A/N

This Oneshot takes place in 12x09 "The sound of silence" after Meredith had been attacked by her patient. Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or any of the mentioned characters. Please enjoy and give feedback.

I open my eyes and find myself laying in a trauma room. I slowly remember what had happened. I had been attacked by a patient, I am probably injured. I sit up and take a look at myself. No injuries. Strangely nothing even hurts. How is that possible?

"Mer? What are you doing here? You shouldn't be here...", I here a voice I know too well.

"Derek?", I turn around not wanting to believe my ears. And there he is. This could only be a dream.

It was like no time had passed since I had last seen him. His raven curls were flawless as always, although they slowly started turning grey, which of course I would never tell him. His piercing blue eyes are staring at me, but somehow i can't really tell what he's thinking right now.

I get up, take a few steps towards him and as soon as come in reach for his hands, he grabs me by the waist and pulls me into a kiss. It's soft and gentle and yet there's so much passion, love...and grief. I've missed him so much.

I didn't want this moment to ever end but at some point he pulls away to look at me and it is only then, when i see the concerned look on his face, that i realize where i really am.

This isn't a dream. I had been here before. About 10 years ago, when I drowned...when I died.

"Derek...did I...did I die?", I ask him carefully while my eyes start to fill with tears. This couldn't be true. Just moments ago I had been so happy to just be with Derek again, even if it had only been a dream. But now?

"It's not too late, Mer. You can still go back...", he says stroking a flick of hair behind my ear, "You have to go back. The kids need you. And Amy...she wouldn't survive loosing you too."

"Derek.", I interrupt him wondering if he knows about Ellis.

"After you um...you know died, I found out I was pregnant again and..."

"I know.", he says a large smile forming on his lips.

"You know? But how?", I say, while a tear rolls down my cheek.

"She's so beautiful...I'm always by your side, you know. Even if you don't see me, I'm there."

He wipes my tears away and gives me a quick kiss on the lips.

For a while no one says anything, we're standing there, in each others arms, just enjoying our company, until at some point I break the silence.

"I don't want to leave. I want to stay here...with you.", I confess, "You remember when I said I could live without you? It's so damn hard, Derek. Sometimes i don't know how to make it through the day. I just miss you so much. When something happens, you're the first person I want to tell, and I can't, Derek, I can't because you're here and I'm there and I...", I start rambling, crying and gesturing weirdly with my left hand.

"Hey", Derek interrupts me taking my hand, "You go back there and live a great life. And then, maybe in about 50 years, you come back here and we'll meet again."

He is right. I know he is right. And a part of me even wants to go back. I could never leave the kids alone...or Alex, Amy and Maggie. They all need me and to be honest I needed them too.

"Okay.", I whisper, "But promise me you won't go anywhere."

"It's not like I have a choice", he laughs slightly, "and even if I had I already promised you I'd always show up remember?"

Instead of answering I just kiss him. I know this'd be our good-bye kiss so I try to put all the love I have for him in it. He pulls me very close and I open my mouth to let his tongue slip. His hands are caressing my back while mine and completely lost in his hair. Just like I am lost in this kiss.

When we pull apart, I realize i had completely lost track of time. And also I could see the light, which I now is my sigh to leave.

I look at Derek and know that he also sees the light as he nods.

"Well, good bye then...", I say, my eyes still, or again, filled with tears.

"Good bye, Meredith.", our eyes lock as his arms loosen around me, letting me go.

Just as I turned around I suddenly realize something.

"Wait", I say turning around again, "I want to see Lexie."

How did I forget about her. I was all over Derek, but what about all the other people I had lost?

"I'm not planning on coming to this place again for the next at least 40 years and I want to see her. I miss her so much."

"I'm sorry, but I believe Mark and Lexie are busy right now.", a smirk crosses his face.

"Oh...you mean?", I say slightly giggling.

"Yeah", he whispers while he pulls me closer again and landing a quick kiss on my forehead. "Well then will you tell her that I stopped by and that I love her?"

"Of course I will, but you really have to go now, Mer."

"I know. I love you."

"I love you, too."

And with that he disappears and after a moment I start walking towards the light, making sure to not forget a second of what had just happened.

A/N

To be honest this is my first fan fiction ever. So I'd really appreciate your feedback, comments and votes. Plus if you have any request or ideas on further oneshots, I'd be more than happy to hear them. I'll be updating soon and eventually even start a real story a some point.