Chapter 1
Carson collected a tray and grabbed his lunch, only to be confronted with a choice; sit by Rodney McKay, the one person he had come to realised he was lusting after these past few months, or his on/off girlfriend, Laura Cadman. He sighed and walked over to the latter's table.
"Hello love."
"Carson, how are ya?"
"I'm good thank you Laura."
Across the room Rodney glanced up from a file and caught Carson's glance, who stiffened slightly but continued to talk with Laura Cadman. Rodney went back to reading his file though his mind was still fixed upon Carson. The doctor's presence had been increasingly distracting though Rodney knew nothing would come of it.
Carson was with Laura. A twinge of anger surged every time he thought of her; the way she'd controlled his body and used it for her own pleasure, to mess things up with Katie Brown and to show her feelings for Carson in 'his' body. Rodney shivered at that thought but moved it into the corner of his mind. He finished his meal and quickly left the couple to their lunch. Carson caught the scientist leaving out of the corner of his eye and his heart sank, but he showed no emotion on the surface… this was going to get difficult, yet he continued to try and listen to Cadman's story, nodding in all the right places. It was a skill he'd learnt quickly.
X X X X
Everyone bustled in through the many doors of the briefing room to watch Dr Carson Beckett's presentation on a drug to make the Wraith humans. As always Radek and Rodney were the last ones to enter and Elizabeth rolled her eyes as they came through.
"Come now Elizabeth you should understand Radek and I are very important around here and will be late to these things," Rodney said bluntly as he raised his hands towards the screen. All Dr. Weir could do was sigh and began the presentation.
"Now that everyone is here," she began, making a point of glancing towards the scientists, who were taking their seats, "Dr. Beckett has made a step further towards our plan of trying to change the Wraith into a less fearful population of beings."
Carson rose from his seat and moved to the front where the screen was. "Thankya' Elizabeth. As you're aware, after Col. Sheppard's unfortunate experience, we discovered the insect DNA that is related to the Wraith. With the research I gathered off Hoff I have been able to isolate the specific DNA sequence triplets in the Wraith DNA."
Rodney was only half concentrating on Carson and his ideas. The rest of him was doodling small zedpm's on his paper. The sound of Carson's voice echoed in his mind, as it grew louder.
"We are able, or I'm hopeful at least, that we can mutate the genes or even repress them. This in turn would cause the Wraith to revert to their human nature."
Teyla's expression became concerned. "Dr. Beckett may I ask what will happen to them once they have reverted to human form?"
"They would be monitored and may need to have a booster to stop the reversion process from breaking down and them becoming Wraith again."
Rodney cleared his voice, "And would they have knowledge that they were once Wraith or not? Where would they stay? Can't keep them on Atlantis like cattle, perhaps a local planet?"
"McKay you feeling alright, you sound like you have sympathy for them?" John quipped from the other end of the table. Rodney stiffened his back and was about to begin his defence, except Teyla responded instead.
"Dr. McKay has a valid point. Would we still treat them like an enemy or our prisoners? They would need to live a life with freedom surely?"
"Teyla they're Wraith! Why do they need freedom?" John questioned.
Before Teyla could reply Rodney answered for her. "Because they would be technically human when we are finished manipulating their genes and finished treating them like low life! How much of a god would you like to be Sheppard?" he snarled. He looked at Carson and Elizabeth before he continued his tirade.
"As much as it delights you to play God Colonel, after making them human how easy will it to be to integrate them with 'real' humans? Don't you think people will be wary of them; that a lack of bonding and friendship would occur? They will feel like outsiders battling to get into the 'in' crowd, searching for acceptance." Rodney gasped for breath. He noticed everyone in the room was staring at him, making him even more uncomfortable.
"Rodney are you well? I've never seen you so passionate about anything other than zpm's?" Elizabeth cautiously asked. Rodney wasn't sure if she was serious or had just spent too much time around Sheppard.
"I'm sorry to disappoint Elizabeth. Well if this is the response I get from my constructive ideas then I will just go." With that Rodney pushed his chair back, grabbed his work and stormed out. The briefing room doors opened politely for him, leaving Carson to watch him disappear down the corridor before looking round the room at the equally surprised faces of Elizabeth and the rest of the team.
Carson knew immediately he had to find out what was wrong. "Excuse me," he said apologetically to the room before he too left via the doors. He followed the trail of irritated people, always a good indicator that Rodney McKay had been through.
He arrived at the lab to see the door slid shut just ahead of him. He entered the room to find a lonely scientist muttering while staring at their computer
"McKay hasn't come through here has he?"
