Author's Note: Hello there, as I promised here's part three to this series I made. Now it's Raph's turn. I'm sorry if this seems rushed or not as deep but I have no knowledge of the topic at hand so I wasn't sure how to write things. So that's why it's may not be as good. Still I hope it's alright. Enjoy.
Chapter 1: The Incident
The darken sky blanketed the city of New York in a majestic night, the moon up in the sky, streets empty except for the occasion car or person. And also the chirp of a cricket if one were to listen enough. Above on the roof tops two figures could be seen hoping across, soaring over various buildings. One tall and the other short. On a small five story building is when the two figures stopped to take a rest. The moon light cascading over the red bandana of Raphael as he looked forward at his Sensei, who turned towards him.
"Are you calm now Raphael?" Splinter asked as he watched his winded son.
Earlier there was an incident in the lair, involving Mikey pranking Raph, which went a little too far. Apparently the orange clad turtle found it funny trying to mess with the emerald green turtle's bike. Apparently Mikey set it so an air bag would be set off once the red clad turtle sat down on it. Apparently the prank back fired when Raph had already retracted the kick stand. The air bag popping up caused the turtle jump off and the bike fell and the paint was scratched.
Now Raph could take a normal prank that is sent his way but when it came to one that involved his bike, then it crossed the line. Steamed he hunted down his younger brother, and in a huge fury tried to pummel him. Leo and Don saw this wasn't any normal type of rage and tried to setting the red clad brother down, but Raph snapped at them both and tried to get at Mikey. If the two brothers hadn't intervened Mikey would have be in for a new world of hurt.
Soon Splinter got involved and just the sight of the rat sensei, Raph stopped his hostel reign, but still furious. The whole story was retold and once said and done Raph was still angry. Seeing this Splinter thought it would be a good idea to burn off that anger with a nightly run. They have been at it for at least an hour, and it started to slowly work.
Raph softly panted some as he looked his sensei in the eye, "Almost."
"Then we shall continue then," Splinter turned as he was about to run but was stopped at his son's voice.
"Master Splinter I don't see the point of this, I mean I'm fine and I promise not to kill Mikey even though he deserves it," Raph complained, mentally groaned as he tried to stop the run.
"Raphael, you are easily angered and the way you displayed it back at the lair shows you don't have proper control over it," Splinter spoke as he turned and faced his son. "Your brother will be punished for what he did later. Until then we will continue with our exercise until your anger leaves."
Raph sighed as he heard his father but reluctantly followed as they jumped roof to roof once more. Nothing but silence between the two except for the occasional pant from Raph. He's winded a bit but still had plenty of energy to burn, which is unfortunate since Splinter made it seem like they were going to go for hours.
True his anger slowly seeped away but he was still angry at what Mikey did. He made it clear that no one was allowed to touch his bike no matter what and his little brother ignored it and now he has to spend an hour repainting it.
He was knocked out of his train of thought as Splinter stopped and held up his hand, indicating him to halt. "What's wrong sensei?"
The rat's whiskers twitched as his eyes narrowed, "We're not alone." Just then his eyes widen as he turned, "Raphael, get down!"
The red clad turtle did as he was told and dropped to the ground, just that instant a cluster of arrows sailed over him and bounced off the hard surface of the roof. They were under attack as he got back to his feet and pulled out his Sais.
It was then a dozen Foot ninja came out and surrounded the two. Both master and student ended up going back to back as they kept their eyes on their enemies. "Raphael can you call and alert your brothers?" Splinter asked as he held his walking stick up in a defensive position.
"Sorry sensei, but I didn't grab my shell cell before leaving the lair."
"Then we are on our own then."
"Don't worry sensei, we can handle them," Raph smirked, knowing he could handle anyone that was thrown his way.
"My son, don't get overconfident," Right as those words left the Foot struck.
Raph ducked as one swung a katana and countered with an uppercut before punching him across the face. Another came and swung their weapon but Raph blocked with his Sai before doing a quick jab to the stomach before head butting the guy. The red clad turtle smirked as the battle continued, the run had pumped him up some and now a fight only added to it which he liked.
Splinter easily blocked the incoming sword blows with his walking stick. Two Foot ninja were double teaming the rat but they weren't fairing. Splinter blocked one blow and struck the guy on the wrist with is walking stick, causing the sword to drop to the ground before he repeated with the other guy. Twirling the stick he then used the thick part of his weapon and swung it against their heads, knocking them to the ground.
