"I can't do this anymore."
Blaine barely whispers the words. He clears his throat, and says them more audibly this time, "I can't do this anymore."
Kurt's so engrossed in his English Lit book that his frantic highlighting doesn't even falter with the statement. They've been sitting in what Kurt had thought was a comfortable silence all afternoon as they studied for finals together in Kurt's dorm room. He doesn't notice the tension that Blaine's been holding in his shoulders all day, all week, for that matter. He doesn't notice when Blaine begins to pack his things up. He does notice, however, when Blaine gets up and heads for the door.
"Where are you going," Kurt mumbles without looking up from his book, highlighter caught between his teeth.
Blaine clutches his books to his chest and says, "I can't do this anymore, Kurt," his voice dripping with defeat.
That's when Kurt finally looks up from his book. His brow furrows with confusion, "What do you mean you can't do this anymore? Do what? Study for finals? Because I'm not sure I can handle anymore studying either," he says with a laugh.
Blaine's expression remains stern as he sighs quietly, "Not studying. I mean this – us. I can't do it anymore."
Before he has a chance to respond, Blaine's turning on his heal, and leaving Kurt without so much as an explanation.
Everything falls away as Kurt's worst fear becomes reality.
"So this is it," Kurt says as he backs his way into his dorm room at NYU, carrying up the last box. "It's not much, and they won't let me decorate," Blaine cuts in, "Bastards," to which Kurt chuckles, "but at least I get the place to myself."
Blaine's eyebrows perk up at this as he closes the door. As Kurt turns to look around the room, Blaine slips his arms around his waist and rests his chin on Kurt's shoulder.
"Well, I don't know if you'll have it to yourself all the time," Blaine says with a smirk. Kurt turns around in Blaine's arms and places a chaste kiss on his full lips.
"Oh, honey, if you're gonna be staying here, you're gonna have to pay rent," Kurt says as he tries to bite back a smile.
Blaine pouts, "Rent? What if I can't afford it?"
Kurt tries to keep a serious expression, but fails as he says, "I'm sure we can figure out something," and kisses Blaine more passionately as they fall onto his bed.
May 25, 2015 3:32PM
To: Blaine
Where is this all coming from?
May 25, 2015 3:36PM
To: Blaine
What did I do wrong?
May 25, 2015 3:41PM
To: Blaine
Babe, please. Just tell me what I did wrong.
May 25, 2015 3:43PM
To: Blaine
It's been 2 hours since you left. I'm getting really worried about you.
May 25, 2015 3:49PM
To: Kurt
I'm fine. I just – I told you. I can't do this anymore. Don't make this harder than it needs to be.
May 25, 2015 3:51PM
To: Blaine
Blaine. We've been together for 4 years. You can't just leave me like this. We need to talk about this. Please just come back over so we can talk. You owe me that. Please.
May 25, 2015 3:57PM
To: Kurt
I'll be there in an hour.
"Remember when we went to Scandals?"
The last thing Blaine wanted to remember was the night they went to Scandals. They were packing to go home for the holidays. Why was Kurt bringing this up? "Yeah, why," he asks as nonchalantly as he can.
"We should go back once we get home," Kurt says, excitement evident in his voice. Blaine doesn't like that tone. That tone only means trouble.
Once they're back in Lima and at the Hudson-Hummel household, Kurt announces that he's going to take a shower and get ready for their night out. Blaine had reluctantly agreed that they would go to Scandals that night after much persuasion on Kurt's part – persuasion in the form of a blow job in the airplane bathroom. Burt and Blaine haul the last of the luggage up to Kurt's old room. As Burt makes to go back downstairs, he turns to Blaine and gives him the old 'The door stays open. No funny business under my roof. Don't forget that I got a shotgun, kid,' with a smile and a firm pat on the back.
As Blaine begins to unpack their things, a familiar pair of arms wrap around his waist as an equally familiar pair of lips found that spot right behind his ear.
"Mm, as good as that feels, you dad reminded me about the shotgun. So none of that, mister," Blaine says as he pries Kurt's arms from around his waist.
