AN: All my stories are meant to be read with music and accompanying picture links. As ffnet doesn't allow for hot linking, feel free to follow the links on my pat-re-on page (/konamikode) and read my stuff as it was intended :3

This is a story with lewd situations. Specific chapters that cause heavy breathing will be posted on Questionable Questing where this story is already posted with fun *bonus* features. Something else to mention is that ffnet is eating my formatting alive on all my stories I'm transferring over.

So yeah, I highly recommend going to Sufficient Velocity or Questionable Questing to read my stuff. I'm really just posting here to up my readerbase.

Anyway, on we go~

Fucking Deku!

A fluffy, fun story of an explosively bitchy girl and her awkward loser of a childhood friend who she kinda, sorta, just may be crushing on-

"Aaaaaah!? Stop saying useless shit! I'll kill you!"

Commissioned by shaderic
Word Count: 3430

Tankobon 1: Hey guy~

Chapter 1: My childhood friend is an easily misled idiot so I held his hand

Chapter 1 Addendum: And he held mine

If there's one thing that I hate doing is waking up early. If I had my choice, I'd spend at least an hour every morning just lounging half asleep and lazily wrapped around my blankets in a relaxed haze.

Unfortunately, there's three things I need to take care of every morning without fail.

First, and most important, morning training.

Whether it's going for a run through the neighborhood or doing weight training in the basement, I wake up every school day at four thirty in the morning to get an hour of sweat built up. I've been aiming for UA even before my quirk became active so I've been doing this for a while now.

The next hour and a half I spend getting ready for the day. Sure I could cut that down to thirty minutes, twenty if I'm really pushing it. Thing is, I like to take my time in the shower and let the built up grime and endorphins get swept away.

Also long hair, makeup, and making sure I look fucking good is a top priority.

As a woman aiming to be a superhero, it's basically a necessity to be camera ready at any moment in time.

"G-good morning Mitsuki-san!"

"Izuku-kun! Come in, come in! Go ahead and take a seat at the table, Katsuki got back a little late from her run so she's going to be a minute~"

It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that fucking Deku thought I was a guy until we hit middle school.

Fucking. Idiot. Graaaaaargh!

Ah, er. Anyway, speaking of that dumbass, food is next up on the list after making sure my homework is good to go and that I'm looking hot enough to make professional models seethe in envy.

Or check if their stiffies are working in the case of any straight guy within a hundred meter radius.

Most of them anyway.

"Morning Mom. What we got for grub?" I called out, flicking my waist length and carefully straightened hair out of the way as I climbed down the stairs and into the dining room.

I grunted at her overly cheery reply, pulling out my chair next to Deku's own and sitting down to wolf down my standard three bowls of rice, two flanks of salmon, small miso, and a half a dozen eggs worth of tamago with gusto.

"Hi Kacchan! Good morning!" My green haired and eyed numbskull of a childhood friend happily greets between bites of his own, smaller portion of food.

"Mrgh." I grunt, focusing on my own, larger servings with long suffering annoyance.

Seriously Deku, don't you know anything about girls? You're making me feel like a fucking fatass here every other god damned morning.

The other mornings where I go pick your useless, meatless twig of a body up for school isn't any different.

God, at least there I feel less annoyed about it since his mom piles more food on his plate and nags at him to eat more.

What was that? It's fine because I burn so many calories everyday with my training and quirk usage? Oh I'm sorry, I didn't fucking realize that I'm being irrational with everything I do to keep my body running and looking perfect.

"Today was cardio day for you right? Ah, were you late because you ran all the way to UA and back? That's awesome Kacchan! That's nearly twenty one miles total in an hour forty! You almost kept a five minute mile pace that entire time!" Deku exulted, looking at me with those harmlessly wide doe eyes of his.

"More or less." I mumble under the pretense of shoveling a bowl of rice into my mouth to hide my pleased preening and slight surprise at his ever present predictive ability.

It's scary how good Deku is at data analysis. You give the guy a moment to scribble a few sentences and numbers into his notebook and five seconds later he's spitting out the next thing you're going to say before you can even think them.

Some days I'm not sure if he actually has a number crunching quirk and no one's noticed, or if he's just that big of a geek.

Holding my sideways glance towards the hunched over boy who's already rapidly updating a fresh page of statistics, I snort into my now finished bowl and put it down on the table with a soft clink.

