I fingered the glass hesitantly as I stared at the comatose man behind it. The doctors fluttered around as they compiled facts and figures, I presumed, so they could wake the infamous Bucky Barnes up.
"Are you worried?"
I turned to see T'Challa watching me hesitantly. He seemed concerned. His brow furrowed slightly.
"Not really. Quick in and out job isn't it? Nip in, destroy the info and pinpoint negative memories. Simple." I grinned and gave him a double thumbs up. He laughed.
"You are worried," He stated. It was fact – having a peek into any individual's mind who had been through traumatic experiences was hard enough.
"They live it with me," I said as I turned back to look at the sleeping calm face of Barnes.
"Hm, yes it is not enough to remove the pain but to force those who have endured it to relive it with an audience," T'Challa nodded and walked up to the tank. We both watched the lifeless form for a few minutes.
"He will have to be restrained," I whispered. I knew Steve would be there as soon as possible, and the idea of inflicting more pain than necessary seemed grotesque. "Steve can't watch."
"I already thought of that so I have requested Steve not impose on your first session."
"First session?" I turned abruptly. "T'Challa, am I to stay here? You never said anything about staying!"
"The Accords don't accommodate your natural work ethic and I need you here," T'Challa said staring straight into the tank with his arms crossed. I stepped back to lean on the desk, and took a deep breath.
Breathe, I reminded myself.
I had never done more than one session before. Ever. No matter the client or cause, I did not do multiple sessions. My talent, while excellent in removing memories or triggers or what-have-you, had become a bit like an STI; when someone has had me rummaging through their brain matter, they tended to start associating me with the negative as I was effectively forcing them to relive these traumas.
"Ava, they don't call you Sanctuary for no reason," T'Challa turned and smiled at me. His face brimmed with compassion and love. "You will stay here. With us."
·
The doctors buzzed around the defrosting form. They exacted procedures and tests continuously. Bucky stirred throughout the process. I watched as they reanimated him from the next room. Time passed before Bucky was asked to sit up.
He stared at his stump and the room. His eyes were beginning to adjust to being awake again. He blinked and there his eyes were on me. He could see me through the glass window of the room. I stared back and tried to muster a smile. It came out lopsided.
T'Challa started to guide me away by his hand on my back.
Bucky watched me walk away even as they prodded and poked at him.
·
Bucky sat in front of me. His hair drooped into his face. He had washed and I smelled the faint hint of timber and musk. He sat slumped in the chair. He didn't look at me.
"They say you're going to fix me," He looked up. His hair shifted slightly which showed more of his eyes. "How you going to do that?"
I gulped.
"This isn't going to be a pretty process. I want to get that clear now but you told T'Challa to wake you up if he could remove the HYDRA triggers from your brain. I can. I can do it. The only issue is we might have to… uhm… restrain you…?" I stumbled as I fidgeted with the papers on my clipboard. On them was everything we knew about the Winter Soldier programme, the triggers and anything else about Bucky.
"Okay. Do it." He smiled slightly. I must have looked shocked because then he said:" I can't trust my own mind anymore… I need to get it fixed and if you need to restrain me to do that then fine by me."
I gulped again.
"When I enter your mind and find the triggers as well as the memories associated with those triggers you will re-live them. It will be painful. Are you okay with that?" I asked as I looked him dead in the eye.
"Yes," He said.
"Okay, let's begin then. This will be the first of a couple of sessions to remove triggers. We will stop when you've had enough."
I instructed him to sit in the reclined chair. As I tightened the restraints around his chest, legs and arm, I said sorry in my head repeatedly.
"Ready?" I asked sitting behind his chair. I pushed his hair back from his temples and let my index and middle finger hover for a minute.
"Yes," He sighed. As soon as fingertips met his skin, I was in.
The room was dull and dark. Men in green lab coats hurried around me while some stood examining their stations. Then I saw Bucky. He was restrained in a chair similar to one I made him sit in but this time, his silver arm was restrained and he was screaming in pain. An apparatus was attached to his face over his one eye. The screaming. I have to look away. I searched the memory rather than the room. I allowed myself to trace the interconnected lines, and start my business. I got to work.
I broke away. The sweat dripped down my face and into my eyes. I blinked. Bucky stirred. I tried to regain composure and got up to grab the towel I had left on the desk. I dried myself off as I listened to Bucky awaken. His breath was heavy and strained.
I had to check who had been brought back with me. I turned to the awakened Bucky. I picked up the trigger sheet but then I looked at him. His face was pained. He looked like he had been crying. This wasn't winter soldier I had brought back but the man inside. I put down the trigger sheet and started to remove his restraints.
"How do you feel?"
"Exhausted," He sighed as I untied the restraint around his waist. I felt his breath on my skin. I was too close. I finished removing the restraints and backed up to the desk. He slumped forward and looked at his missing arm. "What did you do? Did you fix some of it at least?"
"Well I've located the triggers in your memory and the shit they did to your head, it's like trying to demolish a sky flats. You can't just blow them up, you need to remove the insides then demolish with precision. So we'll see how it goes in the next session."