AN: Having just read and thoroughly enjoyed Book 11: Dead Reckoning, I felt that the events in this book opened up a world of new possibilities for our girl Sookie. I will not go into what happens in the book to create those possibilities if you have not read it yet. No spoilage happing here. As you read this, I want you to consider the title with an open mind and understand that the story is set several months after the end of Dead Reckoning.
If I get any kind of positive response (reviews) from this story, I will try to extend it. Please do not assume that you know who Sookie's date is. As I said, Charlaine has opened up several possibilities for our heroine. If you haven't read the book yet, do so ASAP. It is the best one since Book 1: Dead Until Dark which is my all-time personal favorite.
As always, the characters whose names you recognize belong to Charlaine Harris. It is only in deep admiration and love for her world that I dabble with them.
I was actually very surprised to find myself standing here as I had not expected her to accept my invitation. So I stood quietly on her front porch for a moment and gathered myself before I knocked. Though I could hear her inside the house, when she didn't answer I cautiously opened the front door and called into the house. "Sookie, are you here?" After a moment I heard her reply from the top of the stairs, "You are a little early. Come on in, I'm upstairs. Come help me zip my dress."
I walked up the stairs as I had so many times before and I could only think that at the top of these stairs was the one woman, out of all those that I had known and bedded, that I wanted above all others. Even though a fair amount of time had passed since the last time I ascended these stairs, each step carried me with the same feeling of anticipation that I'd had the very first time. For many reasons, both large and small, we had been estranged from one another over the last many months and it was my sincerest wish that tonight would be the beginning of a new chapter. I so desperately wanted to repair the hurts, the manipulations, the half-truths, outright lies and the lies of omission that had broken her trust in me. While I could not shield her completely from my world, I wanted to be her partner, her guide, her friend, her protector, and most importantly, her lover. I wanted to have a relationship with her based as much as possible, in trust as well as love. I had learned that even if there was love, without hope and trust there would be no possibility of a future with Sookie. That was a future I did not wish to contemplate, let alone live.
I got to the top of the stairs and stepped across the threshold of her room. I could smell her sweetness and hear her movements in the small adjoining bathroom. She stepped out and smiled at me crossing the room to rest her hands on my arms and give me a chaste kiss on the cheek. Looking me over from head to toe, she smiled and said, "You look great! Is that a new suit?" I laughed and said, "Yes, I felt like tonight might be fresh start and as such it demanded something new." Giving me a sweet smile while turning her back to me, she said, "I feel the same way. Do you like my new dress?"
As I reached forward to zip up her dress, I took her in. She looked like a fresh young woman dressed for a date with a man she does not know well, certainly not as well as she knows me. Her beautiful blond hair was longer than I remembered and styled perfectly straight to flow down to just below her shoulder blades. She was wearing a simple, yet beautiful chocolate brown, high-waisted chiffon dress that complimented both her blond hair and golden skin. It's v-neck was cut low enough to hint at the bounty of her beautiful breasts, but modest enough to communicate "first date" reserve. The flowing skirt kissed the tops of her knees and showed off smooth, tanned and toned legs. She'd always said that one of the benefits of her job at Merlotte's was that staying on her feet kept her legs in good shape. Her feet were encased in a pretty pair of open-toed, high-heeled pumps that showed off her slender feet and pretty painted toes. Her simple necklace and earrings completed the outfit. After taking her in and wanting to say so much more all I could manage was, "You look lovely. All eyes will be on you tonight."
She turned to me and smiled, "Why thank you, sir. That's very sweet! By the way, where are we going tonight?" My vague invitation had only mentioned dinner, but wanting to spend more time with her I had expanded the itinerary. "I thought we might try Coda Bar and Grill in Monroe. They are reported to have good food and an eclectic variety of live music. It sounds like something we both would like. Afterward, if you are up to it, I thought we might go dancing at Harvey's Dance Hall. How does that sound to you?"
"It sounds like fun and I am up for anyplace I haven't been before, especially for dinner and dancing. I am on the dinner shift tomorrow, so I can afford to stay out a little later tonight. Can you give me about five more minutes to put on my lipstick and the finishing touches to my make-up?"
Smiling as I looked at her lovely face, I couldn't imagine what else she would need to do, but I told her that we were ahead of schedule and that she should take her time. As I sat in the chair in the corner of her bedroom, I could only think about everything we had shared in this room. We'd had both important and inconsequential conversations, we had lain quietly enjoying the peace of a country night and we had loudly and rigorously worshipped each other's bodies. I had held her in the throes of passion and while she had cried, laughed and slept. This room held so many of our better memories and I wanted to be able to make some more of those, but so much pain had passed between us I was not sure that we could ever go back there.
Sookie stepped out of the bathroom and she looked absolutely stunning. As she came to stand in front of me, I was struck once again at how perfect she looked and how delightful she smelled. I was overwhelmed by her and would have given anything to simply stay in and hold her in my arms. That could not be however, as tonight was about getting to know one another again. I had broken her heart and in so doing, mine had broken as well. While I could not know, I certainly hoped that tonight would be the beginning of our healing. "Ready?" She asked. I smiled back at her and said, "Very." With that I stood and took her hand.