No Mom. I'm not going to open my eyes and have a wordless argument with that 'subtly sly' eyebrow wiggle I already know you're doing.

I don't even have the heart to be worried or creeped out. That's just Deku being Deku. It's not like he's got my sizes or monthly pain in the neck charted out or something.

The dweeb couldn't even stutter out a conversation for the rest of the day after we stopped by the store on the way to school that one time. Him for a soda and me for the same plus some feminine hygiene products I'd run out of the day before.

Heh. That's right Deku. I'm a girl. Deal with it.

… huh? Right.

Honestly it's pretty nice to have someone keeping track of my data, kinda like a personal trainer. Less time for me to keep track of shit when I can just get a copy of Deku's notes on the way home.

Haaah?

Of course we walk home together.

Walking home alone is lame and we live right next to each other anyway. Dunno why everyone makes such a big deal. It's not like we're dating regardless of whatever rumor of the week is flying around.

Pff. Me an Deku? A thing?

Yeah sure, and he's secretly All Might's bastard love child.

The likelihood of him ever having the spine to ask me out is zilch and if I ever, just maybe so happened to catch a thing for him and chased the panicky little geek down?

Ah well, I think he might actually die.

Seriously, do you know how hard it was to get him to call me Katsuki properly once we got into middle school?

"Thanks for the food Mitsuki-san! Kacchan and I need to go now!" As in he still hasn't called me by my first name in the past… uh, since we met actually.

"Mhm~ you know it's fine if you two skip a day or two every month to go on a date right? I completely approve one hundred percent!" Mom cheerfully chirrups, idly wrapping her arms around Dad's shoulders and pinching his grimacing cheeks into smile. "Father does too!"

"Awahawwwawa- grk-" The literal idiot currently incapable of speech chokes as I roll my eyes and jerk him towards the door by the back of his collar.

"Nice to know you approve Mom, Old Man." I giggle in that high pitched, annoying way other girls do when they're about to do something hilariously terrible. "C'mon Izuku-kun, time's a wasting and I don't wanna waste a minute of our reservation time!"

"RESERVATION!?" Dad's bellow is drowned out by the cacophony of his shirt exploding off his chest and the well worn blast door I kick closed buckling against the pressure wave of the shockwave.

I'd rather not think about it, but Mom has needs and you need to take a day off of work. You're welcome my annoying mother and overprotective father.

"Hrk- K-Kaach-an!"

Oh, right.

"You gonna panic and pass out if I let you go?" I ask, raising an eyebrow at the shorter boy I'm currently manhandling like he's more of a pet than my best friend of ten years.

A quick series of jerking nods later, I snort and let go of the gasping boy's collar before spinning him around by the shoulder and taking his weakly resisting hand in mine. "C'mon Deku. We're gonna be late if you don't get your shit together."

"Hyah!? K-Kacchan! I can walk fine on my own, you can let go of my hand- Kacchan!" I easily ignore the somewhat annoying mosquito buzzing in the midst of the most confusing time of his life and continue dragging Deku's stumbling ass towards class.

If I let him go right now he's either going to need twenty minutes to reboot or he's gonna run off in a random direction like a basket case let loose.

Seriously, I'm not gonna wait for his brain to fix itself or chase his speedy little ass down. If I do that, my perfect attendance rate might get fucked over on the very real chance we're late to class.

Leave him?

The fuck, why would I do that? Do you know the kind of trouble little weenies like him attract out of the woodwork?

Fuck no I ain't gonna let him be snatched up to be some bitch's little errand boy. The hell kind of hero would I be if I let an idiot that basically screams "I'm an easy potential victim for extortion since I'm a pussy" be bullied?

"Ah… um… Kacchan, th-there's gonna be more rumors if we show up to school like this." Deku mutters in that stupidly sweet 'I'm a Disney Prince(ess)' whisper as he looks around in panic.

I roll my eyes, carefully narrowing them and maintaining a hard glare at anyone else wearing our school's uniform who stares for too long.

"So what? I don't give a fuck what those mobs say anyway." I grunt and draw Deku closer to my side while sending a murderous glare to the bitch crew whispering to one another and giggling with fingers pointed at the shorter boy next to me.

