Age of Edward Contest
Title: Infamy
Pen name: jennde
Type of Edward: Pearl Harborward
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of it's characters.
I have no memory of my mother; she left me and my father when I was 2 years old. I don't recall ever missing her; my father and I had an extended family in Carlisle and Esme Cullen, and in their children, Edward and Alice. I never wanted for the love of a mother or the camaraderie of siblings. My father, Charlie, and Dr. Cullen graduated the Naval Academy together, and while Carlisle had long ago left the service, he and my father were as close as brothers. As a matter of fact, I don't remember my life before any of the Cullens. But since Edward and I were the same age, and Alice a year younger, almost all of my childhood memories involved Edward in some way, and he was just as much a part of me as my father.
When Edward and I were five, a particularly bad storm blew through Hawaii. Our parents took us to the beach to watch it, and we clung to each other for dear life. Even at five, Edward's arms around me made me feel safe.
The Christmas when we were seven, Edward and I announced to our families that we were going to get married. We even took our Christmas money to the Five and Dime and bought each other wedding rings.
The summer when we were nine, Edward dared me to swim out to the deepest part of the ocean. The undertow took me and I would have drowned if he hadn't dived in to rescue me. He felt so bad that he brought me penny candy every day after school for a month.
When we were twelve, Edward and I had our first real fight. He was having a birthday party, but didn't want to invite me. He said that we weren't really friends, and that he only hung out with me because his parents told him to. I cried uncontrollably for a full day before Charlie finally called Esme, who made Edward apologize. I didn't accept his apology, since his mom made him do it, and things were never the same between us again. I was so hurt that I even sent my "wedding ring" back to him, but he never said anything about it, and neither did I.
x-x-x-x
Alice had been working on me since yesterday, and I was starting to wear down. "Please spend the weekend Bella. Edward's going to have Jasper over, and I'll be so bored with my parents out of town. Plus, maybe you could occupy Edward and give me and Jasper some time together. Would it help if Mom or Dad called Admiral Swan?" She looked so hopeful, and I realized that I didn't want to disappoint her. She had been fond of Jasper for quite a while, and I knew this weekend could mean a big step for them. She was my best friend, and it was a small thing I could do for her.
We started walking down the hall of O'ahu High. "No, Alice, don't worry, I'll speak to my father." I gave her a small smile, hoping it would hide my trepidation. I wanted to spend the weekend with her, but things between Edward and I had been strained lately, and I was so awkward around him that I was trying to avoid seeing him at all. Edward and I had gotten along pretty well since the blow up when we were 12, but the way he had been looking at me lately, and the way it made me feel, had me on edge.
Alice brought me out of my reverie. "Maybe we can start our Christmas shopping this weekend."
"Alice, it's only December second. We have plenty of time." I regretted my words as soon as they left my mouth. Shopping would mean getting out of the house and away from Edward. "Come to think of it, that's a great idea, Alice. I want to get something special for my dad this year.
Dad had just been promoted to Admiral, and he had been too busy at Pearl to really celebrate. I was hoping to commemorate the occasion when he took some time off for Christmas, right before he took command of the USS Arizona. Dad had been taking shore assignments as often as he could since my mom left us, to the detriment of his career. Assignments at sea fast-tracked promotion for officers, but Dad stayed behind to raise me as other officers leap-frogged over him and got the promotions that could have been his. He had finally been promoted and I wanted him to know just how proud I was of him; I would buy him the perfect gift.
Come January, he would be taking off to sea, and I would spend my last few months of high school living with Dr. and Mrs. Cullen. I sometimes resented the disruption in my life, but when I really thought about it, he had done better by me than most dads, especially those in the military, and especially those that had no wife. It wasn't always easy to finagle a shore assignment in the Navy, and we had been in Hawaii for the last 15 years, something almost unheard of for a Naval Officer.
x-x-x-x
Just a few months ago, my father was away training on a new class of battleship, and I stayed with the Cullens for 4 weeks. One of the days I was there happened to coincide with my eighteenth birthday, and Alice decided we should go out to a jazz club that she had heard about. She invited some of the kids from school, and as we got ready to leave, I found myself growing excited at the prospect of a night out.
Edward had decided not to come along, complaining to his parents that he wasn't a baby sitter. However, when Alice and I came downstairs after spending a few hours getting ready, he stared at me for a few moments before he told us to wait for him while he got dressed to go with us.
To say that Edward was impossible that night would be an understatement. Every time a boy tried to dance with me, he would shoo him away; sometimes with a menacing look, sometimes with actual threats. By the fifth time it happened, I was starting to get annoyed.
"Edward! He was a perfectly nice boy. What is your problem?" He had the gall to look angry. I was the one who should be angry.
"He's not good enough for you, Bella. None of these boys are."
"I don't want to marry any of them, Edward, I just want to dance. Is that so hard for you to understand?" He needed to stop with the big brother act.
"You want them to put their hands on you? You want them to hold you that close?" He looked so angry, and I wasn't far behind.
"How dare you? Alice has danced with three boys tonight and you're not giving her a hard time. It's my birthday and I came here to dance and have fun, Edward."
He took me by the hand and walked to the dance floor, pulling me gently behind him. Just then, the orchestra switched from Chattanooga Choo Choo, to In the Mood, and I could see the conflict on Edward's face as he faced me. He seemed to come to some sort of decision, because his look of confusion turned to one of resolve. He took me in his arms and we began to dance.
His closeness made my head swim a bit. My God, he smelled so good, and I hadn't been this close to him since we were children. His hands on me made my body hum with electricity, and I tingled all over. I liked it, and I wondered if Edward felt the same thing I did. I looked up into his eyes and saw that he looked a little stunned. He met my gaze only briefly before pulling me closer and leading me in the dance. Edward's hand rested on my back as we danced, and it made me want more of him. My thoughts made me blush, but also made me a little excited, and made me want to move just a little closer to him, which I dared to do. He stiffened a bit at first, but almost immediately, I heard him sigh and pull me to him. I could feel every inch of him pressed to me; he felt strong and lean and sexy and exactly like I always imagined a man would.
I hesitantly put my face close to his neck and inhaled slightly. When I "accidentally" brushed my lips against his neck, his reaction was immediate. He moved his lower body away from mine, and growled lightly. I was pretty sure that was all I was going to get away with that night.
