A/N: Hello everyone, I have been writing fanfics for quite some time, but this is my very first time at attempting to write for Law and Order: SVU. I have always been in love with the show. And while catching up recently I just came to love Barba. Especially his relationship with Olivia. And after watching the last two episodes I had to write this.

For now it's a one-shot as intended. But if people would like, I could write more. So let me know what you think!

This story has not been checked by a beta, so my apologies for any mistakes!

I don't own Law and Order: SVU!

"Trust, once lost, could not be easily found. Not in a year, perhaps not even in a lifetime."
~ J.E.B. Spredemann

Her belongings were back in place, exactly where they always belonged. But it wasn't just her belongings. She was back too. She was back where she belonged.

The squad room had cleared out and was now dimly lit. Just hours earlier the detectives had left. And even though she had been invited for celebratory drinks, she just needed time to herself. Time to reevaluate all that had happened.

She sat down in the chair behind her desk. Her elbows came to rest on the solid wooden surface. She closed her eyes as her hands pushed her hair back in relief. For a moment she breathed in and out calmly, trying to get over the panic that had been instilled in her when she had been transferred out of SVU. She was mostly definitely relieved, but that didn't erase what had happened. The accusations against Tucker, her own career jeopardized, and then there was the drift with Barba. They were friends. On occasions she considered him to be a great friend. They had shared drinks after work, had been there through rougher situations. She had expected more from him. Maybe it was unfair, unjustified even, but he was someone she had always trusted easily. He fought with passion to get justice, no matter the obstacles. She had always been inspired by him, in ways she couldn't describe.

But now. Now she no longer knew what she felt. Whether it was betrayal or hurt, she didn't know. Her judgment was clouded by the too many questions racing through her head. So she decided to put Barba out of her head for a while.

But then as if by magic, she heard a pair of footsteps coming into the direction of her office. She opened her eyes and lifted her head up to spot the late night visitor. With a heavy sigh she took notice of Barba walking towards her office determinedly. Apparently the universe had decided that she had to deal with her problems immediately instead of walking away from them, like she had planned. She stayed seated in her chair with her eyes adverted to the door, while waiting for him to step into her office.

Barba could see her looking back at him momentarily through the slight opening of her office door. He stopped in front of the office, opened the door and walked inside. He took immediate notice of the exhaustion and defeat displayed across her features. He closed the door behind him just in case of anyone else coming back to the squad room. After all that had transpired they had much to talk about. He feared that their once professional relationship, and perhaps even their friendship, was now threatened by his conduct.

''It is good to see you back where you belong, lieutenant.'' he greeted in almost a whisper. ''Can we talk?'' he asked carefully, hoping for Olivia to respond positively.

She finally locked eyes with him and just nodded. There wasn't much for her to say. She couldn't put into words what she felt. ''So we can finally talk?''

''I had a feeling I might find you here.'' he replied, ignoring her question blatantly. ''What are you doing here at this time?''

She sat up in her chair calmly, watching as he sat down in the chair across from her desk. ''I had drinks with Ed and then decided to go home early, but I ended up here.'' she explained quickly. ''Better question is: what are you doing here, Barba?''

He cleared his throat, sitting straight up. As always he exuded his confidence, yet in that moment it didn't matter to him. He wanted to repair his relationship with one his friends, which he felt was obviously damaged, maybe even broken. He had to know how she felt. ''I want to clear up any misunderstandings we might have had, Liv.'' he said sincerely.

''It seems you and I have very different definitions of misunderstandings.'' she commented. Just like their last conversation she felt frustrated, almost angry even. She was keeping it just below the surface, but she wanted to let it all out. None of what had happened was fair. She was dragged down with Tucker only due to their relationship. And although it seemed worth it to stand by him, she had expected Barba out of everyone to respond differently than he had.

He nodded, realizing she wasn't going to be understanding of his choices or actions. That much was obvious from her lack of usual warmth and kindness. The conversation felt more difficult and distant than ever before. ''I don't what else I can say.'' he mumbled. ''Liv, we're friends. This shouldn't be a problem.''

''Barba,'' she began, trying to find the words to express her current state of mind. ''All I ever needed from you was to trust me. But you didn't.'' she told him, the sting of pain reaching its way to the surface. ''So what does that say about us?''