Kurt pouts a little then, but doesn't argue, and begins to get ready.
Blaine had forgotten just how much he actually hated Scandals the first time around. Maybe it had something to do with his blood/alcohol level. Who knows? But coming back now, he was reminded of how much of a dive this place was. He linked his arm through Kurt's as they entered the bar and showed their ID's to an oddly familiar face. As they went to make past the man, he caught Blaine's wrist and stopped him.
"Blaine? Blaine Anderson? Is that you?"
Blaine peered at the man in the dimly lighted bar. If he squinted his eyes just right, he could've sworn that was – "Sebastian Smythe?"
Blaine looked up in surprise as Kurt was the one to recognize him first.
Sebastian smiled his award-winning smile, "The one and only. What brings you boys, erm…men, back to Lima?"
"Back on holiday," Blaine said with a forced grin.
Sebastian couldn't tear his gaze away from Kurt long enough to give Blaine the time of day.
"My, my, my. Look who finally grew into his gay face," he quipped as he looked at Kurt like he was a piece of meat.
"Still repulsive, I see," Kurt snapped back.
It was gonna be a long night.
Kurt was curled up on his bed, knees tucked up under his chin with quiet sobs escaping his mouth every so often, when there was a light knock on his door. He got up so quickly that he got light-headed, but it didn't faze him as he all but ripped the door off its hinges. Blaine was standing there, his hands shoved deep into his pockets with a blank expression.
"Hi," Kurt squeaked out. Blaine brushed past him, and sat down at the foot of his bed.
"What going on?" Blaine asked in a much too chipper tone. Kurt gapped at him, stuck to his spot at the door.
"Are you serious? You basically break up with me without so much as an excuse, and you're asking what's going on?" Kurt had never been more hurt and infuriated in his life.
Blaine let out a long sigh. "Remember when we went home this past Christmas?"
Kurt couldn't find his voice, so he nodded in response.
"Okay, well, Sebastian told me what happened that night – "Blaine continued speaking, but Kurt couldn't hear him over his heartbeat in his ears and an incredibly loud wooshing sound.
"Don't you think you've had enough, sweetheart?" Blaine asked as Kurt downed his 4th shot.
"Oh please, Blaine. You drank far more than this the last time we were here, remember?"
Blaine rolled his eyes at that. He turned his back to Kurt for a second to ask the bartender for a cup of coffee, and when he turned back around, Kurt was on his feet.
"Ugh. I have to go to the bathroom. Don't you move you're cute little butt. I'll be right back," Kurt said with a wink.
Once he had finished his business, he made his way out of the stall, and went to wash his hands. As he was fixing his hair in the mirror, someone entered the restroom.
Shaking his head and sighing, Sebastian said with a smile, "You and your damn hair. What do you do when it gets messed up when you and Blaine fuck?"
Kurt turned around ready to give him a piece of his mind, but was pushed back against the sinks as Sebastian kissed him.
With his mind in a fog of vodka, Kurt couldn't register what to do next fast enough. The last thing he remembered before he blacked out was Sebastian lowering to his knees as he pushed down Kurt's impossibly tight pants.
Kurt woke up the next morning with the worst hangover of his life. He made to roll over and felt a throbbing pain in his backside. He groaned and continued to roll over, tucking an arm around Blaine's waist and pulling him close. That's when he noticed that he and Blaine were fully clothed. Whenever they fooled around, they slept in the nude. That could only mean one thing…
"Kurt?" Blaine snapped his finger in front of Kurt's glazed over eyes. As Kurt came back to reality, he realized he was sitting on the floor next to Blaine, and they were both crying. His eyes came into focus on Blaine's destroyed expression, and that only made him cry harder.
Blaine looked down at his lap, his voice laced with anguish, "Why would you keep something like that from me? I thought we were always honest with each other, Kurt."
Kurt took a minute to try to catch his breath, but it never came.