When the song was over, the band played a slightly more up tempo song, but Edward didn't release me immediately. I thought I felt him kiss the top of my head before he pulled back and looked at me.
"Happy now? You got your dance." He looked angry, and I felt confused, but his face softened a little when he looked at mine. He kissed my forehead and practically whispered, "Happy birthday, Bella." He walked away, leaving me more than a little stunned and slightly off balance.
That had been in September, and our interaction since then had been limited. I thought it might be purposeful on his part, but I couldn't be sure. The dance we shared and the electricity between us had changed the way I felt about Edward, but we were practically family, and there was no way he could feel the same about me.
x-x-x-x
When we got to the cafeteria for lunch, Edward and Jasper were already seated at our usual table. Edward was looking down when I greeted him, and he didn't look up as he mumbled something I assumed was a hello. Now he was avoiding me altogether. Great.
"Bella's staying with us this weekend," Alice said, practically jumping out of her chair.
Edward's head snapped up and I blushed. "I said I would talk to my father, Alice. I'm not making any promises." I looked down, not wanting to meet Edward's gaze.
Edward pushed his chair back and stood from the table. "I'm going out for a smoke." He turned and walked out of the cafeteria.
We all looked at each other, confusion on our faces. I felt like I had done something wrong, but I hadn't and I was beginning to get angry. "What's your brother's problem, Alice?"
"I have no idea. He's a grouch at home too. He's been this way for months, and it's been worse since the Halloween party."
I thought back to Halloween. The Cullens have a house right on the beach, and every year they throw a huge Halloween party. This year, Alice had convinced me to wear a witch's costume, but this particular witch's costume was more revealing that I was used to. The skirt was short in the front, with a long tulle train in the back. The top was more modest, but very form fitting. The dress showed every curve I had, and I wasn't sure that was a good thing. It was also my first time wearing high heels, and I felt a bit like a little girl playing dress up. Not that I ever got a chance to play dress up as a little girl, it wouldn't have been fun to try on Charlie's dress uniform.
So I went to the party, fully prepared to make a fool of myself. I was completely self-conscious, and it was made worse by Jasper's rude whistle when I walked in the door.
"Is that little Isabella Swan under that witch's hat?"
I turned toward Jasper and was about to retort when Edward emerged from the kitchen.
"Who...?" I turned back toward the sound of Edward's voice, and he looked momentarily confused, and then recognition dawned on him.
"Bella?" Edward looked shocked and I blushed four shades of red.
"That's it, Alice, I'm going home to change."
"You will do no such thing. You look fantastic. Don't pay any mind to these two. Let's go outside and help my parents."
I spent most of the evening having fun, despite my discomfort. There were lots of kids from school and from the naval base, most of whom I either grew up with or knew by association from my father.
I had a steady stream of male attention that night, as boy after boy brought me glass after glass of punch. Some sat and talked with me for a while, but none held my interest for long. We talked about school, or the war in Europe, or mutual friends. It wasn't necessarily boring, but I found my mind wandering time and again. More and more, it was wandering to Edward.
It seemed that every time I looked up, Edward was staring at me. Sometimes the stare was angry, sometimes intense, sometimes amused, but always there. Edward was dressed, as usual, in a old uniform of my father's. He hated Halloween and refused to put any effort behind his costume aside from going to my house to raid my father's closet. This year he was wearing Charlie's old enlisted man uniform of white pants, white shirt, and blue neck scarf. I had been noticing boys for a while now, but Edward was different. I knew him, better than any boy I'd ever met, and I was still interested in him. I lost interest in most boys the minute they opened their mouths. Mostly, they thought that they had to talk to me like I was an idiot simply because I was a girl. Edward had never done that to me, ever. He might ignore me and be angry with me most of the time, but he respected the fact that I had my own ideas and interests. I kept trying to find someone like Edward, and was always left disappointed.
I had to remind myself, again, that someone as interesting and smart and gorgeous as Edward would never be interested in someone like me.
The only downer of the evening was when there was talk of the war in Europe. Most of the talk centered around when, not if, the US would get involved. I followed the news and world events, and I also thought our involvement was inevitable, but that would mean my father going to war, and that was something I was ill prepared to deal with.
Late that night, Mike Newton asked me to take a walk with him on the beach. Mike's dad was a good friend to my dad, and Mike and I were in the same class at O'ahu High. He was nice enough, and a walk in the ocean air might help me clear up the punch induced fog that was beginning to envelop my brain.
As I was about to say yes, Edward came up behind Mike.
"Beat it, Newton." He looked angry, but Mike didn't seem intimidated.
"You beat it, Cullen. Bella and I are about to go for a walk on the beach." Edward stood a good 6 inches taller than Mike and used the height difference to his advantage. He stood as close to Mike as possible without actually touching him, looked down at him, and said, "I'm not going to tell you again. Stay away from Bella, Newton. I don't even want to catch you looking at her for the rest of the night."
I had ever heard Edward so angry or menacing. I was scared, and Mike seemed to take the hint. "See you at school on Monday, Bella." He stalked off in a huff, and I turned to look at Edward. The angry boy was gone, replaced by, I wasn't sure what. His eyes were wide and almost pleading.
"Edward, I'm eighteen years old. I don't need you to play big brother anymore." I wasn't necessarily interested in Mike, but I didn't appreciate Edward making decisions for me. "This is the same garbage you pulled on my birthday. What is your problem?"
"I..." He ran hid hand through his hair, and I couldn't help but notice how sexy that simple gesture was. "Damn it, Bella. I know how old you are. I just...ugh!" He cried in frustration.
He seemed to be angry, but I wasn't sure if he was angry with me, with himself, or with the boys that dared to talk to me. This was becoming maddening.
"Edward, is there something you want to tell me? Because if there is, you should just spit it out or leave me alone." I knew I was challenging him, but I needed to know if I was imagining things or if there really was something between us, as I had suspected for quite some time now.
He opened his mouth to say something, but just then, Alice ran up to me. "Bella, I have to talk to you. Now." She grabbed my arm and started pulling me away, so the only thing I could do was mouth an "I'm sorry" to Edward before Alice pulled me out of his sight.
x-x-x-x
As the weekend got closer, I started to get nervous. Even after our "almost talk" on Halloween, my relationship with Edward had reverted back to what it had been previously: brooding stares from him, confusion from me.
