A/N: We Brits have a tradition known as "stag night" and "hen night", and I'm not entirely sure how many other parts of the world use these names. For the benefit of anyone who doesn't know what I'm talking about, these are just names for the single-sex parties held by the bride-to-be and groom-to-be the night before their wedding.

Okay, so just to quickly recap: King Muscle eventually did agree to Kid and Roxanne's marriage, and, a few months on from the end of the Chojin Crown (and indeed the end of my last fic The Reason) the wedding is finally about to take place. Timescales will be given, but just to clarify, in my universe, the Chojin Crown Tournament happened in early summer time (June/July) and this fic takes place near the end of October of the same year.

Yes, to those of you who are familiar with the UM manga, I did totally rip it off with the whole King Game thing, particularly the scene with Kid and Wally. What can I say? Not an original thought in my head!

And now, without any further ado…


Chapter 1 – The Stag Night

"Hi, everybody!" Jaeger said cheerfully as he burst through the door of Kid's hut in Beverly Park.

"Dang Jaeger, it's about time you got back here!" Terry said, frowning at Jaeger, who was still standing in the doorway, his arms open at his sides and a grin consuming half of his face.

"Did you get the DVDs?" Kid asked from his position slouched on a beanbag on the floor.

"Of course!" Jaeger replied, taking a step forwards and allowing the door to bang shut behind him. "But most of ze DVDs I vent for had gone already."

The others looked around each other nervously.

"So what did you get?" Terry eventually asked.

"Svedish Lesbians in Blackcurrant Jam and Big Jugs," Jaeger plainly replied.

"You only got two pornos?" Kid echoed, sitting up in alarm.

"We could always watch 'em twice," Wally suggested.

"Some stag night this is turning out to be," Dik Dik groaned, lying back into his beanbag.

"And I guess cause you're a stag yerself you had a big party the night before your weddin', huh?" Terry drawled, eying Dik Dik over.

"Hey guys, look on the bright side!" Kid offered.

"The bright side?" Checkmate asked, trying his best to look less than bored.

"I got rid of Meat for the whole night!" Kid replied.

Terry, Wally, Checkmate, Dik Dik and Jaeger sweatdropped as they watched Kid perform a ridiculous dance of joy on his beanbag.

"This party sucks," Wally groaned.

"Hey!" Kid snapped, halting his dance to scowl at Wally.

"Let's vatch a DVD!" Jaeger suggested, shaking his backpack at the others in an attempt to ease the mounting tension.

"Yeah, best put 'em on now," Terry agreed. "We sure need somethin' to spice this here party up a little."

Kid stuck his tongue out at Terry, but Terry failed to notice his childish response. Jaeger proceeded to remove two DVD boxes from his backpack, grinning at the others as he started towards the television. As Jaeger began to kneel down in front of the DVD player, something crashed through the door of the hut. Jaeger, along with the other five Chojins, leapt to his feet, staring at the black boot protruding through the closed door.

"Hey, I just got that fixed!" Kid protested, kicking at a shard of wood on the floor.

"I remember that, you farted so hard the door blew right across the park and smacked a kid off his bike," Dik Dik mused.

"That's right!" Kid agreed.

"When's your court date?" Wally asked.

"Next month," Kid replied.

"Good luck," Checkmate whispered.

"Thanks," Kid said.

"Hey, assholes!" a voice shouted into the hut.

"Oh God, not them…" Dik Dik groaned.

The boot pulled back, and the door of the hut fell inwards, revealing two figures dressed in black.

"We heard yous was havin' a party without invitin' us," Mars said, taking a step into the hut. "Dat just ain't cool."

"Well, look on the bright side, Mars," Kevin Mask said, stepping in next to him. "It looks like a pretty crap party to me."

"We were gonna watch porn!" Kid shouted, waving a fist at the two intruders.

Mars turned to Kid, tilting his head in mock interest.

"Oh really?" he asked.

"Probably just some aerobic videos, or something equally as dull and childish," Kevin whispered to Mars.

"No!" Kid sneered. "We were gonna watch some good old-fashioned porn!"

"Yeah!" Terry agreed.

"Ja, I just got back from ze rental store!" Jaeger added.

Mars began to laugh, drawing frowns from all the others, including Kevin; whose frown could not really be seen, given that he was, as always, wearing his trusty mask.

"You let a dude who can't even read English choose your DVDs?" Mars asked Kid.

"Jaeger can read English!" Kid argued.

"Ja, zhat's right! I learnt from my fazher, Herr Brocken!" Jaeger said. "And look, I got our favourite DVDs! My own favourite, Svedish Lesbians in Blackcurrant Jam–"

"Hey Kev, check it out!" Mars interrupted Jaeger, snatching the DVD from him. "Now dis looks like some seriously erotic stuff right here! Swedish Legends in Blackcurrant Jam! A documentary about blackcurrant jam manufacturin' in Sweden!"

