Now, ladies and gentlemen, sit back, relax, and enjoy my first attempt at writing Boondock Saints fanfiction.


Disclaimer (and this is the only one you're getting): The following is a work of fan fiction. All recognizable characters are the property of Stage 6 Films, 12 Gauge Comics, and (sadly) Troy Duffy. All rights go to them and any relevant third parties I may have forgotten to mention.

The title of this fic is a selection from a quote by Evangeline Lilly. All credit goes to her.

The cover art used for this fic is a work by Pietro Longhi and is part of the Public Domain.

This fic is rated M for intense crude language, descriptions of violence, abuse of alcohol and not acting responsibly while under the influence of alcohol, situations of domestic violence, and characters either implicating or outright expressing the desire to commit suicide. I do not think any of this goes into MA territory (in fact, I don't think the language or the violence is anything you wouldn't see in the movie), but if any of these things bother you, you probably shouldn't read this story. This is the only warning you're getting.


Monday, November 7th, 1994

"I don't get why I'm getting suspended." Ellie adjusted the make-shift rib-eye steak icepack over her left eye. "I mean, that fat bitch Michelle's the one who hit me, not the other way around." Lori whirled around, fire in her hazel eyes which she narrowed them at the fourteen-year-old.

"First of all, you use that type of language with me again, you'll have more than one month's grounding to worry about." Ellie audibly gulped. "Second of all, you know the school has a zero-tolerance policy against violence of any kind. You've gotten into three fights so far this year, and it isn't even December yet."

"I didn't start any of those fights, though," Ellie complained. "They always threw the first punch. I was just defending myself."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Then why did seven of your classmates testify that you were verbally trying to goad her into the fight?" Lori gave her a pointed look that made Ellie squirm.

"Okay," Ellie relented. "I may have said a few things to set her off."

"They said you used several derogatory slurs and implied that she partakes in acts of lesbianism."

"Implied…" Ellie sat up, her perplexed expression clear. "I just said 'come at me you carpet-eating whore.' How does that imply that she's a lesbian?"

"That's not the point!" Lori was clearly becoming frustrated.

"I mean, everyone knows that she's not," Ellie said. "After all, that sex tape she made with…"

"Eleanor Lilith, test my patience one more time, you're going to be grounded for the rest of the year." Ellie's face blanched and her heart dropped.

"I'm sorry." Her apology came out quietly and Lori gave no indication as to whether she heard it. The woman paced around the living room for a few minutes but eventually came to set herself down in an armchair sitting just a few feet from the couch. She rested her elbows on her knees and pinched her nose.

"You know this isn't funny, right?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"You know you can't be picking fights with random people."

"Yes, ma'am."

"You know you're going to be grounded for this for a really long time."

"Yes, ma'am." Lori let out a huff of frustration as she rubbed her palm over her nose and across her forehead.

"Maybe that psychologist was right." The words sounded utterly defeated as they came out of the woman's mouth. "Maybe you do have RAD."

"I don't have RAD." Ellie laid back down and squeezed her free eye shut. She did not want to have this conversation again right now.

"Ellie, we've been over this so many times." Lori practically groaned. "It's perfectly normal for someone to come out of the system with difficulties getting attached to and forming new relationships with other people."

"I have no problem with you," Ellie pointed out. "Or Charley, or Tyler, or Julie, or Mabel. Plus, I wasn't even in the system that long."

"But you do continually antagonize and get into fights with other people." Ellie couldn't disagree with that. "Something needs to be done to get you under control before you end up expelled from school, and don't say you'll 'try harder' or you'll 'just ignore them' because you've promised me that before and you've never come through."

"I'm sorry." Lori sighed as she stood up.

"Listen, I'll talk to your counselor, see if she has any recommendations for what we should do." Ellie gave a weak nod in agreement. "In the meantime, young lady, you are grounded. No TV, no phone calls, no magazines… Nothing that makes you happy for the rest of the month."

"Really? Because I'd like to take this moment to remind you of how much spinach makes me happy."

"Oh, that's wonderful to hear, given that's what we're having with the pork roast tonight." Ellie suppressed the urge to groan as Lori walked out of the living room.


Saturday, November 12th, 1994

Ellie pulled her jacket closer around her as she shivered against the cold. She was sitting outside on the curb of the community rec center, waiting for Lori or Charley or whoever to come and pick her up. Her counselor suggested going to a support group with other teens who were in the foster care system or were adopted. She decided to slip out halfway through when everyone was distracted by the refreshments table. She didn't like it. All the kids seemed halfway suicidal, and all the adults just seemed to take pity on them. If Ellie had to bet, she'd guess that most of the adults were just there as part of their court-ordered community service. No one's just a good person because they want to be.