Dr. and Mrs. Cullen were already gone by the time we got back to the house Friday after school. Alice and I spent some time in her room looking at the new Redbook and talking about Jasper. He had held her hand last week at the beach, and she thought he might try to kiss her soon. She was hoping he would ask her to take a walk later.
We went to find the boys, and discovered them playing cards at the kitchen table. They looked over when we walked in, Jasper and Alice immediately beaming at each other. I didn't think Alice would have a problem getting an invitation to walk on the beach tonight. I smiled to myself at her worries that he may not like her.
I turned away from Jasper and Alice to find Edward staring at me. When he saw me looking, he smiled at me, but it wasn't just any smile, and it was like nothing I had seen on his face before. He practically glowed with the happiness in his expression. Whatever the reason, I was just grateful to have Edward smiling again.
"It's a beautiful night, what do you say we throw something on the grill and eat outside? I think mom left everything we need." Alice was asking all of us, but looking only at Jasper.
After the meal was eaten and the dishes cleaned up, we all decided to take a walk on the beach. Edward and I, by silent agreement, hung back to give Jasper and Alice a head start. We knew they wanted to be alone, but propriety dictated that Edward be present.
As we started down the beach, I felt Edward take my hand in his, and my body literally started to hum, just like it had when we danced on my birthday. This was a feeling I could get used to.
I wondered if tonight Edward would finally talk to me, and what exactly he would say, when he stopped abruptly and turned me to face him.
"Bella." He took a deep breath, and I rubbed my thumb along his knuckles, willing him to say whatever was on his mind. "I'm not sure how to..." I'd never seen Edward Cullen at a loss for words before. "What do you want to do with your life?" We continued our walk up the beach as I contemplated his question.
"I'm going to college next fall. I'm not sure where just yet, but probably here in Hawaii so I can stay close to my Dad." I bit my lip, not sure if I should go on, although something told me he, of all people, would understand. "I think...maybe...I want to be a doctor."
I stole a glance at him as we walked, curious about his reaction. He was smiling. "I think that's great, Bella."
"At least you think so." The words were out of my mouth before I considered them. Again, Edward stopped us and looked at me.
"What do you mean?"
Sorry that I had brought it up, I quickly explained to Edward that I had a meeting with the school guidance counselor the week prior. "Mr. Simmons told me that I shouldn't bother, and that entering medical school was selfish since I would eventually get married and have babies, and would be taking the spot in school of a boy who would actually have a career as a doctor." Edward was looking increasingly angry as I relayed the details of our meeting. "It's not a big deal, Edward. I'm not going to listen to him." I then told Edward about the conversation I had with my father when I walked in the door that day, my face streaked with tears.
I told my father about the incident, and after convincing him that going to the school to beat up Mr. Simmons wasn't the ideal way to rectify the situation, we had a long conversation. He hadn't known of my interest in medicine, and was proud that I was considering it. He told me it would be his life's mission to make sure I became a practicing physician if that's what I truly wanted.
Looking up at Edward, I saw his anger had dissipated slightly. He had always admired my father, and I could see his respect for him grow as I told the story.
"Has your father ever told you that you couldn't do anything because you were a girl?"
"Never."
"I agree with him, Bella. You can do anything, including becoming a doctor. I truly believe that, and believe in you."
"That means a lot, Edward, thank you." His words had started my heart pounding, wondering if we were finally going to talk about what had been bothering him and what was going on between us.
Edward took a deep breath and clutched my hand even tighter. "I'm graduating early, and joining the Naval Academy after the first of the year. I wanted you to know becau-" Just then, we heard a scream. It was Alice. Jasper was chasing her up the beach and they were heading right for us.
Edward looked torn, looking from me to Alice, desperation written on his face. I wanted to hear what he had to say, and tried to keep his gaze on me as I took both of his hands in mine.
"Edward, please. What is it?"
He started a few times, but finally gave up when Alice and Jasper were within earshot. With a sigh, he dropped my hands and turned to Jasper, strained smile painted on his face.
"What are you doing to my little sister, Jasper? Don't make me hurt you."
"Stop it, Edward. Jasper was being a perfect gentleman. Now, we should get back to the house, it's getting really late and Bella and I have an early start tomorrow." Alice took Jasper's hand as we made our way back to the house, and I wished that Edward would take mine again, but he made no move to do so.
When we got back to the house, Alice dragged me upstairs, so I didn't have a chance to speak to Edward again. Jasper had finally kissed her and she wanted to give me every minute detail of the experience. She was so excited, and I was genuinely happy for her, but my mind was never far from Edward.
I spent a sleepless night imagining what Edward wanted to tell me. I heard movement in the house a few times, and was tempted to go see if Edward was having as difficult a time as I was, but I restrained myself. I finally fell asleep sometime after three in the morning, reminding myself that we would always have tomorrow.
Saturday passed in a blur. After an incredibly awkward breakfast where Edward and I kept catching each other staring, Alice and I took the Cullen's car into town to do some Christmas shopping. I didn't find anything for Charlie, but was confident that I had plenty of time before Christmas to locate the exact right present for him. It might be our last Christmas together for a while, and I wanted it to be extra special. Alice decided to stop and get her hair done, so it was dinnertime before we got back to the house.
I noticed the jeep immediately as we drove up to Alice's house; it was from Pearl, and it meant my father was here. I felt disappointment settle in the pit of my stomach; I was always happy to be around my father, but I wanted to spend some time with Edward. My father's presence would make that almost impossible.
When we walked into the house, my dad was standing with Edward and Jasper at the small bar in the living room, drinking a glass of whiskey. They all turned to us as we walked in.
"Bella! How's my girl?" He strode over to me and gave me a hug.
I couldn't help but smile. "Hi, Daddy. What are you doing here?" He led me over to the couch and sat down next to me, while everyone else hung back.
"I needed to tell you something." He looked down at his hands, clasped between his legs. "The commander of the Arizona has developed some medical problems and has to take leave immediately. I'll be replacing him at dawn tomorrow instead of after the first of the year." His face was guarded, waiting for my reaction.
I hated it when my father was away from me, but I was 18 now, and with most of the rest of the world at war, we needed good men like Dad at sea instead of behind a desk. I hid my disappointment behind a smile, and reassured him as best I could, even though I suspected that he saw right through me.
"It's okay, Daddy. I'm already here anyway. Alice and I will drive over tomorrow to get some more of my stuff. Really, I understand."
