Hey. This is like my second first fanfic. My first was rubbish and i sort of like cba to carry it on but here it is...

Disclaimer: me: i own twilight

Edward: no you don't

Me: shut it Eddie. Do you want Bella to be killed in this story? No didn't think so.

Edward: I know you wouldn't do such a thing so just say it...

Me: NO NEVER AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! MUHAHAHAHA

Edward: just say it

Me: fine. I do not own twilight. Never have and never will

Bella's pov

"Emmett, what's this?" Carlisle asked my big teddy bear of a brother, whilst staring at an envelope that read 'never mind the buzz cocks! A show on BBC three! Addressed to a Mr Emmett Cullen...

"Uh... i ... uh sort of applied for never mind the buzz cocks! And this must be the reply letter to my application form i sent out!" Emmett said grabbing the black envelope with pink patches out of Carlisle's hands and opened it vigorously with excitement "WOOOHOOO!" he shouted "I GOT IN! I GOT IN! I GOT IN!"At that point Edward and i came in to find Emmett jumping from sofa to sofa and then a loud crash sounded and we parted lips to see that the Ming dynasty coffee table and about the thirty fourth window had been smashed into a million pieces as Esme, Alice and Rosalie came running in at in-human speed.

"EMMETT what have you done now?!?!" Esme screamed at him.

"I'm fine!" he said "I crashed through the window and broke the coffee table!"

"Why?"

"I was excited!"

"Why?"

"Because!" he answered knowing that his adoptive mom would be disappointed in him.

"why ?" she asked him determined to get the answer out of him.

"because" he started " i applied for never mind the buzz cocks and when i found out i got in, i was so excited i couldn't control myself ..."

"Yeah, and we all know how hard it is for Emmy bear to control himself don't we!" Edward teased.

"Shut it Eddiekins! Any who, and then i started to jump from sofa to sofa. And i jumped on the coffee table causing it to break and scared of what might happen, and, wanting to try James bond style, i jumped out of the window head first" he finished

"Okay, Emmett since you where so honest about it, i will let you of lightly. Jasper will go on instead of you." Esme said trying to be reasonable.

"Oh but mom!" he boomed "i worked hard on that application form and waited months for the reply!"

"Okay. I will let you go but i will let Rosalie punish you in a way that i can't!" she nodded towards rose and rose nodded back.

" right that is it Emmett, you know i hate punishing you but if you can't take care of other people's property then i can't take care of yours ." she pointed out matter-of-factly "no sex for two months"

"Ok, i guess i will have to take it like a man" he said.

Edward sniggered and so i slapped his arm playfully. "What?" he asked

"Don't snigger! It's mean. Oh well i guess Emmett will just have to deal with us making love for 2 months through the wall