Disclaimer:
I don't own Peter, Sophie, etc. I'm not using this for money. Yatsa, yatsa, and yatsa.
Claimer:
I own Xan and Nick.
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Letters
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It was late. Way past curfew, but one lone soul was up. In the Cliffhanger girls' cabin, one person was writing a letter with a stolen calligraphy pen. The teen was working by the moonlight alone, so it was a good thing that it was a full moon. Tears were in her eyes and every so often she paused to look out the window and blink the tears back.
August 29, 2000
Dear Peter and Sophie,
I guess you can see the script that Emily was talking about. It's a skill I don't remember ever learning – weird, huh?
Anyway, I wanted to write this instead of saying it – Thank You. I know me and Nicky haven't been the best kids and that we really should've been sent home, but you never sent us away and for that we thank you. I also want to thank you for trying to adopt us, but you guys can cancel it if you want. We'll be eighteen in a few months, and then we'll no longer be your problem. I doubt an eleventh grade education will get me very far, but I can try.
I hope that you two have a long, happy, and wonderful marriage. I've seen many fall apart because of us, and hopeful we won't do that to you. I also hope that you have many beautiful children.
There are many things to tell, but I can't say them nor can I write them. They will be a burden for my life, but I can handle them – I've handled them so far. So many secrets I can't let anyone know, lest they want to hate us – and I cannot handle any more hatred.
Nicky is rather perplexed why I'm writing this right now (I told I'm I was going to write a letter of apology.), and the answer is simple. To apologize for anything we have done badly, so when I don't talk you'll know why. I'm a failure and a mistake. I know that I was a loved mistake, Peter, but a mistake nonetheless. When I stop talking completely, it will simply be because what I say always comes out wrong. Please accept my apology.
With the last of my love and life,
Xan Aleeza Noellesen
P.S. Sophie – The notebook page you were looking for the other day is hidden in Peter's office. Look behind the radio. I knew you'd never look there and Peter obviously never cleans his office.
P.P.S. Also, Don't try to make me live. I have had a life, and if I am dying, let me go. Please.
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August 30th, 2000
12:15 pm
"Where is she?" Sophie yelled, running into the room.
"Where's who?" Juliette asked.
The cliffhangers were in the lodge, waiting for group to begin and were puzzled why Sophie had just run in like a maniac.
"Where is Xan? I need to know NOW!"
Shelby jumped up. Something was wrong and the letter Sophie held had to be the reason. Shelby took it from Sophie and read it, then started running.
Xan was sitting on her bed, a piece of glass on her hand, cutting carefully at the scar on her left wrist. Blood dripped out and soaked into the comforter. The crimson made Shelby pale, and she finally fit the pieces together – over the months, since there were no cigarettes or drugs to ease what she carried, she'd turned into a cutter.
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August 30th, 2000
1:46 pm
Xan looked at Sophie and then her bandaged wrist. She felt so dirty. So, so dirty, and she knew it would never go away. She was a mistake and a murderer.
"Why, Xan?" Peter's voice cut through her thoughts.
Xan looked at him. She was crying now, although she wouldn't open her mouth to make a sound. She shook her head, and shrugged as if to say 'I don't know'.
Peter sighed and hugged her. She was scaring him now. She'd been doing so well. Emily giving up on adopting them had been a shock, but both of the twins understood. She'd even been laughing. Nick had been the same – he'd given up his façade and his grade (all of them) had improved monstrously.
"Shelby wants to talk to you." He said, letting go of her.
She nodded, and the two adults left so Shelby could get her two cents in.
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"This is really confusing." Sophie said, sitting down.
"What is?" Peter asked, as she suddenly stood up and grabbed a piece of notebook paper from behind the radio.
"The letter and then this." She held up the two papers, "And then her whole sudden behavior change."
"I know." He said, taking the letter and reading it. He finished it, and an idea hit him. Taking a piece of loose-leaf paper out of his desk, he began to write.
August 3o, 2000
Dear Xan,
We read your letter and I've made up my mind to dispel the inaccuracies in it.
First off, you don't need to apologize. There's no reason. You and Nick haven't done anything wrong. All that you two have done was try to stop what hurts you. However, if you want to be forgiven, you are. Sophie and I would never hold anything against you.
Second, You aren't a mistake or a failure. You were born to parents who were confused and they stupidly did something that affected your lives forever. But you and Nick managed to live past their faults and their failures. You both managed to live through everything, and I won't let you give up now.
Third, If Sophie and I get custody of you and Nick, then the other kids will have to get used to it. I know that's why you said that. Xan, they all have parents or someone who cares about them. You have Emily, who can't adopt you anymore, and your Aunt Christy, who can't take you even if she and your uncle wanted to. Other then that there's Sophie and I, and there's no reason for us to not adopt you two. Believe me – I would never lie to you.
Fourth, Nothing you say is wrong. Nothing. Everything you have said is truth. Whether it was a bit clouded by emotion or not, it has been the truth. And I have no reason to believe otherwise.
Giving back the last of your life so you can live it,
Peter A. Scarbrow and Sophie L. Becker
P.S. I love your script. It's beautiful – almost as nice as the person.
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Xan read the letter that Scott had delivered. After finishing reading what Peter had written, she began another.