Kevin laughed unashamedly, but the others paled, turning to Jaeger.

"Lemme see that!" Kid snapped, snatching the DVD back from Mars.

As Kid studied the DVD, the others peered over his shoulders, each groaning in turn as they saw that Mars was indeed correct.

"How in the heck could you muddle up the word "legend" with the word "lesbian", Jaeger?" Terry moaned.

"It's okay!" Jaeger assured him. "I got us Big Jugs!"

"Alright, check this one out, Mars!" Kevin said loudly, snatching the DVD from Jaeger. "Big Jugs! A history of pottery in the nineteenth century!"

Mars grabbed his ribs and laughed loudly.

"Please tell me you guys are just trying to be funny?" Dik Dik asked Kevin, his eyes wide with concern.

"Take a look for yourself, Bambi," Kevin replied, handing the DVD to Dik Dik.

"Good God, he's right!" Dik Dik groaned, dropping the DVD.

Kid caught the DVD as it fell, scanning over it quickly before turning to scowl angrily at Jaeger.

"I'm sorry!" Jaeger wailed.

"And dey said dis was a party…" Mars scoffed.

"This lot wouldn't know a party if one jumped up and bit them in the arse," Kevin replied.

"Oh and I suppose you guys know how to party?" Kid sneered.

Mars turned to Kevin, smirking slyly.

"Did I just hear a disguised cry for help, Kev?" Mars asked.

"Why I do believe you did, Mars!" Kevin agreed.

Mars and Kevin took another step towards the other six Chojins, who stared up at them with wide eyes filled with fascination and apprehension.

"You see, our motto is: why watch pornographic movies, when you could be making your own?" Kevin said slyly.

"Make our own porn?" Kid echoed in disbelief. "But how?"

"Wid dese," Mars growled, reaching a hand into the inside pocket of his coat.

The others gasped as he pulled out a handful of something.

"Chopsticks?" Kid said. "But how can we make a porno with chopsticks?"

"Where do we gotta put 'em?" Terry asked suspiciously. "Cause I ain't one for no funny business!"

"We don't put them anywhere, you fool," Kevin retorted, plucking one chopstick from the bundle in Mars's hand. "We just pick one, like so."

"I don't get it," Kid confessed.

"It's a little game dey play in Japan," Mars explained. "It's called da King Game."

"All we need to play are some women," Kevin added.

"But the girls all went to Roxanne's house!" Terry pointed out.

"We wasn't talkin' about da girls," Mars replied.

"We were talking about a more specific group of women," Kevin added. "And since there are eight of us here, it would only be fair if we found ourselves eight women."

"And den we can get started," Mars said.

"I've got a bad feeling about this," Dik Dik said slowly, shaking his head.


"I've got a very bad feeling about this," Dik Dik groaned, squinting up at the pink neon sign hanging on the building before him.

"What, you ain't never heard of Da Palace before?" Mars asked him, eying him over in disbelief.

"Well of course I've heard of The Palace, everyone's heard of The Palace," Dik Dik replied. "It's just that most of us honest, hard-working, clean-living citizens have never actually been to The Palace."

"Honest?" Mars echoed, slowly folding his arms and narrowing his eyes at Dik Dik.

"I'm mostly honest!" Dik Dik protested.

"Hard-workin'?" Mars asked, nodding his head in the direction of Kid Muscle.

"Well…" Dik Dik said awkwardly, as he watched Kid hitch a ride on knight-form Checkmate's back.

"Clean-livin'?" Mars pressed, pointing a finger in the direction of Wally Tusket.

"Heh!" Dik Dik yelped, as he sighted Wally munching on a fish the size of his hand that looked as though it was something Wally had just found in his back pocket after weeks of looking for it.

"Ya finished bitchin'?" Mars asked Dik Dik.

"I guess so," Dik Dik conceded, following the others as they filtered through the doors of the hotel.

Mars joined onto the end of the line, pausing in the doorway as he suddenly realised that there were only six men ahead of him. Mars turned his head to look over his shoulder, frowning to himself as he saw that Kevin was standing in the middle of the road directly behind him, his hands on his hips, looking up at the neon sign above them. As he watched Kevin, Mars could have sworn he saw the distinct rise and fall of Kevin's chest, indicating a sigh; but before he could clarify his suspicions, Kevin lowered his head, facing Mars.

"It's been a long time," Kevin called over to him.

"Since what?" Mars asked dumbly.

"Since I came to this place," Kevin replied, raising one hand up in the direction of the neon sign.

Mars smiled a little as he saw the reflection of the pink neon flicker on Kevin's mask, a feeble buzzing sound above his head informing him that the sign was once more fading.