An ear twitched as a high pitch sound soared through the air. Splinter ducked as an arrow sailed passed him. Both eyes looked as he saw a lone Foot with a bow and quiver on him. He had to be dealt with now. Cracking his tail like a whip Splinter hit one ninja that was coming from behind before leaping towards the ranged ninja. He passed a few more Foot ninja till he got to the one he's aiming for. A few yards left to go Splinter jumped in the air and soared in a jump kick. He made contact and knocked the Foot back, the blow stunning the guy.
He then looked over at Raphael and saw his son fairing fine on his own. He was taking down the foot easily as the number of their enemies dwindled. Both eyes then saw another Foot coming and Splinter held his walking stick up as metal collided with wood. Both the man and rat grunted as they pushed each other back.
Splinter pushed the guy back a couple of feet before something unexpected happened. The Foot ninja then removed his left hand from the handle of the katana and threw something into Splinter's eyes.
"AH!" the rat cried out as he broke his hold and stumbled back, both of his eyes now burning. Apparently a chili bomb was thrown in his eyes, blinding him. Not being able to see made Splinter lose focus as a blow to the head was felt, knocking the rat to the ground.
Both of his eyes managed to open just a bit to see the same Foot ninja drop the sword and pull out a knife. Raising his hand the guy brought the knife down, but Splinter grabbed the guy's wrist, stopping the fatal blow for now. The ninja towered over Splinter as he tried to overpower the rat and stab him, but there was resistance.
Splinter's arms started to burn as he tried to stop the Foot ninja's stab. His free hand had been pinned down to prevent him from getting leverage. His teeth gritted as he tried to push back but the knife kept getting lower, getting closer to his heart. Fear started to build up in the rat as he realized that he may die right now.
"Father!" both ears heard his son's voice as a grunt was made and all of a sudden the resistance was gone.
Confusion ran through the rat's head, both eyes were shut so he couldn't see what was going on. The resistance gone but the presence still towering on him. Both eyes slowly started to open as the burning in his eyes decreased, but then both of them widen as he saw his attacker. A metal tip stuck out from his chest, his son's bulky figure behind him.
The Foot ninja then keeled over and onto the ground, a small pool of blood now starting to form from the wound. Splinter then looked over at Raphael, a shocked and almost terrified look on his face.
"Raph...Raphael?" Splinter's voice suddenly managed to say.
"S-Sensei…a…a-a-are you…ok?" Raph's shaky works came out. Apparently he must have been in some sort of shock.
"Yes…my son…I am," the rat managed to responded he got to his feet. Both eyes scanned the area and found all the Foot ninjas down and out…well not all of them. Both eyes then looked and found his son's empty right hand shaking, and covered with some blood.
"Sensei…" Raph started to speak, his works shaking as his breathing became uneven. "Is he…"
Both of Splinter's eyes looked over at the down ninja, a pool of blood already forming. Both eyes saw the Sai that was stabbed in the guy's back. He wasn't moving, he didn't even need to check to confirm it. "Yes Raphael…he's gone."
Footsteps were heard as Splinter turned and saw his son running over to the edge of the roof and threw up. The upchucking sounds hitting his ears as the realization finally hit him. His son, Raphael just had his first kill. Out of all his sons Raph is the first one to experience this, and the worst thing, he didn't know what to do. A sigh left the rat as his ears flatten against his head. Still looking at his son Splinter then walked over to the red clad turtle, who was still upchucking.
"Breathe my son, you'll be ok," Splinter rubbed circles on his son's shell.
After a minute Raph managed to stop throwing up, heaving as he tried to recollect himself. "I don't feel good…it's like I'm feeling sick."
"It is alright, it's good you feel this way," Splinter responded. Even if he didn't know what it was like killing someone he still knew signs that distinct how one felt about it.
"Why?"
"It proved…you didn't enjoy it…the sight made you feel sick."
The emerald green turtle processed these words but there was something else he felt. He wasn't sure what it was but yet didn't say anything. After finally getting himself together he moved away from the ledge and walked over to the down ninja. The sight of the guy made Raph's stomach churn, threatening to bring about another hurling session. Still he managed to stomach it as he reached and pulled the Sai out.
Splinter watched what his son did, he seemed to be handling this well…a little too well. "My son…are you ok?"
"I'm fine," Raph responded in his normal voice, his shell to his father.
"Are you sure? Because-"
"Sensei I'm fine…" Raph responded quickly, cutting off his father. "Please…can we go home now?"
The rat opened his mouth to make a response but stopped. Apparently his son wasn't fine, and yet he seemed to not want to talk about it. It was understandable, a first kill is traumatic and it could maybe take his sons some time to process this. So he gave a nod, "Alright my son."