Looking at her watch, Ellie sighed. She had at least another thirty minutes before someone came to get her. She wondered if she had enough time to run to the 7-Eleven down the street and grab something but decided against it. Newton might be a nicer town than some other places in this state, but it didn't make it any less stupid of an idea to wander off somewhere alone. Bad things could happen anywhere, no matter what some liked to fool themselves into believing.

Just as she thought that Ellie's own mind quickly came back to haunt her. Footsteps were slowly approaching her, leaving a cold feeling of fear in the middle of her gut. The person eventually came to a stop a few feet behind her. She heard a few clicking sounds before a quiet utterance of "shit."

"Hey kid," an unfamiliar male voice said. "You got a light?"

"A what?" Ellie turned to look back at the shadowy figure and was completely frightened by what she saw. It was a man who had about a foot and one hundred pounds on her. He wasn't fat, but muscular. If it came down to it, he'd take her down in a fight easily. It would be naïve to think otherwise.

"A light," the figure repeated. "A lighter. I'm trying to light up this cigarette but for some reason, my lighter stopped working."

"I don't smoke." She could have left it at that, but Ellie just had to add "I'm only fourteen." She instantly began mentally berating herself. Ellie was told never to give personal information about herself to strangers, including her age. After all, she could be staring down the next Ted Bundy or John Wayne Gacey.

To her surprise, the person only laughed and took a couple steps further, so he was visible to the street lights. Despite his large, intimidating figure, his facial features suggested that he was much closer to her own age.

"I'm not old enough to smoke either," he said. "Doesn't stop me."

"Well, it does stop me." Ellie turned to stare back out into the dark abyss of the parking lot.

"What?" The boy said. "You a health nut or something? Gonna give me a lecture about how smoking kills?"

"Nope," Ellie said, popping the "p". "It's your life, live it however you wanna. You want to drive yourself to an early grave by inhaling a dose of God-knows-what kind of chemicals they put in those things, be my guest. Just don't expect me to be at your funeral."

"You aren't invited to my funeral anyway," the boy pointed out. "I don't even know your name." Ellie let out a slightly aggravated sigh. She knew she was going to regret this.

"Ellie," she said. "My name is Ellie."

The boy then plopped down right next to her on the curb and Ellie felt the immediate urge to scoot away a bit. She didn't, though. She was scared if she did, then he'd think she was afraid of him. So, she stood (or rather, sat) her ground.

"Well, isn't that a pretty name." He then extended his hand out to her. "Nice to meet you, Ellie. My name is Anthony."

"Nice to meet you, too." Ellie was hesitant to take his hand but did it anyway. "Uh, your name is nice as well." Anthony's smile immediately fell.

"No, it's not," he spat. "It's retarded."

"How so?"

"My stupid fucking parents gave it to me," he said. "They couldn't pick something respectable. They had to go with goddam Anthony. It's just more evidence to show they hate me."

"Oh… I'm sorry to hear that." Ellie didn't know how else to respond. "If it's any consolation, I kind of get it."

"Why? Your parents treat you like shit, too?"

"No. At least, not the ones that I have now."

"You one of the adopted kids?"

"Yeah."

"So am I," Anthony admitted. "My parents forced me to come to this thing. They think it'd be better if I had at least a few friends who know what I've been through, but what they don't get is that no one's been through what I've been through."

"What have you been through?"

"They just don't get it," Anthony said. "It's always 'Jake this' or 'Jake that.' It's like they don't even care that I exist. They don't love me. They only love their real son."

"That's unfortunate." Ellie glanced at her watch again. Another twenty-five minutes to go.

"You don't get it either." Anthony shook his head.

"No, not really," Ellie admitted.

"At least your honest about it." Anthony began fiddling with the unlit cigarette in his hand. "Nobody cares about me. I don't even think my parents would care if I died."

"I care." Anthony looked up at her in shock.

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do."

"You've only been talking to me for two minutes. How can you care?" True, Ellie hadn't met him before this moment, and true she was completely creeped out by him and had been practically terrified this entire conversation. In truth, she really didn't care, but something deep inside of her told her that he needed to hear someone say those words to him at least once in his life, even if she really didn't care.

"Fuck you." Ellie shrugged. It was better than the response she was expecting.

"Right back at ya." She held up her extended middle finger just to further punctuate her point.

"Is that an invitation?" The cold fear began to build up in her stomach again.

"No." Ellie couldn't be hastier in her response. "Shut up!" Anthony laughed.

"Alright, but is it too much to ask for your number?" Ellie hesitated, at first, but decided that there'd be no harm in it.

After all, it's not like he's going to call me, right? She thought.

"Do you have a scrap of paper?" He smiled and pulled an old, crumpled receipt out of the pocket of his hoodie.