"Um. But, Kacchan…"

"Do you have a problem with it?" I ask with narrowed eyes as I step slightly closer to the slim teen to glare down at him toweringly.

He gulps and tries to say something but stops when I lightly shove him against the wall and push more forehead against his with a dangerous light dancing behind my eyes.

"Er… no…?" He meeps, shrinking down and tries to press his body through solid concrete in an attempt to free himself from my chest pushing down against his.

"Good! I mean, could you imagine it? You and me actually getting together? It'd be a laugh to see everyone's faces, that's for sure!" I say, stepping back with a grin on my face to give him some breathing room before pulling him along past the gates once more.

"Y-yeah… that'd… be funny." Deku coughs quietly to himself, obviously catching his breath from me pressing against him too hard.

I wince slightly with my back to him as I feel him scrunch a little lower on himself.

Ah damn, maybe I hurt him a little there. Shoulda kept my cool better.

Well… it's not really being late if I take him to the nurses office first to make sure he isn't too bruised, right?

"Wait, you wanna go where!?" I shouted along with the rest of the class at the teacher's admonishment towards the idiot's school of choice.

That was hours ago right after lunch period.

Now we were heading towards the arcade silently, both of us wanting to kill some time and bring some normality back to our usual after school interaction while letting the awkwardness fade.

Well, awkwardness for him and slightly furious disbelief for myself.

I mean, seriously.

Deku. Going to UA?

What. The. Flying. Fuck?

I thought he gave up on that dream years ago… he'd never, not once, brought it up in the last eight years.

I don't know how I'm supposed to feel right now. Part of me says I should be elated. I'm not a dumbass, I know he looks up to me. Almost worships me in some ways.

But at the same time I feel angry. Angry and guilty. I know it's not just because of me he wants to get into the best Hero Academy in the country, I'm not that fucking arrogant. Not about Deku.

We've been together for years. Played together, ate together, bathed together, hell, we even sleep over at one another's houses every so often to study for tests or play games through the night.

Shit. I should've seen this coming. He's wanted to be a hero ever since we were kids. Should've known that he still wants to be a hero more than anything.

So why the fuck did this take me by surprise?

"Kacchan…" He tries to close the growing silence between us. Trying to interrupt the quiet with conversation.

But I'm not ready for this. Not yet. "Shut up Deku. Fucking idiot. Why'd you even put UA down on your list!? You don't even-"

I painfully snap my mouth shut before I can finish that sentence, growling at the flash of pain and coppery well of blood bubbling from my tingling tongue. "Deku, you…" I stutter and stumble with words that won't form in my head.

I can't apologize. It's too late. Even if I didn't actually say it, what I meant was obvious.

You don't even have a quirk. Why?

The plastic water bottle filled with green colored liquid cracks against the wall as I kick it in irritation when Deku steps forward into my peripheral and takes my hand in his.

Surprised at the strength behind the pull that spins me around, I face him with an angry glower that'd normally send him curling in on himself when I pause.

"!"

...Izuku…?

"Deku-"

"KacchanKacchan-"

Whatever either of us were about to say, whatever it was that we were thinking as we glared daggers at one another, we didn't have a chance to elucidate our separate views before a great explosion of goop, and air rushing out of my lungs took away our attention.

Instinct took over as explosions rippled across my bare right arm as I swept it lengthwise against the bubbling tide of green with wide eyes.

It gives me just enough time to push Deku away with my left before the rest of the flood slams over and around my body, trapping me against a viscous fluid I can't ignite my sweat from.

"Deku! Run-" It's all I'm able to get out before the small scale explosions keeping the thick mucus-like substance away from my mouth and nose wraps around my face and stops my skin from reaching the oxygen I need to create the explosive effect of my quirk.

"Hoooo~ a nice body with a nice quirk~" The bastard keeping me trapped chuckles, his mouth forming in front of mine as his eyes leer down at mine with a wide grin.

I can feel him pulling my mouth open, sludge pouring down my nostrils and throat without me even being able to do anything.

About the only thing I can do is tense and widen my eyes when I feel an immense pressure squeezing my torso and causing the last of the air still left in my lungs to burst out in a fit of bubbling gasps.

"Hah! Don't struggle, the pain'll only last for a second before you'll feel better~" He singsongs.

Sh-shit… I'm losing consciousness. I'm not gonna be able to hold on.

