Just gonna stand there and watch me burn

But that's alright because I like the way it hurts

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry

But that's alright because I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie

Matt. Mail. Mail Jeevas.

That name send images spinning through my head makes my six senses into overdrive. I smell the cigerrette smoke billowing around my nose. I hear the electronics beeping throughout the empty apartment. I feel the slight brush of ripped tattered jeans against my leg. But all this just means I'm losing it. He's not here and its all because of me. Me, Mello. Mihael. Mihael Keehl. I have a become a machine. I work towards a goal with nothing else in mind. The only thing that can get through the metallic walls is Matt and I drove him away. Everyone is a pawn but Matt is my queen, I must protect him but let him fight for me for that is what he see's to be his purpose. I left him behind at Whammy's Orphanage the place of our meeting for his safety but like the loyal lover he is he sought me out endlessly until we were reunited. But I was different person. Harder, darker, less welcoming but he stayed trying desperately to bring me back. I was the leader of the Mafia for christs sake and even that was not enough to drive him away. Even after my accident where I blew of half my face he stuck by me. And how did I repay him, I hit him, not once but over and over again. The anger that bubbled inside…

I can't tell you what it really is

I can only tell you what it feels like

I can't see. I'm blind. He was simply trying to get me to re-bandage my wounds and I was working trying just to get an inch further in the Kira case after being bed ridden for almost a month, who knew how far Near had gotten. The anger was directed at myself, Near, the world, but he just wouldn't back down. He prodded me once more and I snapped. I flipped around and my fist collided with his cheek. I got up and starred down at him.

And right now there's a steel knife

In my windpipe

I can't breathe

He looks so shocked, so… betrayed, so confused.

But I still fight

While I can fight

As long as the wrong feels right

It's like I'm in flight

The real me screams at me inside my head to stop, feels so torn and guilty but my leather boot collides painfully with his side and he rolls over to protect himself but I the blows keep coming. Finally I stop, and storm into another room and collapse in the chair. I breath heavily for about five minutes the anger still radiating through me. Then all of a sudden I'm cold. I shiver and my vision comes clear I feel so dirty, so disgusting. I get up and run into the other room there he is on the floor goggles up on his head tears pouring down his cheeks. I run to him and he looks terrified.

"Mail." I whisper and slowly drop to my knees before him. He stares up at me, the confusion in those eyes crushing me.

"Why?" He lets out in one breath.

"It's not you. It's not you I swear. You're the best thing in my life! It's everything else, the mob, Kira, Near! I'm so sorry!" I reach for him and doesn't move so I place my hand on his shoulder.

High off a love

Drunk from the hate

It's like I'm huffin' paint

And I love it the more that I suffer

I suffocate

I'm feeling so disturbed as I see the bruise blossom on his cheek in the dingy lights. I'm scared of myself. He must see something in my eyes for he reaches a hand up and kissed me.

And right before I'm about to drown

He resuscitates me

He fucking hates me

And I love it

I wish I could say that was the last time but… it was the first. And when there is a first of something there must be more after.

The second time was worse. I just got back from retrieving my picture and I simply walked through the door and started beating on him. He was just sitting their playing his childish games and I snapped.

Later that night I was in the kitchen afraid to go back to him, afraid to see the betrayal and fear in those bright beautiful green eyes. Then I heard the front door open. I jumped to my feet. I saw his back descending the stairs a bag over one shoulder.

"Wait!" I screamed from the top of the stairs fear pounding in my heart. "Where you going?"

He looked up with sad torn eyes and said. "I'm leaving you."

Anger, denial, and terror took me. "No you ain't!" I ran down the stairs and grabbed his wrist. "Come back!"

Matt tore his hand back as if he a been burnt.

"Look Mihael!" He pulled down the collar of his shirt. I looked away. "Look!" He demanded and I did around his neck were and ring of hands prints. Tears came to my eyes. I had done that to him. I had done that to the one person I loved more than anything in the world. The tears rolled down my cheeks. I begged him to come back.

We're running right back

Here we go again

It's so insane

"I love you Matt. I'm so sorry. I love you so much. I never meant to. I swear please don't leave me." I reached my arms around his waist and pulled him to me and pushed his head to the crook of my neck. "Please." He broke down and we withdrew back into the house back forget in the living room. We held eachother bumping into walls mouths melding and eyes crying.

Cause when it's going good

It's going great

I'm Superman

With the wind at his back

He's Lois Lane

We tumbled into bed and made love until the sun came up, whispering words of love.