As we walked down the stairs, she held on to me to steady herself in her high heels. I could feel the warmth of her hand through the sleeve of my dress shirt and jacket. The smell of her perfume combined with her own personal scent was heady. I wanted to wrap myself in it as I was reminded yet again how much I had missed her touch, her smiles and her voice.
As we reached her front door, she handed me her wrap, I put it around her shoulders and let my hands trail down her arms. She turned to look at me over her left shoulder and smiled tentatively at me. She could sense my need and my longing, but was not ready, or perhaps not willing to acknowledge it. Not wanting to do anything that would make her pull away from me, I opened the door and ushered her through it. She was quiet as we walked to the car and I opened the door for her, she thanked me as she settled into the seat and began to buckle her seat belt. Her southern manners seemed to be firmly in place by force of habit while acting as a shield against anything too personal passing between us.
As I settled into the driver's seat, I hardly knew what to say or even how to begin. We seemed to have exchanged all of the customary pleasantries, but I was afraid to bring up any of the issues that had hurt both of us so deeply. Never imagining myself to be a coward, but finding that, at least in this situation I am, I continued with the innocuous comments. "It looks like you have done some work to your house."
She turned to look at me and smiled slightly, "Yes, it's taken a good while, but I have finally managed to get the house painted inside and out and have begun to go through some of the things that have accumulated in over 150 years of Stackhouses in residence. There is still some more work to be done, but at least the house is starting to feel a little more organized and cared for."
And then silence.
After a few minutes, she seemed to gather herself and said, "So, how have you been?"
I didn't know how I wanted to answer this question. I could launch into the events of my recent existence with the details of boring meetings punctuated by periods of personal and private boredom. "I spend most of my time trying to keep my new masters satisfied. It is much as it ever was."
And then silence.
Feeling uncomfortable in the silence, I asked, "How is Jason?"
"He's fine. Jason really never changes much. He is still working on the road crew. He and Michele are still living together and I have hope that this will work out for him. Michele is pretty level-headed and she manages to keep Jason satisfied on lots of different levels. He still runs on his moon nights with the werepanthers out of Hotshot."
Hoping to keep the conversation going and avoid the yawning silences, I asked, "How are things at Merlotte's?
Turning in her seat to look fully at me, Sookie hesitated before saying, "About the same as always. People come in for lunch or after work and have a burger and a beer. You remember well enough that not much changes in Bon Temps. People get up each day to work, try to make ends meet, gossip about one another and then get up the next day to do it all again. After a pause, she asked, "Why are we doing this?"
And there it was. The question that I did not know how to answer, did not want to answer and was more than a little concerned about the possible result of the answer. Only very rarely had I experienced this level of anxiety and uncertainty. So, I deflected. "We are going out to dinner and hopefully on to some dancing." I smiled hoping that would ease the tension. Even after all this time, I should have known better.
Again, she leveled a long look at me. "Stop it! You know exactly what I mean. We have not seen each other in months and months, and then I get a phone call from you inviting me to dinner. After everything we have been through, did you think that dinner and dancing is going to fix it? As she spoke, her voice began to raise, her hands fisted in her lap, and I could sense her weakening efforts to control her temper. The carefully constructed cordiality of our earlier greeting was quickly disappearing. When I had no ready answer, she continued to look hard at me and then turned abruptly to stare out the window.
Giving her and myself a few minutes to calm down, finally, I said, "Sookie, I know how much I have hurt you. I know that my world has inflicted terrible damage on you and has changed your life irrevocably. I want us to be together on some level. For that to happen, we need to talk about where we have been and where we want to go, or if you even want to go with me at all. I have found that I cannot live happily without you in my life. I have to know that you are in my life on some level. I was hoping tonight would be the start of the conversation. I am not asking for a final decision, I am just asking for your company tonight and the possibility of future conversations.
She sat silently through my monolog. Finally, she huffed out a small sigh and said, "You know, these last months have been some of the most peaceful since I got mixed up in the supernatural world. Yes, I have missed you and yes, I have been lonely at times, but I don't know if the price of not missing you or not being lonely should be my safety, well being and the wear and tear on my heart. I cannot count on you and the very nature of your world ensures that you cannot put me first. There is always going to be something that pulls you away from me, gets between the two of us or threatens one or both of us in some fashion. Jesus Christ, Shepherd of Judea! Why, in the name of heaven, would I get involved with you again on any level?"
There was very little I could say to counter or deny her words. Throughout her heated response I had looked carefully at her. She was stressed, angry and a little afraid. As I thought about this, I wondered if I should even ask to have a place in her life again. Nothing that she said was incorrect. Given all of that, I could not stop myself, "Will you please allow me work toward being a part of your life once again?"
As she considered this we pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant. As I drove to the valet station, she turned to me and said, "In the whole array of stupid things I have done since I got mixed up with y'all, this is probably the stupidest. Let's see how this evening goes and then we might be able to take it from there."
Pulling to a stop at the valet station, I looked at her and said, "Thank you."