"You ain't been since you went wid me?" Mars asked.

"No," Kevin replied. "Not since then."

"You're not gonna get all nostalgic on me now, are ya Kev?" Mars joked.

Mars's smile dropped as he saw Kevin's chest rise and fall again, this time the faint sound of a sigh reaching his ears, eradicating any doubt he had held in his mind on the matter.

"Kev, are you okay?" Mars asked, stepping out of the doorway and releasing the door.

"Fine," Kevin lied as the door shut behind Mars. "We should really get going, that lot can't be trusted in there without any adult supervision, you know!"

Kevin walked up to the door with a spring in his step, but Mars was less than convinced by his suddenly jovial manner.

"What's goin' on, Kev?" he asked quietly as Kevin joined him by the door.

"Nothing!" Kevin insisted. "I think perhaps just the tiresome thought of having to spend all day tomorrow travelling in a spaceship, only to then have to spend all of the next day on Muscle Planet at that idiot's wedding is getting me down."

"I see…" Mars slowly replied, nodding his head.

"Come along, I'm rather looking forward to this!" Kevin said, stepping past Mars and opening the door.

"Sure," Mars agreed, frowning at the back of Kevin's head as he followed him into the hotel.

Mars continued to study Kevin thoughtfully, but his thoughts were soon interrupted by the other Muscle Leaguers.

"Hey guys, check me out!" Kid called out from the reception desk. "I'm Mars!"

"Huh?" Mars grunted, narrowing his eyes menacingly as Kid snapped a branch off the plant by the reception desk and held it up behind his back.

The long, slender leaves of the branch Kid held poked out around his head and shoulders, making it look much like Mars's headdress. The others began to laugh, but quickly fell silent as Mars started to march towards Kid.

"Can I help you gentlemen?" a woman asked from behind the desk.

"Yes, you can!" Kevin said hurriedly, pushing aside the others to make his way up to the desk. "We need a room, and we're going to need room service. And lots of it!"

Mars pulled a face at Kevin, before walking up to the desk. The woman turned to Mars as he stopped next to Kevin, at which Mars smiled politely.

"We'd like a room wid eight ladies, please," Mars explained.

"Certainly, Sir," the woman agreed. "Will you be staying the night?"

"No," Mars began. "We gotta catch a flight to a weddin' tomorrow mornin', and it–"

"Yes," Kevin interrupted him. "We will be staying the night. And we'll need breakfast brought to our room too."

"Are you nuts?" Mars hissed, poking an elbow into Kevin's ribs.

"Ow!" Kevin protested, as Mars's elbow collided with the still tender scar he had been left with from his final round match with Mars in the Chojin Crown Tournament some three months earlier.

"We ain't got enough money for all dat room service, or to stay here all night!" Mars added.

"I'll pay for it," Kevin plainly replied.

"What, you're gonna pay for all eight of us?"

"Yes."

Mars leaned back from Kevin, glaring at him as though his friend had just snapped into the realm of insanity; but Kevin was already pushing a credit card towards the receptionist to back up his claims.

"Kevin's paying?" Kid asked, peering around Kevin's back at his credit card. "Sweet!"

"I guess some folks gotta resort to buyin' friends, since there ain't no other way they can get 'em…" Terry mumbled.

Dik Dik, Wally, Checkmate and Jaeger all quietly nodded their agreement with Terry's sentiment, but Mars merely grew more sceptical. He turned back to Kevin, opening his mouth to voice his concerns again, but was stopped as Kevin finished paying for his transaction, and an overly excited Kid Muscle bounced around him, inadvertently standing the heel of one foot onto Mars's toes.

"Hey, watch it!" Mars snapped, shoving Kid to the ground.

Kevin looked down at Kid Muscle and then back up at Mars.

"You know sometimes I wonder about you, Mars," Kevin sighed. "You really don't know your own strength."

"Hey, I was just…"

Mars trailed off as he watched Kevin walk off down the corridor ahead of the others. Kid scrambled up to his feet and ran after Kevin, his arms raised in the above his head in glee. Mars watched as the other five Chojins followed Kevin and Kid along the corridor, before glancing down at the receptionist from the corner of his eye.

As he watched the young woman idly typing something into her computer, an idea slowly crept into his mind.

"Uh, excuse me," he said, leaning one arm onto the desk.

"Yes Sir?" she responded, turning to face him with a sweet smile.

"Do you got anybody workin' here called Emily?" Mars asked. "Tall skinny Irish girl, she has a face like a horse."

The woman smirked at Mars's description before composing herself to reply.

"We do have a lady by the name of Emily working here, but I wouldn't exactly describe her as having a face like a horse, Sir," she explained. "And she's not Irish, either. But I'm sure she could pretend to be if it pleases you."

Mars rolled his eyes, suppressing a sigh.