Twenty minutes later both master and student were approaching the door that lead to the lair. The walk back was spent in silence. Neither Splinter nor Raph had said anything. Splinter is concerned for what his son maybe feeling but didn't want to pry right now, not sure how his son would react. Just as they were in front of the concealed door Raph spoke up.
"Sensei…uh…"
"What is it my son?"
The red clad turtle adverted his eyes as he spoke, "Can…can you please…not say anything about what happened?"
An eye rose on Splinter, "How come Raphael?"
"I just…don't want them to know yet…please I'll tell them myself but…please I don't want them to know."
Splinter saw the distress on his son's face and apparently could understand. Chances are his brothers would ask questions and that was something the emerald green turtle couldn't handle right now. As much as he didn't want to do it he knew he had to respect his son's wishes. "I will not say anything."
"Thank you sensei," Raph bowed some but was stopped by his master's hand on his shoulder.
"But remember this, if this continues to bother you, I'm here to talk. No matter what time of the day it is."
This comment made Raph freeze some, now making him feel a bit bad. Still he shoved the emotions back as he nodded, "Yes sensei." The door was then opened as Raph walked in, Splinter watching his son go in before he followed, not liking the feeling he was getting from what's to come.
The rest of the night went on as normal as it could. They were greeted by everyone, but Raph walked by all of them and headed for his room. They were confused at this and turned to their sensei to ask what was wrong with Raph. Splinter said that he wasn't feeling good, which wasn't a lie since Raph really wasn't feeling good.
Splinter went to sleep that night, worried about his son's wellbeing. He knew a first kill was big and one would want to talk about what happened, but Raphael is always stubborn. He wouldn't admit there was something wrong with him emotionally. It pained him but he would have to wait till his second oldest to come to him, that's the only way he can help.
Raph on the other hand is wide awake in his hammock, sleep eluding him for the most part. He tossed and turned, but he didn't close his eyes. When he did that the first time a chill ran down his spine as the memory came back. That one Foot ninja's face, well mask, would be staring at him, just staring. Then his distraught voice being heard, accusing him of what he did. Both eyes opened once again, making the images disappear.
He just laid there in his hammock, wired awake because of the images he's seeing. The same feelings from earlier coming back, but the red clad turtle shoved them back, not wanting to deal with it. "It's nothing…" he said to himself, shaking his head. "Just my mind playing tricks nothing more." Once again he closed his eyes to try and sleep but the images came once again, preventing him to get the sleep he needed.
The next few days progressed but Raph seemed to get a bit worse. The day after the emerald green turtle wasn't talking as much, he ignored everyone's comments and kept to himself. And also it seemed like the smallest thing would cause him to snap. Mikey made one joke about Raph not looking good and the red clad turtle yelled at him saying to mind his own business before storming off somewhere else.
Splinter watched as his son got worse and even tried to initiate a conversation with him, but Raph would always say he's fine. Nothing more could be gotten out of him. Raph on the other hand was struggling with how he's enduring with his emotions. A feeling of dread kept building up inside of him and it wouldn't go away. He kept pushing it back but it always came back strong. What's worse is that the Foot ninja's face kept popping up almost everywhere. He couldn't rid himself of the image and wanted it gone. It was almost like he was being haunted by the guy.
It was three days after the event when things picked up more. They were all practicing, doing weaponless spars, mainly because Splinter thought using them would only make his son's condition worse.
Both of his eyes watched as Leonardo and Donatello were currently in a session. They were circling one another and throwing blows at one another as the rat sensei corrected any mistakes in the blows.
"Donatello, don't overextend your arm, you'll leave yourself open for an attack," Splinter corrected his second youngest.
The purple clad turtle nodded as he continued to trade blows and followed his sense's advice. Still Leo countered the hits by blocking. This went on for a few minutes until Splinter tapped his walking stick on the ground, motioning for them to stop.
"That is enough my sons, you did well." The two turtles bowed before their sensei before moving over to the sidelines. "Michelangelo, Raphael it is your turn."
"Awesome," Mikey responded as he stood on his feet and went to the center.
Raph remained silent as he took a couple of breathes before standing up as well and joining his youngest brother. Once ready they both bowed at their sensei before bowing to each other before getting into stand. They both circled on another as one waited for the other to make their move.
Raph's eyes then closed as his head shook, an all too familiar feeling resurfacing. Both eyes open but apparently Mikey took advantage of the distraction and made a jab to the red clad turtle's side, causing the turtle to wince and stumble back.
"Raphael, focus," Splinter's voice called out.
