hi! i'm new to fanfiction, buti think that all u guys here are really cool. i love all the fic on here and am gonna go back and start reviewing it all cosi think u are all really genius!

hehe, i love howince, i think those guys are soo cute together so here's a bit of howince for you. it's based on an idea that my best friend Mavis had - and i'm trying to convince here to post here story here too because it's really cool. so, uh here's you've got mail!. hope u liek it. please review if you do.

joan xx

"Hey, Vince! Get over here and have a look at this!"

Vince pounced cat-like across the room over to the screen that was casting light over Leroy's face.

He wrinkled his nose up in disgust when he saw what was on the screen.

"Ok Cupid? You don't need to find freakish dates on a site like that. You get loads of girls, and everyone knows that only real losers have to get dates on the internet."

"You don't get it mate. You set up an account and then can totally mess with all these girls' heads. It's well funny."

Vince grinned and pushed his friend out of the way.

"Shove over and let's have a go."

*******

Three hours later Vince was still sitting in front of the screen. Typing away. Leroy was pointedly looking at his watch and yawning, but Vince was typing away frantically.

"I've made a friend!" he announced delightedly. "Look!"

~*#gLAmRoCkSTaR#*~: hi how R u?

*******

Howard was taking advantage of the flat being empty to use Naboo's computer. He had to use it on the sly; Naboo was very protective over it. Howard figured that as long as he didn't poke through any of the documents, no one would know any better. He'd learnt not to look at Naboo's favourites, too; after accidently clicking on .com, Howard hadn't been able to look at Naboo without blushing for a whole week. He didn't even want to talk about the www. incident. He just hoped that Bollo was computer literate.

Tonight though, Howard was back on okcupid. His profile picture was a close up of his proud moustache, and he had gone into detail about his love for jazz in the profile, so why weren't girls messaging him? He'd messaged a few, but they seemed disturbed by the powerful imagery of his creamy compliments, and had all blocked him.

He jumped in surprise when a dinging sound came from the speakers. Someone was talking to him! He opened the conversation box and pulled a face at the grammar.

~*#gLAmRoCkSTaR#*~: hi how R u?

Still, Howard couldn't be picky. He had signed up two years ago, after all. He quickly clicked to her profile. No photos, but she was apparently a musician! Common ground! He opened the conversation pop-up again.

man_of_action: Hello little lady. I see you're in a band! I too am in a band. Of sorts. What sort of music do you play? I myself am fond of jazz. Trumpets melt like butter under my fingers, just like ladies. Ha.

Howard pulled a face, and edited the text before pressing enter.

man_of_action: Hello little lady.

******

Little lady? Well that was a little off but Vince couldn't be arsed correcting him. The weirdo was actually messaging him back. He didn't want to scare him off too soon.

~*#gLAmRoCkSTaR#*~: wat's a man of action like u doing in on a friday nite? i c u like jazz! Me 2. i bet u must have gurls falling over them selves 2 get 2 u!

Vince sniggered a little to himself and clicked send.

*******

Howard puffed his chest out at the reply, pleased. She liked jazz! And recognised him as a man of action! He stroked the edges of his moustache, pleased.

man_of_action: my flatmates are all out for once, so I'm listening to some expensive and rare vinyl jazz LPs, yes sir. Something a fine lady such as yourself would appreciate!

He paused, sipping his tea as he mulled over what to say.

man_of_action: Sadly the ladies are overwhelmed by my sheer sexuality. My last girlfriend was a while ago.

That wasn't EXACTLY a lie. The last bit of action Howard had seen was Old Gregg, and he had a vagina! Of sorts!

man_of_action: What about you? No boyfriend to keep you entertained?

**********

What a loser! Vince bet he'd never had a girlfriend in his life. The only jazz freaks he knew were Howard and that weirdo Lester, and neither of them had girlfriends!

~*#gLAmRoCkSTaR#*~: uh no. no 1 at the moment

Well it had been at least 3 hours since he last got off with someone.

~*#gLAmRoCkSTaR#*~: wot i reely need is sum1 big and strong to keep me warm on long winter nites.

"Put and discuss important social topics with too", Leroy added, peering over Vince's shoulder.

"I recon he's the sort to watch the news."

**********

Well! Finally, a woman who understood about the fine things in life! And she was single! Clearly Howard Moon had been looking in the wrong places for women. They were all on the internet, just waiting to be snapped up.

man_of_action: a lovely, intelligent lady like yourself? How can that be?