"No, I was just lookin' for dis girl dat I once knew," he said.

"We have quite a high turnover of staff here, Sir," the receptionist pointed out. "But remember that all our girls can be whoever and whatever you want them to be."

"Yeah, right," Mars sighed, straightening up. "Well, thanks anyway."

"You're welcome!"

Mars grumbled and muttered to himself, following after the others at his own pace. Something was definitely not right with Kevin Mask; and whatever it was, it seemed to have gotten worse since he had won the Chojin Crown. Although Mars was yet to pinpoint the cause of Kevin's change in behaviour and attitude, he was determined he would find out what it was.


"Okay, sticks everybody!" Mars shouted.

Mars screwed up his face as the group all threw their chopsticks back at him. At the start of the game, collecting in the sticks had been an easy task; but since Kid Muscle, Terry Kenyon, Checkmate, Dik Dik Van Dik and Jaeger were not accustomed to drinking alcohol, the few drinks they had since had left them with drastically decreased powers of manual dexterity. Thankfully, the eight women The Palace had supplied, along with Wally Tusket, Kevin Mask and Mars himself, were more able to maintain a degree of stability and sensibility under the influence of alcohol, and so the party was not turning into a complete disaster just yet.

"Okay, dis time guys, let's try an' play properly, yeah?" Mars said as he gathered in the sticks.

"Ve vere playing properly!" Jaeger argued, thumping a fist down onto the table with the excessive force of a superhuman wrestler who had consumed too much alcohol.

"Right…" Mars sighed, watching as Jaeger's glass toppled over, spilling the remains of his beer over the woman next to him, who screamed in alarm.

"Come on, come on!" Kid shouted impatiently. "I wanna be king, I wanna be king!"

Mars shifted his eyes to Kevin, expecting his friend to offer some degree of sympathy for the agony Mars felt suffering the immaturity of the Kinniku prince; but Kevin was no longer in his seat. Mars started in alarm, dropping some of the chopsticks as he began scanning the room for Kevin.

"Get on with it, man!" Dik Dik ordered.

"Where's Kevin?" Mars asked, still looking around for his friend.

"He went down to the kitchen," Wally replied.

"He did what?" Mars echoed, locking his eyes onto the one other sober man at the table.

"He said the room service was taking too long," Wally explained. "He went down to the kitchen to check on it."

"No, he went down to the kitchen cause he wanted to ask the chef somethin'," Terry argued.

"No, Kevin Mask went down to the kitchen to acquire some extra cutlery!" Checkmate argued.

"No, Kevin vent down to ze kitchen to get some more ice for ze champagne!" Jaeger argued.

"I thought he said he was going down to the kitchen to get more sandwiches?" Dik Dik asked, frowning at the others.

"He went down to the kitchen to talk to some girl called Amy, now can we please get on with the game already!" Kid yelled. "Come on! Let's have another go while Kevin's gone! The odds are better this way! Eight girls to seven guys!"

"Amy?" Mars echoed, narrowing his eyes. "He went to see Amy?"

"That's what I said!" Kid sang sarcastically.

"In da kitchen?" Mars asked.

"Yeah!" Kid snapped.

"Amy in da kitchen of dis place?" Mars said thoughtfully. "Who da hell is Amy?"

"Well I dunno," Kid muttered, shrugging his shoulders.

Mars looked around the table as everyone shook their heads or shrugged their shoulders to confirm that none of them knew who Amy was.

"And besides, who cares?" Kid added. "Deal the sticks already, scarface!"

"Hey, watch it!" Mars warned him. "Okay, I'ma take out number fifteen, since Kev ain't here."

Mars removed the stick with the number fifteen on it, before shuffling them around again and then holding his hand out towards the middle of the table.

"Pick a stick," he said.

The others all leaned forwards to select a stick, each checking the marking on the top of their choice to see what it said.

"Who's king?" Kid asked loudly. "Cause it's not me! Again!"

"It's me!" Terry cheered.

"And what does the king want?" Dik Dik asked Terry.

"The king wants…" Terry began, looking around the table deviously. "The king wants number seven to kiss him on the mouth for five seconds!"

"Ooh!" Kid squealed. "Who's got number seven?"

"Me!" one of the women said, raising one hand in the air.

"No way!" Kid gasped.

Terry grinned smugly at Kid as the woman stood up and walked around the table to where Terry sat. The woman sitting between Terry and Dik Dik stood up from her seat to allow the woman with chopstick number seven to sit next to Terry. Kid, Wally, Jaeger, Checkmate and Dik Dik all leaned towards Terry, watching in awe as he kissed the woman on the lips. Kid began to count loudly to five, drawing a look of disgust from Mars.

"Okay, okay, sticks everybody!" Kid yelled once Terry had finished.

