a/n: Kukuku! Here I am again. This one is based vaguely on recent manga chapters, so watch out for them spoilers. Gah, this is probably hardcore OOC status, but I bet Kanda really is a hardcore emo boy on the inside. And Tyki likes it. snicker
So this story includes: KandaxTyki (Kyki?) LenaleexKanda, and AllenxLenalee, but only kindasortamaybe.
Disclaimer: I don't own thems!! D:
The sight disgusts him.
Her sobs are echoing as he turns away, black hair trailing.
Allen, Allen! Oh Allen!
Lenalee kneels by the fallen boy, white hair matted to his face, eyes closed, breath ragged. Though she's just experienced the destruction, and rebirth, of the life she's known, it's him she cries for. Not herself. Not the dead.
And not Kanda either.
His body is stiff and there's a pounding in his head he knows won't go away for awhile. The crowd parts for him to pass, most giving him only a weary glance, and never looking into his eyes.
The halls are cracked and empty, and he feels the exact same way as he opens the door to his rooms. He slips off his shoes silently, and the fuzzy carpet seems to cling to him, bringing him back down to earth.
The bathroom door is ajar, and he enters without turning on the lights. It's dark but not overly so, and it comforts him as he peels off his shirt and tosses it onto the tile. His tattoo is in full bloom, and tingles as he places his hand over it.
He looks up into the mirror, catching his own stony gaze.
How did things turn out like this? It feels like its all gone wrong. Of course, as a team, they've won every battle, climbed every obstacle to come out on top. And it would always make him forget, the battle he held onto inside.
His fingers tighten on the sink rim, and he grips his chest, as if in pain.
She would always come to him, every time she was in trouble, every time she felt alone. He was the silent constant, the one she could rely on.
Hadn't it always been, "Kanda, I'm scared.", "Kanda, I'm glad you're here."
And with her soft smiles, and trusting eyes. He was her protector; he was always there to rescue her, to hold her up when she fell.
But not anymore.
It's Allen who has taken his place.
It's Allen who she relies on, who she follows, who she cries out to when it seems there's no hope left.
But what has he done anyway!?
Everything, and you have done nothing.
Nothing,
Nothing,
Nothing.
"I'm not worthless." He says it aloud, and surprises himself. It doesn't even sound like his own voice, frail and vulnerable.
Since when did he need her attention to hold him up? Her love? Longer than he had expected, it seemed.
He smiles at this, a twisted smile, and something breaks inside, just a little bit. He lets out a hushed laugh, the kind that is full of despair and anger and should have been born as tears but came out like this instead.
"You are worthless." His voice is sharp and cutting as he looks into his own eyes.
You have made yourself worthless because of her.
He breathes slowly, regaining himself. There are other things he must do, instead of wallowing in his self-contempt.
Kanda has always taken care of things. And this would be taken care of. Let them have each other if they wanted, it mattered not to him. Not anymore.
He accepts this answer for now, and retreats back into his bedroom, away from the glassy mirror. He eyes his bed for a moment, and wonders if they'll miss him in the hospital ward. He shrugs, it means little.
He lets his hair out, and deliberately folds back the sheets. He lies down and closes his eyes. Sleep comes easily for his tired body, and it is calm and black, just the way he likes it.
