Summary: It hurt when he found out that his partner had cheated on him, yet the moron could still make him smile. NaruSasu/SasuNaru
Rating: T
Warnings: Possible language
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto
Keep Trying
He should have suspected something was wrong when the streetlamp started flickering like a warning signal. Though, that wasn't unusual in the big city of Konoha, and neither was seeing the streets full of life during the dead of night.
Sasuke had developed immunity to the sirens and yells that would ring out at all hours of the night. Thankfully, this was one of the safer neighbourhoods of the city-even with the constant ring of sirens and the chime of car alarms.
Yet, nothing seemed out of place that night, besides the muggy weather, which was a turnaround from the constant rain.
So when he reached his small apartment nestled between the dark alleys of the city, and noticed that his friend's car was parked just in front of the building, he still thought nothing of it. It wasn't unusual that Neji would ask to spend the night, seeing how he had family problems. Sasuke didn't care if the man stayed the night-he always took the couch anyway.
He brushed back dark locks of hair as he finally reached the crusted door, the numbers 212 hanging lopsided. He reached the handle and opened the door and saw his friend sitting solemnly on the couch.
Sasuke closed the door and dropped his wallet and keys on the kitchen counter. He knew his roommate was out for the night-the man worked late nights as a police officer. Rookies apparently got the shit list of shifts, so the man was always working graveyard shifts.
"Neji." Sasuke greeted casually.
Neji turned his lavender eyes to Sasuke, and he knew. Without having the older man even open his mouth, he knew. His heart fluttered painfully in his chest and he wanted to wipe that pitying look off the man's face or demand what the cause of it was.
He still sometimes wished he never found out.
"What is this?"
"How did you get my phone?"
"What. Is. This?"
"..."
"Is this true?"
"…yes."
"Get out."
"Please, lis-"
"Out. Now."
::o0o::
Sasuke Uchiha. Leave a message.
BEEP
Hey Sasuke, I just wanted to say good morning…Don't let me stop you from smiling.
xxXx
August 10th 2011 1:15pm
To: Sasuke Uchiha
Don't forget your lunch.
xxXx
Sasuke Uchiha. Leave a message.
BEEP
Good night Sasuke. I'm sorry.
::o0o::
Seven days without him and he was sure that he was losing his mind. He didn't realize how much he had become dependent on the man, how much he actually cared about him.
His chest constricted as he lay flat on the bed his eyes closed as he recalled the crestfallen expression on his face; the look that spoke about misery-heartbreak.
Sasuke shifted on his side and refused to open his eyes, already knowing that on the wall he was facing stood a picture. One of the two of them, back before everything happened-back when they were carefree and happy.
A week without Naruto and the pain hadn't gone away. 'Time heals all wounds' echoed through his mind, and he inwardly scuffed. He felt lied to. Time just made it bearable, he didn't think he could heal from this.
::o0o::
Sasuke Uchiha. Leave a message.
BEEP
Life is too short to be sad Sasuke. Especially over me.
xxXx
August 11th 2011 1:16pm
To: Sasuke Uchiha
I can feel you all around me. I hate myself.
xxXx
Sasuke Uchiha. Leave a message.
BEEP
You know you were always right about me: I'm an idiot. I was told you weren't sleeping, get some sleep?
::o0o::
The box was torturing his soul. He hoped that storing away the physical objects would keep the memories at bay, but he knew. He knew inside that box lay the silly trinkets and precious gifts he had received over the years. To get away, he would often find himself sleeping on the couch; away from the room with the living memories and especially away from that traitorous box. His bedroom screamed at him in the silence with mocking laughter that belonged to someone he thought he knew.
::o0o::
Sasuke Uchiha. Leave a message.
BEEP
I wish I could blame something, someone, for this. I can't.
xxXx
August 12th 2011 1:22pm
To: Sasuke Uchiha
I didn't mean to break your heart…or mine.
xxXx
Sasuke Uchiha. Leave a message.
BEEP
I love you, Sasuke.
::o0o::
The mirror was silently ridiculing him for losing his composure. An Uchiha never loses face even in the reality of a crumbling life. It was personal and should not affect the professional side to his life and it was downright cruel for his problems to follow him to work.