''Nothing.'' Barba insisted immediately. ''This was purely professional. I had my reasons for reporting your relationship with Tucker to 1PP.'' he reminded her.

Olivia rose from her chair and turned her back to Barba out of pure frustration. She turned back around with her arms folded across her chest. ''It's evident that I see things differently.'' she decided. ''I just wish you would've trusted me to handle the investigation and the allegations against Tucker.''

He shook his head in response. ''This had nothing to do with trust.'' he interjected. ''It is my obligation to report a conflict of interest when I'm aware of it. Liv, you are seeing someone I was investigating. It was my duty to inform 1PP.'' he continued on.

''Which nearly caused me my job, Barba!'' she remarked as she made a few steps to the right and back to the left out anguish.

Barba also rose from his chair. He approached Olivia carefully out of respect. He hated how things were between them. He couldn't stand that his duties as an ADA were now jeopardizing his friendship with her. She was one of the very few people he trusted, especially since all that the squad had been through in just the few years that he'd been with them. ''I never meant for that to happen!'' he assured. ''I would've been devastated if you had lost your job, Liv.'' he said compassionately.

A silence fell between them as they stood just a few feet apart. They gazed into each other's eyes, searching for the times when their jobs were easier. For times where they could get a drink after work to forget the horrors they faced on a daily basis. But standing there, both knowing that the case had severely damaged their trust in one another, was achingly painful. Unfortunately it was reality of their jobs, and neither could change it.

Olivia understood his duties as an ADA. She understood why he had to do it. It just didn't ease the pain, nor the betrayal. If anything she'd hoped that Barba would've trusted her despite his obligations. That hurt her the most. The lack of trust he had shown on his part, and it made her question their friendship, even their professional relationship. The guilt and pain she felt had started to transform into confusion and distrust.

It seemed to her that he didn't understand her feelings, or that he might even refused to understand. And that thought tore her apart. It made her question everything. How could he do this? Why wouldn't he listen? Didn't he care? Even after everything, she felt that she needed to know why. Despite this it became obvious to her that he had no answers to provide her with. No explanation would've made her feel better. Even though she wished things were different, he had shifted in her eyes. In a way she had lost respect for him, and that felt unforgiveable to her.

But as he took another step forward, she no longer felt the energy to push him away. All of a sudden she was exhausted. All the frustration had faded with the knowledge that no words would help either of them. So all she felt was numbness.

Once again she looked up. This time searching his face for something. Something familiar, maybe something comforting. Yet his eyes were filled with defeat, but also blame. To him, she was still the bad guy. The person who had hidden a relationship from her colleagues. So she reminded herself once more, that she couldn't make him understand. So she simply shook her head.

''It doesn't matter, Barba.'' she sighed briefly.

He came to a halt and for a moment looked at her questioningly, as if telling her he didn't believe her. ''Really?'' he demanded, reflecting pain and sorrow in his expression. ''Liv, I'm sorry.'' he whispered barely in a low tone.

Inwardly, she questioned: sorry for what? For hurting me? Instead of saying another word she moved past him, ready to leave her own office just to escape. But she was stopped by his strong hand taking a hold of her arm. The touch wasn't demanding. Instead it was soft, nostalgic even. She stopped from walking away and turned around gently, not knowing what his touch was supposed to mean. To her it felt like a silent plea for understanding, yet he still didn't say anything out loud.

She replayed his words once more. It was my duty. It was my obligation. As she stared back into his eyes, she could see it, they were not so different. She, just like him, would've done anything for her job. To do things right. The only heartbreaking difference between them was his refusal to acknowledge the consequences his actions had for her. And it had shaped a wall between them.

Barba knew that she was deep in thought just like him. Nothing seemed to help them. He took one last step forward, releasing his grip on her arm softly. He just stared up at her, looking for any sign that they were fine, but he couldn't find anything in her defeated expression. Ever so carefully, he lifted his hand to her shoulder and squeezed it comfortingly. He could almost swear he heard her release a shuddering breath at his touch. But instead of questioning her, he kept standing there, face to face, trying to live with how different their relationship was going to be.

Standing there across from him seemed to take forever. But deep down, she knew it couldn't be. With one last blink, she stepped away from him and left the unbearable silence of her office, not knowing what kind of future with him she'd be walking into the following day.