Heya guys! I wrote this thing with a friend who posted it too on AO3 so u can go check her out too there (Castor_loves_Courgette). It's an Avengers crackfic that we hope you'll like. :)
We are sorry for any mistakes you may spot for English is not our first language (we are French). We do our best. Sorry again.
Enjoy and don't forget to leave a review or a like!
Bruce Banner – gammaray
Bucky Barnes - russianintights
Clint Barton – cawcawmfucker
Janet Van Dyne – FashionWasp
Natasha Romanoff – deathinblackleather
Rhodey – WARMACHINEROX
Sam Wilson – REALcawcawmfucker
Tony Stark – RichA$$Bo$$
Steve Rogers – CaptainHandsome
- I -
RichA$$Bo$$ created av3ng3r$
RichA$$Bo$$ has added CaptainHandsome, WARMACHINEROX, deathinblackleather, russiantights, FashionWasp, Clint.B, Sam.W
RichA$$Bo$$ : hello
RichA$$Bo$$ : first things first
RichA$$Bo$$ : Clint and Sam i refuse to talk to u if u don't change ur usernames rn
Clint.B : rude
Sam.W : r u srs rn
RichA$$Bo$$ : i'm sorry who r u ? do i know u ?
Sam.W : asshole
RichA$$Boss : u mean a$$hole
Sam.W : i swear to god
Clint.B : brb
Sam.W : same
FashionWasp : FINALLY
FashionWasp : WE HAVE A GROUP
FashionWasp : why the hell did it take so long tho
RichA$$Bo$$ : bc SOMEONE did not have a skype until YESTERDAY
RichA$$Bo$$ : and by SOMEONE i of course mean our dear and beloved leader STEVE
FashionWasp : Steve is a 90 yo grandpa pass it on
RichA$$Bo$$ : where is he btw ?
WARMACHINEROX : I saw him in detention earlier
WARMACHINEROX : hi guys btw
RichA$$Bo$$ : wtf did he do this time
russianintights : GLAD YOU ASKED
RichA$$Bo$$ : fuck
russianintights : STEVEN FUCKING ROGERS GOT HIMSELF IN A FUCKING FIGHT WITH THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE FROM THE OTHER CLASS
FashionWasp : what ?
deathinblackleather : by « FUCKING ASSHOLE » he means Johann Schmidt
FashionWasp : ooooh thnx
FashionWasp : but who's he ?
deathinblackleather : a fucking asshole
FashionWasp : u don't say
russianintights : STEVE FUCKING PUNCHED THE GUY
russianintights : IN THE FACE
russianintights : AND FURY SAW HIM
RichA$$Bo$$ : man the pirate king really sees a lot for a guy with one eye
WARMACHINEROX : He Sees All
WARMACHINEROX : Fear Him
russianintights : PLFEKOJFIBNDKAIHUZBHJFKA2PIHDZUJZDJIHDFVGBHJZJA2P
deathinblackleather : translation : « Steve is an ass and if he ever does something like that ever again I will throw him in a basement and lock him up forever »
russianintights : I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL DO IT
russianintights : IF THIS WEAK ASS BITCH DOESN'T CHANGE HIS WAY I WILL DO IT
deathinblackleather : it's ok bae
deathinblackleather : i'll hold ur flower go get him
cawcawmfucker : relationship goal
cawcawmfucker : R U SERIOUS CLINT
cawcawmfucker : R U FUCKING SERIOUS
cawcawmfucker : SON OF A BITCH
cawcawmfucker : U'R THE SON OF A BITCH
FashionWasp : what ?