He clenched the sink, wanting to swirl down the drain with the water. To get lost in the sewer systems and be reborn again into a lake. Gossip was flying from mouths like a sick game of broken telephone, but this was about his life.
He should have warned his secretary to not let the redhead in. That his sanity relied on keeping his office Uzumaki-free, but instead with practice ease the man had wandered into his office with a serious expression that did not suit his demeanour.
What's going on between you and my brother?
::o0o::
Sasuke Uchiha. Leave a message.
BEEP
Good morning princess. Have a good day!
xxXx
August 13th 12:54pm
To: Sasuke Uchiha
You told me last week you were going to the festival. The fireworks are always great.
xxXx
Sasuke Uchiha. Leave a message.
BEEP
You're not sleeping are you? Do I have to sic Neji on you? I will, don't think I won't.
::o0o::
"Did you talk to him, yet?"
Sasuke glanced at her tiredly and shook his head, though he knew she already had the answer. She probably still talked to him.
"You know there's probably a reason." She shyly told and sighed; he could tell that she was grasping at straws. Everyone was, nobody seemed to want to just accept the fact that the moron who had sun shooting out of his ass had done something like this.
"Not a good enough reason." He countered and stared dismally into the black liquid that was his coffee. He hadn't been sleeping well at night and coffee had become his only true friend.
"You don't know-"
Sasuke stood and glared at her, his dark seemingly black eyes staring into her own dazzling green eyes. He placed his coffee on the small table and stared at her with hurt and disgust written on his face.
"There will never be a good enough reason for cheating, Sakura." He told her and turned around and left the café, not caring to pay for his coffee.
If she had the decency to bring this up, she was going to pay for his drink.
::o0o::
Sasuke Uchiha. Leave a message.
BEEP
I hope you smile today.
xxXx
August 14th 2011 12:40pm
To: Sasuke Uchiha
It's going to rain tonight. Be careful on the roads.
xxXx
Sasuke Uchiha. Leave a message.
BEEP
Good night. I miss you.
::o0o::
Nothing was working. He had tried every distraction in the book. He threw himself into work and soccer practice, even going as far as to purchase his schoolbooks early and reading the first chapter. Anything to not be alone with his own thoughts.
It wasn't fair.
The moron always sent him messages. Every single damn day, like a leech that wouldn't let him go. Wouldn't let Sasuke just breathe!
Hearing Naruto's tender voice warmed and cooled him. He loved that voice, but he had no right to talk-to make Sasuke listen to that voice when he had betrayed him. When he had the decency to sleep with…that person.
He ran a shaky hand through his hair, recalling the few messages he had gotten. Of course he remembered how they had met. He wasn't an idiot, but he hated the moron for bringing it up, for making him remember.
Even after breaking his heart he could make Sasuke want to smile again.
::o0o::
Sasuke Uchiha. Leave a message
BEEP
Good morning. I miss you
xxXx
August 15th 2011 12:48pm
To: Sasuke Uchiha
Do you remember how we first met?
xxXx
Sasuke Uchiha. Leave a message.
BEEP
I'm not worth wallowing about Sasuke.
::o0o::
The party was in full swing. Everyone had shown up, or so he was told. Sasuke could never tell, he only knew two of the people at the entire party: Neji and his cousin, Hinata. Since it was Neji's birthday he had hosted a pool party at his humble home.
Sasuke hated loud noises and he found himself alone most of the party. Everyone seemed to already know each other, some even attempted to introduce themselves to the stoic teen, but he hadn't cared. He was not a social animal.
He left the party deciding that the front porch could be his sanctuary. Unfortunately, another person was already there. He was about to turn heel and go find a different spot but was frozen in movement at that voice.
"The porch is big enough for both of us."
"Hn." He glanced at the teenager briefly before he shuffled over to the side railing and took a seat against it, stretching his legs in front of him and staring out at the rows of parked cars.
"Don't like loud parties I guess?"
Sasuke glanced at his companion. Blond sunshine hair that blinded him combined with blue endless eyes that lit up-for some reason. Sasuke felt his heart rate pick up and he turned away.
"No."
"Me either."
That was the day he met Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze.
