Disclaimer: I only own this story, while Amelia Atwater-Rhodes owns everyone and everything else. And I obviously don't own the poem below; Dorothy Parker does.

Author's Note: This takes place a couple months after the events of Demon in My View. This

is written in the first person - from Risika's point of view. I do believe Risika would do what she plans to do in this short story; just look what Aubrey did to her - several times.

Comments: Review, review, review. And I'm not trying to be religious - or make Risika a religious character - but I felt that the insecurity Risika feels is necessary. Oh, and I thought the title of the poem - and the content - was perfect for my story.

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Razors pain you;

Rivers are damp;

Acid stains you;

And drugs cause cramp.

Guns aren't lawful;

Nooses give;

Gas smells awful,

You might as well live.

- Dorothy Parker

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I sit in one of my many rooms and contemplate my life; what do I have holding me back from death? Nothing. Nothing at all. Everyone and everything I've ever loved has been either lost to me or killed - killed by the evil called vampirism.

I admit - to myself; to the world - that I am less than innocent. I have killed many; hurt more - but I still do not consider myself evil. I feed to release the pain caused by not drinking blood. I do not drink to bring pain into people's lives - I've experienced too much pain in my life to burden it on others. Maybe all I need to satisfy this fit of depression is to take a rest - from the very thing that keeps me here - Life, itself. I doubt dying would hurt much - not compared to some of the physical and mental pain I've had unleashed on me. No, dying would just be a release - a release from the harsh world I live, or rather unlive, in.

There is one thing that holds me back though - one is a feeling of uncertainty; what is after this life? Although, I am a vampire and know many things - of this earth and the next - one thing I do not know is what happens after death. If there is a heaven I doubt I would fit into the category of people who go there - but, if there is a hell I would also doubt my place there. I would probably fit into limbo - if the Christians and their religion are correct in the ways of the after life.

I think my worst fear about the life after death is; what if it is the same? What if just start your life over again? If so, would I be able to stop the curse of vampirism that was bestowed on me? Would I be able to marry; have children; stop my brother's death? Or would I just repeat my same mistakes all over again? Not knowing - not remembering - my previous mistakes? I fear that - that is the only thing I fear for myself. All my other fears have been for other people; Alexander, my father, my father's second wife and Tora.

I walk up to the window and look at the setting sun; beside the window is a picture of a tiger who looks like Tora. I take my eyes off the sun and turn toward the tiger picture. I feel tears fall down my cheeks as I take the picture down from the wall - I am emotionally weak now. I need time to think - time to think over the thoughts going through my head. But I cannot stop them; they are winning me over.

I need revenge - revenge for the people I love. I might have cost Aubrey his pride, but that was all - he had nothing else I could destroy for vengeance. But know he does; his most recent fledgling, Jessica - also known as the writer Ash Night -, who he apparently loves. I know I shouldn't take my fury out on Jessica - I shouldn't kill her to please my vengeance, but what else can I do? Besides, Aubrey did the same thing to me - he killed the ones I loved to torture my soul -, I'm only returning the favor.

The End

Note: Please review.