I can feel the disgustingly sticky liquid that makes up the villains body slowly creeping up my cheeks, absorbing the small beads of water running down my eyes from the pain of asphyxiation.

Unable to move my limbs, the only thing I can do is watch as several heroes run into the alleyway I was dragged into as Deku watches helplessly, clutching his bag with wide, terror filled eyes that meet mine.

Run you idiot!

"Heh heh… how nice. Don't worry, it'll be over soon-" The slime mutters as I feel the darkness take me to blissful unconsciousness-

And then the villain releases his grip with a flinch, the corner of a backpack striking his eye as Deku runs forward with wide, fearful, but determined eyes!

"Kacchan!" He screams, equally sprinting and stumbling through the alley as the heroes behind him shout for him to get back.

I barely manage to pry off the slightly loosened grip off my face, biting down what I could and swallowing what ooze I couldn't, I cried out for Izuku to stop. "Idiot! Get away-"

And in that short time, my childhood friend is already forehead to forehead against me, desperately using his quirkless fingers in an attempt to rip away the goo holding me captive.

"Kaa-" Deku screams with wide eyes full of terror being completely overshadowed by unyielding determination and panic as his right hand punches into the goop.

I can hear the cracks of bones breaking in his fingers through the green gelatin as he winces with pain and tear filled eyes to push through and strongly grab my weakly moving fingers in his.

"-chan!" The fingers of his other hand break in response to it being forcefully shoved into the hardened goo behind my neck.

*Cr-rack, snap!*

Just behind my ear, I can hear the small bones of his fingers creak and snap in response the the pressure being put on his digits as he tries to pull me out of the villain's clutches.

And he does. For a single moment, I can feel my upper body and arm being painfully pulled out of the villains grasp as Deku pulls with everything he's got, not even caring about the pain of his undoubtedly broken fingers and hands.

"I'll get you out!" He swears, eyes teary, and teeth gritted through the pain.

"How pathetic…"

"Deku, don't! Get away!" I plead, doing my best to release the unyielding grip his fingers have over my own beneath the disgusting sludge!

"Ha! What do you think you're doing ki- aaaaargh!?" The slime villain recoils and screeches in pain as Deku rears back to slam his forehead against the whites of the monster's eyes.

Only for his bleeding nose and scratched forehead to once more meet against mine, shining green eyes boring deep into my own as he grits his teeth and desperately begins to pull once more.

"Deku! Stop!" I beg, the tears that had been a physical pain becoming something else at the corners of my eyes as my friend growled and screamed with everything that was Midoriya Izuku

"Kacchan!"

"How truly pathetic of me!"

I heard in tandem as Deku's shattered arms and an unyielding whirlwind of unfathomable power pulled the both of us out of the villains sticky grasp without so much as an ounce of effort.

"I really am pathetic." So All Might, the greatest hero in the world muttered loudly to himself as Deku's back slammed into the ground, shielding me from the impact.

The small amount of blood and saliva Deku coughed on my face superseded any need for air I had at the moment.

I didn't care that Japan's most famous superhero was behind me and pummeling the fucker who did this to us into jellybean piecemeal.

All I cared about was whether Izuku was alright.

"Kacchan… you're okay." The fucking idiot had the balls to grin with a blood smeared smile befitting that of every fucking two bit shounen character staining his lips and cheek.

And apparently, I was the only thing in his mind too.

Dumbass. God damned idiot.

Fucking Deku.

"Ah… are you alright, shoujo? Shounen? Um…" All Might said something or another as he embarrassedly poked his index fingers together.

"Deku…"

"Kacchan…"

Words left unspoken by the both of us flowed in the wind.

Really. Nothing needed to actually be said.

'I'm glad you're okay Kacchan.' Are you still mad?

'You too, idiot Deku.' Dumbass.

My idiot wannabee quirkless hero.

Seriously. Fuck you Deku.

"... Uoh! All Might will exit the scene of the crime cooly…"

So yeah.

This is the story of how Deku became my hero.

…

Okay, fine.

This is the story of how Deku and I got together.

Yeah he's my boyfriend! What, you got a problem with that!?

"Ah… have you seen my groceries? I seem to have left them at the scene of the crime-"

"Deku took them with him dumbass! That's how you meet him again at the hospital-"