Ronald Weasly's Guide to Life, Romance and Being a Wizard.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and wish I did. BEST BOOK SERIES EVER!
Dear most treasured and beloved reader. I do hope you don't mind that I'm writing in a book I found in Percy's underpants drawer. He wrote some stuff about what Mr Crouch said, but I ripped it out. I mean this book probably isn't important anyway, why would he hide it in his underpants drawer of he really cared about it?
Anyways, here's my first chapter:
Chapter One: How to deal with your annoying siblings.
Lesson one: Fred and George
They are seriously the most ANNOYING brothers one can have. Seriously, I wonder if mother gave birth to them when on Lumbery Loona's Laughing gas or something. You just can't get any goofier. Anyways, what to do when dealing with the likes of Fred and George:
Try and ignore what they say about you. Especially insensitive jokes on your height, weight, love interests and pets. Just ignore it. It's hard, but after 13 years of practice, you should be well on your way to building an emotional wall.
Don't let them know your weakness. If you tell them, they'll tease you more and frighten you ¾'s dead. I'll always remember the time when they put that sp- sp- EIGHT-LEGGED ARACHNID WITH A HORRBLY FURRY BODY AND BLOODY FRIGHTENING EYES on my bed. I was so happy when Percy moved into that room; I mean he never noticed that there was a sac of spider eggs under his bed.
Don't laugh at their jokes, especially the ones about you. As funny as they may be, stay strong and don't surrender. I mean they'll pick on you even when 3 years have passed, trust me, I have plenty of experience.
Dob them into your parents, especially your mum if they've done anything even the slightest bit wrong. Exaggerate, stay serious and don't be frightened by their death threats. They won't actually kill you that's for sure. And living everyday in hell is worth it after you see their faces, well kind of worth it if you think about it.
One last thing, try to retaliate. When they say stuff about you, say stuff back. Don't be afraid for you have a heart of steel. However, if you have a mother who dislikes fights, make sure that disputes only take place in your bedroom, so you can accuse them of something if your mother checks on you.
P.S Don't use spells on these types of troublemakers, especially if they are older than you. God knows what they'll do.
Lesson two: Percy
We all know that person who is utterly stuck up and proud of themselves and for some reason their parents love them and so do the teachers. Well, unfortunately, I've been bestowed by god my very own sibling with such traits, hooray for me right? Here are some things I've tried and have worked with Percy:
Don't talk about anything he/she is interested in. Percy is interested in the ministry, so once that's brought up, there's no stopping him. His words are like a speeding bullet, you know it's going to stop but you just don't know when. However, we all make mistakes and once you roam these treacherous waters, the best thing you can do is ignore it. If you try to change the topic, they will have a hissy fit, so pretend you're listening, but half-heartedly. That's how you get them to stop sooner. Listening intently only adds fuel to the fire so don't do that whatever you do. God I'll never forgive Dad!
Siblings like these are fun to tease, so make his/her life as hellish as possible. Obviously, he/she is favoured by the parents but don't let that stop you from ruining his/her life. They are so proud, that they cannot believe such a thing has happened to them of all people. Poor proud Percy. See those words fit so well together.
Siblings like Percy also like to brag. The best thing to do now is to let him brag about how he was asked to write this stupid thing for his stupid boss and make them feel prouder than ever. This may seem a tad too nice, but wait. After they finish bragging, DO NOT COMPLIMENT then but simply regard it as an insignificant achievement, a superior way to make to discourage them.
Lesson three: Ginny
Irritating is one word to describe Ginny. She is simply irritating and insecure. No wonder Tom Riddle's diary took over her soul, she has basically no friends, not to be mean or anything. Siblings like these are fairly easy to deal with, just ignore them because really they don't deserve anything really harsh, they are tolerable you see. But a way to tease them is too prod them about their insecurities and then they will quieten down when they're ranting.
Of course life is fair and Bill and Charlie are awesome brothers yet it is sad that they are so old, it's even sadder that Fred and George are the closest in age to me.
Siblings are the things you get when you are born, they are I suppose a gift as well as a burden. In dire situations, I'm sure that MOST of you will do something. But remember, you will be related to them forever and there is simply nothing you can do about it.
Brightrain151 here! Did you like it? Please R&R, constructive criticism welcome