Alcohol Helps
A Hetalia fanfiction
A/N- Holy shit, ANOTHER ff in three days. :P I wanted to write some USUK now. This fic has mentions of Spamano and PruCan, but it's not really the main focus. Also, I apologize in advance for any OOCness. Anyway, enjoy!
~000~
"Oi! Wanker! Get back here!"
"You have to catch me first, Artie!"
Sighing, a blonde watched the irritated English man start running after the American, leaving his fallen paperwork on the ground. He readjusted his glasses out of habit, then bent down to pick up the scattered pages.
More yelling was heard in front of him, and the Canadian glanced over his glasses to see Arthur's hands around the taller man's arm, trying to tug him back. Failing miserably because of his height difference, he was just being dragged off.
"Fuck! Stop moving, Alfred!"
"Nu-uh! I'm not gonna be caught that easily!"
The Canadian shook his head, sighing again before continuing to pick up the papers, setting them in (what he thought) was the correct order. The rumble continued in front of him, along with a lot of curses spilling out of the Arthur's mouth in no particular order.
"Yo, Mattie! Help me out here, bro!" Alfred called, his voice strained. Matthew glanced up to see Arthur's hands firmly latched around the American's wrists, Alfred trying to get free.
Knowing he wouldn't be able to take no for an answer, Matthew stood and took a step forward to help his brother. Before he could get any farther, however, arms circled around his waist and he was yanked backwards with a yelp. He also dropped the papers, and they fluttered to the floor.
"Aww, let them let out their sexual tension, Mattheiu. There is no need for you to help," a French accent said, sighing. Matthew struggled to look up through his bangs to see Francis nuzzling the Canadian's hair. Matthew went limp against the French man's chest, knowing he wouldn't be able to escape any time soon.
"Come on, Francis, let the poor kid go," another voice complained. The voice belonged to Gilbert, one of Francis' best friends, and he was quite irritated that was how Francis always decided to greet him everyday.
Pouting, Francis let the Canadian go, and Matthew crouched down to pick up the papers again, this time not caring if they were in the right order. Sloppily pulling them into a messy pile, he tapped the bottom of the pile on the floor, setting them all in the right direction. He stood up again, finally seeing the parade of people who had walked in.
Francis had come in with Gilbert and Antonio, Lovino following Antonio. The Italian was texting on his phone, Matthew guessed it was Bella or his brother Feliciano, and Antonio was getting closer and closer to the unsuspecting Lovino. An extremely loud curse was shouted behind the Canadian all of the sudden, the voice belonging to his brother instead of Arthur.
"You can be such an asshole, Artie!" Alfred snapped. Matthew whirled around seeing the two blondes eye to eye, and he had just barely caught Arthur flinching only slightly at the comment. Arthur looked slightly hurt, but it looked like Arthur was so oblivious, he didn't notice it. The English man took a step backwards, his hands tight fists at his side and his head held high.
"I can be an asshole? Are you high, you bloody idiot? You're always an asshole! You never treat me or anyone with any fucking respect!" he hissed, holding his hand out to motion to the group and Matthew. Alfred's eye twitched.
"Dude, what the hell are you taking about?" he asked, crossing his arms.
"You're always finding ways to push Mattie around. You always seem to take advantage of me or Kiku in one way or another. You never stop eating fast food. You're always picking fights with Ivan about bloody foolish things. You're obnoxious, and you always act like you're most important, you pig-headed wanker!"
Matthew took a step forward, wanting to break the two up before anything got ugly, but Francis grabbed him by his shoulder. Mattie turned to see the French man shaking his head slowly.
Alfred snorted. "At least I don't get drunk after having three drinks. Or have really thick eyebrows," he said coldly. "At least I'm not phsyco, thinking there are little green rabbits with wings flying around my head, believe in unicorns and magic, or can't cook to save my li-."
Smack.
Matthew couldn't believe what had just happened, but it had. Arthur had raised his hand and had dealt a quick and painful slap across Alfred's cheek, much to the surprise of everyone. Alfred was stunned silent, for once.
"You... you..." Arthur was looking down at the floor, but then he looked up at the American, a harsh glare affixed to his face. "You are a bloody, oblivious fool." His voice was wavering, but Alfred didn't notice. Then he calmly walked away, not bothering to grab the papers that Alfred had shoved out of his hands earlier.
It wasn't until Arthur had walked away that Alfred spoke again.
"Well, screw you," he muttered, his hands brushing the angry red mark that was slowly appearing on his cheek. Sighing, he walked away in the opposite direction, leaving in silence.
The group was silent until they were sure the two blondes were gone.