He searched my face, and I guess what he saw there satisfied him, because he smiled, pulled me to him and hugged me tight. Even at eighteen, there was nothing in the world that made me feel as safe as a hug from my father.
"Okay, kids, I'm taking you all out to the O Club for dinner tonight. What do you say?" It was sort of a tradition with us that we would have dinner together at the Officer's Club the night before my father left for any extended period of time. I was happy that he was including my friends this time, but I would have been with him no matter what. He was my rock, and I was going to miss him.
All through dinner, my father entertained us all with stories about the war and about being at sea. Edward and I caught each other staring fairly regularly, but, oddly, I wasn't embarrassed. Something sparked between us, and I wasn't going to turn away from it. I would have given anything to know what he thinking when he looked at me the way he did. The way his eyes sparkled and his mouth turned up into a slight grin made me want to reach across the table and touch him.
When we got back to the Cullens' house, it was late and we all stood around a little awkwardly. Dad looked at his watch, then looked at me. "Bella, I think it's time for you to get to bed, it's past eleven o'clock." I gave him a wry smirk, knowing that this was his way of asserting his parental authority, even though he would be at sea in less than six hours.
"Sure, Daddy." I stepped over to him and allowed myself to be enveloped in his arms. I would miss him, and with war on the horizon, I was even more scared than usual to let him go. "Be careful, Daddy," I whispered in his ear. He squeezed me tighter for a moment, then let me go.
"I love you, Bella. You help Mrs. Cullen while you're here. I'll write as often as I can." He looked sad, almost like he knew this time might be different.
"I love you too, Daddy." I hugged him quickly, then turned to go up the stairs to my bedroom, catching Edward's gaze out of the corner of my eye. I turned to him, and he looked anxious, like he wanted to say something. I gave him a small smile and walked up the stairs. I knew we needed to talk, but we had all the time in the world.
x-x-x-x
I refused to spend another sleepless night in bed, so I got up at around one in the morning, hoping to get a book from the library. When I walked downstairs, there was a fire lit in the living room, and Edward was sitting on the couch, drinking a glass of scotch, firelight dancing on his face. As I inched closer, I saw that brooding Edward was back. He looked so sad.
I walked into the living room and stood right in front of him. I should have felt self conscious, standing there in nothing but a short, white cotton nightgown, but I didn't. He looked up at me, obviously surprised to see me. Before I could say or do anything, he put his drink on the table, his arms went around my waist and he buried his head in my stomach.
"Bella. Oh my God, Bella, you're here." I put my hands in his hair, and stroked lightly. This was so inappropriate, but I was beyond caring. He was upset, and obviously needed comfort.
Somehow, I had the strength and presence of mind to form a coherent thought with Edward's arms around me. "Edward, are you OK? Please tell me what's been bothering you."
He sighed and looked up at me. "You, Bella. That's what's been bothering me. You."
I could feel tears of anger starting to build. What could I have done to him? Before I could articulate anything I was feeling, he pulled me smoothly to my knees so we were at eye level. I was too surprised to react beyond a whispered "Oh."
He gave me one long, determined look, put both of his hands on either side of my face, and held me face close to his, his lips slightly parted. He was going to kiss me. I felt his breath on my face, and my stomach clenched in anticipation.
Oh, please. Kiss me.
The anticipation became almost too much as a I let a small whimper escape my lips. This seemed to be all the permission he needed as his lips softly touched mine.
His lips were gentle and hesitant, and it felt like everything I had ever wanted and waited for. His lips were sweet, with a faint hint of the whiskey he had been drinking.
When his mouth opened slightly, I followed suit. The feel of his tongue on mine set my body on fire. All of a sudden, I couldn't get close enough. I twined my fingers through his hair and whimpered. Edward groaned in response and pulled me closer, between his open legs. It still wasn't close enough, and throwing all propriety out the window, I made my way onto the couch, into Edward's lap. Edward's hands left my face and traveled down my sides, and again, it wasn't enough, I wanted his hands everywhere at once.
As his hand grazed my breast, he abruptly stopped. He looked stricken. "I'm so sorry, Bella. Please forgive me, I got caught up in the moment, and I never should have touched you like that." I let out a small laugh. I was practically straddling his lap, and he was worried about being a gentleman. I couldn't believe my own behavior. Nice girls didn't kiss boys like this, or let boys touch them the way Edward had touched me. But it felt right, and how could something that felt so good be wrong?
"It's okay. I didn't mind." I looked down, suddenly shy now that the words were out of my mouth.
Edward moved me so I was sideways in his lap, his arms around me. He kissed my forehead and stroked my back and I marveled at how loved I felt in that moment. I wanted to stay here forever. I moved my head to rest on his shoulder, my nose grazing his neck.
"Bella, I..." He signed, and tightened his hold on me and whispered, "I didn't think this would be so difficult."
I don't know what possessed me, except that I wanted him to know that he shouldn't be afraid, that I wasn't going anywhere, so I kissed his neck. His sharp intake of breath emboldened me, so I did it again. And again. I moved my hands to his hair and continued to kiss him.
"Oh, Bella. That feels so good" He sounded like he was out of breath. I wanted to kiss his lips again, so I took him by the back of the head and guided his lips to mine.
We both groaned at the contact, and I felt my desire building. At least that's what I assumed that dull ache between my legs was; it was something I had never felt before, but something that felt absolutely amazing. We kissed for what felt like an eternity, our tongues and lips gliding together.
Pulling himself away from me, Edward leaned his forehead on mine and said, "We have to talk before this goes any further." I nodded in response and waited for him to start.
"I...Bella...for the past few weeks, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. You're so lovely, and smart, and sexy and I just can't get you out of my mind. I've never felt like this before and it's been making me crazy." He let out a small laugh, and it was then that I understood his behavior of the last few weeks. The stares, the anger, the mood swings. He felt something for me, and didn't know how to deal with it. Just like I had feelings for him that I simply ignored, because I never though anything would come of it. We had the same problem, but just handled it differently. "I'm sorry I've been distant, I just didn't know how you felt about me, and I didn't want to make a fool of myself, and it's all been so confusing." He let out an exasperated sigh and ran his hand through his hair.
"Edward, you're...everything. You have to know, I feel the same way." I forced myself to look at him, so he would know I meant every word of what I said. He had the most beautiful smile on his face, and I couldn't believe I was the one who put it there.
