Hi guys. I was looking through the fanfics when I realized there were basically no Exile-centric stories, nevertheless any Mayor-centric stories. So I made this awkward Humanstuck AU where there will be the featuring of Mayor, PM, Jack, and Midnight Crew stuff, with some guest appearances by the other Exiles, and also starring all the trolls and all the humans. So, I hope you like it. I promise all my awkward AU shenanigans will make more sense later on. Probably.
I don't own Homestuck. If I did, Vriska would have died way sooner, and #SPOILER ALERT#Dave would still be alive#END OF SPOILER#
Also, just as a warning, this story is unbeta-ed, and was written in about a two hour span between midnight and two in the morning. I'm mildly doubting my ability to string words together at this point.
-ND
?- Introduce yourself.
Your name is The Reader.
What? Were you expecting anything different? Did you think I would introduce the character as if you were said character, and thereby introducing yourself? How, daresay, could I do that, since the character to be introduced doesn't even know who they are? Did you even think about that possibility? And why am I asking you all the questions?
Because I'm the Narrator, and I can, that's why.
Why did I introduce you in the first place, I bet you're probably asking. Or maybe not, I'm not psychic, gosh, stop judging me. But if you did ask that question, then congradumatations, you uncovered my plot to attempt to establish the fact this story will be mostly in third person in the longest, most roundabout and convoluted way I could manage in order to make myself feel better about the word count.
So, I guess now that we got that over with, we might as well go on with the story, hmm?
Or maybe I could draw out this charade for a little bit longer. I enjoy the spotlight, sue me. Wait, no, scratch that, don't sue me, I'm completely broke.
Oi, you don't have to be mean about it! Fine, I'll start the story, you spoiled brats.
And suddenly, a wild Story appears.
It's dark out. Everyone knows that everything significant happens at night. It's just a fact of life, so deal with it.
Our protagonist is currently lying on the ground in the middle of some sort of room he doesn't recognize. Wait, is he the protagonist? He can't remember. He doesn't feel protagonist-material, but he doesn't feel very antagonistic, either. Until he can find himself some better title, he'll be the Greytagonist.
So, the Greytagonist sat up, for that seemed like the most logical choice of action at the moment. He looked down at himself, and noted that he was wearing a bulky tan sweatshirt and a pair of tattered jeans. He also was holding onto a faded and tattered blanket for some reason. He felt like he shouldn't loose it, so the Greytagonist draped it on his shoulders and folded it so it was like some kind of weird poncho. It made him feel silly, but not silly enough to actually take it off.
The Greytagonist took a quick inventory check; mostly nothing, but in one pocket he found a sort of simple ring. He didn't know if it was important or not, so he decided to treat it like it was important. Better safe than sorry. In another pocket, he found a mailbox-swingy-arm-thing that was sharpened and wrapped in some sort of fabric as a grip. Now this was important. The Greytagonist wasn't positive why it was important, but he knew that he should keep it no matter what.
After his short and mildly pointless rummaging through his pockets, the Greytagonist decided to investigate the room he was in. The first thing he noticed was the door. He attempted to open it. He failed. The door was, apparently, locked.
The Greytagonist moved on to another, smaller door. A cabinet, probably. He walked over to the and opened it with a mildly unnecessary flourish.
He was immediately bombarded with cans. Lots of them. It seemed as if they were packed in there so tightly, that the lack of support on one side caused them all to tumble out onto the Greytagonist.
The Greytagonist preceded to flip the fuck out.
This was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Ever. Probably, he couldn't remember that much.
He picked one up and attempted to open it, because he was completely starving. He, unfortunately, could not, due to his lack of a can opener and the fact that his stupid dull teeth were stupid. The Greytagonist had the idea to use his trusty knife, but alas, it was still too dull to cut through metal.
So, since he could not get to the delicious insides, he used the cans to make a sort of imaginary town of cans. It would be great to have a town hall, but he didn't have anything for a roof.
The Greytagonist went back to the cabinet to see if he had missed anything. He had. In the back corner, there was a box of chalk and a key. He took them both.
The Greytagonist pocketed the key for later use, and decided to examine the chalk. There were twelve pieces of chalk in all the colors of the rainbow. Without a second thought on the matter, the Greytagonist ate the two green ones. Green was a very tasty color, he decided. He glanced over at the can buildings he had made, and saw something that gave him an idea.
In the corner of the room, there was a potted plant (or just pot, really, because he almost immediately ate the plant), a pile of old wires, a rotten pumpkin (Nope, never mind, he ate that too) and a book. Before enacting his plan, the Greytagonist lingered on the book. It was about manners or something, and about half the pages were missing. Oddly, he still could swear he knew what the missing pages had once said. Anyways, onto the Greytagonist's plan.
