posted, deleted, and i am posting this again because why not
As Houtarou Oreki was looking out of the window of his room just so he could further feel the early morning's warmth on his face, he thought about what changed.
Years ago, never would he ever picture himself willingly doing anything that was not necessary at all. His adolescent self would had laughed out loud at the mere statement that he would actually step out of his self-imposed energy-conserving lifestyle, only if laughing out loud was not quite emotional and a personally unnecessary thing to do. He would conveniently settle with a firm no, as it closely was the equivalent act of intense laughing for him in this case.
But for the record, even after all the time that passed by, it still awfully made a lot of sense. Why he chose not to engage in unneeded interactions. Why he did not do works he was not required to and he could damn well live all his life without. Why he basically planned to just ditch the rose-coloured high school life for a gray, monotonous, conventionally-viewed boring one.
He was never ambitious. He would rather settle with a life that was easy for him. He did not see why he should take the extra mile when there was a shortcut. Really. And he would rather sleep.
Actually, in general, it was simple enough. And life lived like that was not necessarily dark, as in suffocating and ill, because he was surely, and obviously, comfortable with his way. Sure, from time to time, he might, and he did, think about how mostly all else were doing their thing...in a more vibrant pace than him. Certainly not everyone was keen on conserving energy because they saw no real appeal behind it after all. High school was made glamorized. How it worked for a lot of people, it was said that it was someday going to be unforgettable. Better maximize the time and do stuff and make it matter. Really, it was quite easy to tell most people were genuinely active and well, he was not exactly like the majority. He knew. So, what about it?
He was observant and he was not ignorant so of course he knew. But still, he really, genuinely, did not understand why he would even consider to make the effort to do something he had the option not to. All the craze for tiring fun, it was just beyond him. Seriously, what about it? It honestly did not matter. He was going to live his life the way he wanted to and he was glad Satoshi did get him. And while Ibara seriously got to his nerves because she had this apparent negativity dominantly displayed to him, she really did not make it her prime objective to change him.
It mainly struck him that there really was a point wherein he was pretty sure he had his life all figured out. There were not much complications, and he was completely fine with it. He was satisfied.
Although it was wishful thinking for him to think it would last. His sister was such a pain. Sometimes, he thought about her genius and her unpredictability and the fact that she sure as heck wasted a lot of her energy by travelling, almost always elsewhere, never quite staying. It was exhausting to know somehow. Pondering it over once more, how exactly did this same sister made him agree in joining the Classics Club? Strangely, he could barely recall. It was a mystery, and this particularly spoke volume because the eventual existence of Eru Chitanda in his life was accompanied with tons of cases that were suddenly in need to be solved. He did not have to; so why did he bother to solve those? Just...whatever. He really did not lurk and threw around his questions so much in his mind, at least not to the extent that he got his definite answers.
The moment that he did, a decade after graduating high school, he was made more confused. Because maybe he already had his assumptions. Maybe he knew the answers and they were just at the back of his mind, but he plainly refused to admit the real deal. He was in denial. Hard stuff to fully internalize because what was it about her that made him solve mysteries for her, made him fear and be quite wary of her exclaiming that she was curious. What did she ever do to actually urge him to take such a huge leap, for him not to completely push into action his perspective regarding energy conservation. He could primarily not resist her and it eventually was not impossible for him to just do what she asked for in a heartbeat. What did she ever do for her to actually be successful at making him take the leap. High school was not the same old gray one. It did not make much sense at all.
Still, the acceptance did come. One day, he just stopped denying. Realized that it would be pointless anyway to pretend he did not feel anything. It was an unnecessary self-struggle he was not anymore willing to put up with. He just got to stop the overthinking. It was...exhausting. And it was not like he was going to act on it, uh, immediately. Try as he might, he admittedly might not be able to carry such weight to his grave.
It took time. Years after high school, he, Satoshi, Ibara, and Chitanda were already living their separate lives. Chitanda stayed. Satoshi went abroad. Mayaka went to Tokyo. Oreki chose not to leave either due to practicality. Plus, he was not a big fan of a long travel time. Nicely so, he and Chitanda still saw each other a lot because their hometown was relatively small.
Still came off as surprising (but definitely not unwelcome) to Chitanda when a point came in which Oreki bravely told her he chose Business because he knew it was worth it, to dedicate his college years to this uncertain cause, as long as his intention was for her. It was clearly a risk, he was aware. There was no assurance she was going to accept nor was he a hundred percent sure he would tell her almost everything. Still, he went with it.
The last time she said she was bound to this land was a decade ago. The cherry blossoms were blooming that time. It was beautiful. He remembered he was compelled to a sudden promise he decided he was going to keep, but he lost the guts to tell her. Still, the implication was something, something undeniably significant. Ten years was quite a long time, and it was spring once more. This time, he finally told her. He could not ever forget. How could he, right then when he was distinctly happy.