Saturday, March 13th, 1999

Ellie hopped out of the truck, seeing red. She needed to get away from Anthony, as soon as possible. Unfortunately, she chose to wear heels, so running wasn't much of an option, meaning she had to deal with him screaming at the top of his lungs as he grabbed at her and tried to drag her back to the truck. Unfortunately for him, though she could scream, too.

Ellie had no idea when she and Anthony started dating. She just knew one minute, she was hanging out with him in the park like normal, the next he was defiling her in the bushes behind the baseball field. From that point on, it was Anthony and only Anthony in her life. Sure, she had her family, but Anthony made sure she knew that he was the priority in her life; he came first.

Of course, Ellie disagreed with that and it had been a point of contention in their relationship for the longest time. Anytime Ellie made plans or failed to be at his beck and call, he verbally berated her. He even came close to hitting her a couple of times, not that Ellie disclosed that to anyone, but still he hadn't. The minute he did hit her, that would be it. She was all the things he said she was – trash, a whore, a cunt, etc. – she knew it deep in her heart. She also knew that it was never ever okay for a guy to hit a girl and get away with it. The second he did, that would be it. Everything would be over between them. That's what she swore to herself.

However, by the second it looked more and more like it wasn't going to come to that. She wasn't going to get back into that truck, no matter how much Anthony begged, pleaded, or cried. She just needed to get away from him.

What had started the fight was just the simple beating of a dead horse. Ellie had taken a trip to Spain with her senior class the year before and Anthony had been accusing her of cheating on him ever since. She hadn't. She just got a nice blistering red sunburn (Oh, the perks of being Irish!), a few beautiful photos of the Catalonian shoreline, and nice and soaked from the rains that fall mainly on the plains. She didn't meet anyone while she was over there, and she barely socialized with her classmates. However, nothing she said could convince Anthony otherwise. She cheated on him and he wouldn't let it go until she admitted it. So, instead of trying to defend herself for the millionth time, Ellie got out of the truck and began storming through the streets of Boston.

Ellie wasn't quite sure where she was going. Boston had been the next town over for most of her life, but she had rarely ever been there. Anthony was supposed to be taking her to a fancy restaurant down by the Waterfront, but the hell if she knew where that was. If worse came to worse, though, Ellie was certain she could get back to Quincy if she needed to. All she needed to do was take the Redline to Wollaston Station and it'd practically be a straight shot back to the college. So, reassured that she wasn't completely lost so long as there was a T Station nearby, Ellie did her best to powerwalk through the late-night crowd and avoid the persistent, grabbing hands of her boyfriend.

Eventually, though, the crowds started getting thinner and thinner and Anthony was still nipping at her heels like a shiatsu. Desperate, Ellie eventually walked through the first pair of doors she saw, hoping that the threat of causing a scene would be enough to send Anthony running with his tail between his legs. Instead, all that ended up happening was that she hit a dead end and Anthony was finally able to reach out and grab her arm.

"What are you doing? Let go of my arm!"

"No! You're coming back to the truck right now." Ellie refused to budge, causing Anthony to lose his grip as he pulled her arm.

"No," she said firmly.

"Go back to the truck right now." The menacing tone of Anthony's voice would've sent most people running. Ellie stood her ground.

"No," she once again affirmed. "Not if you keep throwing baseless accusations in my face!"

"Oh, for fuck's sake, I know it happened!" Anthony's voice resonated throughout the restaurant they had stumbled into. "I know you cheated on me! The least you can do is admit to it like the little slut you are!"

"For the last time, I didn't cheat on you!" Ellie's voice was already beginning to feel raw from all the screaming she had been doing.

"No, don't you lie to me right now!"

"I'm not lying! It's the truth!"

"The truth? Really?" Anthony got so close to Ellie's face that she could feel his spit splattering against her face as he spoke. "If that's the truth, why didn't you pick up half the time when I called you?"

"I was on vacation! What do you honestly expect me to waste a trip to Spain by sitting in my hotel room all day just to answer my asshole boyfriend who calls every hour on the hour?"

"If you weren't with someone else, you would've picked up the phone!"

"Bullshit!"

"Did you suck his cock?" Anthony sneered. "Did you fuck him really good and hard? I bet you did, you little slut! I should've known something was off when you started to take those Spanish classes! You just wanted to be able to flirt with a bunch of Spics in front of me without even knowing! I heard what you said to the guy at MacDonald's the other day! 'Puedo conseguir diez dólares de vuelta?' I know what you said you, filthy whore!"

"Really? You're an expert in the Spanish language now?" Ellie couldn't help but deadpan. "Tell me, what am I saying right now? Lunes, el Martes, miércoles, Jueves, Viernes…"

Ellie suddenly felt a sharp pain in her jaw and stumbled backward from the force of it. Cradling the injured piece of her anatomy, she looked up at Anthony, eyes wide with shock. The horribly dark expression on his face was unlike anything she had ever seen before.

