First things first.
I DON'T OWN SUPERNATURAL! ALL RIGHTS BELONGS TO THE RESPECTIVE OWNERS OF THE SHOW!
I admit it: I even lost some tears myself while writing this, since I am feeling pretty bad at the moment.
And I have no idea why. I am just still so worried about my mother and just the thought of losing her, tears my heart apart.
That's why I have written down some of my feelings here. Do I feel better now? No, not at all... *sighs*
I hate phases like this so much! Stupid, stupid depression...
We...I hope you like it and again sorry for grammer/spelling mistakes.
I translated this story from geman into english...
And i would apperciate feedback in the form of a comment very much!
Love can hurt so much
Love is known as the strongest power in the universe and it can give you so much pleasure that we think we would burst from it.
For the people you love, you would do anything; even go through hell and back again.
But love can also become one of the cruelest powers in this universe, because it can give you so much pain that you just want to die.
And it was exactly what Dean Winchester felt in the moment, when he stood in front of the fireplace in the living room with Bobby, Sam and the angel Castiel and looked into the flames. His eyes were fixed on the photo that got burned by the flames.
A photo, which showed him together with Bobby, Sam, Castiel, Ellen and Jo.
But Ellen and Jo were no longer beside him.
No, because they were dead.
Fallen in the fight against Lucifer and his Hellhounds…
They had sacrificed their lives for them, so Dean and his brother could continue to fight against the devil, because he had send his Hellhounds out to them and Ellen and Jo had sacrificed themselves in a huge explosion, so that the two brothers could live and could continue fighting against the evil in this world.
What they had done to Sam, Dean and Bobby, they couldn't know.
Not anymore...
The pain ran deep; deeper than everything Dean had ever felt.
It was a feeling which he had formerly felt when his father had died for him.
Ellen and Jo had become like his family in recent months.
Their death was the worst thing that could happen to him, because he had the feeling that just another piece of his heart was torn from his chest.
He kept his composure, because his pride forbade him to show feelings.
Therefore, he stood silently in front of the fireplace and looked blankly into the flames that slowly burned the photography.
He wanted to cry, but he held back his tears bravely.
He would cry; then, when he was all alone.
Neither Bobby nor his brother nor the angel should see how he collapsed under the tremendous weight on his shoulders and let his feelings out of him.
He didn't even feel any hatred.
There was only this all-consuming sadness in him that threatened to overwhelm him.
And it became even worse, when he thought back to the recent evening, where they all had had so much fun. They had drank, had laughed, just had fun, and now he stood here, in front of the fire and the last memory of Ellen and Jo was bursting into flames before his eyes.
First they took his mother, then his father and now even Ellen and Jo and inwardly he wondered already, who would be the next on death's list.
Just the thought of it made his heart clench and he had to bite the inside of his cheek to not burst into tears here and now.
"Dean…"
Bobby's voice reached his ears, sounded as if it would come from far away and yet the hunter turned his head to him, looking at him with such a blank stare that even Bobby was startled and the next words never left his lips.
Even Castiel and Sam looked at him; that he could feel in his neck, but they said nothing.
They could imagine how bad he felt and no words, neither in the language of humans, nor even of the angels, could help and comfort him in this situation.
When the photo was completely burned, Dean turned away from his family and walked slowly to the front door.
A little later he was gone.
No one followed him, for they all knew that he wanted to be alone now.
And no one could blame him for that.
Dean had been through the worst from all of them, had been in hell and when an angel had saved him, the next blow had hit him immediately afterwards, because the angels were constantly trying to force him to say "yes" to the Archangel Michael, so he could fight against Lucifer, the devil, in the last battle of Armageddon. And amid all of that, he had to watch how his friends and his family died and there was nothing he could do about it.
All this weighed heavily on his shoulders.
And that's why no one said a word, when the front door had closed and when Dean was now all alone.
He should have some time for himself, should cry and let all his grief out of him.
Yes, love could be the strongest power in the universe.
But it could also bring the greatest pain in the universe, when a loved one died.
And there was nothing you could do about it, which made love one of the cruelest powers made in the history of creation.
Dean Winchester felt it this evening, when he had arrived at his Impala and when the tears now began to run down his face...
The end