"I didn't – I – I don't remember what happened that night, Blaine. The last thing I remember is him walking into the bathroom, I swear. He – he took advantage of me. And then, I woke up the next morning with a hangover. A-and I could feel the pain, but I was – I was so afraid to tell you, Blaine. What would you have done? I couldn't – I can't lose you, Blaine. You're my entire world. It didn't mean anything. I don't even remember it. Please, baby. You have to believe me."
Blaine was quiet for a long time. The only sounds filling the room were Kurt's sobs. Just as he was about to start pleading more, he felt a strong pair of arms come around he shoulders, and he immediately melted into Blaine's touch.
He kissed the top of Kurt's head and whispered, "I just – I can't do this right now, Kurt. I need some time." And with that, he stood and left.
Later that day, Carol asked Kurt if he would mind going to the store to pick up something for dinner. Wanting to get out of the house, and potentially away from the memories of the night before, Kurt immediately agreed. Anxious for some time to be alone with his thoughts, Kurt rushed out to the car, only to find Blaine there waiting for him.
"What are you doing out here in the cold, honey?" he asked.
"Oh," Blaine said, "Carol said you were going to the store and I figured I'd come with. Is that alright?" he said in a tease manner.
No, Kurt thought, No that's not alright.
"What do you feel like having –" Before Blaine could finish his thought, he turned around to find Kurt kneeling in the middle of the cereal aisle.
"Kurt. What are you doing?" he asked cautiously as he slowly made his way over to his boyfriend.
Kurt just smiled, "Huh? Oh! I was just gonna tie my shoe."
Blaine let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.
"Oh, okay. Oh my God. I thought you were gonna purpose to me. Holy shit."
"So what if I was going to purpose to you right now? What would you say?" he said as he side-eyed Blaine.
When he didn't get an answer, Kurt said, almost bitterly, "Well jeez, glad you dodged a bullet then."
"What? No! Kurt, that's not it at all. It's just – I thought that, you know, I'd be the one to purpose."
It was Kurt's turned to be shocked.
Blaine turned to look at him and chuckled, "Don't act so surprised, sweetheart. We've talked about this, remember?"
Kurt could only nod, his throat suddenly constricted.
Blaine continued, "I didn't want you to go screwing up my plans with your spontaneity."
He winked at Kurt, and headed off to the produce.
Kurt stood in the same place for a few minutes trying to process what had just happened. He made his way to the produce section to find that Blaine had already gotten everything to make dinner tonight.
"Ready to go?" Blaine asked with a smile.
"Yeah, of course," Kurt breathed.
Once outside, the chill of Lima at winter time bit at Kurt's neck, so he searched the backseat of their rental car for his scarf. Once he found one, he went to the back of the car to help Blaine put the rest of the groceries in the trunk only to find that Blaine had finished, and was kneeling on the wet ground. He didn't think a thing of it, and turned to get into the car when Blaine caught him by the wrist.
"Wait a second." Kurt looked down at him with a quizzical expression as Blaine reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small black velvet box. Kurt's breath hitched as he realized what was happening.
"Kurt. I love you so much. I never told you this, but you saved me the day I met you at Dalton. I was heading off to another 'impromptu' performance when you said two simple words. 'Excuse me.' That's all it took. You took off your sunglasses and your eyes pierced into my soul. I remember going back to my dorm that night, and closing my eyes, and still being able to see your eyes perfectly. I know it took me a long time to realize how much I really love you, but I promise to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. This doesn't mean we have to get married today, in the next month, or even the next year. I just want the guarantee that I get to marry you someday, in the, hopefully, near future. So what do you say? Will you make me the happiest man in the world?"
All of the air left Blaine's lungs as Kurt tackled him to the ground in a bone crushing embrace. Kurt kissed him with everything he had, completely forgetting they were in the middle of Ohio, surrounded by people that didn't understand their love. All that mattered was them.
Two weeks had passed since Blaine left him sitting in his dorm. Kurt was toying with the ring that was still sitting snuggly on his left ring finger when his phone went off. He didn't even glance at the screen as he picked up, hoping it was Blaine.
"Hello?"
"Hey, kiddo. How's it goin?"
"Oh," Kurt said sounding defeated, "Hi dad. Fine."