::o0o::
Sasuke Uchiha. Leave a message.
BEEP
I will never let you go.
xxXx
August 16th 2011 1:03pm
To: Sasuke Uchiha
Want to know the moment I fell in love with you? You said life was long.
xxXx
Sasuke Uchiha. Leave a message.
BEEP
I wonder if you've even listened to these messages. Good night.
::o0o::
"You're out here again?" Naruto cheerily asked taking a seat on the steps leading up to the small townhouse.
Sasuke was at another party-where he didn't know many people. Thankfully there was some humour in it because Naruto was there as well. It had been a few long months since he saw the teen but he wasn't easily forgotten, much to his dismay.
He glanced at the tall figure and shrugged his shoulders lazily.
Naruto grinned, that shit-eating grin he was hallmarked for, and took a seat beside the Uchiha.
"You're out here as well." Sasuke pointed out with a smirk.
Naruto chuckled and shrugged his shoulders, "couldn't stand being in there any longer." He told truthfully and sighed, "fresh air always is the best cure for boredom."
Sasuke didn't answer and kept his eyes looking at the driveway of the small house. There were three cars squashed in on it, the black beat up car however was halfway on the grass.
"So how is life?"
He turned to look at Naruto and shrugged tiredly, "long."
"Long?"
"Long."
"That's the first time someone's every said life was just long. Usually I get a 'boring' or 'good' or 'life just sucks' answers. Never long." Naruto amusedly told, a hint of a chuckle threatening in his voice.
Sasuke blinked and leaned back, almost as though he was going to lay down on the wood porch. "Is that a problem?" he murmured out.
"No." Naruto responded softly, Sasuke noted his eyes filled with wonder and he thought it looked beautiful on him. Curiosity-like a child, pure and beautiful. "It's interesting."
"How?" he quirked an eyebrow and glanced at his companion, settling into a comfortable silence.
"Because I find you interesting."
::o0o::
Sasuke Uchiha. Leave a message.
BEEP
Did you know if you mix coffee with hot chocolate it's considered a mocha? I learn something new everyday
xxXx
August 17th 2011 12:55pm
To: Sasuke Uchiha
I want to hold you right now.
xxXx
Sasuke Uchiha. Leave a message.
BEEP
I know you spoke to Kyuubi. I'll tell you the same thing I told him, no. I won't give up on you…never.
::o0o::
Sasuke sighed as he glanced at his phone again. He turned the blackberry over in his hands, studying it and trying to mull over the thoughts that were spinning in his head.
He wanted to talk to Naruto.
His heart ached for an answer, for not even talking his once boyfriend. He had told him to leave his apartment after he found out - after Neji showed him, and he was starting to regret not having a fight. For not shouting and yelling at each other, for not demanding answers. He wanted answers…
He wanted to know.
Yet, he knew he couldn't decide. Probably couldn't handle any answers that he was given, but he still wanted them.
He spun the phone again in his hands, glancing at the wall in a daze. Everything felt numb, he had become numb. He hadn't even cried after the break-up. He refused to; even if he had four years of reasons to cry.
::o0o::
August 20th 2011 1:34pm
To: Naruto
7:00pm, Roading Park, the swings.
::o0o::
Sasuke could not remember if the drive home had always been agonizingly long or if he never noticed before. The cars in front of him were creeping forward before stopping and repeating the process. He silently believed that it was just a special traffic jam week.
Next week would be normal. Until then the radio would keep him company with the silent humming of car engines.
"- something so right doing the wrong thing. And-"*
That was just too damn happy sounding, and it didn't help that an image of a stupid moron clad only in boxers popped into his mind. Naruto loved that song and overplayed it to the point that Sasuke reluctantly knew the lyrics.
He flicked the channel.
"- together now. It's not a time to break."
It sounded too depressing, obviously a breakup song. Figures, that would be his luck. Another station was quickly decided on.
"- believe. But, baby, I'm relieved. When you said goodbye my whole world-"
Flip.
"Your freak show keeps me coming, yeah. Take control, please. Own me. Only love can sav-."
Angrily he turned the radio off and stared at the tail-lights of the car in front of him. That was better than music anyway.
