Depending on how one looked at it, Elsa stopped living years ago. She didn't die, but she might as well be dead to the rest of the world. Such a statement was dramatic. Maybe it was poetic. Whichever it was, that was how Elsa felt: Like a ghost. Invisible and silently haunting the world.
It sounded sad but it wasn't. It was better this way. Hiding was safe. The world was safe from her and she was safe from its judgement.
Of course, that was before she needed a roommate.
Elsa sometimes wondered if she should regret it. But also, she could no longer afford to live without one either.
She remembered spending hours typing a Craigslist post, rereading it a thousand times to make sure that it was perfect, and then it took her another few hours to conjure up the nerve to send it off…to the world…where everyone, including the creeps on that website, could see it.
She had surprised herself for getting through it. She remembered how she tried not to twiddle her hands nervously when people toured the house. Most of the guests either smelled bad, made her skin crawl, or she'd slip out of her calm façade, humiliating herself too much to see them again.
It was obvious which roommate she chose. It was the only other person in the house. It was the one whose presence dominated the place, whether it be from items moved out of their spots, her loud feet tramping across the carpet, or her singing to herself as she made dinner. It was Anna.
It had been fourteen hours since Elsa last left her room.
It was now one month since Anna moved in, and this scenario had happened multiple times already. Usually it would last a few hours maximum, but that was because Anna would always leave the house at some point. Today was not that day.
Anna's car remained in the driveway. All day.
A television babbled from downstairs. Elsa tapped her fingers on her desk in nervous impatience.
Her throat was dry. Her mind kept drifting to the leftover taco salad in the fridge. It was probably soggy, but for once she actually looked forward to the moment when she could eat it.
She just hoped that that moment would be soon.
Elsa had once read about people so private that no one would ever see them walk into a bathroom. Elsa was one of those people, if one took that privacy and multiplied it. She didn't eat in front of people, nor did she drink. Most of the things she did were an intimate ritual.
But by God's name…she really needed to eat and drink something. The only good thing to this was that she had a bathroom linked to her room. She couldn't imagine needing to pee along with this too.
Elsa glanced at the clock. It was eleven pm. She sighed.
Surely Anna would go to bed soon, right?
All Elsa could do was wait. As she did, she passed the time by working on an illustration of a snowy mountain. It was for some picture book someone would be self-publishing.
It took over an hour for the TV to become silent. Anna's footsteps sauntering away was the most beautiful sound to enter Elsa's ears.
Just to be safe, she waited another hour, straining her ears to make sure that Anna wasn't awake. When she was sure that Anna was not going to leave her room again, Elsa finally stood up. She snuck downstairs into the kitchen, opening the fridge and pulling out the taco salad. Her mouth watered.
Elsa ate quickly but carefully, as to not make a sound. She discarded the container, then poured herself a large, full glass of water. She gulped it down, then refilled the cup and repeated.
After satisfying her needs, Elsa dragged herself back up to her bedroom. She almost shut the door but stopped. She inched back outside.
Something was on the front of her door.
Furrowing a brow, Elsa studied the piece of paper taped onto it. It was a letter- written in colorful ink and in slightly sloppy handwriting. She peeled the paper off and read it.
Elsa,
Hi! I know this is crazy but I don't think I've seen you since I moved here. My name is Anna. We should meet sometime! (If you want to I mean.)
-Anna. Obviously.
Elsa blinked. She stared at it for a moment, eyes blank.
Then the horror hit her. Sweat dripped down her neck.
Did Anna actually think Elsa didn't know her name?! That wasn't even the worst part. Had they actually not ran into each other this entire month? She dug into her memory, hoping to find something. They had met…only two times. The first time being when Anna toured the house and agreed to stay here, and the other being when Elsa gave her the key. Wait…that was it?!
Of course it was, she scoffed at herself. You starved and parched yourself just to not see her today.
Elsa bit her lip. She'd been snubbing Anna so much that she had to write a letter and tape it to Elsa's door! Was she too afraid to text Elsa? Maybe she knew that Elsa rarely used her phone due to having no social life?!
Could Elsa have humiliated herself more? Not only had she humiliated herself, but she was being an awful person!
What should she do? What should she say? The questions only made her feel worse. She went in her room and locked the door, as she always did when she wanted to feel safe.
Stay calm. Don't feel it. But she did feel it. The words kept flashing in her mind, renewing the mortified feelings stirring inside her. She felt nauseated, shaking and sweaty like a feverish child.
It took her a while to calm down. She sat up on her bed, and realized that the paper was still in her hand, crumpled from her clenched fist.
Elsa frowned. Not wanting to think about it anymore, Elsa balled the paper up and threw it in the trash. Sleeping it off would hopefully make her forget about it. Hopefully. Not really.
She ended up sleeping very little that night.