The emerald green turtle only grunted in response as he resumed his battle stance. As they circled once more Raph froze as his eyes tried to play tricks on him, it caused his eyes to widen. Instead of Mikey he changed into the same Foot ninja from before. His heart started to pound as he saw this and it was then the guy made a charge for him. Out of reaction Raph ducked at the punch and uppercut the guy, making him fly and hit the ground. The red clad turtle then jumped onto the guy and held him down as he pulled out a Sai and raised it above his head.
"No!" Leo and Don shouted as they moved and grabbed their brother's hand, stopping the blow from coming.
Of course Raph struggled but it was then the image of the Foot ninja left and was replaced with his brother, who was frozen and had a shocked look on his face. Raph's breathing increased as he dropped his weapon and got up, moving back some.
"Raph, what the shell were you thinking!?" Leo shouted.
"I…I…" the red clad turtle tried to explain but couldn't
The tap of Splinter's walking stick echoed, catching their attention. "Michelangelo are you are alright?"
"Yes…sensei," Mikey responded as he got to his feet.
The age rat then turned to talk to his second eldest but saw that he was leaving the dojo, much to the confusion to everyone.
"What is with Raph?" Don asked out loud. "He's been acting weird for the past few days."
"I don't know, but it must be serious if he nearly killed Mikey," Leo responded.
Splinter heard his son's words and decided to get to the bottom of things. "My sons, practice your katas, I need to talk to your brother and I'll be back." Without hearing a response the rat sensei exited the dojo in pursuit of his son. He caught him about to go up to his room, "Raphael, wait!"
The red clad turtle stopped and slowly turned, facing his master a worried look on his face. "Yes sensei?"
"My son…what happened back there?" he stopped right in front of his son, eyes locked onto him.
"It's nothing…just a reaction," Raph lied, not wanting to tell the truth.
"Raphael, please don't lie."
"Look it was nothing I couldn't handle."
"You nearly killed your brother," The comment made Raph wince, the expression clearly visible to the rat sense.
"Please sensei…I don't want to talk about it."
"My son…you are troubled still…the…incident that occurred is still plaguing you, am I right?"
That comment made Raph silent, not responded after a few seconds. "Please Master Splinter…I don't want to…"
"You are suffering because of it…you have some pent up emotions."
Raph turned, not able to look at his father, "Please…I just…need to be by myself."
Splinter sighed at this, his son was again pushing him away from a talk they needed to have. He could have ordered him to do so but in his son's mental condition it wouldn't help. So he had to let it go, "Very well my son…but please…anytime you want to talk I'm always available."
Raph hung his head as he started up the stairs, "Thank you…" Both eyes watched as his son walked up and eventually to his room. The situation is hitting him big time and there's nothing he can do to help right now.
Things progressed normally for the rest of the day, Raph stayed in his room most of the day and avoided everyone. His brothers were curious as to what was going on but Splinter told them to give him space, which they followed. That night Splinter once again went to sleep worried about his son, this couldn't go on for much longer.
Sometime during the night as everyone slept Raph tossed and turned in his hammock as he tried to once again try to sleep but once again the Foot ninja's face appeared, accusing him of his death. Every time it happened once his eyes closed, making him lose sleep. He hadn't been able to get a good night's sleep and it was already starting to take its toll. Raph's dead tired and couldn't help but close his eyes but that's when the images came back waking him back up.
He then sat up in his hammock, breathing increased as the images got worse. His head shook as he tried to rid himself of them but they weren't leaving. He wanted them gone, he no longer wanted to hear the voice. "I can't take it….I want them to stop!"
Tossing his blanket aside Raph hopped out and exited his room. A minute later he stood in front of his father's room, hesitating.
"Anytime you want to talk I'm always available," his father's words returning to him. He knew his sensei told him anytime but did this count? He didn't want to disturb his father's sleep but he couldn't take it anymore. Being careful he reached up and slid the door opened and entered and then closed it.
Both eyes scanned the darken room as he spotted his father's sleeping form. Moving over he stood by his father's bed and kneeled down. Apparently his footsteps were loud because the age rat turned as both eyes opened, fully being awake as he saw his son's presence.
"Raphael…what's wrong?" He asked, even though he knew the answer.
"Please…make them go away," Raph's weaken and distressed voice could be heard.
A minute later a match was sparked to life as the burning stick was brought to a candle, lighting it. The flame illuminated a small part of the room as it was placed down between both master and student. After seeing his son in distress the rat sensei woke up, knowing his son needed him right now. A talk is going to happen, a much needed on.