::o0o::
Sasuke Uchiha. Leave a message
BEEP
I feel so alone without you.
xxXx
August 18th 2011 12:58pm
To: Sasuke Uchiha
I know you have a game today. I'm rooting for you from my couch. I'll always root for you.
xxXx
Sasuke Uchiha. Leave a message.
BEEP
Cheers, bastard
::o0o::
The night air was cooler than normal and he was thanking his roommate for pointing out that he should probably bring a sweater. He had grumbled but grabbed his black hoodie and left the house.
He was going an hour early, but he found that was more suitable. He wasn't going to wait for Naruto, even if the man was two minutes late.
No excuses.
He sighed as he zipped his hoodie up and made his way to the swings, dread and anticipation washing over him in waves. He wanted to know…yet he didn't. He didn't know what he wanted, but he wanted to see Naruto.
His body and his soul craved the man.
He took a seat on the empty swing and was thankful the park was thinning out as parents took their children home for the night. He just hoped no drug dealers were about to meet tonight-they seemed to prefer exchanging stuff at parks.
Sasuke rested his cheek on the cold metal, trying to keep his heart under control.
He knew this was a stupid idea, yet he still went. He still needed to know…needed to know what that bimbo had over him. Why Naruto felt the need to sleep with her, when he had a perfectly ready lover to help any sexual needs.
He closed his eyes and allowed himself to relax. He felt content here, alone in a dark park. As strange as that was.
::o0o::
Sasuke Uchiha. Leave a message.
BEEP
See me. Talk to me, I'll never talk to you again. Please…
xxXx
August 19th 2011 2:09pm
To: Sasuke Uchiha
Remember the day I kissed you?
xxXx
Sasuke Uchiha. Leave a message.
BEEP
Good night.
::o0o::
The alcohol smell was taking over all other smells in the room, which was especially concerning because it was coming from Naruto's mouth.
"How do you get your hair like that?" it wasn't slurred but held a twinge to it. "Hairspray!" and he fell into a fit of laughter and was slouching down into the couch.
"What possessed you to get drunk?" Sasuke sighed, glancing around the quiet house. He silently was thankful that his parents were dead to the world at night.
"Is...you know you're pretty." He reached a hand out and fell dramatically short of touching Sasuke's face.
"And you're drunk."
"Shhhhh!" the boy put his finger to his mouth and turned wild eyes around the living room. "People can hear you!"
"What people?"
Naruto checked frantically around and frowned, "where did they all go?" he scrunched up his nose in distress.
He kneeled down to his friend and placed both hands on his soft scared cheeks and kept them focused on his own face.
"They are asleep and you are drunk. Why did you go drinking?"
"Why what?"
"Why. Are. You. Drunk?" He reminded himself that if he ground his teeth together it was bad for his oral hygiene and could cause a headache.
"Oh!" The boy wiggled a bit but the hold on his cheeks was unrelenting. "I have to tell something to Sasuke!' The tone was urgent and his eyes held a tint of panic.
"Tell me what?"
"Sasuke!" The screech was happy but still loud and he refrained himself from covering the morons mouth with the palm of his hand. He was bound to wake up his family any minute now. "I needs to tell you, I think I love you! Wow that wasn't so hard. But wait wait...no I don't think it, I know it! I love you, I love you, I love you-"
Sasuke listened to Naruto repeating the words and feelings he had battled to ignore. He sighed and removed his hands from warm cheeks.
"Moron you need to stop."
"No, no! Wait," he grabbed Sasuke's sleeve and leaned closer. "I have to do something. Saku said it shows love." He grinned and before anything registered in the young Uchiha's brain there was sloppy wet lips against his own lips.
He pulled away angrily just as his friend erupted in a fit of uncontrollable laughter. This was not how he wanted his first kiss to Naruto to be.
"You won't remember this will you?"
A quick shake of a blond head.
"Promise you'll never drink again."
"Why?"
Sasuke stood up leaving his friend dazed, "because you're a stupid drunk." Mostly because he wanted Naruto to remember the kiss and not it become a drunken mistake.
::o0o::
Sasuke Uchiha. Leave a message.