As the women returned to their seats, Mars was once more subjected to a barrage of chopsticks flying towards his face.

"Hey!" he yelled in protest, shielding his head with one arm.

Once Mars had gathered all the sticks, he began to shuffle them, glancing across the table at the empty space where Kevin had been sitting earlier.

"What's takin' Kev so long?" he asked anyone who cared to listen.

"Who cares?" Kid squealed. "This way, there's more girls per guy, remember? So shut-up and deal already!"

Jaeger let out a whoop of delight, leaping up to high-five Kid across the table. Mars plucked number fifteen from the bunch again, setting it aside and shuffling the sticks.

"You know what to do," he said dully, holding out his hand again.

Mars winced as his fellow Chojins all grabbed a stick each, leaving the women to carefully select the remaining sticks, leaving one for Mars.

"It's me!" Kid yelled, leaping up from his seat. "I'm the king! It's me! I'm the king, and now I get to have whatever I want!"

"Okay, so what does the king want?" Terry asked him.

"Good God I love this game!" Dik Dik sighed, resting his chin on his upturned palm.

"The king wants…" Kid began, looking around the table with wide, hungry eyes. "The king wants number three to kiss his ass for ten seconds!"

"What?" Mars yelped. "You want what?"

"Hey, the rules say that everyone has to do exactly what the king says!" Kid yelled at him. "And the king says that number three has to kiss my bare ass for ten seconds, okay?"

Mars quickly checked the number at the top of his chopstick, smirking in relief as he saw the number two.

"Okay," he agreed.

"So…" Kid said, smiling to himself. "Who's got number three?"

"Me."

Kid paused, looking around the women expectantly.

"Who?" he asked, his smile faltering.

"Me, Kid. I'm number three."

Kid turned to his right, his face paling beneath his mask as he saw Wally Tusket sitting with his hand in the air.

"What?" Kid wailed. "But I wanted one of the girls to kiss my ass!"

"Hey, da rules say dat everybody's gotta do exactly what da king says, remember?" Mars sneered at Kid.

"Fine!" Kid grumbled. "Get over here Wally!"

The others watched in perverse intrigue as Kid pulled down his pants and bent over the table.

"God forgive me," Wally muttered, before leaning forwards and kissing Kid's bared rear-end.

"Dear God, he's actually doing it!" Dik Dik gasped.

"Oh ma Lord!" Terry whispered, his eyes doubling in size.

"Your whiskers are tickling me!" Kid giggled, thumping a fist on the table as he tried to suppress his laughter.

"Ah man, dat does it!" Mars said, standing up abruptly. "Dis game is over!"

As Mars walked away from the table, Jaeger finally finished counting down from ten, and Wally leapt back from Kid, gasping in air as though he had just surfaced from a vat of water.

"The game's over?" Kid asked, standing up and dressing himself again. "So what are we gonna do now?"

"Let's play karaoke!" Jaeger yelled.

"Yeah!" Terry agreed.

"We don't have a karaoke machine in here," Dik Dik pointed out.

"Who cares?" Jaeger asked.

"Let's just sing any old crap!" Kid agreed.

Mars glanced over his shoulder as the eight women slowly rose from the table, one by one, each quietly exiting the room as the six remaining Chojins began attempting to sing the graduation song from the Hercules Factory, each singing their own rude, offensive version of the lyrics.

As the last woman left the room, Mars caught the door behind her, stepping out into the hallway and looking up and down for any sign of Kevin. When he failed to sight his old friend, Mars took one last look back into the room at his fellow Justice Chojins. Mars groaned, rolling his eyes as he caught sight of Kid and Jaeger crawling over the surface of the table towards each other, signing louder and more off-key with every passing second.

"Screw dis shit," he muttered, marching out of the room and down the hallway in the same direction the women had taken.


Kevin tapped the base of his half-empty bottle of beer against his mask, which lay open on the road at his feet. The street outside was dark and damp, and he could feel that the rainwater had already soaked through the seat of his jeans, but still he remained sat on the edge of the sidewalk, his legs spread out onto the road, slowly drinking his way through the trolley of beer he had helped himself to from The Palace.

Letting out another sigh, Kevin glanced back down the street at the hotel, forcing a smile as he looked at the building that brought back so many memories of his time in the DMP. Hanging his head again, Kevin let out yet another sigh as a small voice reminded him why he was sitting where he was: it was the exact same spot that a street urchin had tried to mug an angry upstart of a girl over four years ago; the exact same spot where Kevin had tried to help the girl, only to end up getting into a heated argument with her.

Kevin lifted his bottle to his lips, throwing back his head to finish off his drink.

"What cha doin', Kev?" Mars asked, appearing suddenly beside him.

Kevin dropped his bottle, squinting up at Mars's shadow looming over him.

"Stop being so vertical Mars, you silly git," Kevin drawled.

