Author Notes: A very short one-shot, a lot of angst, reflexions. I wrote it quickly, while being slightly depressed. I am sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes.

Rating: PG

Pairings: None

Summary : If I am thinking, isn't is a proof that I am alive? Why am I able to sleep? Why am I able to eat? Is it because I am still alive? (Quotes from Gundam Seed OVA)

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Seed/Destiny.

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Reflexions to the Moon

What am I supposed to do ?

What should I do?

What am I ...?

I'm sitting, here, on a small wooden chair, gazing wearily at the sunshine. I can vaguely hear children laughing, full of life, of energy, of hope, everything that I had once, but now lost and forgotten, swallowed by the darkness.

What am I thinking about, you ask?

I don't know myself... Maybe I'm not thinking at all, maybe my mind is gone, maybe only my corpse is sitting there, alive but dead at the same time. Maybe I don't want to think, maybe I want to become numb, and fall into a silent and peaceful sleep.

But I can't, can I?

If I am thinking about that, isn't it the proof that I'm indeed there?

I am eating, sleeping, walking, then am I alive? Is it all there is into being alive?

My body lives but my spirit, my will, is dead... In the end, all I am doing is thinking in circle, in the end, the one question is always:

Why am I alive? Do I even have a right to live?

As as much as I want to believe that I'm dreaming, I am always painfully aware that the world around me is real. As if to prove that thought, I move my hand slowly to my half closed eyes, and take a deep breath. Fresh air mixed slightly with salt enters my lungs, and brings a false sense of life.

The sun has finally setted, letting place to a dark blue and cloudless sky, making its limit with the see blurred. A chilly wind blows softly, soundlessly; the world seems to have stopped. The pale Moon reflects with a silver shade on the see, its shadow moving at the same pace as the waves, which were crushing deafly on the beach.

I look wistfully at the sky, and more precisely at the space. So many happy memories... so many sad memories... All these feelings are kept safely in this secret realm. Unbidden. Unforgotten. My gaze shifts to the Moon, the place of childhood, the place of hapiness, the place I will never return.

I want to glare at the sky, I want to scream my heart out for all the injustice, for all that happened, or maybe... I only want to cry. But I am not able to. Not anymore. As much as I wanted to shed tears to release my feelings, I can't. Too many tears were already shed, so much unfairness, so much sadness, so much regrets. All I can do is stare, not even glare. Am I that dead to the world that I can't express anything?

My face burries in my hands for a slight moment, as my feeling of uneasiness threatens to swallow me again. I breath quietly. I must not show that weakness. I don't want them to worry. They will soon come. I can already hear them. But they will not say anything anymore. They have tried, they wanted to help, and at last decided to let go...Maybe they do not understand...no, they can't understand.

I look up once again at the Moon, my gaze lost in its beautiful pale light, questionning it silently, desesperately, once again, as if hoping for an answer in my head; before getting up, and waiting for them, an emotionless and distant look drawn in my face.

End?

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Author Notes: As I said before sorry if there are mistakes, or if there is no real logic in his thoughts, but I felt that it was kind of fitting to his state of mind. Anyway I hope you like it!

I still don't know if I am going to write a second part to this one. If there is, I think it will either focus on Athrun's discussion with Kira, inspired from the OVA, or on a Kira and Lacus encounter on his feelings. My main problem is who to chose: Athrun or Lacus? Lol ... So I might end up writing nothing...

For those who are reading my other fic, Another Path, Another Destiny, I am very sorry for the delay, I've got so much school work... I think I might still be able to update before the end of the month hopefully!

Reviews are always welcomed!