Title: All She Wrote

Rating: FRT

Spoilers: Major spoilers for 12x21 The Gallant Hero and The Tragic Victor, minor spoilers for 13x04 Parenthood.

Disclaimer: I don't own ER or the song lyrics (but I have first dibs on Shane West P)

Summary: Ray and Neela songfic to the song All She Wrote by Ross Copperman.

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Flashback

"There are two men here to see you from the army,"

"The…army," Neela said slowly.

Abby nodded.

She stared in shock as she felt her whole world start spinning.

"Neela, we tried to find you," she briefly heard Ray murmur as she turned around to face the waiting room where she spotted two men in uniform.

She slowly began the endless walk to the doors as they stood up.

"Doctor Rasgotra," one of them said with a nod of his head.

"Yes,"

"I'm Captain Evans, this is Father Marris, is there some place more private we can talk?" he asked.

"Can you tell me why you're here please?" she asked ignoring his request.

"I really think it would be better…" he began.

"Tell me," she said louder cutting him off as she felt a tear fall down her cheek.

"Ma'am the Secretary of the Army would like to express his deepest regrets…" he began.

Neela frowned.

"Wait there must be some mistake…" Neela started.

"As your husband Captain Michael Gallant was killed in action…" he continued.

"No I'm sorry you've got it mixed up Michael is a doctor he's not a soldier, soldier…" Neela cut in.

"He was killed when his truck was hit by a roadside bomb," Captain Evans said softly.

Neela gasped as her jaw began shaking.

"Again the Secretary extends his deepest regrets…" he said.

"I'm sorry I'm working I can't do this right now," Neela broke in turning around and walking hurriedly back into the hospital feeling everyone's eyes on her she quickly grabbed a chart and walked away.

xxxxxxx

3 months later

12,000 thousand dollars, her husband was dead and they send her a check for 12,000 dollars.

She wanders all alone
this is all, she's ever really known

After Ray had given her the mail she just had to get out of there. This was all becoming too much for her and the check had been the final straw. The question was always in her mind now "Why? Why her?"

A stranger in her skin nothing more, it's all she's ever been

But then again she'd always never felt like anything went the right way for her, everything she touched seemed to get stuffed up and nobody could ever possibly understand how she was feeling…

She spills these words across the page
it helps to ease the pain

She slammed the door to the apartment shut and ran to her room to pick up her journal; it was something she had been keeping since…Michael died.

And she cries:

Nobody out there
Wants to understand
Nobody out there
Takes me as I am
I'm feeling alone, here
I know there's gotta be, somebody somewhere

That's all she wrote

After she finished writing she set the journal aside and climbed into bed crying her self into another fitful sleep.

xxxxxxxx

She always feels so small
Pushed aside, a flower on the wall

The next day she walks into Surgery just as a trauma is wheeled through the elevator she rushes to help them but Crenshaw stops her.

"We got it Doctor Rasgotra," he states.

They never ask her name
No one sees the girl without a face

They all rush past her to the Trauma room leaving her standing there dejectedly.

She spills these words across the page
it helps to ease the pain

She rushes up the stairs to the roof she needs to be alone.

And she cries:

Nobody out there
Wants to understand
Nobody out there
Takes me as I am
I'm feeling alone, here
I know there's gotta be, somebody somewhere

That's all she wrote

She leans against the edge of the railing taking deep breaths when she hears footsteps behind her she already knows who it is…

her great escape, she's found her place and she's never gonna be the same
It's beautiful, cause now she knows

She turns around and finally allows her self to sink into his strong arms which are full of sadness, compassion, love and understanding…

That night as she writes in her journal she finally has a smile in her face as the words spill out onto the page.

There's somebody out there, who wants to understand
There's somebody out there, who takes me as I am

She glances down at him sleeping soundly next to her feeling her life is finally complete for once.

I'm feeling at home here
I knew there had to be
Somebody somewhere
That's all she wrote


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