"Oh, it's like dat, huh?" Mars asked, laughing slightly as he lowered himself down onto the edge of the sidewalk next to Kevin.

Mars eyed over the trolley behind them, quickly tallying up the ratio of full to empty beer bottles.

"You drink all dose yourself, Kev?" he asked, turning to Kevin.

"What do you think, Marsh?" Kevin asked sarcastically, grabbing another full bottle from the trolley.

Mars watched in mild amusement as Kevin levered the cap off the bottle with the aid of the steel toe of his boot, before taking a swig from the bottle.

"Did you just call me Marsh?" Mars asked Kevin.

"No!" Kevin denied, scowling at Mars. "Don't be shtupid!"

"Shtupid?" Mars echoed, helping himself to a bottle of beer from the trolley.

"Oh, whatever!" Kevin muttered, before taking another drink from the bottle.

"So what's eatin' you, anyways?" Mars asked, before removing the cap from the bottle with his teeth.

"You," Kevin frankly replied. "And that girl."

"Who, Emily?" Mars asked.

"Emily?" Kevin echoed. "Who the bloody hell is Emily?"

"I dunno," Mars replied, shrugging his shoulders.

"Anyway, that girl Kiki," Kevin continued, trying his best to sound sober and coherent. "She never talks, she just screams a lot. And it hurts my ears."

"Well, y'know, bein' wid a guy like me is pretty excitin' for a girl–"

"I'm not talking about that! I'm talking about when I ask her a question, and she screams the answer back at me!"

"Well maybe you should come down da stairs before you ask her a question."

"Well maybe I don't want to!"

"Well if you don't, she has to keep screamin' at cha."

"Well she pisses me off, Mars!"

"You want us to move out?"

"I don't know!"

"Okay, calm down!"

Mars frowned at Kevin, placing down his bottle as he slowly removed his headdress, dropping it down onto the road next to Kevin's mask.

"Dat's not it, is it Kev?" he asked quietly, ruffling his hair with one hand as he retrieved his bottle with the other.

"What are you yapping on about now, you insane old twat?" Kevin grumbled, turning to face Mars.

"Well, dat ain't really what's botherin' you, is it?" Mars continued. "Dere's somethin' else. You've been actin' weird ever since you won da Chojin Crown."

"You think?" Kevin snorted.

"I know," Mars corrected him.

"Well maybe there is something bothering me, if you really must know."

"Are you gonna tell me what it is?"

"No."

Mars sighed loudly, tightening his grip on his bottle in frustration. He took a big gulp of beer, before inhaling sharply through his nostrils and turning his head towards Kevin.

"Not when you won," he began. "Before dat. But it got worse when you won. And it's been eatin' at you ever since."

"What would you know?" Kevin muttered.

"Before you fought me," Mars continued, undeterred by Kevin's rebuttal. "Before I fought fishface Kid Muscle…"

"Maybe," Kevin muttered into his bottle as he began to drink again.

"About da time of dat press conference we was at," Mars said, smiling to himself. "Dat "Love, Honour and Redemption" programme dey made us do! You've been actin' weird since dat day! It's because of dat book, isn't it?"

"Sort of," Kevin confessed, pushing another empty bottle onto the trolley and helping himself to a full one.

"You're not worryin' about Eddie, are ya?" Mars asked.

"Perhaps."

Mars slowly nodded his head as Kevin began to work his way through another bottle of beer.

"I still feel that I let my mother down, Mars," Kevin confessed. "I promised her so faithfully that I would look after Edward. I don't even know if the boy is still alive!"

As Kevin began drinking again, Mars took a quick, nervous swig of his own drink before replying.

"Well, on dat front, I guess I got some good news, and I got some bad news," he said slowly, avoiding Kevin's eyes as Kevin slowly put down his beer and turned to glower at Mars.

"Oh?" Kevin pressed.

"Well, da good news is, your brother is still alive," Mars continued. "At least, I think dat's good news."

"How do you know?" Kevin asked.

"Because I saw him."

"You saw him? When? Where?"

"Last week. Out back."

"Last week? Out back? What do you mean, "out back"?"

"I mean out back. He was snoopin' in da garbage behind da stables. I got myself a pitchfork an' chased him off."

"The garbage behind the stables? Edward was at the Mask Estate? Edward was at my estate? He was snooping around in my rubbish? Why didn't you tell me before now?"

"I didn't wanna worry you. He looked kinda skinny and desperate."

"He always looked skinny and desperate! He always was skinny and desperate, it was a way of life for him!"

"Yeah, dat's true, I guess."

"Okay, so if Edward still being alive is the good news you had to tell me, what's the bad news?"

"Da bad news?"

"Tell me Mars, or else I'll be very cross with you."