Both of them sat down across from one another, both silent. Splinter set the candle down as he took a big breathe of air, "Tell me my son, what is wrong?"
Raph looked at the candle, focusing on the flame. "I can see the guy's face…every time I close my eyes. He's just…looking at me…accusing me of his death. It won't go away and I can't take it anymore."
"Unfortunately Raphael…that is what always happens. A part of our minds always retains something of the like because we feel guilt of what we did."
Raph then looked up at his father, taken back at the statement. "But…sensei…why would I feel guilty? I mean if…if I didn't…you know…stop him then he wouldn't have killed you."
Splinter nodded at this, "I know…you did what you had to do. It was me or him that night and unfortunately it was him who died."
"But…why did I feel sick afterwards?" Both eyes finally looked upon his father, his voice low and a little shaky.
"Believe it or not my son, that is a good thing," That caused a surprised look from the emerald green turtle. The expression already wanting an explanation. "It means you did not like what you did, what you felt sickens you. Forgive the term but it proves you are human. Tell me, how do you feel about killing now?"
Raph took a bit of time trying to compose himself, trying to think about what he was feeling. "I…I don't like it…it was too much of a shock and…I don't wish to experience it again."
"This is good as well…it means that killing doesn't have a hold of you. You do not enjoy it and you won't want to commit to it again."
"So…this is supposed to be normal?"
"Yes…it'll pass, but it'll take a lot of effort. But it'll help a lot more if you have love ones there to aid you."
"I…it's just that…I…um…" Raph had trouble to say so instead he said something else. "I'm sorry…I waited to talk to you."
"Why didn't you talk to me sooner?" Splinter asked, curious as to why they hadn't had this talk much earlier.
Raph sighed as he started talking again, "Sensei…I'm not one to express my emotions…"
"Why not."
"It's just…feels as if it's a weakness…just simple as that."
"It is not healthy to keep those kinds of emotions suppressed. They will only build up until you burst, which is something that'll turn out bad for you."
"I know but…it's just not me."
Splinter then reached over and placed a hand on his son's shoulder, causing the turtle to look at his father. "Raphael, one should not be ashamed to show their softer emotions, it is nothing to worry about. This experience may have shaken you up emotional but it's not good to bottle that up. You need to express your distraught emotions otherwise it'll destroy. You did a good thing by coming to me when you were ready. I am here for you and I know your brothers will be here to help you."
"I…thank you father…" Raph managed to say, slowly starting to feel a bit better.
"One last thing…I am grateful that you save my life my son, I am indebted to you," he bowed to his son.
"No you're not," Raph managed to say with a yawn. This was something he didn't want his father to own him. Not after what he did and because it wasn't right. "You own me nothing."
Splinter saw the yawn and realized that maybe they could continue this later when they were rested. "My son, why don't we continue this in the morning, when we're both focused?"
"Yes…I think that's a good idea," Raph nodded, but then a fear of not being able to sleep came back. The ninja's face popping back up came back as his fist clenched and shook. Splinter got up and was about to blow out the candle when he felt a hand on his robe. Turning he saw Raphael holding it.
"Something else wrong?"
"I…I don't want to be alone right now," Raph's shaky voice spoke. "I can't…I don't want to be alone with my thoughts."
A feeling of Déjà vu hit the aged rat as he heard this. This was a secret question his son sent out, since he didn't really want to ask it. He knew Raphael needed someone with him if he were to sleep, and he knew just how to help.
Blowing out the candle Splinter then helped his son to his feet, "I won't leave you by yourself my son, now please come."
"Thank you," Raph responded as he was lead over to his father's bed. Pulling the covers out Splinter eased his son down onto the bed before laying down himself, covering themselves with the blanket.
Splinter then rubbed circles on his son's shell, "Sleep my son, I am here and there's nothing to worry about."
Raph sighed as he felt the soothing comfort of his father, glad to know he's not alone to deal with his emotions by himself. Both of his eyes slowly started to drop as exhaustion started to set in. "Thank you…father." A feeling of safety now covered him now since he was in his father's presence.
"You are welcome," Splinter responded as his son started to drift off, and soon followed. That night Raph managed to get the sleep he needed. The Foot ninja's face never came, nor his voice. The red clad turtle finally had the peace of mind he needed. Thanks to his father, who was there to keep him safe from all those thoughts.
A/N: Hope you like. I tried hard on this and believe me I was close to breaking this into different chapter. But I wanted to have this scene at the end for the first chapter because it's a trend i'm following. Anyway I'll try to work on the second chapter when I can. Till then thank you for reading.