"Don't you insult me!" That's all he had time to say before a fist went flying into his face. Once that happened, the entire scene broke out into chaos practically instantaneously. Almost every man in the place joined in the sudden fray, with the sole goal and intention being to beat Anthony to a pulp.

Good. Let them.

Ellie used this as an opportunity to slip out of the restaurant unnoticed. She only made it as far as the traffic light at the end of the block before her emotions caught up with her and she had no choice but to break down and cry.

That's it. No more. I can't do this anymore. If he's going to use me as a punching bag, then I don't deserve to be with him at all. Ellie kept repeating that in her mind and it only served to strengthen her resolve. She had to do this. She had to break up with him. She had to.

After a few minutes of sitting out on the sidewalk alone, Ellie heard footsteps approaching her and her entire body quickly tensed. She knew who it was going to be, and she forced herself to remain committed to her resolve.

"Hey, are you okay?" That certainly wasn't the voice she had been expecting. Ellie didn't let her guard down, though. She refused to turn to look at the person, instead staring down the crosswalk signal across the street.

"I'm fine."

"You sure about that? That was a pretty bad hit you took." Studying the voice, a little more closely, she realized that it belonged to a man and that clearly wasn't from around here. She wasn't sure if he was British or Scottish, or whatever, but whatever it was, it wasn't American.

"'Tis but a scratch," Ellie dismissed. "I'm fine."

"Do you have anywhere to go?" Ellie was starting to find this man's persistence and the worried tone of his voice disconcerting. "We threw that guy out of the bar. If he comes back my brother and I will give him hell."

"Thank you for the offer, but with all due respect I just want to be alone right now, so why don't you just fuck off?" That may have been a little too harsh, but if Ellie knew anything, she knew that the best way to get someone to leave you alone was insulting them. It was also the best way of inciting a physical altercation, but that's not what ended up happening. Instead, the man uttered something along the lines of "fine, be like that" and walked off, leaving Ellie alone with her tears.

In hindsight, Ellie should have left a lot sooner than she did. Otherwise, Anthony wouldn't have found her and hoisted her to her feet by the collar of her shirt.

"What in the actual fuck did you do to me?"

"Anthony, what the fuck?" Ellie tried to twist out of his grip but easily failed. The only way she could possibly get out of this would be by unbuttoning her shirt and she had a feeling that would only make things worse given that she only had a bra on underneath the shirt – a racy one at that.

"You did this to me!" Anthony pointed to a bruise forming on his left eye. "This is your fault!"

"This is my fault? You're the one who hit me."

"Screw you! You would've let them kill me! You don't care about me at all!" Tears began to fill Anthony's eyes.

"You're being overly dramatic! Let me go and get out of my life!" Just like that, Anthony dropped her back onto her feet.

"Alright, if that's how you want it, consider me gone."

Ellie didn't have time to process what happened next at all. One second, she was giving him a perplexed look as she tried to figure out what he meant; the next, she was barely holding him back from jumping in front of a moving car by his wrist, begging him not to do it. She screamed, she cried, she yelled, but Anthony continued to attempt to break free from her grip, calling her every vicious name in the book as he kept trying to pull himself in front of every car that went by. Eventually, Ellie saw no other way to end this but to just give up.

"I do care about you, Anthony! I couldn't live without you! I love you! Please, don't do this! I forgive you! Let's put this behind us! Just knock this shit off right now!" At that point, Anthony essentially froze in place.

"Do you really mean that?"

"With all of my heart." The words felt like poison on her tongue. Things were quiet for a while before Anthony finally spoke up.

"Let's get back to the truck."

"Alright."

Ellie trailed closely and quietly behind him as he led the way back to the truck. As she walked, she came to the realization that she probably could never leave him. He was either going to keep her as his own personal punching bag for the rest of eternity, or something much worse. Either way, Ellie knew that this day, this moment, marked the end of her life.


If you liked this, be sure to leave a review. Also if you hated this, be sure to leave a review. If you want me to kill myself, I'll assure you that I understand the sentiment but my therapist says killing yourself isn't the way to solve your problems and I don't want to piss her off, so... Yeah, don't bother reviewing if you're gonna say that.

I have an extended Author's Note going up on my blog (I have the address typed out on my profile, so go there to find it 'cause I know FFN is going to eat it), so be sure to check that out. Follow me on Twitter and Tumblr for updates, and if you prefer, this fic is also being uploaded to AO3, so be sure to follow me on those sites as well. I have the same username on all of them.

Remember kids, domestic violence is a serious issue. If you or someone you love is currently in an abusive relationship, feel free to call 1-800-779-SAFE (7233) if you are in the US. If you are outside of the US, search for domestic violence help of domestic violence hotline in the search engine of your choosing. Thank you.


This chapter was originally posted to FFN on 4/7/18