"Okay. Well da bad news is, Edward ain't a boy no more. I guess he was just a late developer. He's still real skinny, but he's about as tall as you now."

"That's not so bad!"

"I dunno."

Kevin slowly finished off his bottle of beer, placing it down and shuffling closer to Mars.

"What are you not telling me, Marsh?" he asked.

"You slurrin' your words again, Kev," Mars quickly pointed out.

"Are you hiding something from me?" Kevin asked suspiciously.

"Of course not! I mean, dose footprints could have been from a bear, right? You get bears in England, yeah?"

Kevin's face dropped, and Mars paled.

"No, we do not get bears in England," Kevin solemnly replied. "What footprints?"

"It's probably nothin', don't worry about it!" Mars insisted. "Have another beer, pal!"

Mars grabbed up another bottle of beer, holding it out towards Kevin.

"What footprints?" Kevin asked.

"Well, kinda like animal footprints," Mars casually replied, walking his index and middle fingers through the air as he spoke. "Along da garden."

"Big animal footprints?" Kevin asked.

"Yeah, dey was quite big," Mars agreed, moving the bottle closer to Kevin.

"How big, Mars?" Kevin asked.

"About da size of… Fargo's feet – say, did I tell you Wally Tusket just kissed Kid Muscle's ass?"

"Fargo?" Kevin said slowly.

"And den dey started singin', and den I noticed you was gone, Kev."

"Not Edward's friend Fargo?"

"I tell ya Kev, dose guys back dere can't party like you and me can. Do you remember all dose crazy times we had in da DMP?"

"I remember Fargo, he was a giant monster of a thing! Half-man half-tiger, wasn't he?"

"Say Kev, do you remember dat one time when we went to High Park Ladies' Club?"

"Fargo was… High Park Ladies' Club? I remember High Park Ladies' Club. That was where we met Amy."

"Amy, right."

Kevin slowly took the bottle of beer from Mars's hand, removing the cap with his boot.

"Do you remember dat crazy girl wid da fat ass we met dere?" Mars asked as Kevin began to slowly sip at his beer.

"Amy?" Kevin asked, almost choking on his drink in his hurry to respond.

"Her name was Amy?" Mars asked, frowning in confusion.

"Yesh, her name wash Amy MacLeod," Kevin replied, smiling to himself.

"You're slurrin' your words again, Kev."

"Amy… Amy didn't have a fat arse, Mars."

"Sure she did. She had a face like a horse, too. And she had much legs and arms goin' on everywhere."

"How could she have too much arms and legs? She had two arms and two legs, just like you and me and everyone else does."

"But dey was all long and skinny. And she was real moody, too."

"There was nothing wrong with her arse. Absolutely nothing at all."

"Yeah, you would say dat, you had da hots for her…"

"Do you know, she actually had a magnificent arse."

Mars paused, before breaking into a grin as he watched Kevin don a dreamy expression.

"I remember when I met her in there," Kevin continued, pointing back at The Palace hotel. "She was dressed like… Well, let's not beat about the bush here, she was dressed like a complete and utter slut, but by God she looked good enough to eat."

Mars snickered to himself, trying his best to contain his laughter as he noticed that Kevin's face was creasing with the seriousness of his words.

"She had the most beautiful neck," Kevin continued, his brows furrowing as he began to wave his hand around in the air in front of his face to emphasis his point. "I used to watch it when she spoke. I wanted to just sink my teeth into it."

Mars snorted, his laughter growing despite his best attempts to remain solemn for Kevin's benefit.

"And do you know, that night she was here," Kevin continued. "When she was, you know…"

"Dressed like a complete and utter slut?" Mars offered.

"Dressed like a complete and utter slut," Kevin confirmed. "I watched her walking, and I watched her arse."

Mars began to laugh out loud at Kevin, but Kevin appeared to be undeterred by Mars's amusement.

"And I just wanted to…" Kevin said weakly. "Wanted to…"

"Sink your teeth into her ass?" Mars asked through his laughter.

"Yesh," Kevin agreed, nodding his head. "I wanted to shink my teef into her arsh."

Mars threw his head back, laughing openly as Kevin, who simply continued to drink from his bottle of beer.

"Ah man, you're such a loser, Kev!" Mars said, wiping a tear from one eye. "You always make me laugh!"

"And she kissed me, you know," Kevin added.

"Yeah, I know, Kev," Mars replied. "I was dere, remember?"

"How could I forget? You're the bastard that made her stop!"

"Ah, she was no good for you anyways, Kev."

"But it was amazing. I hate you for making her stop."

"I'm sure you'll get over it."

"But it was amazing…"

"Kev, da woman belonged in a field wid Black Beauty, she can't have been dat good!"

"Oh but she was!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Oh yeah! How can I put this… She was hungry, and she liked the taste of my tonsils."