And she wanted big and strong! It was too perfect.

man_of_action: where do you live?

**********

Over the weeks Vince found himself popping over to 'see Leroy' a little more often than normal. He was gradually getting sucked further and further into what had started off as a laugh. There was something comforting and familiar about talking to this 'man of action'. They had moved on from their original topic of jazz and Vince was surprised at how much he'd actually learnt and how much he'd enjoyed it. The finally, one day, having discovered that they lived in the same part of town, Vince suggested meeting up.

"What did you do that for? He thinks you're a bird you nonce!" Leroy hadn't been too impressed with this bit of news.

Oh shit, this had all gone much too far. And it was too late to take it back. 'man of action' had already suggested meeting up at the railway station, informing him that he'd be under the clock at 11am wearing a red carnation. He wasn't sure which would be better, turning up and revealing himself to be a bloke or bottling out of it all together.

Suck it up and go, he finally decided. No one likes being stood up.

*********

Howard had been thrilled when ~*#gLAmRoCkSTaR#*~ suggested meeting up. He'd had to plead with Naboo to let him use his computer more often, but only when Vince had left the flat. He couldn't take Vince mocking him, like he surely would if he found out. Just because all the girls seemed to love Vince! Well, now Howard had his own. And she liked him! The entire thing made him giddy. True, they'd only spoken online, but even that had been easy. Howard didn't always find it easy to socialise. Vince was the only one who he felt wholly comfortable talking to, and now this girl, this ~*#gLAmRoCkSTaR#* had come along. Maybe she wouldn't even care about his chest deformity.

They arranged to meet at 11 in the afternoon, under the clock. Howard woke the morning they were due to meet, creeping around his and Vince's shared room, careful to not disturb him. He left Vince's soft snoring behind him at 7.30am, eager to get to the train station on time. After pacing restlessly for an hour once he got there, he decided to buy a bunch of flowers for his little lady. Roses were traditional, and Howard Moon was nothing if not romantic. Howard paced the train station restlessly, and when the clock finally struck 11 his heart started pounding wildly. By 11:03, he began to panic. Where was she? Why was she late? Had she forgotten? Had she stood him up? Oh god, what if she had been killed? Or kidnapped? Or—

***********

Vince had finally gotten up at 10:07. He looked at the clock.

"Oh shit. Now I wont have time to do my hair!"

He knew it was just some old perv he was meeting, but for some strange reason he wanted to make a good impression.

Just taking the time to pull on some skinny jeans that accentuated his round arse, a hot pink t-shirt, and running his Nicki Clark straighteners – hottest you can get – and then some root boost through his hair, he ran out the door and legged it to the station.

His boots slid across the shiny floor as he came to a skidding halt and to his surprise saw Howard standing under the clock, wearing a red carnation. The electro poof slapped himself round the head.

"ouch, that hurt."

Of course man_of_action would be Howard. Who else could Vince bear to listen to droning on and on about jazz and nature documentaries and stuff that usually bored the shit out of him?

He laughed to himself then as he realised it was Howard. Of course it was Howard, hadn't it always been him?

************

"Alright, Howard?"

Howard leapt, whirling around to face Vince, who looked nervous.

"Vince!" he hissed, glancing anxiously around, "what're you doing here? I'm waiting for someone."

"I know," Vince replied, strangely subdued.

"I have a date," Howard carried on, puffing his chest out in pride.

"I know," Vince repeated, biting his lip.

"With a real woman this ti-- wait, what? How do you know?" Howard glared at Vince suspiciously with tiny, distrustful eyes.

"Er."

The penny dropped.

"You little tart." Enraged and humiliated, Howard whacked Vince around the head with the bouquet.

"Ow! Howard, you mentalist, stop!"

Vince raised his arms to protect his face as Howard furiously beat him with the roses. Several people walking past stopped to stare. Howard finally stopped, shoulders heaving furiously. He dropped the destroyed bouquet on the floor, and Vince tentatively lowered his arms, showering the broken stems with rose petals. Howard looked like he was about to throttle Vince with his bare hands.

"You always do this!" he exclaimed, ignoring Vince hissing at him to be quiet, "always trying to make a fool out of Howard Moon! Well no more, sir!"

oooh a cliff hanger! if u wanna find out what happens next please R&R!

luv ya!

joan xx