... deep adoration or lust?"
In the corner of my eye I can see his confused, yet pained expression. His mouth keep on opening and closing, as if he doesn't know what to say. I knew it.
"Nowaki, what is love?" I ask, louder now, meeting his eyes. "Is it what we feel towards one another? Or is it something completely different?" I look back down at my hands. "Maybe if you went outside now, into the very same park where we have met, and saw another guy sitting on that bench, how do you know you wouldn't fall in love with him?"
His blue eyes darkened suddenly, and his expression was now the one of true anger. There were only few times that Nowaki was really angry, and they weren't very pleasant.
"Hiro-san, are you not believing in me?" He said quietly, and then rose his voice. "Are you not believing that I love you?" And then he started yelling. "After all these years you are still doubtful and uncertain of my love to you?" He clenched his fist.
I knew I should have kept quiet. I knew it! I can be so stupid sometimes... "It's not that I'm uncertain... It's just that I'm not sure if we... No, that's not what I wanted to say. What I'm saying is, when I was in love with Akihiko, I thought I loved him, yet when I met you I realised it was all just lust. How should I know that I don't just lust over you? What are the differences between lust and love? Tell me!"
Then it all happened fast. He hesitated for a split second, and soon he was on his feet. He stood in front of me and I looked at him questioningly. He unclenched his right fist.
I felt a sting on my left cheek. It was burning. A loud thud could be heard. I brought my hand to my cheek, and I could feel hot liquid flowing down it. Nowaki's arm was still in the air.
He hit me.
Oh I don't know, what can I do, what else can I say, it's up to you
I know we're one, just me and you. I can't go on …
Suddenly, he let the hand fall and he kneeled in front of me. I followed him with my eyes, still terrified of him. Hesitating, he grabbed my other palm and kissed it.
"Hiro-san... I'm so sorry!" He exclaimed. "It all happened so fast... I wasn't thinking!" He let go of my palm and wrapped his arms around my waist, burying his face in my chest. "I'm so sorry!"
I smiled faintly and patted him on his head. Then I pulled him up, so that he sat back on the couch. He rested his back on the other arm of the couch and I crawled towards him, placing myself between his legs, my back against his chest. I traced patterns down his thighs and calf.
"Do you want to know what love is?" He asked, and I nodded. His long, slender arms wrapped around my thin waist and his head rested on top of mine. "What would you do if Akihiko hurt you in any way? And I mean physically."
I thought about it and answered as honestly as I could. "I'd probably tell him to get away from me and... I'd probably never forgive him. Why are you asking?"
"This is the difference between love and friendship of lust. In friendship you might forgive, but you probably will never forget. In love, like us two... No matter how many times we hurt each other we always forgive and forget."
I smiled and lifted my head up, while Nowaki bent his down and we kissed.
Nowaki was right. I might have forgave Akihiko for using me... But I have never forget. Yet, I am pretty sure that I will forget this violent Nowaki before tomorrow.
"Should we go to the bedroom, love?" He whispered hungrily into my ear, and I could feel his manhood poking into my back. I elbowed him gently into his stomach, yet stood up and followed him to the bedroom.
And I'll Love You Forever And Ever And A Day Longer