RichA$$Bo$$ : wtf
WARMACHINEROX : i'm lost and confused
REALcawcawmfucker : CLINT STOLE MY SUPER AWESOME USERNAME
cawcawmfucker : I DID NO SUCH THING I AM INNOCENT
FashionWasp : tag urself i'm Rhodey
FashionWasp : #lost&confused
REALcawcawmfucker : ok but to get back to Steve
REALcawcawmfucker : Bucky is Steve ok
cawcawmfucker : and more importantly
cawcawmfucker : Nat is Bucky ok
RichA$$Bo$$ : ^most important question tbh
deathinblackleather : James is currently on his way to get Steve out of detention but he had to punch a wall to calm himself
REALcawcawmfucker : mama Bucky on his way to get her bby
cawcawmfucker : wait a sex
cawcawmfucker : *sex
cawcawmfucker : *seC jfc
deathinblackleather : let's act as if we hadn't seen anything
FashionWasp : too late i screened
cawcawmfucker : who the hell is James
WARMACHINEROX : I'm James
cawcawmfucker : no but i'm talking about the other James
WARMACHINEROX : whaaat
FashionWasp : #lost&confusedpart2
deathinblackleather : James is Bucky
RichA$$Bo$$ : uhm no
RichA$$Bo$$ : Bucky is Bucky
cawcawmfucker : who the fuck is Bucky
cawcawmfucker : who the fuck r u all
cawcawmfucker : who the fuck am i
REALcawcawmfucker : U'R THE ASSHOLE THAT STOLE MY SUPER AWESOME USERNAME
cawcawmfucker : also who the fuck is deathinblackleather
deathinblackleather : i'm Nat
cawcawmfucker : fuck i thought u were Bucky
cawcawmfucker : who i just learnt was James
cawcawmfucker : but not Rhodey James
cawcawmfucker : my head hurts where's coffee
deathinblackleather : Bucky's first name is James
WARMACHINEROX : whaaaaaaat
RichA$$Bo$$ : wtf ?
RichA$$Bo$$ : why do we call him Bucky then ?
RichA$$Bo$$ : we should be calling him Jimmy ?
RichA$$Bo$$ : Jimmy Barnes ?
deathinblackleather : his name full is James Buchanan Barnes
deathinblackleather : Bucky comes from Buchanan
WARMACHINEROX : BUCHANAN IS A NAME ?
FashionWasp : #mindblown
cawcawmfucker : sounds fake but ok
RichA$$Bo$$ : idc his name is now Jimmy
WARMACHINEROX : ok but how did we not know that
REALcawcawmfucker : i did
deathinblackleather : bc i told u
REALcawcawmfucker : true
WARMACHINEROX : but how did U know
RichA$$Bo$$ : Rhodey
RichA$$Bo$$ : do u know who u r talkin to
WARMACHINEROX : oh
WARMACHINEROX : right
deathinblackleather : this morning James Rhodes aged 18 ate a bowl of cornflakes with what little milk he had left in his almost empty fridge and he has to buy new cornflakes bc his taste awful
WARMACHINEROX : waIT DID U BREAK INTO MY ROOM
deathinblackleather : )
WARMACHINEROX : DON'T DO THAT SMILEY
deathinblackleather : )
WARMACHINEROX : GUYS SHE'S BLINKING AT ME WHAT DO I DO WHAT DOES IT MEAN
deathinblackleather : )
WARMACHINEROX : I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO SLEEP EVER AGAIN
cawcawmfucker : Nat is the #1 of insomnia in the country
cawcawmfucker : i'm still afraid to close my eyes
FashionWasp : that explains the abuse of coffee
REALcawcawmfucker : PREACH
RichA$$Bo$$ : the real question is
RichA$$Bo$$ : WHAT keeps Nat awake at night
deathinblackleather : James
FashionWasp : aaaw
deathinblackleather : also me spying on all of u
FashionWasp : i take it back
cawcawmfucker : if we were in a horror movie Nat would be the only one to survive
REALcawcawmfucker : if we were in a horror movie Nat would be hunting the killer
RichA$$Bo$$ : where's the lie
deathinblackleather : if we were in a horror movie i would BE the killer
cawcawmfucker : …
REALcawcawmfucker : …
RichA$$Bo$$ : …
FashionWasp : …
WARMACHINEROX : i'm never sleeping ever again
CaptainHandsome : Natasha wouldn't kill u in ur sleep
CaptainHandsome : she'd want a fight and a challenge
deathinblackleather : true
FashionWasp : STEVE
RichA$$Bo$$ : Captain Handsome Face and Perfect Teeth !
REALcawcawmfucker : STEVE WTF HAPPENED
REALcawcawmfucker : STEVE R U OK
CaptainHandsome : If by « ok » u mean « still able to run faster than u when we'r jogging » then yes
REALcawcawmfucker : fuck
FashionWasp : but srsl tho what happened Steve ?