But when it's bad

It's awful

I feel so ashamed

I snap

Who's that dude

I don't even know his name

I laid hands on him

And I whispered empty promises... "I'll never stoop so low again. I guess I don't know my own strength."

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn

But that's alright because I like the way it hurts

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry

But that's alright because I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie, I love the way you lie

You ever love somebody so much

You can barely breathe

When you're with them

You meet

And neither one of you

Even know what hit 'em

When we met it was like this automatic spark. I was an angry volatile little boy and he was my sarcastic loyal best friend who could take whatever I could dish out.

Got that warm fuzzy feeling

Yeah them chills

Used to get 'em

It soon turned to love at the age of 12. We didn't know what it was to be gay or straight I knew it was wrong to lie with a man but it felt right and whatever felt this right to me could never be wrong.

Now you're getting fucking sick

Of looking at 'em

You swore you've never hit 'em

Never do nothing to hurt 'em

I swore to always protect Matt I was feared at Whammys and the lithe red head was an easy target. I beat up anyone who even looked at him wrong. He got scared one day because I broke one boys nose. I promised I would never, never hurt him that way. That I loved him for forever. Play ground promises as I see them now.

Now you're in each other's face

Spewing venom

In Your words

When you spit 'em

You push

Pull each other's hair

Scratch, claw, bit 'em

Throw 'em down

Pin 'em

So lost in the moments

When you're in 'em

You taught yourself to fight back. It always startd with a few wrongly placed words that ended up with you pinned to a wall with me screaming in your face. You push me away but I'm just so much stronger than you. We fight, you scratch, I hit and bruise your supple fless, you bite my shoulder only adding fuel to the fire. I choke you and you get one good hit in. It's a reoccurring cycle one I was getting a bit to comfortable with.

So lost in the moments

When you're in 'em

Than… The day when I took it to far came along. You had just shoved me into a coffee table when my hand hit something on it glossy surface. I pulled it into my and turned it on you. The muzzle turned on your terrified face.

It's the rage that took over

It controls you both

You tried to talk me down but nothing could clear the blind haze of rage covering my eyes. I shot not really aiming he barely moved. The shot seemed to shake me out of whatever trance I was in. Matt stared at me with that look except spiraled in was a look of terrible hatred.

So they say it's best

To go your separate ways

Guess that they don't know ya

Cause today

That was yesterday

Yesterday is over

It's a different day

Sound like broken records

Playing' over

I open my mouth and try to form words. But my inner demon mutters "But you promised him. Next time you'll show restraint."

"Matt." Matt I whisper falling to my knees.

"You don't get another chance! Life is no Nintendo game!" He screams running into your room. I don't follow it's about an hour later and you go in. I get there just in time to see him creep out the window onto the fire escape with a bag full of his stuff.

But you lied again

Now you get to watch him leave

Out the window

Guess that's why they call it window pane

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn

But that's alright because I like the way it hurts

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry

But that's alright because I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie, I love the way you lie

Now I'm sitting in our empty apartment thinking of all the things I would have done different. It's been a month and I've lost my mind I miss you and I can't breath it's like you took half of me with you. I'm dying slowly. Than I finally get the balls to call you. To tell you all the things I been thinking. It rings three almost four times before it clicks and you say,

"Took you long enough." I let out a low cuckle and go right into my apology.

"Now I know we said things. Did things, that we didn't mean

And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine. But your temper's just as bad as mine is. You're the same as me. But when it comes to love you're just as blinded.

"Baby please come back. It wasn't you. Baby it was me. Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems. Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano."

All I know is I love you too much to walk away though."

There's silence and then a click. I feel the depression seep in once more. Than there's the roar of a car motor outside. I jump up and run to the door and fling it open there he is in all his glory. His bag dropped at his side. I walked down and kiss him and he kisses back. I pull back and whisper.

"Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk."

"Tell me we'll be different." He says desperately.

"We will I promise. I swear."

I tell you but you don't seem to believe.

Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk

Told you this is my fault

Look me in the eyeball

Next time I'm pissed

I'll aim my fist at the dry wall.

Next time.

There will be no next time!

I say I'm sorry and beg for you to come in. You finally do.

I apologize

Even though I know it's lies

I'm tired of the games

I just want him back

I know I'm a liar

The second he gets through the door I slam him into the wall and his in his ear.

"If you ever try to fuckin' leave again. I'mma tie you to the bed. And set this house on fire." Than I smash our mouths together. Because without him I may have went… just a little mad.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn

But that's alright because I like the way it hurts

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry

But that's alright because I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie, I love the way you lie