"Don't sound so excited. You don't sound fine. Everything okay with school? No one's giving you problems, right?"
"No, dad. Everyone's nice. Don't worry."
"So what's wrong then, bud?"
And that's when Kurt lost it. He couldn't hold it in anymore. He told his dad the whole story. After he was done explaining, he let out a shaky breath.
"Dad, what do I do? I don't know how – I can't live without him."
"You need to ask for his forgiveness. It'll take some time, and it's not gonna be easy, Kurt, but that's just what you're gonna have to do."
Kurt sighed, "I know. I just – How did everything get so screwed up?"
Burt didn't say anything. He didn't feel like he really need to. Kurt seemed to understand this and said, "I think I'm gonna give him a call. I'll call you later, Dad."
"Okay. I love you, buddy."
"Yeah. Love you too."
After trying to call Blaine 6 times, Kurt opened his door and squealed when a mess of curls flopped over his feet. He looked down at Blaine laying there at his feet and couldn't help the smile that spread across his face.
"Hi," Blaine whispered. Kurt helped him up, and they sat down at the foot of his bed.
"So," Blaine started, "I've been doing a lot of thinking, and –"
"Wait," Kurt cut him off. "Just – can I go first?"
Blaine nodded.
He smiled appreciatively and he took Blaine's hands into his own, "Thank you. So, I screwed up. Big time. And Blaine, I'm so sorry. And I know that sorry doesn't really cut it, but I am. I am so, so sorry. I will spend the rest of my life apologizing, every single God damn day, if you'll just take me back. Please. I – I can't live without you. You're my best friend. My heart. My soul. You're everything. Just – please, Blaine," his voice faltering on the last word.
"Sebastian means nothing to me." And they both laughed at that, remembering when Blaine had said the same words to Kurt long ago in the auditorium.
Blaine sighed and placed a hand under Kurt's chin to lift his eyes so that blue could connect with hazel.
"Kurt, I know that he means nothing to you – to either of us. I'm just so hurt over the fact that you didn't tell me yourself. I knew something was off that night too."
Kurt gave him a questioning look, so he continued, "When you came back from the bathroom, you had this look on your face – like a kid who stole a cookie from the cookie jar. And you wouldn't look me in the eye. Sebastian came out of the bathroom after you, a-and he winked at me, which is when I got suspicious. I figured I'd wait until the next day for you to tell me what happened in there, b- but you never did, so I wrote if off as unimportant. Then, about 3 weeks ago, I got a, uh, a call from Sebastian. I don't know how he got my number, and I think he was drunk, but he kept g-going on and on about how you were – about how you were such a good lay. I hung up and threw up in the trash can by my desk."
"That's why you smelt so bad when you came over that night," Kurt said quietly.
By this time, Blaine was crying but he laughed a little at that, "Yeah. And s-so I waited again, for you to tell me what Sebastian had confirmed. But again, you never did. So I got – I got angry. And you acted like nothing was wrong, Kurt. And I couldn't understand how you could – how you could ch-cheat on me. And then, I snapped. You know the rest from there."
They were both silent for a long time. It had to have only been about 5 minutes, but it might as well have been 5 hours.
Blaine was the first to speak, "I forgive you, you know? I never wanted to leave you. I just – I wanted you to feel the pain I was feeling. And maybe that was selfish of me, but you couldn't get out of this unscathed, Kurt."
Kurt looked up at him with pleading eyes, "I know. And I will apologize every day until my last day. I promise. Just, please. Take me back. Please, Blaine."
Blaine caught Kurt's mouth in a passionate kiss, knocking the wind out of both of them. His thumb caressed Kurt's cheek, wiping away the fast falling tears.
"Marry me," Kurt whispered.
Blaine looked at him, shocked. "Kurt, I already said I would."
He sighed, "I know. I meant right now. Today. Let's go to City Hall, and get married."
Blaine's eyes widened, his mouth forming a small, "oh".
He didn't say anything for what felt like years before he finally nodded, smiled and said, "Okay."
And they did just that.