FashionWasp : Bucky told us u punched that Schmidt guy
RichA$$Bo$$ : u mean Jimmy
russianintights : call me Jimmy and i'll send Nat to take care of u
RichA$$Bo$$ : …
deathinblackleather : )
RichA$$Bo$$ : Rhodey i'm leaving for the night i'm going back home in Malibu
CaptainHandsome : ok so i was just walking on my way to eat
CaptainHandsome : and then i saw THAT MOTHERFUCKING SON OF A BITCH harassing a FRESHMAN
CaptainHandsome : like nailing him to the lockers
CaptainHandsome : and NO ONE was helping EVERYONE WAS WATCHING AND /LAUGHING/
FashionWasp : jfc
CaptainHandsome : so i just had to step in and stop him
russianintights : BY PUNCHING HIM IN THE FACE ?
russianintights : REALLY STEVE ?
russianintights : REALLY ?
RichA$$Bo$$ : ok this is a v cool story but am i the only one shocked by Stevie's use of language
cawcawmfucker : same
CaptainHandsome : Clint u literally have « fucker » in ur username
CaptainHandsome : btw why do Clint and Sam have the same username ?
REALcawcawmfucker : CLINT STOLE MINE
cawcawmfucker : let's not go back on the subject
cawcawmfucker : but i did not
REALcawcawmfucer : I WILL SMACK UR FACE
RichA$$Bo$$ : Sam chill and take ur bird seeds
REALcawcawmfucker : …
WARMACHINEROX : Tony. Out.
FashionWasp : am i the only one worried about Steve's health ?
FashionWasp : did Schmidt hit back ?
FashionWasp : r u ok ? will u still be able to play ?
russianintights sent a pic
FashionWasp : UR FACE
FashionWasp : IT'S BLUE
CaptainHandsome : it's only the eye i'm ok
REALcawcawmfucker : wTF
WARMACHINEROX : THIS IS ENORMOUS WTF
cawcawmfucker : meh i had worse tbh
CaptainHandsome : same
RichA$$Bo$$ : the most important is that his perf teeth r all there
russianintights : IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE IF FURY HADN'T ARRIVED
russianintights : HE COULD HAVE /DIED/
WARMACHINEROX : rn't u slightly exagerating
deathinblackleather : Rhodey do u know Schmidt ?
WARMACHINEROX : barely why
deathinblackleather : him and Steve hate themselves
deathinblackleather : since like
deathinblackleather : forever
deathinblackleather : if we were in The Purge Steve would be the first Schmidt would kill
deathinblackleather : and Steve wouldn't even kill him cuz he's so moral and shit
WARMACHINEROX : oh
CaptainHandsome : listen guys
CaptainHandsome : it was just a punch
CaptainHandsome : i'm fine
CaptainHandsome : he is too unfortunately
FashionWasp : « unfortunately »
CaptainHandsome : i only got to break his nose
REALcawcawmfucker : U BROKE HIS NOSE ?!
deathinblackleather : James just screamed « MOTHERFUCKER » and almost fainted
deathinblackleather : i just stopped him from punching the wall again
RichA$$Bo$$ : petition to buy Bucky a punching ball
WARMACHINEROX : what do u mean petition u have enough money to buy him 5000000
RichA$$Bo$$ : true
RichA$$Bo$$ : what if i paid for a whole gym
RichA$$Bo$$ : the Bucky Gym
RichA$$Bo$$ : for angry bfs
FashionWasp : speaking of angry
FashionWasp : where is Bruce ?
