TRIVIA

A Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney fanfiction by PowerZone

Here contains a little collection of useless bits of trivia, and babbled about by two or more "incompetent" people in the stupidest situations possible.

1: Prosecutor vs. Policeman

Miles Edgeworth just returned from the lavatory. It was back to the same desk, back to the same boring work. Nothing special or unusual would be happening today, he perceived. As long as nothing would disturb him, everything would be fine. He expected not to be taking some stress as the day would go on.

"Hello Edgey," started a shrill voice from the office door.

"Dammit," Edgeworth cursed under his breath. All voice was almost all-too familiar. If something usually smelled funny, it could only mean, "Larry Butz."

Larry Butz, "clad and splendid" in his new police uniform after being hired by the Police Department a few days ago, walked inside with gait but almost the way a police officer would do. Edgeworth stood there frozen as the air around him started to thin. Oxygen continued to deprive from his brain the longer Larry "inspected" or hung around in his office.

"Mr. Butz," Edgeworth started slowly as he eyed warily the "unexpected stranger." As Larry might have pretended to interest himself with what his office contained, Edgeworth decided to keep himself formal, since Larry himself was part of the police. "Can a policeman tell me what he's doing inside my office?"

The door closed silently as Larry polished himself and sat on the maroon couch.

"I've come to settle an old score," Larry answered maniacally.

"For what?"

"For that trial," Larry snapped. "How dare you mock me of my logic in that trial. It was all too perfect." Larry was referring to the trial of Sister Iris of Hazakura Temple.

Edgeworth became seriously pissed. "That was not mockery, and first of all people can't fly!" He found himself moving from the spot and sitting back on his chair and looking at Larry over a pile of papers. "How can anyone seriously consider that proposition. It's baseless!"

"Baseless, you think?" Larry flared up. He rushed across the room and banged his palms on the desk in front of Edgeworth. He hissed, "Let's see you do good with your intelligence, Smudge-worth!"

Edgeworth's brain was burning up. "This means war." He slowly stood up from the chair and glared at Larry. "You're on." This day was going to be better than he thought.

"People can fly," Larry started.

"They can't," Edgeworth retorted, "no human can control gravity itself and be able to pull off into the sky."

"Oh yes they can," Larry snapped. "You read the 'Icarus and Daedalus' legend? The two of them were able to put together a set of wings collected from birds and flew off from the ground!"

"That's just a legend," Edgeworth scoffed. "And hardly ever legends are ascertained to be true."

"I can prove that's true."

"Prove it," Edgeworth taunted.

"I went to Greece last year and found the remains of the wings," Larry answered smartly.

"Pathetic. Greece is famous for its mythology. And there's a 'myth' in it." He stressed the word 'myth.'

"Myth does not rhyme with moth."

This was getting more stupider. "And moth has nothing to do with Greece."

"I bet you didn't know that the capital of Greece is Athens." Larry said with a I-bet-you-don't-know look.

"Oh yeah? The capital of Liechtenstein is Vaduz. Now you don't know that." He folded his arms and waited more from the guy.

"Hah! I know all the capitals of all the countries of the world!"

Feigning impression, Edgeworth continued, "Is that so? Then what is the capital of the Philippines?"

"That's simple! It's Tokyo!" Stupidity just comes around every corner.

"Objection!" Edgeworth blurted. "It's Manila, you simpleton!"

"I can tear five manila papers into four in thirty seconds." Larry returned daringly.

Edgeworth taunted. "You're not even strong enough to tear a bond paper."

"And you're dumb enough to know the capital of China."

"It's Beijing, you fool. And Beijing was the host of the 2008 Olympics."

"If it's the Olympics, then you probably don't know that back in Ancient Greece, olive wreaths were used instead of gold medals." Larry thought he got him.

"Pure gold as big as a matchbox can, when spread out, be as wide as a soccer field."

"Professional soccer has eleven players!" There was a little hint of desperation.

"The fear of number thirteen is triskaidekaphobia."

"The fear of going to sleep is clinophobia."

"The fear of failure is kakkoraphiaphobia. I bet you can't even memorize that." For a long word, Edgeworth felt sure that Larry would not memorize it.

"The fear of lightning is astrapophobia." Larry countered.

"Lightning proves that speed of light is faster than speed of sound. Everyone sees the lightning before the booming of the thunder."

"The light of a hundred fireflies can glow on a frog's stomach!"

"Frogs are amphibians." Which is obviously a universally-established fact.

"Bats are the only mammals that can fly!"

Making it a little simple, Edgeworth said, "Mammals are warm-blooded. Their body temperature changes with the external conditions of the environment."

"The blood vessel of a human is, when set out in a line, almost 90,000 kilometers long, almost two times around the Earth!"

"The Earth will stop existing when the sun becomes a red giant."

"The coolest spots on the sun are sunspots!"

Edgeworth wanted to make it a little more difficult. "The sun will die when it becomes a white dwarf, the last stage of a star."

"Speaking of dwarf, there are only three standard English words in base form that start with the letters 'd' and 'w': dwell, dwindle, and dwarf." Larry felt somewhat confident.

To battle stupidity, one has to use stupidity. "Snow White has seven dwarfs. I bet you couldn't name them all."

"I don't have to. You might not know that the apple Snow White ate was a Fuji apple." Was this even true?

"Mt. Fuji is the tallest mountain in Japan." Edgeworth said.

"And Fiji is located in the Pacific Ocean!" Completely unrelated.

"The Marianas Trench is the deepest underwater trench in the world. The Empire State Building will only be one centimeter of the length-to-scale of the whole trench."

Larry decided to mock Edgeworth's intelligence with an amazing bit of the Empire State Building. "The Empire State Building was completed in 1931. It was designed by Gregory Johnson."

Edgeworth paused. The name of his father rattled his thinking. Suddenly, he found himself flaring up – not because he was out of ideas, but the haunting memory resurfaced once more. In a rage, he picked up his King of Prosecutors trophy from one of the shelves and flung it at Larry.

"Get out of my sight!" he roared. The trophy smacked into the policeman's head and the policeman fell unconscious.

When Edgeworth looked down at the unconscious policeman, something he saw made him flare hotter than the surface of the sun.

Larry Butz's middle finger of his right hand was raised.

Kinda corny... but it's just the start of many. Next up will be Pearl vs. Trucy!!! Yey, child's game!

PowerZone