He kissed me then, but with less restraint than before. I reveled in the feeling of him, his lips on mine, his hands in my hair, on my back, on my face; I felt like he was everywhere, and at the same time that he wasn't touching me enough.
We stayed up late into the night, talking and kissing.
At one point, while we were lying on the couch, me on my back and Edward on his side next to me, I asked him a question I had been curious about for a long time. "Edward, have you been with any other girls?" It was something I needed to know, whether I liked the answer or not.
He looked embarrassed. "No."
"Why? You're popular, and I've heard other girls talking about asking you out and some of them were really pretty. Why didn't you ever go out with any of them?"
"I don't think I really knew at the time. I just wasn't interested, no matter how pretty the girl was or how the date promised to end. I was never sure before, but I think I may have figured it out." He looked down and rested his hand on mine. Not looking at me, he said very softly, "I think I was waiting for you, although I didn't know it at the time." I gave him a kiss for that, which turned into us moaning and groping on the couch. Again. I felt like I would never get enough.
When we came up for air, it was his turn. "Bella, are you okay with your dad leaving for his tour? War almost seems inevitable at this point. He could be gone a long time." I didn't open up about my father to anyone, not even Alice, but this was different. This was Edward, and we were together now and I would share my whole heart with him.
"I'm never okay with my dad leaving. Your parents are wonderful, and I'm grateful that they've been there for both my father and me all these years, but I sometimes feel homeless when he's away. Home has always been where my father is."
We talked at length about the possibility of me attending medical school, and how me being a doctor would work out well if Edward did, indeed, want to be a career Naval officer, something he hadn't yet decided. He told me that he was worried that his father would be hurt if he didn't go into medicine, but he wasn't sure it was for him.
Of course nothing was decided that night, but it was comforting to know that Edward and I would be deciding our future together.
We eventually fell asleep under a thick blanket on the couch, my body practically on top of Edward's. It was how I wanted to fall asleep every night for the rest of my life. As I drifted off, I heard the words my heart had been longing to hear.
"I love you, Bella."
x-x-x-x
We were awakened by the sound of air raid sirens and early morning sunlight seeping through the porch door. It wasn't an uncommon occurrence, as there were weekly drills at Pearl. They were just never this early in the morning, or on a Sunday.
We scrambled off the couch and headed for the back porch. Looking up we saw, and heard, airplanes flying directly over the house, headed for Pearl Harbor. Edward took me by the waist and held me close.
"Those are Japanese Zeroes. We're under attack." My thoughts immediately went to my Dad, and the command he was to assume this morning.
"Edward, my father." He pulled me closer and put his lips to my hair.
"I know, Bella. I know."
By this time Alice and Jasper had joined us, and were looking up at the planes flying over head. Edward lifted his head and looked over at them.
"Jasper..."
"Yeah..."
Edward shifted to take my face in his hands, and I looked up at him, tears in my eyes.
"Bella, I have to go." Panic started rising in my chest as my silent tears turned to sobs.
"You can't go. You can't leave me. Not now. Please, not you too." I threw myself into his arms, willing him to stay with me, to stay out of harm's way.
"I have to go, Bella. They'll need help. Please try to understand." He took my face in his hands again, but this time he kissed me. After our lips parted he looked at me with determination and a touch of sadness in his eyes. "I don't have a choice."
After Edward and Jasper left, the day moved slowly. Mrs. Cullen called to check on us and to tell us that she and Dr. Cullen were on their way back. She seemed resigned to the fact that Edward had gone to Pearl soon after the attack started, almost as if she expected nothing less from her son. We listened to the radio, but the news out of Pearl Harbor was spotty at best. We would have done better to walk down there ourselves, but after much discussion, Alice and I decided to stay put. I thought about going home to wait for my father, but Alice assured me that he would assume I was here and going home would be a waste of time. I agreed with her, but I also didn't want to be alone, and this is where Edward would come home, so this is where I wanted to be.
Mrs. Cullen came home at about noon, telling us that Dr. Cullen had dropped her off and headed straight to the hospital. We still had no news of my father and hadn't heard from Edward or Jasper.
So we sat, we paced, we tried to eat, tried to nap, tried to do anything to distract us from reality. Esme put her arm around me at one point and said. "I know you're worried about your father. He can take care of himself. I'm sure he'll be fine." I think even she knew just how hollow her words were. My father was all I had. We hadn't heard a word from my mother since she left, and I had no other living relatives. Before last night, I relied on him for everything; my home, my protection, my comfort, my confidence and my happiness. I knew I had Edward now, and my feelings would eventually shift to him, but it was all so new, and no matter what happened between me and Edward, my father would always be my father. My constant. My rock. My touchstone.
But that didn't mean I was thinking about Edward any less than I was thinking about my father. That Edward and I had declared ourselves just last night, and now he was in harms way, tore at my soul. So much time wasted, so much time to live with the pain of his absence should anything happen to him. Every minute without word of my father or Edward ate away at me.
We listened to the radio, but reports were so sporadic that almost everything was retracted soon after it was reported. The house phone didn't stop ringing, but more often than not, the people on the other end were seeking information, not providing it.
We heard a jeep come up the drive at about 5:00. When we got to the door, I saw none other than Vice Admiral William Pye. He was a good friend of my father's and had been to our home many times. He was also the second in command at Pearl Harbor.
When he stepped out of the jeep and looked at me, I knew my father was dead.
x-x-x-x
Charlie died on the Arizona, along with untold others. The ship was hit with an armor piercing bomb which penetrated an ammunition compartment, blowing the ship apart and sinking it within seconds. They had already recovered his body.
I didn't cry. I couldn't. The loss of my father was the loss of everything I had and everything I had ever known.
I had no father, no family, and no home.
The loss was too devastating for mere tears.
x-x-x-x
When the door opened at midnight and Edward strode through, I was too relieved to do or say anything. I simply stared as his mother ran up to him and hugged him, followed by Alice. I took in his appearance. He had soot on his face and clothes, his pants were ripped, his hair was in complete disarray, and he was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen.
He endured the hugs from his mother and sister, told Alice that Jasper was fine and heading home, but he never took his eyes from me. When they stepped back from him, he took 3 long strides towards me, lifted me, and took me in his arms. He held me tight and whispered in my ear, "I'm so sorry. I'll give you a home. You won't be alone, I promise." I had been wrong when I thought there was nothing in the world that made me feel as safe as a hug from my father. That was before I had Edward.