RichA$$Bo$$ : …
RichA$$Bo$$ added gammaray
RichA$$Bo$$ : MY SCIENCE BRO
RichA$$Bo$$ : MY FAM
RichA$$Bo$$ : MY SON
gammaray : I'm not ur son wtf
RichA$$Bo$$ : WHO TF FORGOT TO ADD MY SMOL SON ON THE CONVERS
WARMACHINEROX : technically u did
FashionWasp : ooouh snap
FashionWasp : i screened it btw
RichA$$Bo$$ : Janet i thought u were my friend
FashionWasp : oh :) sweetie :)
RichA$$Bo$$ : traitor
RichA$$Bo$$ : no more selfies with u
FashionWasp : NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
FashionWasp : TONY U'R THE MOST PHOTOGENIC OF MY FRIENDS
FashionWasp : U CAN'T DO THAT TO ME
gammaray : uhm what is happening
gammaray : where am i
cawcawmfucker : in hell
cawcawmfucker : welcome
cawcawmfucker : u'll get ur membership card soon don't worry
gammaray : aw thnx
gammaray : what am i doin here
RichA$$Bo$$ : don't get mad
RichA$$Bo$$ : i forgot to add u
RichA$$Bo$$ : ily it was an honest mistake
RichA$$Bo$$ : and then Steve punched a guy and we totally forgot
gammaray : it's ok
RichA$$Bo$$ : ily
gammaray : i know
RichA$$Bo$$ : ilyvm
gammaray : i know it's ok
REALcawcawmfucker : get a room jc
RichA$$Bo$$ : :*
REALcawcawmfucker : omg
RichA$$Bo$$ : :* this on is for u Sam
REALcawcawmfucker : stay away from me
gammaray : ok so it's sweet u added me
gammaray : but i got work so
gammaray : bye
gammaray has disconnected
WARMACHINEROX : same tbh
RichA$$Bo$$ : noooooo Rhodey staaaaaaay
WARMACHINEROX : Tony i'm literally on the bed behind u
RichA$$Bo$$ : Rhodeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey
FashionWasp : true friendship
WARMACHINEROX has disconnected
RichA$$Bo$$ : :'( :'( :'(
FashionWasp : Tony don't u have work to do
RichA$$Bo$$ : yes
RichA$$Bo$$ : i do
RichA$$Bo$$ : but it's too early to do it rn
REALcawcawmfucker : r u serious rn
RichA$$Bo$$ : i only work at night
RichA$$Bo$$ : i'm like Batman
RichA$$Bo$$ : i'm a creature of the night and super rich
FashionWasp : how many cup of coffees did u have
RichA$$Bo$$ : currently ?
RichA$$Bo$$ : 2
RichA$$Bo$$ : i'm drinking the 3rd
REALcawcawmfucker : dear lord
cawcawmfucker : aw friend
cawcawmfucker : #teamcoffee
REALcawcawmfucker : more like #teamdeathisnear
FashionWasp : i think we're all part of that team tbh
REALcawcawmfucker : true
REALcawcawmfucker : hey where r Nat Bucky and Steve ?
cawcawmfucker : idk
FashionWasp : Nat still hasn't come back i think she's still with Bucky & Steve
deathinblackleather : i'm omw home
FashionWasp : FINALLY
deathinblackleather : Steve fell asleep
REALcawcawmfucker : aw
deathinblackleather : and Bucky was in the shower when i left
deathinblackleather : Clint stop the coffee
cawcawmfucker : but mooooooom
deathinblackleather : it's an order
cawcawmfucker : :'(
REALcawcawmfucker : aha suck it
deathinblackleather : Sam don't u have a test tomorrow
REALcawcawmfucker : don't u
deathinblackleather : i already know my lesson
REALcawcawmfucker : who says i don't
deathinblackleather : how does Lolita by Nabokov end
REALcawcawmfucker : …
REALcawcawmfucker has disconnected
cawcawmfucker : ahahahahahahahahahahaha
cawcawmfucker : wait
cawcawmfucker : i'm in his class
cawcawmfucker : i too have that test
cawcawmfucker has disconnected
FashionWasp : this was beautiful
FashionWasp : ok Nat is here bye guys
FashionWasp : by guys i mean Tony since u'r the only one left
RichA$$Bo$$ : bye
FashionWasp has disconnected
deathinblackleather has disconnected
RichA$$Bo$$ : #foreveralone2k16
RichA$$Bo$$ : #richaftho
CaptainHandsome : money doesn't buy friends
RichA$$Bo$$ : weren't u sleeping
CaptainHandsome : i woke up to the sound of ur loneliness
RichA$$Bo$$ : aw
CaptainHandsome : but i'm dead tired i'm leaving again
RichA$$Bo$$ nooo :'(
CaptainHandsome has disconnected
russianintights has disconnected
RichA$$Bo$$ : hello darkness my old friend
Hope you liked! Luv luv keur keur bises