First, the Greytagonist used the half-eaten book as a roof for the Town hall, and put his trusty knife into the dirt of the pot and made that the effigy of freedom and democracy or something of the sort. He scribbled on the floor and walls to properly establish the roads, buildings, and the territory of Cantown. He then, for the piece de resistance, took the wires and draped it over his shoulder, making it into a leaderly sash, and took one of the cans, peeled off the label, and put it on the shash. Using the red chalk, he added an "R" to the end of the word.
The Greytagonist was no longer the Greytagonist.
The Greytagonist was now the Mayor of Cantown.
Hell.
Fucking.
Yes.
Mayor- What's that key for?
He was just getting to that. If the Mayor could hear you, he'd probably be annoyed that you're rushing him. But he can't, so lucky you.
Anyways, the Mayor walked over to the door he tried to open earlier and tried to open it with the key. It didn't work; it was apparently for some other door. The Mayor looked around the room again and found that there was a staircase he hadn't noticed before for some reason. Why didn't he notice it before, it was literally right in front of his face! He climbed up the steps (not before hitting himself in the head a few times for being an idiot), and reached another door.
It was locked, so he tried opening it with the key.
It worked.
The Mayor entered a new room, this one having only an open door leading to a bathroom, an oddly-placed fridge, and another closed door, probably locked.
The Mayor made the split-second decision to open the door to the fridge, and instantly was glad he did.
The fridge, oddly still working, was filled with cans of Tab.
The Mayor then began to completely flip his shit so far it probably would be found somewhere around Saturn.
He sort of blacked out for an unknown time, as he commenced downing the contents of at least ten cans, and then did a bunch of random shit like doing some weird initiation-thing for the new members of Cantown, and then used white chalk and this bottle of black goop he found in the bathroom for some reason (He also found some sort of green rock in there, but he ate it) to make this awkward chess board and played against himself without actually being aware what chess was.
After his sugar rush faded, the Mayor conducted a funeral for some of the cans he accidentally killed during his sugar-fueled mania before returning to the fridge to see if he missed anything. He, of course, did. There was a key in the fridge. The Mayor didn't bother questioning it, because who knows, maybe it was normal to find keys in the fridge. He wouldn't know, the Mayor had amnesia, probably.
Almost certain that he knew what the key was for, he used it on the closed door on the second floor. To his surprise, it was already unlocked.
The Mayor was even more surprised when he walked in and found that the room was almost completely empty except for a meterstick and a cage in the middle of the room.
And inside the cage was a cat. At first glance, the cat was completely unremarkable, but when examined more closely, the black kitty's tail had a bright yellow tip that looked almost like it was glowing. The Mayor noticed that almost immediately, and it somehow reminded him of both democracy and fireflies. Huh.
The Mayor kneeled down to examine the sleeping kitten and noticed that the cage had a padlock with a keyhole on it. He immediately used the key to open the cage, and when he pulled the door open, the kitten woke up at the sound. She stared at him for a few seconds with its (much to the Mayor's delight) bright green eyes before walking out of the cage. The cat almost immediately began rubbing against the Mayor and started to purr.
Before acknowledging the cat, he retrieved the key that the cat was sleeping on, because apparently any container with a door in this place had a key in it.
After the Mayor placed the key in his pocket, he picked up the little kitten, which immediately squirmed out of his grip, clambered up his sleeve, and rested on his shoulder, satisfied.
The Mayor brought the cat downstairs and placed it with the cans before returning to the second floor to investigate the meterstick. He messed around with the stick for a bit before coming up with an ingenious plan. The Mayor went back downstairs, took his trusty knife out of the pot, undid the grip, and used the fabric to turn his trusty knife into a handy spear. Spears are way better than knives.
The Mayor the decided to check on his new furry friend. Surprisingly, the cat had not disturbed any of the cantown buildings or residents while the Mayor was gone. Instead, she had padded over to the Town Hall, slipped into the small building that was almost the perfect size for the little guy, curled up, and just laid there, examining Cantown as if it were hers, and flicking her yellow-tipped tail in what the Mayor assumed was either pride or amusement.
He supposed he could share the role of Mayor with her.
But he couldn't just call her Mayor, because that was his name. After thinking for a while, a name just came to him: Serenity. It just sort of... Fit.
The Mayor spent who-knows-how-long just watching Serenity before he remembered the third key. He was pretty sure he knew what it was for.
He was right, for when he turned the key in the first door he had tried, there was a soft click informing the Mayor of his success.
He swung open the door and was met by a bright light.
So, guys, hope you liked the first chapter! It was a bit slow, I guess, because I'm not really used to writing for WV. I promise more stuff will happen, and the plot will deviate from the comic. Next chapter might be up in a few days.
-ND