I sobbed into Edward's chest, overwhelmed with the emotions of the day; the sadness at the loss of my father, the relief at seeing Edward alive and whole, his promise of our future together. He took me to the couch, gently put me on his lap, and held me while I cried. He whispered softly in my ear, gently telling me how proud my father was of me, how he had given his life in service to his country, how lives were saved because of him. At one point, I heard Mrs. Cullen start to question Edward, but he gently rebuked her. I think she and Alice left the room soon afterward.
Even after I stopped crying, I didn't want to get up. Edward's arms felt so strong around me and he smelled so good, even through the soot and grime of the day. Also, getting up would mean facing reality. My father's death, Mrs. Cullen and Alice's reaction to what they saw between Edward and me, the fact that our country was at war, and that Edward would most likely be fighting in that war very soon. I didn't know when Edward would be leaving to fight the war, but I knew in my heart that he would. I decided right then that I would take care of Edward and enjoy the time we had together, and not wallow in the things that made me sad. I knew I was in denial, but there would be plenty of time to deal with the emotional wreckage left behind by the death of my father after Edward was gone.
Mrs. Cullen came back into the room sometime later, followed by Alice, and I reluctantly removed myself from Edward's embrace and moved to sit next to him. I wanted to hear about his day, about the things he had seen and how it had affected him, but I wanted to wait until we were alone.
We held hands on the couch as Alice and Mrs. Cullen sat across from us. Edward told us the basics about what he saw when he and Jasper got to the base that morning, but his tale was emotionless and I knew he was holding back. I determined that I would get him alone later, no matter the consequences. So much had changed for me in the past 24 hours, and I needed Edward now more than I had ever needed another person. I could tell from the sideways glances that he kept shooting my way that he needed me, too, and I would do everything in my power to be his constant.
Edward eventually yawned and excused himself to go upstairs and take a bath and go to bed. Surprisingly, he grabbed my hand and took me with him. I know I blushed, but Mrs. Cullen just looked at our clasped hands and smiled. Things certainly had changed.
We went up to Edward's room where he sat me on the edge of the bed and knelt in front of me. He took my hand and kissed it.
"I have to go clean up. There are so many things I want to tell you and talk to you about. Will you stay with me tonight?"
I swept a lock of hair out of his eyes and cupped his cheek. "Of course I will." I wanted to ask about his mother's reaction to me spending the night, but if he wasn't worried, then I would let it go. He kissed me lightly on the lips, then grabbed some clothes and went to the bathroom.
I made my way to the guest room to get my nightgown and ran into Alice on my way back.
"Bella, I had no idea. When did this happen?" I didn't really want to get into it, so I decided to answer her, but keep it short.
"Last night, Alice. Look, I'm really tired, can we talk tomorrow?" She looked disappointed, but she also looked as exhausted as I felt. Suddenly, she noticed the nightgown in my hand for the first time.
"Bella, what are you...? Are you sleeping in Edward's room?" She looked absolutely mortified.
I didn't feel like I needed to explain myself to her. "Alice, Edward and I have a lot to talk about tonight. Let's leave it at that." It came out harsher than I meant it to, but this wasn't some schoolgirl crush to be giggled about at a sleepover. I lost my father and I was about to send the man I love off to war. This wasn't child's play anymore, and for the first time in my life, I felt like an adult.
Alice and I bade each other good night and I went to Edwards room to change and wait for him to finish his bath.
When he came back in, with wet hair and dressed in sweats and a t-shirt, I was laying on my side in the middle of his bed. Without a word, he crawled into bed, wrapped himself around me, and cried. I held him as tightly as I could, kissed his hair, and whispered soothing words to him. I realized that as much as circumstance was forcing us to grow up, we were still children in some ways. I felt like I wouldn't be able to say that for much longer.
I held him as I whispered words of solace in his ear. About how proud I was of him, of how proud his parents were of him, and how proud Charlie would have been of him. I talked about our future; about a home and babies and vegetable gardens and family picnics on the beach. I think my words consoled me as much as they did him.
His tears eventually subsided, and we moved so we were on our sides, looking at each other.
He took my hand, prolonging our contact. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be, please, Edward. I'm here for you now." He sighed and kissed my hand. He told me about the true horror of what he had seen at Pearl Harbor during the attack. The men screaming, fire engulfing their bodies, his attempts to save drowning men from the water, the smell of burning flesh that he would never be able to forget. He saw men die in front of him; no wonder he cried.
"Bella, I want to fight in this war. After what I saw today, there's no way I can't. Those men need to be avenged, your father included, and I need to feel like I'm doing something. Can you understand that?" I felt fresh tears sting my eyes as I nodded. He was going, and even though everything in me wanted to beg him to stay, I wouldn't try to stop him.
"I spoke to some people after things calmed down today. We'll be at war tomorrow, and since I've already been accepted at Annapolis, they think I should get over there as soon as possible." I waited, knowing he wasn't finished yet. The tears continued to fall, and he wiped them from my cheeks with the most tender of touches.
"Bella, the Navy lost a lot of men today, and they need to be replaced. My training will be fast-tracked, and I'll be ready in six weeks. It won't be a full education, but I can always go back after the war." He moved his eyes from mine, and almost whispered, "I leave tomorrow."
It took me a minute to process his words, and when I did, I shook my head and tried to pull away from him, my tears become full on sobs.
He pulled me back to him, enveloping me in his arms as he spoke softly into my ear. "No, Bella. You listen to me. I love you. We will get through this. I need you to believe that; I need you to believe in me. Please. I can't do this without you."
He pulled away from me, but only enough to take my face in both of his hands. "After the six weeks, I'll get 5 days leave. I'm sure my mother can put together a wedding in six weeks. Please say you'll marry me, Bella. I need to know I have you waiting for me. We can get married here at the house, or on the beach; whatever you want."
He was being ridiculous, so I shook my head no. He looked momentarily surprised, then I saw tears well up in his eyes, "Please, Bella..."
I put my finger over his lips to silence him. "If we get married in Hawaii, you'll waste a whole day traveling here, and a whole day back, and I'm already going to have a tragically short honeymoon. I'll come to you at Annapolis." Then something occurred to me. "Oh, maybe we could meet in New York, it wouldn't take you nearly as long to g-" He cut me off with a kiss, and I could feel his smile.
"Is that a yes?" He asked as he pulled away from me.