"Well, shit," Gilbert said. "That was certainly different than their other fights."
Francis sighed, putting his hand to his head. "I'm telling you, it's sexual tension."
Matthew put his head to the side, confused. "Usually Arthur just yells at him some more. Why did he slap him?"
"I'm not sure..." Gilbert said after a moment.
"He's in love!" Francis shrieked, exasperated, like the answer was oblivious but no one was answering correctly. "Do you know how it feels to have those hurtful, tasteless words thrown in your face by the one you love?"
Matthew sighed. "No, I don't. I haven't loved anyone before."
Beside him, Gilbert coughed, shifting slightly, but Matthew ignored him. Francis didn't though, and smirked.
"You will soon, Matthieu," he said, but then changed the subject so quickly Matthew couldn't comment. "If you have not, just look at Toni and Lovi!"
Lovino stopped texting and looked at Francis with an irritated expression. "What. Don't call me fucking "Lovi", you pervert," he said dangerously before he was tackled by Antonio. "What the hell, bastard?"
"He's saying how we're a happy couple, Lovi!" he said cheerfully. The way Antonio said "Lovi" made Matthew expect a little heart to appear over Antonio's head. Lovino blushed deeply, but still wore the annoyed expression as he tried to shove the Spaniard off.
"They are prime examples! Toni is used to Lovi's rude remarks. But if Toni would say something bad to Lovi, I'm sure he would be hurting," Francis said dramatically, putting his wrist to his forehead, ignoring Lovino's protesting about the nickname.
"Alright, alright," Matthew said, crossing his arms. "How do you suppose we get them to confess their feelings?"
Creepily enough, Francis, Gilbert, and Antonio laughed, all at the same time. Matthew exchanged looks with Lovino, who looked like this was absolutely normal and not creepy at all.
"We get them drunk, birdie!" Gilbert said, smirking.
"And lock them in a room alone..." Antonio added, throwing an arm around Lovino.
"And hope for the best!" Francis finished, laughing.
Matthew looked worried. "And hope they don't kill each other?"
"Exactly!" All three responded.
Matthew didn't look any more comfortable about this plan, especially because Francis was going to be there, and they all knew that Francis and Arthur got along better than apples and oranges.
"Are you sure you want to d-" Matthew continued nervously, but was interrupted by Gilbert's impatient sigh.
"Look, if you don't want to, you don't have to. We are going to."
"Well, I'll be glad to help if you guys need them both," a voice behind them said, causing them all to spin around out of fright. The owner of the voice was Kiku Honda, and he looked slightly determined at the plan.
"Holy Jesus, Kiku!" Gilbert shouted, gasping to get his breath back.
Kiku bowed, murmuring a quiet and polite apology. "I agree with Francis, however, about the importance of Alfred and Arthur's confessions."
Matthew raised an eyebrow. "By getting them drunk and locking them in a room?"
Kiku nodded, and Matthew sighed.
"Fine, fine. So who's gonna be there to make sure they don't kill each other?"
Francis and Kiku immediately raised their hands, Gilbert looking not so sure.
"I have grudges against Eyebrows and Loud-mouth," Antonio said simply. "I think it'd be better if I don't come. Besides," he paused as he pulled Lovino closer to him, kissing his temple. "I'm busy tonight." Lovino seemed lost for words, his face turning red immediately.
Matthew nodded, adding "I should come. Alfred is my brother after all."
Francis grinned. "So it's settled!"
~000~
"Why exactly are we doing at my house?" Matthew muttered as Gilbert set a whole bunch of empty glasses on the coffee table along with some wine. The Prussian grinned, taking a seat beside the Canadian and opening a bottle of beer he pulled out of his bag.
"Simple. Arthur wouldn't want to go to Francis' house, but he would to yours," Gilbert said, taking a swig out of the bottle. Matthew stared at it for a moment.
"Please try not to get drunk if it's at all avoidable," he asked quietly, not wanting to deal with three drunk men in his house.
Gilbert laughed again, but set the bottle down on the table. "It's impossible for me to get drunk without Lud or Toni. Don't worry," he said, but Matthew still didn't look convinced.
Right at that moment, the doorbell rang, so the Canadian stood up to open the door. Twisting the handle, he found the four they were waiting for at the door. The only thing was Arthur and Alfred had their arms crossed, millions of silent words flinging themselves at each other at the opposite person, the tension so thick Kiku and Francis looked a little depressed.
"C-Come in," Matthew said, a little aback at the emotions running high outside of his door. They all filed themselves in the door and into the living room, all taking seats around the coffee table.