BEEP
It's Friday, Friday. Gotta get down on Friday…!
xxXx
August 20th 2011 1:00pm
To: Sasuke Uchiha
I want to get drunk, but I'm keeping that promise.
xxXx
Sasuke Uchiha. Leave a message.
BEEP
Everyone keeps telling me to send you an email-seeing how you won't even acknowledge I exist. But I won't do that, you deserve the opportunity to hit me and I deserve the chance to at least tell you the story to your face. Don't you think?
::o0o::
"Sasuke."
He shot his head up at the voice and saw Naruto standing stiffly a few feet from the swing set.
God, he looked as gorgeous as the last day he saw him. Felt like a life-time ago.
He made to stand up, to excuse himself, to run but was stopped by the powerful motion of the hand stop sign. He stiffened as Naruto took a seat on the unoccupied swing directly to his left.
"You made it."
It was lame and stated the obvious but Sasuke was a tad surprised. He purposely placed the meeting during when Naruto had to work. He knew the man worked night shifts and that at seven he should be at work, working. Yet he showed up. He felt his heart flutter, he felt important to Naruto.
"I would always come if you asked."
He swallowed thickly and dug his shoes into the sand, just as Naruto was doing with his toes-him having discarded his shoes a few seconds ago.
The silence was deafening and Sasuke didn't know what to say or do. He wanted answers but he wasn't sure if he wanted them now.
"I'm sorry." Naruto weakly began and turned big blue, honest, eyes to Sasuke. It hurt to see them, to see that familiar emotion.
"You lied."
Naruto visibly stiffened and nodded slowly. "I did."
"Why?"
He watched the emotions flitter across those blue eyes, and his head turned down to view the sand where his tanned toes were scrunching the sand between them.
"Why indeed," he muttered under his breath but Sasuke still caught it. He also noticed the bags under those expressive eyes and felt a pang in his heart. Obviously, he wasn't the only one having problems sleeping.
"I don't know." Came the reply after a minute.
"Yes you do."
Naruto regarded him for a moment before resignation dawned in those eyes, "It's not a good answer."
"I just want the truth."
He was happy that came out level, and saw the hurt and understanding flash through those eyes. He pulled his hoodie closer and turned to look at the dark starless sky.
"I was lost," Naruto told, his eyes straying from Sasuke and trying to locate the half-moon. "I was hurt, angry, upset, betrayed, disappointed, you name it." He skillfully told in a mothering voice.
"I found out about Itachi," he told sullenly and sighed, "and I didn't know how to handle that."
Sasuke nodded. He knew Naruto had found out about Itachi thanks to a snide comment made by his cousin Sai.
Itachi was Sasuke's seventeen-year-old brother who died in a car accident. Sasuke was only fourteen when it happened and he didn't know how to handle what had happened, especially since with his brother's death the family seemed to follow. His mother and father hardly spoke and the house was suffocating for the teen.
He still had problems talking about Itachi, it still hurt to think about him, and he was mad at Sai for telling Naruto about his brother before he could.
Sasuke stayed silent, knowing Naruto wasn't blaming him for what he had done.
"I didn't understand," Naruto mumbled out, "I didn't understand why you didn't tell me, and why I was the last to know about him. It hurt Sasuke." He told and sighed, "but I didn't want it to come between us, and I thought that maybe you were still grieving."
Sasuke frowned but nodded, mulling that over in his mind, knowing it was true. He felt like he was still grieving.
"I didn't know how to approach you, if I should approach you, if I should give you space, but a voice…that stupid little voice of doubt told me you didn't want me to know. That you didn't trust me."
He turned wide eyes to his ex-lover and found a humourless smile on pink plump lips.
"I know." He waved off, "ridiculous notion but…it was there."
Sasuke nodded and felt like grabbing the tan hand that was holding onto the chain of the swing. He had to physically stop himself as he reminded himself of the actions that this man had done.
"I ended up meeting with Karin for coffee," he told and sighed, "you know she wanted to keep being friends." He told, "and I wanted to give it a try. I guess I wanted full closure."
Sasuke gulped and nodded. He knew the story between Karin and Naruto. They had dated for a few months before he and Naruto had gotten together. She had cheated on him, well, more like she cheated on her fiancé with Naruto-but he didn't know.