"Of course I'll marry you. Why on earth would you ever th-" Again, my thought was cut off with a kiss, but this one lasted quite a bit longer. All I could think while he was kissing me was, I'm going to marry Edward Cullen. He's going to be my husband, and I'll be his wife. Edward's wife. And I'll have a honeymoon.
All of my thoughts were tempered by the fact that Edward would soon be heading off to war, but I tried to focus on the positive. He was mine, and I was his, and even if our time together was short, it was more than I ever imagined I would have.
Eventually we stopped kissing and laid on our sides facing each other, hands clasped together.
"I love you, Bella"
"I love you, Edward"
I fell asleep like that, my legs entwined with his, holding hands, Edward's slow breathing lulling me into sleep.
When I woke it was still dark, Edward's face inches from mine. It took me a moment to realize where I was and for the events of the day to come back to me. Edward looked wide awake and a little uncomfortable.
"Can't you sleep?" I asked, my voice gravelly from sleep.
"No, I haven't slept yet."
I moved closer, wanting to offer him comfort. "What's wrong?" As my body came in contact with his, I felt exactly what was wrong. Edward practically flew across the room, embarrassed at his aroused state, but I was more than a little curious.
"Edward, come back to bed." If I was going to share a bed with him, we had to learn about each other eventually. No time like the present.
"I can't. You're just so beautiful and sexy and close to me. Maybe I should go sleep in the guest room." He looked so incredibly shy and unsure as he turned for the door, so unlike the Edward I was used to seeing.
"Edward, come here. Don't be embarrassed. Please." I held my hand out, willing him to come to me. Reluctantly, he moved back towards the bed and sat on the edge. I pulled him until he was lying next to me, my hand on his arm, but he was stiff and not in the least bit relaxed. I had heard Jessica Stanley talking at school about something she did in the back seat of Mike Newton's car, and I wondered...
"Edward," my hand moved slowly across his arm and down his stomach, "maybe I could help." I couldn't look at him, but as my hand lightly touched his hardened length, he groaned loudly.
"Bella... what?" I continued to touch him, not really knowing what I was doing, but enjoying his reaction.
"Show me, Edward."
"God, Bella, I want this so much...but... I don't want you to fe-"
"Shh, Edward, just show me. I want to." He moved his hands to his sweatpants, and slowly moved them, and his underwear, down his legs so he was bare before me. He took my hand and placed it on him, groaning at he contact. He put his own hand on top of mine and started to stroke up and down. He let go, and I grasped him in my hand, marveling at how soft the skin was, but how hard it felt, and how big it was.
I noticed a small bead of moisture at the tip, and wiped it with my thumb. This elicited a strangled moan from deep in his throat.
"Bella...my God...Bella...oh...please...Bella..." He continued to chant my name, as he rocked his hips in time with my movements, and it made me feel bold.
"Please what, Edward?" He seemed almost incapable of speech, but groaned a response that I had to strain to hear.
"Please, don't stop...Please, Bella, it feels so good."
I had no intention of stopping. I loved the feel of him in my hand, I loved the way he said my name, dripping with desire and want, and I loved that I could make him feel like that. Finally, he grew impossibly harder in my hand as I stroked him, cried out my name, and finished in my hand. He immediately took me in his arms, and I felt his heart pounding in his chest.
"God, Bella, that was...thank you."
His gratitude made me giggle. "You're welcome. Think you can sleep now?"
He nodded his head, pulled me to his chest, and let out a long sigh. "I don't know what I would do without you now. You mean everything to me."
Sleep took us both this time, and mine was dreamless.
x-x-x-x
I was awakened by feather light kisses on my face and sunlight streaming through the windows. I opened my eyes to find a fully-clothed Edward in bed with me, smiling and looking as gorgeous as ever. I sighed in contentment until the events of yesterday came crashing down on me. My father was dead, Edward was leaving, and the country was at war. I grabbed Edward and brought him down to me in a hug, needing the strength he gave me in order to face the day. He rolled us over so I was lying on top of him as he stroked my back, knowing exactly what I needed.
"My father came home early this morning, so I went to go talk to him and my mom about everything that we discussed last night." I turned to look at him, curious as to how the conversation went. "They're not thrilled that I'm leaving so soon, but they understand. Dad is making arrangements for me to get my diploma from the high school, and mom is out shopping for everything I'll need while I'm away."
More than anything, I was nervous about their reaction to our relationship. I loved Edward, and there was nothing that would keep me from him, but I craved their approval as much as I would have craved my father's. Although I knew, somehow, that he would be happy to know that I was with Edward. "Do they know that I spent the night in your room?" He knew I wasn't only referring to last night, but also the fact that we were planning to get married.
"They do." He kissed me on the tip of my nose as he continued to stroke my back. "I can't say that they weren't a little concerned, but they didn't seem to care as much after I told them we were getting married. Things have changed dramatically in the last twenty-four hours, and we're all adjusting." I cuddled closer to him, knowing he spoke the truth, but wanting to keep life simple for a little longer.
"Stay here, I want to get something." Edward released me, got up from bed and walked over to his dresser. He opened the top drawer, took something out, and walked back to me. He knelt by the side of the bed, his forearms resting on the white sheets. I couldn't see what he was holding, but my curiosity was certainly piqued.
"Do you remember when we were seven, and we bought each other rings at the Five and Dime?" He looked up at me and I nodded in acknowledgment. "And then when we were 12 and I told you I didn't want you to come to my birthday party. Do you remember that?" Again, I nodded.
He held my ring between his thumb and index finger, a small smile playing on his lips. I was too stunned to speak.
"Bella, you broke my little twelve year old heart when you sent this back to me. I don't have a proper ring for you yet, so I thought I'd put this back where it belongs until I can get you one." He took my hand and put the small silver band on my left ring finger. It was tight (it had been huge on me at seven), but the small amount of discomfort was more than worth it. "I tried mine on, but it doesn't even fit on my pinkie." He reached under the collar of his shirt and pulled out a thin silver chain. On the chain was his ring. "I don't think they'll let me wear it during the day at Annapolis, but I'll have you close to me every night."
I reached over and kissed him as a tear escaped my eye. He loved me, I loved him, and maybe that would be enough. Maybe we could get through our time apart and come out stronger on the other end.
