A/N: this is a total Spuffy. songfic. song is "Somewhere I Belong" by Linkin Park. it takes place after Buffy comes back to life and is wandering the streets of Sunnydale. hope you like. please R&R!

Somewhere I Belong

When this began

I had nothing to say

And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me

Buffy wandered through the blurry, loud streets of Sunnydale. Where was she? Why is this world so cold and hard? Where is my mother?

I was confused

And I let it all find/that I'm

Not the only person with these things in mind

Why am I here? Did I do something wrong that I was pulled out of my paradise?

Inside of me

But all the vacancy the words revealed

Is the only real thing I've got left to feel

How did I get here? Why is this place so loud? What is that noise?

Nothing to lose

Just stuck/ hollow and alone

And the fault is my own

And the fault is my own

A low rumble steadily approached her, sounding like thunder in her ears.

I want to heal

I want to feel

What I thought was never real

I want to let go of the pain I've held so long

(Erase all the pain 'til it's gone)

Suddenly a black bike came roaring up to her at, at least, 80 mph. she, unused to her reflexes, just stood there with it bearing down on her.

I want to heal

I want to feel

Like I'm close to something real

I want to find something I've wanted all along

Somewhere I belong

The bike swerved to avoid her and, dirt and pebbles flying, stopped in front of her. A familiar looking white blonde-haired man in black clothes stepped off and looked at her as if he had seen a ghost.

And I've got nothing to say

I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face

I was confused

Looking everywhere/ only to find that it's

Not the way I had imagined it all in my mind

He just stood there, gawking at her. He finally spoke, "Buffy?"

'Buffy?' Who or what was a 'Buffy? Then it slowly started to come back to her, floods of memories of her and this man. What was his name? She tried to remember. She said the first thing that came to her mind, "Spike?"

So what am I

What do I have but negativity

'Cause I can't justify the

Way everyone is looking at me

He jumped off the big black thing, whatever it was, and ran over to her. He grabbed her and hugged her like he was never letting go, repeating her name over and over.

Nothing to lose

Nothing to gain/ hollow and alone

And the fault is my own

And the fault is my own

She was taken aback by his forwardness. All of her memories of this man, Spike, showed that they fought and were bitter enemies, so why was he clutching her like she meant the world to him? Why did he act like they were the best of friends?

I want to heal

I want to feel

What I thought was never real

I want to let go of the pain I've held so long

(Erase all the pain 'til it's gone)

She broke away from him and ran in the other direction, funeral dress whipping behind her. She then ran into a young light brown-haired girl.

"Buffy? You're alive?" the youth squeaked as she hugged her.

More memories came back to her about this girl, memories of them fighting and hugging, talking to an older woman who must be their mother; she must be my sister. She scrolled through her memories again, trying to remember her name, "Dawn?"

In answer to her question, the girl hugged her even tighter.

I want to heal

I want to feel

Like I'm close to something real

I want to find something I've wanted all along

Somewhere I belong

She untangled herself from Dawn and backed away.

"Buffy? What's wrong?" Dawn asked, concerned and confused.

There was that word again, 'Buffy'. Why do they keep calling me 'Buffy'? She turned and ran away yet again. She ran into an alley where hellish looking men were attacking a group of people who also seemed familiar. She ignored them proceeded to beat up the demons. When they were all either dead or gone, she turned back to the group.

"Buffy?" the red haired one asked, approaching her cautiously. "I think it worked guys." She addressed the people behind her.

Almost immediately memories came back to her of these people, the things they had done through together. Her name was Willow. And the others were Xander, Anya, and Tara.

I will never know

Myself until I do this on my own

And I will never feel

Anything else until my wounds are healed

She turned and ran at full speed away from them. She was Buffy. The girl everyone missed, the Slayer, the girl pulled out of heaven no doubt by her friends, the girl who saved the world, the girl who could never have love, never have a long normal life.

I will never be

Anything 'til I break away from me

And I will break away

I'll find myself today

She was so confused; she didn't realize that she had run straight into a demon biker meeting. There was a girl that looked just like her chained to various bikes. The next thing she knew the demons gunned their engines and roared off in different directions, tearing the Buffybot into pieces. She was so frightened by what she saw; she turned on her heel and ran.

I want to heal

I want to feel

What I thought was never real

I want to let go of the pain I've held so long

(Erase all the pain 'til it's gone)

She ran home and changed into clothes that didn't smell of her own decay. As soon as she had finished changing, she ran out of the house again, running, just running away......

I want to heal

I want to feel

Like I'm close to something real

I want to find something I've wanted all along

Somewhere I belong

When she looked at her surroundings, she realized that she was on the exact cliff that Angel had almost killed himself on. She looked down on the streets of Sunnydale, paying no attention to Spike who no doubt planned on stopping her. "Go away, Spike. I'm going back to where I belong."

"No, don't you dare..... I'm not going to watch you die again," he advanced toward her.....

I want to heal

I want to feel like I'm

Somewhere I belong

She walked toward the cliff's edge, prepared to jump.

I want to heal

I want to feel like I'm

Somewhere I belong

She stepped off the edge and began her descent.....

Somewhere I belong

Spike's hand shot out and grabbed her forearm.

"Spike, let me go," Buffy said calmly.

"No, you don't realize that you're not the only one with pain. You didn't have to see the one you love most die in front of you and not be able to do anything about it. You didn't lock yourself up for months on end trying to get over it. You didn't have to see her come back just to kill herself again," he shook his head as he started to pull her up.

She struggled, trying to fall back over the edge.

He ignored her kicking and screaming and pulled her over the edge back on the cliff. At the last tug, he pulled her into his embrace. He held her close to him.

She beat him in the chest with her fists, sobbing over and over, "I was in heaven...I was happy......now I'm back in hell....... I was dragged back down to flames and torture by my friends!"

He understood through all her sobs all of the pain she was feeling. She had gotten to experience pure happiness and contentment, only to have it taken away by the people she loved and trusted most. He rocked her gently just as he used to do for Dru when she was having one of her many nightmares. He understood now why Willow was constantly asking him to watch Dawn. He looked down to find her fast asleep. He just sat there with her curled up in his arms. He shifted into gameface. Willow was going to pay.