The Weight of My Love...
Disclaimer: Not mine; it belongs to Rumiko Takahashi…I don't make a profit from it.
A/N: One shot-Revised as of 12/22/05.
Warning: Rated T for limey adult themes.
Summary: The one that she chooses is not the one that she loves.
Kagome pressed her face against the car window. Her breath misted outwards in all directions, spreading to cover the landscape rapidly moving past her. She was leaving the city, her home for over twenty-one years, and she wasn't coming back. With a small sigh, she reached up to wipe the glass clean, noticing that the houses and businesses had finally started to turn into trees and old abandoned shrines. The countryside…The sky was blanketed with gray clouds that promised of more snow and ice to come, and the small amount of sunlight let through cast odd silver shadows that the gusting wing made flicker at the periphery of her vision.
The wind also tore at the small car she was traveling in, causing it to veer slightly from lane to lane much to the dismay of the driver. She shifted in her seat, glancing over at him. Hojo had the steering wheel firmly grasped in his two hands, and his eyes were glued to the road in front of him. He was sweating profusely, due to the fact that he had insisted that the car heater be on full blast to keep away any potential sickness Kagome might catch from the cold winter air. Kagome watched in fascination as two fat drops of sweat rolled down Hojo's forehead, down the bridge of his nose to the very tip and with glistening wetness, fell onto his woolen clad lap. The car veered to the left.
"Hojo," ventured Kagome, "Perhaps you would like me to drive now?" She shifted again, uncrossing her legs and turning to face him more completely. "I feel very much awake."
Hojo dashed away the sweat on his brow, and then clasped Kagome's hand warmly. "I would never forgive myself if you exhausted your strength driving in this terrible weather." He smiled warmly at her, and brought her hand up to his lips to give it a tender, moist kiss. Kagome repressed the desire to shudder at this particular romantic gesture. She smiled in return, but then let her gaze wander back to the winter countryside. They had been driving over three hours; the traffic in the city had been absolutely horrendous, and they had over five more hours to go until they reached the cottage in the mountains that had belonged to Hojo's obaa-san, and which now belonged to him. The car veered to the right.
"Besides, the wind is so strong right now…" A car in the next lane honked its horn in answer. Kagome sighed noiselessly and closed her eyes. Perhaps sleeping would make the time go by faster… But, when she closed her eyes, the flashes of silver that accompanied the car took on shape and form. They acquired ears, eyes, a mouth, a face, a body, and a name. Kagome abandoned her idea, shifted again restlessly, and watched as a shrine passed the car by. It was small and old, older perhaps than the Higurashi shrine, but from what she could see it had no such similar well.
"I'm not going back," she whispered fiercely.
"What was that love?"
Kagome shook her head, "Oh nothing; I just said 'look at that,'…the shrine that is. Doesn't it look like the Higurashi Shrine?"
Hojo nodded without taking his eyes from the road. Up ahead, red brake lights signaled that the traffic had once again decided to go at a snail's pace. Kagome snorted inwardly. She could have told him to 'look at the giant man-eating centipede,' and he wouldn't have even blinked.
Of course, his steadiness was the reason why she had chosen to go with him. He had never stopped liking her, even after high school had turned into college for him and a dead-end job at a local restaurant for her. Hojo didn't mind that Kagome would never be able to go to college. Her grades and attendance record were far too dismal for that. No, Hojo had told her that was going to become a doctor for her. He would make the money, look after her, and protect her. He swore to protect her...
The guilt of her dishonesty with Hojo weighed heavily on her soul. That night, two weeks ago, when she appeared at his door step soaking wet and trembling, she had told him that she loved him, and he had taken her appearance, disheveled and distraught, as proof of her words. He had invited her into his house and prepared a soothing herbal tea. Later, as they sat by the fireside, Hojo had whispered his own words of love into her ear, and when he tentatively began to caress the side of her face, Kagome had drawn his hand lower, and the two had ended up making love in front of the fireplace. Hojo was a tender and considerate lover, but Kagome couldn't help but think of a different face above her, a different voice calling out her name. When she cried out when he entered her, he thought it was from the pain of his taking her virginity, not from the very real despair that had threatened to overwhelm her at that moment. Inuyasha…
The young girl, now woman, lost in her memories, didn't notice the quick glances that Hojo began casting in her direction. She was thinking of something that made her unhappy again. A steady sleet began falling on the little car. Hojo glanced back up at the road, but the red lights still told him that no forward movement would be happening for a while. He looked back at Kagome. She was so beautiful, his soon to be wife; her long ebony hair felt like a silken waterfall in his fingers. Her skin was like the finest porcelain, and her lips were like paradise…My Kagome...Hojo felt a streak pf primitive possession when he remembered that the innocence and delight of her body were going to be for him alone
He had been surprised that night to find out that she was still a virgin. From the rumors that had gone around school, Kagome supposedly had a boyfriend that she had been with for several years. He had asked her friend Yumi about it and she had just looked at him sadly and walked away. Hojo had certainly never expected to open his door to Kagome that night, but once he let her in to his house, so obviously in some sort of pain, he knew she would never leave his life again.