August 30, 2000
Dear Peter and Sophie,
You guys are persistent, aren't you? I guess I should know that. I still do not understand you two. All I ask is for you two to leave me alone, so I can die in peace, and instead I get Sophie. Why don't you guys get it ?! I thought I could handle a future, but I can't. There's nothing for me. Maybe a few years at McDonalds or Burger King or something, but beyond that there's nothing. I can't handle Anthony or Cindy or Susie or an I cannot handle that. I cannot handle the past. No one would love me or even come near me if they knew my past.
Truly hoping you'll understand,
Xan Aleeza Noellesen
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It was after curfew that Sophie went into the infirmary to see that Xan had written a reply to the letter Peter had written. The crossed off words were confusing, but she knew, in time, Xan would tell.
She sighed, tucked Xan in, and then made her way back to her truck. It wasn't her night to stay at Horizon and be part of Patrol, so she drove home to château Scarbrow and walked into the house. Peter gone into town – Marc was in Agnes to help Peter with wedding plans (i.e.: Sophie had let Peter pick where they were going on their honeymoon), and she was home alone.
Sophie sat down at the kitchen counter with a piece of paper, a pen, and composed her own letter to Xan.
August 30th, 2000
Dear Xan,
Well, it seems since Peter and Marc are at Rusty's; it's my turn to write to you.
Why are you so afraid, Xan? I don't understand why. What is it that's scaring you? Because you changed so suddenly that something must have remind you of something so bad that you don't want to remember it anymore and death is the only option you see. Honey, I see many options before you. More than just death.
Xan, I want to adopt you or at least try to. I can't have children, which Peter doesn't know about yet, and adopting someone I already know and I already love would be the best thing in the world. There's something special about you and your brother.
I am going to make sure that you and Nick go through school. You have a future. A great one. A happy and loving one.
Now this part is the best part of my letter to you and I want you to remember this always – no matter what – The past is the past and it has nothing to do with the future. Put everything behind you and start again, Xan.
Love Always,
Sophie
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August 31st, 2000
Sophie walked into the infirmary and put the letter she'd written next to the sleeping teen, and then left the room.
Xan woke up a few minutes later, and read Sophie's letter. She then wrote a reply.
August 31, 2000
Dear Sophie,
I am not afraid of anything, and nothing scared me.
How can you see a future for me? I don't recall you having a crystal ball or anything. Besides, I don't expect you or Peter to send us through collage.
Anyway, You cannot carry my past. And that is what dictates the future – not schooling or love. My past is horrible and I don't want you or Peter or Shelby or Nicky to know. Not if I can avoid it.
Please don't love me always,
Xan Aleeza
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Xan finished writing the letter, as Sophie walked in with her breakfast.
"Morning."
Xan waved.
"Still not talking."
She nodded.
Sophie sighed, and put the food before Xan. The teen ate the eggs and the toast and was finished faster then Sophie could think. Taking the tray away, so Xan could work on the homework she had, Sophie noticed the letter that was addressed to her.
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August 31st, 2000
Dear Xan,
I know something scared you. And whatever it is, you can tell me. There's no reason for me to hate you or think badly of you. You haven't done anything wrong.
Love,
Sophie Lillian
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August 31, 2000
Dear Sophie,
Not even Nicky knows this secret and I can't let him know. I can't. He'd stop loving me and he's the only one I have left. I know that I have Emily, but she hasn't been through everything with me. Only Nicky has. And I can't let him know. This one mistake that I made could ruin everything. I know it was my fault too.
Xan Aleeza
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September 1st, 2000
Dear Xan,
Nickolas is your brother, not only that, but he's your twin. He will never stop loving you. Not even with this secret. Xan, You said it yourself – He's been through everything with you. He has the same past as you. Everything is the same. And believe me when I say that he will never stop loving you – You are too important to him.
This mistake that you mentioned; if it had to do with your father, then it was definitely not your fault. And even if it didn't have to do with Michael, then it's still not your fault.
Sophie Lillian
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September 1, 2000
Dear Sophie,
Are you sure? I mean completely and utterly sure that Nicky won't hate me. Or that you and Peter won't hate me.
Xan Aleeza
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September 2nd, 2000
Dear Xan,
I am very sure. Nick loves you so much that that is all he knows how to do. He only wants you to stop hurting. That's all he wants for you. Just like Peter and I.
As for me and Peter, We will never hate you, Xan. Disappointed at times, yes. But not hate.
Tell me, please. I could keep it between me and you if you want.
Sophie Lillian
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September 2, 2000
Dear Sophie,
Okay. Here goes:
When I was five, Michael had me kill a person. He had me just go up to this guy that I thought I didn't know, and shoot him. I didn't know until the next day that is was my best friends' dad. Shelbee and Toni still don't know. You don't know how many times I've started letters to them, and then I get stuck. I mean, how do I tell my best friends that I'm the one that killed their daddy. And he was a good man. He loved his girls and his two boys. I don't know why Michael picked Mr. Donner out, but I do know that Mr. Donner never used. I don't ever remember seeing him around. I guess he could of, but I doubt it. He was too nice.
So that's it. And the problem is that I got a letter a week ago from Toni and I don't know if I can talk to her with out this secret coming out and ruining everything. But I can't keep it from her. She deserves to know.
Now you understand and you can hate me,
Xan Aleeza
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To Be Continued…
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Cassie Jamie
Okay, this is basically a pick up off of SWtLC. I realized that that story wasn't really working and I was bored out of my mind, so Letters is the next story.
PLEASE REVIEW!
I know this isn't great and my writing's been a bit poor lately, but, please, could more then one person review this story??