Gilbert muttered a few things in German Matthew couldn't understand (but he was sure they were curses), and motioned for Matthew to take a seat before he did. Matthew happily obliged, sitting next to Alfred but nearly flinching at how bitter he seemed.
Oh well, he concluded. This is where the alcohol will help.
~000~
Matthew was right when he said the alcohol would help, because in no time Arthur and Alfred were slurring their words as they talked animatedly to the others. They weren't however talking to each other that much. The others exchanged glances and in a second Francis stood up, clapping his hands.
"Well! It looks like we're out of wine again!" he said nervously. "Come on, Kiku, let's go out and get some more!"
Kiku nodded, and they scurried out of the room after giving one last glance at Gilbert, but it didn't sound like they left the house. Matthew figured they were just hiding in the other room.
"Hey, birdie? You got any pancakes in the house?" Gilbert asked. "I'm starving." Matthew glanced at Gilbert, confused, but nodded.
"Here, I'll go get you some," he said, standing.
"I'll help!" Gilbert interjected, grabbing Matthew's hand and dragging him out of the room. They hid in the hallway with Kiku and Francis, pressing themselves against the wall.
"What ar-" Matthew was interrupted when three hands slapped over his mouth, silencing him immediately. They could hear Arthur and Alfred from the hallway.
"Uhg. I'm gonna be nursing a hangover tomorrow," Alfred joked drunkenly, laughing.
"Pfft, lightweight," Arthur muttered. "I know tomorrow I'm gonna be bloody well fine."
They fell silent, and Kiku and Francis looked a little frustrated.
"Come on, Matthieu," Francis said, pulling him by his wrist into the room, "We have to break the ice." They walked into the room, sitting down at the table again.
"So, Alfred? Do you like Arthur?" Francis asked simply, leaning his head on his palm.
Alfred giggled, nodding. "I've always liked Artie!"
"That's a bloody lie and you damn well know it!" Arthur said, standing up so suddenly he stumbled and dropped his glass.
Alfred pouted, standing as well. "No it's not! I've always liked you!"
Arthur looked like he was gonna cry now. "I've been the one that's always loved you, you bloody wanker."
Before anyone could say anything more, Francis pulled Matthew backwards, away from the table so if things started flying, he wouldn't be hit.
"I thought we were gonna lock them in a room!" Mattie whispered, and Francis smiled sheepishly.
"Oops. Forgot about that part," he said before looking out at the scene in front of him.
"If you really love me," Arthur said, walking up to Alfred with some difficulty, "Why do you always push me around? Why do you call me so many names?"
Alfred looked like he was going to cry now too. He looked down at Arthur, saying, "I only do those things because I love you!"
Sure enough, Arthur started to cry.
Matthew almost wanted to laugh at the cheesiness of it all, but found he couldn't. He also noticed the sounds of a clicking camera, and by looking over, he saw Kiku taking what seemed like hundreds of pictures over from the kitchen doorway.
"No you don't, no you don't," Arthur sobbed, weakly punching Alfred's chest.
Alfred put his hands on either side of Arthur's face, pulling his face close. "Yes I do Artie!"
Arthur looked at the American before murmuring one thing.
"Prove it."
Arthur was swept up into a kiss so quickly he had no clue what had happened until he realized Alfred had his lips on his. He melted, wrapping his arms around him.
Matthew smiled, Francis squealing (seriously, he squealed) excitedly yet quietly beside him. He threw his arms around Matthew, startling him.
"Francis, you're acting like a teenage girl," Gilbert muttered, Matthew yelping at his sudden appearance. Francis let go of the Canadian, grinning up at his friend. They all froze when they heard a moan.
Apparently that kiss got a little two passionate, because the two drunk men were now on the couch, and things were getting a little two warm.
"Oh fuck!" Gilbert said before he started to laugh.
"My couch... my couch," Matthew whimpered, holding his head in his hands.
Kiku popped up beside them, holding his nose which seemed to be bleeding under his hand. " I need to get a few more photos for Liz," he said simply, choosing a new spot in the room to photograph the two.
Francis chucked huskily, before standing and trying to reach the two blondes in front of him. Gilbert looped his arms around his friend's waist, pulling him out of the room.
"Aww, please? They're so vulnerable when they're drunk!" The French man whined, struggling against the Prussian.
"Nu-uh," Gilbert said, laughing. Matthew followed the others, not in the mood to see what was going on in the room behind him on his couch.
"You guys are buying me a new couch," he muttered.
But then he realized something.
"Wait. Whose taking those two home?"
~000~
W-What is this? This is not what I expected this to turn out into. I'M SORRY GUYS. D:
Reviews would be nice however. Anyone who reviews gets a cookie.