He had always known that…eventually…they would get together. Now all he had to do was make her love him…
Up ahead, the break lights suddenly disappeared, and the cars were able to move forward, albeit very slowly. In a few more hours, they would be up in the mountains, and he would make sure that her every need and desire was met. Hojo would make every man in Kagome's past pale in comparison to him and his love.
Kagome watched in relief as the cars ahead began moving again. She was beginning to feel short of breath in the tight confines of the car. She cracked the window on her side ever so slightly, drinking in the bitterly cold air. She was able to take one deep breath before Hojo pressed the automatic controls to roll the window back up.
"Kagome," he admonished. "You'll catch cold that way." Repressing a sigh, Kagome made a mental note to fix the idea in Hojo's mind that she was some sort of fragile flower. She had fought demons…and won. Though, if she ever told Hojo that, he would probably lovingly but firmly lock her up into a very nice mental asylum.
"I'm just a bit warm that's all Hojo. Maybe we could stop to get something to eat…" Kagome opened her blue eyes wide. Hojo noticed that his beautiful Kagome looked a bit flushed. A bite to eat would help replenish her stores of energy. His eyes began searching the side of the road for a suitable resting place.
Later that evening, an hour or so after the sun had set, Kagome let out a small cheer when the car finally pulled up to the dark cabin. Hojo smiled distractedly at her expression of relief. He got out slowly, instructing her to remain in the car while he found the outside lights. Kagome opened the door anyway; she couldn't sit one more moment in that warm, uncomfortable seat.
The air around the cabin was light, but refreshingly clear. Through a small gap in the trees, Kagome could see the night sky. Millions upon millions of stars twinkled back at her, reminding her of the nights in Sengoku Japan. For a moment, Kagome could almost imagine that she was back there,but then Hojo found the light switch, and with a flood of halogen lights, she was firmly thrust back into modern day.
After a moment of adjusting, Kagome was able to finally see the so called "cabin" that belonged to Hojo. It was huge! At least two stories, possibly three, the so-called cabin stretched backwards into the forest like a slumbering giant. It had panes upon panes of glass windows on the bottom floor that revealed a stunning interior with leather furniture, antique lanterns, and priceless portraits. Kagome ran over to where Hojo was standing, her thoughts of her past abandoned.
"This is your 'cabin' I see?" she teased.
Hojo had the grace to look a bit embarrassed. "That's what my obaa-san always called it. Come on, let me show you inside."
Kagome was awed by the rooms that Hojo showed her. She knew that his family had money but she had never seen it displayed so before. If she was going to forget all that had happened to her these past years, she was certainly going to do it in style. She would never be without necessities again. She suddenly felt horribly out of place in the midst of all the beautiful luxury. She felt like an intruder into someone else's life, a mistake. Hojo should have been showing this to some other girl, someone that loved him...and Kagome should have been in another time, with someone that she loved.
She stood in the center of the entryway, frozen. Hojo watched again how Kagome turned inward; her eyes darkened and took on a far away look, and her lips parted ever so slightly as if on the verge of saying something painful. He felt a moment of fustration, but refused to be overtaken by her shadows. He grabbed her hand, shaking it gently. Kagome blinked once and her eyes focused onto him.
Hojo was staring at her, with a slightly impatient expression on his face. "Sorry," she murmured. The air was heavy with things unspoken.
Hojo began to lead her from room to room, pointing out objects that he thought would be of particular interest to her. Kagome only paid halfway attention to his words. Instead, she focused on him, on his body, his posture, his gestures...She tried to imagine herself waking up to his face each morning. When they entered his study, a small silver crane balanced carefully on the edge of a desk caught her eye, distracting her from her thoughts. It flashed silver light into her eyes, and for a moment she saw... Kagome pinched herself.
She saw no one.
She screamed at the face crowding her mind.
Go away Inuyasha!
She caught up to a still talking Hojo and entwined her fingers with his. He gave her a small kiss, and Kagome was pleased to feel her body responding, and her mind wonderfully silent.
When they reached the master bedroom, Kagome was breathless by the size of it. It was the whole of the third floor that she guessed at. As Kagome took in the small ornaments that were hung above a sink, she didn't notice Hojo bending down upon one knee. She almost tripped over him when she turned suddenly to ask how old a particularitem was. Her heart leapt into her throat when she saw what Hojo was about to do.
"Kagome, I have always loved you. Will you do me the honor of becoming my bride so that I may continue to love to do so?" With that, he displayed an enormous diamond ring that glittered with a pink light. Kagome felt tears escape from the corners of her eyes.
It was all wrong…but it was the only future that she could see.
With a soundless cry, she mouthed the words 'yes.' Hojo rose up and embraced her, slipping the ring on her finger. The weight of the diamond on her finger seemed to embody the weight of guilt in Kagome's soul.
Hojo kissed her face, wiping away her tears. He knew she was hurting, but he would heal her. He began unbuttoning the imitation pearl fastenings of her blouse, exposing what he desired beneath.
Kagome knew that she was using Hojo. She was betraying him by saying 'yes' as much as she had betrayed who she loved in the past by saying 'no,' but all she wanted right now was a release from her pain. She wanted to be healed.
With soft words, she encouraged the man that she had chosen, and soon found what she desired.
Aidyn