Author's Note: So yeah. Had this somewhere in my computer. Not that great, but Maiden of Books wanted me to upload something...
Summary: If only life were so kind. If only he were still here. If only she had been more careful. If, if, if, if. The world has no ifs. You could only live with the truth. Or die. But she couldn't, because he wouldn't allow it.
Disclaimer: Do not own. Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto-san.
If Only
She could bear it no longer. He was gone. Gone from her team, gone from Konoha—gone. Gone from her. She missed him. His presence. His aura that he always reflected whenever they were together. She missed his arrogant cockiness. His smirk. His glare. His eyes. Those beautiful white eyes.
And maybe it really was her fault. Because she hadn't the power to stop his death. Because all she could do was cry by his side while he slowly faded away. Because she didn't have the strength to rush him back into Konoha. Because, because, because. Because she was all too inadequate—and she knew it.
This anguish. Should she really suffer through all this when there was another simple answer? The mouth of the tunnel. The unlocked door. It was there. But, the problem was, did she really want to consider that? Before, she would never even think of such a thought. But now, she felt… empty. Hopeless. Maybe is she had died and taken his place, there would have been less mourning. It would have been better. For him, for his family, and for her. Mostly her. Maybe because she was selfish to do so, but if that happened, it would have definitely been for her.
With a shaky resolve, she thought. If only. If only she could go back in time and rewind the disaster. And take his place. Her death would mean nothing. Nothing at all. Because she had no family. She had no money. No authority or high position in society. Her friends, she knew, would soon forget about her. He, on the other hand, was a genius. A prodigy. Loved by all. He could strive for the better. He had goals—many, in fact—that he had never been able to achieve. And most of all, he had family. Those people cared for him. They worried about him. She didn't.
If she had died instead, things would have been much better. Right? But what about Neji's say in all this? Would he, if given a chance, decide to switch places with her? Would he want to live, and in return, sacrifice Tenten? She never considered that.
But he did. That is why. Why he died. Because he couldn't bear her leaving him. Because that was what he felt was better. She had a bright future. She had a sunny disposition, a bright smile. She had everything he didn't – everything he couldn't – receive. She had friends. Even if she didn't think so, they would remember her always. She was good at that—touching a person's heart. She was good at reading people; she was a great listener. She was a great friend everyone would have wanted. She was everything he wanted. Everything he would gladly risk his life for.
For her.
Because, he thought bitterly, love did that to a person, didn't it? He used to believe that love was such a useless emotion. It was a hindrance. A weakness.
But she changed that. In fact, the rules he had set for himself blurred. He could not see clearly whenever she talked to him. Whenever she smiled. Those previously well-defined lines he had set became undistorted.
Would her pain dissolve if she died now? Would she? She didn't want to live. Her life became so dull, so bleak. But the problem was; would he approve?
She laughed sourly. Since when had she started looking for his approval? She was independent. She didn't need him defining what was to happen and what wasn't. Who was he to tell her what to do?
Yet, she knew. She always knew. She had allowed him control. Because he controlled her emotions. Anything he did could well set her on another emotional roller coaster.
Would they be together if she died?
No. He would be angry. Angry at her. For not continuing to live. To survive. Not for herself, but for him. Why? She demanded answers. Nothing was heard in return.
She sighed in defeat. If she were to live, she would need to regain her strength. So next time, she would not lose another person dear to her. Nonetheless, she wept. Cried until she could cry no more.
Hinata, who stood nearby, watched Tenten quietly. She gazed sadly at her friend. It was horrible sight to behold. Tenten's anguish and grief. It was saddening. Depressing. She made a silent vow to herself. She would help Tenten recover. Her cousin's loss definitely triggered something. It had taken a great toll on her.
Hinata understood. She was assigned the job to piece Tenten back together. It was the mission Neji had given her. She was to take care of Tenten in Neji's absence. Until they met again, she supposed. A sad smile flickered with uncertainty across her lips, as she moved to give Tenten her privacy. She walked back toward her home, leaving behind Tenten. The harsh wind blew past, carrying the story of loss, pain, and grief. The story of Neji and Tenten. It was fitting, she thought, as she escaped the ruthless breeze and ducked inside the house.