When he found out he was heartbroken and he refused to talk to her or listen to her. Sasuke knew he regretted that decision but he understood it now, and his heart lurched with the idea that he had broken one of his promises to Sasuke. A promise to never cheat and he had fully convinced the Uchiha that it would never happen because he knew the pain it caused people.
Yet…here they were.
"We went back to her place, she wanted to give me something and her husband wasn't home." He told and sighed, "and we spoke. Mostly about you," he shrugged and smiled, "I blab about you a lot." He grinned and turned his eyes away from Sasuke's.
"Then…things just got out of hand. She made a few moves, which I rejected but that stupid voice." He growled lowly and Sasuke watched as Naruto sighed, his eyes glossing over in pain. "it kept reminding me that you didn't trust me, that you could easily do better and that you wanted more than what I could give you."
"I was lost, hurt and confused and when she kissed me the second time, I gave in." he told, in a small voice that was foreign to Sasuke.
"I gave in, and I hate myself for it."
Sasuke closed his eyes. The pain still lingered in his heart, but it was less. He still didn't trust Naruto but oddly enough, he understood it. It didn't make it right though…
"You said it wasn't a mistake." He remembered and quietly blurted out like word vomit. The words drifting through his mind.
"What…?"
Sasuke turned his dark cold eyes to Naruto and saw the way he winced at the sight of them. "You said it wasn't a mistake."
"When..?" stunned blue eyes asked and Sasuke sighed glancing at the dark dirty brown sand.
"Your text messages," he told quietly, guilt eating at him for reading his text messages when it was an invasion of privacy but Neji had insisted. "Neji showed them to me."
"Oh.." Naruto muttered and he saw the sadness reappear in those eyes, "I'm sorry you found out that way."
"Are you sorry I found out at all?"
Naruto was reaching into his pocket, probably where his phone was, when he stilled at that question. Resolve filled his eyes and a small sweet sad smile found its way to his lips.
"No."
Sasuke nodded. That was the right answer.
Naruto pulled out his blackberry and opened the message folder, searching for the Karin's name. Sasuke watched as he opened the folder and scrolled through the messages.
He saw Naruto stop on a particular part and he saw the recognition flash through blue eyes. He slowly closed his phone and pushed it back into his jean pocket.
"I forgot I still had those messages," he muttered out tiredly.
Sasuke didn't reply. There was no need to.
"It wasn't a mistake," he told, "I knew what I was doing." He softly said, "but I do regret it."
"Why?"
"Because I jeopardized the one thing that was important to my survival."
His heart rate increased and he already knew that he was talking about himself. Just like Naruto was important to his survival and his demise as well.
"You didn't jeopardize it," he weakly told, his voice cold as stone, "you lost it."
He was surprised to see the soft smile on his face and his eyes filled with love and understanding.
"I guess I did."
Sasuke turned his eyes back to the sky, seeing that it was clear but still no stars could be seen.
"I'd do anything to get what we had back."
Sasuke nodded, he knew that. He just didn't know if he could ever be back with Naruto-if he ever could fully trust the blond again, but he knew one thing for certain now. He smirked and stood up from his swing.
"Keep trying." He strictly told and placed both hands in the pockets of his hoodie and moved briskly away from the swing, refusing to look back but knowing that the shit-eating grin that belong to Naruto was now probably on his face.
Although Sasuke knew that Naruto loved him and the feelings were mutual, he couldn't be near him. The pain hurt, the knowledge that he had been with another-for whatever reason- hurt. Yet, he also understood that humans make some really stupid mistakes in their life.
He wasn't sure if he could ever want Naruto back, or trust him. But he wanted the man to try, he wanted Naruto to earn it back.
But right now, he couldn't be with him.
He heard his phone beep from within his pocket and expertely went to retrieve it.
I told you I wouldn't give up.
Sasuke, for the first time that week smiled.
*Radio songs (in order of appearance in story): Counting Stars by OneRepublic; Breakdown by Daughtry; Beautiful Day by Michael Buble; Crazy For You by Hedley.
Edited and Revised on July 20 2014
Thank you for reading and leave a review if you would like! I would love to hear what you thought of the story.