He pulled away and took my hand. "I leave early tonight. Why don't you get up and have some breakfast, then I thought I would take you over to your house to help you pack up some stuff." I immediately shook my head, knowing that as much as he was the only person I wanted with me when I faced my father's death, I had to let him go before I could even think about my father. I could only handle one thing at a time. I sat up to look at him.
"Not today. I want you with me when I do it, but that's not how I want to spend our last few hours together. I'll go with Alice later in the week." He was about to argue, but I cut him off. "Please, it's what I want."
He reluctantly nodded. "Okay, Bella." He smiled and kissed the palm of my hand. "So how would you like to spend our time together?" He had a wicked smile on his face, which made me blush as I thought about what we did last night.
"What do you think?" I smiled at him, wanting nothing more than to crawl back into bed with him and never leave. He pulled me on top of him again and kissed me. I could feel the now familiar ache of desire beginning to stir in me, and I knew exactly how we would be spending our morning.
We kissed, undressing each other slowly, worshiping each others bodies. As I lay naked before him, he kissed every inch of my body until I felt like I would explode from the sheer pleasure of it. His lips and tongue teased me for what seemed like hours, until I was about to beg him to touch me where I ached the most. When he put his mouth on the sensitive spot between my legs, I screamed out in surprise; I thought momentarily that I didn't even know that people did that to each other, and about the ways in which I could return the favor. All thought was quickly banished though, as Edward's tongue danced along me. I moaned incoherently and moved my hips in time with Edward's mouth, losing every bit of propriety I had left in order to achieve my release. As I felt my control slip and my orgasm overtake me, I screamed Edward's name so loudly that I was sure Edward's parents or Alice would come running to see what was wrong with me.
As I came down and my breathing slowed, Edward was on top of me, laying with his forearms on either side of my head, our foreheads touching.
"Bella..." Then I felt it. He was impossibly hard against my thigh, and I knew what he wanted.
"Yes, Edward. Please..."
His hands stroked the hair away from my face, and he looked at me with such love in his eyes. How could I deny him, or me, the pleasure our bodies created together? "You're sure?"
"I've never been more sure of anything in my life. I love you so much. I'm ready."
"It's going to hurt, but only the first time."
I smiled at him and his concern. "I know, and it's okay." I had held Edward in my hand last night, and was positive it would hurt. He was so large that I barely got my hand around him. How could it not hurt when he put himself inside me?
I felt him at my entrance, and he pushed forward slightly, partially entering me. He groaned at the contact, just as I tensed. I didn't know exactly when the pain would come, so I was bracing myself.
"You are so wet. My God, this feels incredible." His voice was strained, but the look in his face held nothing but love. He pushed forward again, more forcefully this time, and I immediately knew why. Pain surged through me as a tear coursed down my cheek. Edward looked at me, a horrified look on his face.
"No, no, no. Please don't cry." He moved to get up, but I stopped him.
"Edward, it's fine. I'm feeling better already." He looked at me, doubt etched in his features. I had to convince him that I was all right, so I arched my back and pushed my hips forward slightly, causing him to groan and drop his head to my shoulder. It still hurt, but it also felt right, like this was supposed to be. Like we were made for each other in every way.
He moved slowly at first, allowing me time to adjust to his size. Soon I was able to move with him, and as our hips started to rock together, the pain decreased and the pleasure began to build.
"Bella...I'm going to...I'm so sorry..." His face looked pained.
"Shh...it's okay..." I knew that he was close, and that I wouldn't achieve my own release, but I was beyond caring. We had shared so many beautiful experiences over the past 2 days, and this was no exception. It would be beautiful no matter what.
"Oh, Bella," he sobbed as he came.
He wrapped his arms around me and whispered in my ear, "I'm sorry you didn't...you know." We just made love and he was being shy?
"Silly, Edward. It was my first time. Plus, you have our whole honeymoon to make it up to me." I smiled at him, but my heart clenched, knowing that he was leaving in a few hours, and that out time together was so short.
"I will make it up to you." He kissed my cheeks, my forehead, my chin and the tip of my nose, and I wondered how I would survive the next six weeks without feeling this.
We got out of bed, cleaned up and headed downstairs. We made lunch and ate together listening to the news on the radio. It seemed likely that we would declare war on Japan soon, as President Roosevelt was scheduled to speak to Congress that very evening.
Dr. and Mrs. Cullen came home soon after we finished lunch. The high school had agreed to give Edward his diploma early, and flight arrangements had been made. Edward would be leaving at 7:00 that evening for the mainland, and would be in Maryland by tomorrow morning.
Edward, Mrs. Cullen, and I spent the remainder of the afternoon packing Edward's things, mostly in silence. Dr. Cullen had gone back to the hospital and would pick us up later to take Edward to the airport.
When Dr. Cullen pulled up to the front of the house later that evening, my heart sank. How could I let him go when I just found him? It wasn't fair, and I felt like I wanted to stamp my foot and scream at the sky for everything that had been taken from me. But then I caught Edward looking at me, and knew that I had to be strong for him. He had to go, and I had to let him. I knew in my heart that if I asked, begged, pleaded with him to stay with me, he would. But I couldn't ask; what he was about to do was more important than me, than us.
I plastered a smile on my face as we headed to the car hand in hand. Edward and I sat in the back with Alice, who had said goodbye to Jasper earlier in the day. He and Edward would be traveling together, which eased my mind some.
We all walked with Edward to the base of the stairs that led to his plane, and to my undoing. Knowing what was coming, I was shaking as he said goodbye to Alice and his parents, tears streaming down my face. I was trying so hard to be strong for both of us, but I was failing miserably. He took my hand and led me away from the crowd so we could say goodbye without being overheard.
He took me in his arms and I buried my face in his neck, sobbing almost uncontrollably. What would I do without him now? Even after our week together, he would be going to war. He would constantly be in danger. He could be taken away from me forever.
"Bella, Bella. Please, don't cry. I'll see you soon and I'll write every chance I get. Please, Bella." He held me tighter, and gently stroked my back until an officer came by and told him it was time to get on the plane.
He took my face in his hands and kissed me sweetly on the lips. "I'll see you in New York in six weeks. I can't wait for you to be my wife."
I kissed him back, hoping he could feel all the love I had for him in that simple act. "I love you, Edward."
"I love you too, Bella." He gave me one last kiss and headed for the stairs. At the top step, he turned to me. "Six weeks."
He boarded the plane, and we watched it taxi and fly away, taking my life with it.
Six weeks.