Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or settings therein. They are the sole creative property of Capcom. I do however own my insanity.
Title: It's Not Delivery, Its DelGeorgio!
Warnings: insanity is rampant.. definitely AU since well Vergil is here and is *le gasp* working with his twin.
Summary: Dante's eating habit is putting a strain on Devil May Cry's budget, Vergil decides to tighten the purse strings.
Vergil was sitting down at the dining room table; surrounded by receipts, bank statements, a check book, a passport savings booklet and a calculator whose tape was already flowing from the table onto a neighboring chair and down onto the floor. He had crunched the numbers two-three times already. There was no way that this was possible! The jobs were coming in steedily and Lady had been paid off.
There was no way that Devil May Cry, his brother's company that he was now partnered in, was broke.
Grabbing a fistful of receipts, the eldest Sparda twin recalculated what he deemed was the cause of the massive debt. Dante's pizza predilection. Scowling at the calculator, Vergil violently ripped the tape off and stormed into the main area of the office.
"Oh hey Verge," Danted greeted from behind the Bikes-N-Babes magazine that was covering his face.
Vergil didn't stop his stride as he walked up to the desk that Dante had his feet kicked up on. Glaring at his brother who was hiding behind the magazine, Vergil shoved his brother's feet off the desk.
"This foolish spending must cease immediately, Dante."
"Whattaya talkin' bout?"
"Dante, do you have any idea what your pizza orders for last month alone cost?"
Slamming his elbows on the desk and resting his face in his hands, Dante did his best to give his brother a thoughtful look and pursed his lips in thought.
"I dunno. Fifty bucks?"
"F-fifty," Vergil snorted. "Try Four hundred and fifty dollars and that does not even include tips!"
"Good thing I don't tip then," Dante remarked with a wink to his twin.
Vergil cast his brother a long glacial look, almost as if he was willing his brother to freeze and break apart into millions of ice particles. Sighing in resignation, Vergil turned and walked over to where his coat was and put it on. Slipping the strap to his small messenger bag over his head, he turned back to his brother who was chuckling.
"What is so funny, Dante?"
"Nothing, Verge. Absolutely nothing."
"Alright then. I'm going grocery shopping, I'll be back in a hour. No ordering pizza, understood?"
"Yes, mommy. Oh hey wait Verge! I forgot to tell you something," Dante called out as his brother was heading out the door.
Not bothering to turn around, Vergil looked over his shoulder expectantly at his younger sibling.
"Nice purse."
Vergil slammed the door shut on Dante's laughs as he headed to the nearest supermarket.
Around dinner time that night…
Dante, who had to go out on an emergency job earlier, was just stepping out of the shower when the fragrant smell of pizza with an undercurrent of his third favorite food, bacon cheeseburger. His second type being the strawberry sundae of course.
Dante jogged down the stairs after he rushed to his room to throw on an old pair of crimson colored jeans. When he reached the main floor, he looked around for the tell-tale sign of a pizza delivery but there was no box, no distinct human smell from the delivery boy. Just pizza and bacon cheeseburger. Sniffing the air, he followed the scent towards the dining room figuring if Vergil was handling dinner, there was no way he would be able to eat at his desk. 'We're a family and we shall eat like a family, at the table' was Vergil's mantra.
Standing in the doorway Dante froze as he watched his older brother slice through the pizza on the table.
"What's that?" he asked while pointing to what he deemed a feast that was laid out on the table.
Looking up from running the circular blade through the dough, Vergil smirked at his brother.
"Bacon-Cheeseburger Pizza. I bought it today at the store."
"Yeah right," Dante said as he grabbed two slices and placed them on the paper plate in front of him.
The men shared the meal while talking about the mission that had called Dante away and the upcoming ones that were still pending. The pizza didn't last very long but Vergil was prepared for that. When he saw that there was only one slice left, he walked back into the kitchen to get the other one that was just finished cooking.
"Bro, where did you find this place? 'Sgood pizza," Dante said around mouthfuls of the food.
"I told you Dante. I got it at the store and do not speak with your mouth full," the eldest scolded.
"Yeah and you're lying. This is too good to be that microwavable crap."
"It's was not delivered Dante. It's called DelGeorgio. It's the newest thing."
Scoffing at his older brother, Dante wiped his mouth before retorting, "Whatever you say, Verge."
Sighing in defeat, Vergil got up and started cleaning off the table before the idea hit him.
"You liked this pizza a lot?"
"That's what I said," Dante replied while rolling his eyes.
"Fine. I'll order from this place for dinner every night," Vergil said. When he saw his brother beginning to protest he continued on, "It's a small place and they don't have a delivery person, you'd have to walk and pick it up if you ordered."
"Fine," Dante said just as his brother expected. The younger devil hunter may be competent at his job but he was still a lazy bastard at heart.
Walking into the kitchen Vergil smirked to himself as he tossed the empty boxes into the recycling bins and made a mental note to pick up an empty pizza box next time he went to the store. If his brother didn't want to believe that it was store bought, who was he to destroy the illusion. Besides, with the money that would be saved, he could save up for that new purse err man-bag he saw at Carriage.
A/N: First ever DMC fanfic. I was just going through my freezer and saw I had a few frozen pizza's in there and *BAM* Vergil is snickering in head. Also, I'm SHOCKED no one has done a story like this before.
Ah, I should note that I LOVE Vergil but I have a history of abusing characters in my stories and honestly he would so be the type to rock a man-bag/purse thingy.
Reno: Ahh bossLady, what's this?
Oh, hi Reno. This is nothing.
Reno: Yo! Nuhuh. Why ain't I in this? Or Cloudy-With-a-Chance-of-Emo? Or me?
Err. Uhm, I…
Reno: That's it! Ya makin me pull out the big guns!
You wouldn't!
Reno: Ya betcha ass I am. *takes away the DMC4 game and shoves Advent Children Complete in the PS3*
Dammit! *sigh* Sephiroth.