Mars threw his head back again, laughing out loud. His bottle of beer slipped from his hand, falling to the road with a clink, the contents fizzing and bubbling out by his feet.

"Hey, what's so funny over here?" Dik Dik Van Dik asked, dropping down onto his knees next to Mars.

"Go away, Bambi," Kevin grumbled.

"Vhy can I never get a girlfriend?" Jaeger wailed, throwing his arms around a nearby tree and sobbing into it.

"Sweet baby Jesus…" Kevin groaned.

"Hey, why did the party move out here without me?" Kid Muscle asked, staggering towards Mars and inadvertently tripping over Dik Dik's ankles.

Kevin looked over his shoulder as Kid fell to the ground behind him with a thud, apparently unaffected by the force of his fall.

"This party is crap," Kevin grumbled.

"I'll drink to dat!" Mars agreed, grabbing up two bottles of beer and tossing one to Kevin.

Mars and Kevin cracked open their bottles chinking them together before gulping from them as the other six suitably inebriated Chojins stumbled aimlessly around them.


"Ah, man!" Mars groaned, rolling over onto his elbows.

Mars slowly bent his knees up under himself, pushing his hands against the ground to lift himself up onto all fours.

"Hey Kev," he groaned as he sighted Kevin laying spread-eagled on his back on the sidewalk a short distance from where Mars had just awoken. "Kev, wake up!"

"Hu-whuh?" Kevin groaned, slapping a hand onto his forehead and screwing up his face as he began to rouse from his slumber.

"C'mon Kev, geddup," Mars insisted, swaying slightly before landing hard on one hip, facing Kevin.

Kevin slowly sat up, slouching over his legs.

"What time is it, Kev?" Mars asked, as he groggily rubbed the heel of one palm in one eye.

Kevin jerked up his left hand, frowning down at his digital watch. Mars squinted over at him, watching as Kevin poked the index finger of his right hand at the watch, muttering numbers under his breath. Kevin's long, sweeping blonde hair began to slip over his shoulders, falling over his face and obscuring it from Mars's view.

"Kev?" Mars asked. "Da time?"

"I've got it!" Kevin declared, tossing back his head, his hair flying back off his face.

"Well?" Mars pressed. "What time is it?"

"Friday," Kevin replied, smiling gormlessly at his friend.

"Is dat da best you can do? Friday? Ah, man!" Mars groaned, hanging his head.

"Three thirty!" Terry Kenyon called out, staggering along the street towards Mars and Kevin.

"Hey, my watch!" Kid moaned, crawling after him.

"Three thirty?" Kevin echoed. "But we only started playing the King Game at two o'clock!"

"And we've been asleep!" Mars added.

"Give me zhat!" Jaeger said, snatching the watch from Terry.

Jaeger smiled, nodding his head knowingly as he rotated the watch.

"It's not three thirty!" he declared. "It's qvarter to six!"

"Quarter to six?" Mars groaned. "Ah nuts! We gotta get off dis planet before eight, we don't got long!"

"Where are we going?" Dik Dik asked, scratching at his head between his antlers.

"To my wedding, you asshole!" Kid shouted at him.

"Shh!" Checkmate hissed at Kid.

Mars watched Jaeger for a moment, blinking blankly as he looked up at his former Hercules Factory classmate holding onto Kid's watch. Mars began to frown as he watched Jaeger turn the watch around and around, looking more and more confused with every turn.

"Gimme dat!" Mars snapped, scrambling to his feet and snatching the watch from Jaeger.

Blinking through his blurred vision, Mars turned the watch the correct way up, squinting down at it to read the time.

"Nine o'clock!" he yelped.

"What?" Kid screamed.

"It can't be nine o'clock!" Kevin denied, pushing himself up to an upright position. "Because the bells of the church ring every hour, and–"

Kevin instantly fell silent as the church bells began to chime. All eight Chojins gathered round Kid, looking up at the church steeple in anticipation as they each counted the numbers of tolls of the bells.

"I guess it is nine o'clock den," Mars said once the bells had stopped sounding.

"What am I gonna do?" Kid wailed. "I'm getting married at Muscleham Palace in just over twenty-four hours!"

"No sweat, Kid," Mars said confidently. "We just gotta run to da spaceship, and put da engines at full speed."

Jaeger stumbled over the edge of the sidewalk, staggering along the gutter before vomiting over Kevin's mask. The others all turned to Mars, eying him sceptically.

"Hey, don't worry about it!" he said, shrugging his shoulders. "When have I ever let you guys down, huh?"

"Don't answer that," Kevin warned as Dik Dik opened his mouth to protest.


Next Chapter: While the boys were out partying to celebrate Kid's last night as a bachelor, how did the girls celebrate Roxanne's last night as Miss Nikaidou? Chapter 2 – The Hen Night.