"Oh Dr. Beckett no sorry," the man replied as he looked up from the screen, "although he has devised a way of making the lab door open and close on its own… try his quarters," he suggested hopefully when he saw the doctor's face fall. "Ummm Dr. Beckett," he added quickly as Carson turned to leave, "it might not be anything but he has been more quiet recently and that is worse than a loud McKay. But please don't tell him that or I'll never live again!"
Carson chuckled and nodded, "Aye lad I won't say a thing. Thank you again." Carson retreated from the lab and continued his way to Rodney's quarters. He knocked twice but when he heard nothing he slid his palm over the panel to open the door and stepped inside.
Looking around the room he saw Rodney's doctorates hung proudly on the wall; Carson sniggered slightly when he saw the photograph of Rodney's smirk in a photo of him holding his PHD. But there was something Carson noticed about the photo, something that Rodney normally hid: his eyes. Behind the protective glass they were bright and glistening, full of life and achievement. Carson continued to look for Rodney and found him on the balcony. When Rodney turned to see who was there, Carson noted that his eyes dim and shaded.
"Rodney are you alright?"
Rodney seemed to try and ignore him by turning back to the ocean
"Just fine," he said eventually. "Why are you here Carson?"
"I wanted to make sure you were alright."
"Well I am so you can get back to your meeting."
Carson stepped closer. "Rodney please, ya can talk to me as a friend or as your doctor."
Rodney turned and leaned against the railings. He sighed as he folded his arms across his chest. "Carson what gives us the right to mess with the genetic make-up of the Wraith? As the Wraith we can kill them because they want to suck every last drop of nutrients, but we have our humanity, right? If they're humans are you or the others willing to kill them like before?"
Carson was utterly confused. "Where has this come from? I thought you of all people would want to stop the Wraith from killing any of us."
"But at what expense? We're not God Carson, we did it before and look where that got us, half a population dead, remember? Perna died for nothing."
Carson suddenly seared with anger and slapped Rodney. "Don't you dare! Don't you think I ever forget her and that planet! It haunts me everyday. That's why everything needs to be planned meticulously before going ahead." Carson walked a few paces away from Rodney. "It would only be one Wraith in the beginning, to see the effects and then take it from there," he reasoned. "There may be too many problems for the idea to be successful anyway… He paused his explanation as he realised this was Rodney's way of keeping the conversation away from the true matter. "Rodney you've never behaved like this before, what's changed?" he pressed again.
Rodney held his cheek, which burned from Carson's slap and the thought of his touch.
"Nothing…" he said, though not convincingly. "I have…thought I had…I wanted to, but here there is always some kind of problem so we end up screwing morals. I've just had enough of it. But then when does anyone care what I think? As long as I can pull off some brilliant scheme to save the crew here then people will tolerate me." He sighed again and rubbed his temples. "I can't help wishing I could call you, or anyone here, friends, but I can't can I? When's my birthday? The name of my cat? My sister's name? My favourite sci-fi show?"
Carson smiled, not the reaction Rodney was expecting at all. "April 18th 1968, Jeannie is your sister, Dr Who and I'm sorry but I don't recall you telling me your cat's name."
Rodney just looked stunned and straightened himself slightly against the railings. "You listened to me?" he said quietly.
"Of course I have," Carson said, trying to suppress a blush he could feel forming on his cheeks. "But Rodney, when did this become you believing you have no friends from talking about reverting Wraith to humans?"
Rodney's quiet nature changed like an impending storm. "This has nothing to do with me does it? You're more concerned that I'm going to cause trouble for the experiment with Elizabeth isn't it? Because I don't like the idea you're trying to win me over!"
Carson's face paled and Rodney's body chilled from the winds that rushed over the balcony. He quickly moved back inside not wanting to look at Carson anymore, but the doctor followed. "Och Rodney what are ye talking about? You've never been fond of the Wraith yet now you seem to want them to stay Wraith. As for me, how could you expect me to be that smug?"
"Carson just leave me alone!"
"Rodney please, I don't see how one briefing can make you so angry and bitter! I'm sorry that you can't see me as a friend, although your glances recently say a lot more than friendship."
Rodney looked up from the floor; his pinked cheeks tingled from the thought of Carson's small and firm hand against his skin. But he wasn't going to admit his feelings that easily. "Glances? What glances?" he shot back, "Carson you're talking nonsense now. Just leave me alone and go and do your experiment." Rodney walked to the door and opened it. He stood there with arms folded until Carson finally got the hint and left.
After Carson had left, Rodney stared around his room looking for something to comfort him. Again he rubbed his cheek, even though the tingling sensation had since stopped. Rodney checked in the mirror for any permanent marks, but there wasn't. He moved to his bed and threw his earpiece towards his desk and just watched as it skimmed off onto the hard floor. He delved deeper into today's events and they made him shudder involuntarily. Shaking his head he lay on his bed, rolling on his side and hoping that sleep would take away all the emotions that were flowing through him.