You're everything I hope for
You're everything I need
You are so beautiful to me
- Joe Cocker
Leni Loud woke on the morning of Friday, February 28 with a smile: Warm sunshine spilled through the window and bathed her in its golden rays, making her think of old paintings she'd seen of, like, religious figures standing in shafts of heavenly light. Look at him, that cosmic glow said, he's special. Well...so was she, she mused. At least that's how Lincoln made her feel. She stretched, rolled her neck, and allowed herself a moment to think of her beloved, his face forming in her mind's eye from the void: His beautiful smile, his big, loving eyes, his cute freckles. Leni delight in touching those freckles when they snuggled, counting them again and again. One...two...three...four...five...six. Six adorable freckles on his kissable cheeks. And his little cowlick...he was totes the cutest thing ever.
She sighed happily and scrunched her shoulders. The way he looked at her, the way he held her hand...it made her feel like she was the only girl in the world; never before had she felt so beautiful, loved, and at peace than she did now. She was so glad that she listened to Lori's advice and went after her Lincy. If she hadn't, she would be so sad right now, her tummy full of lovesickness and her heart aching. How long had she lived that way? A year? More? It was hard to say, since there was no moment she could point to and say "that's when I fell in love with him." It was a gradual thing, a slide rather than a fall. She always felt a special love for her only brother. He was her Lincy, after all. So thoughtful and loving and upbeat. He reminded her of a puppy dog. Cute and happy and so darn loveable.
The first strains of romantic love she could remember feeling for him came...last summer? Or was it September? She thought school was in, but she also remembered it being not too long after the Fourth of July. She was coming up the walkway to the porch when her sandal broke and she fell, landing hard on one knee. Pain exploded through her body, and she cried out. Lincoln was sitting in a high branch of the tree overhanging the sidewalk, a comic book in his hands. When she yelled, he looked up and his face went white. He dropped the comic, jumped down, landed on his feet, his knees slightly bending, and ran over, his feet pounding and his arms pumping.
"Are you okay?" he asked as he knelt beside her, a protective hand landing on her back.
"I-I'm fine," Leni replied, her lips quivering and her eyes flooding with tears. She blinked them back and tried to stand, but hot pain radiated from her poor knee, and she hissed over clenched teeth. She was sixteen. Sixteen-year-olds don't cry when they skin their knees. She had to be grown-up.
The tears fell anyway, and Lincoln went stiff, panic in his eyes. "Just...help me," Leni said.
"O-Okay." He got to his feet and looked around. It was clear that he didn't know what to do. Even in her wounded state, Leni thought his stricken expression was cute.
"Help me up." She offered him her hand, and he took it, pulling her to her feet. Pain engulfed her leg, and she moaned. Lincoln slipped under her shoulder and helped her inside and up the stairs. She started going into her room, but Lincoln steered her to the bathroom. "No, Leni," he said, "we have to clean that cut."
Leni's heart clutched. "I-I don't want to."
"We have to. Or it'll get infected."
He led her into the bathroom, closed the toilet lid, and sat her down. Then he went over to the cabinet by the sink, opened it, and rummaged around. Leni sniffled and leaned forward to look at her hurt knee. It wasn't bad, really; it looked like an ugly rash. Keyword ugly. Leni didn't like to look ugly. She liked looking pretty and beautiful. She glanced over at Lincoln and suddenly wondered what he thought of her knee. Was he grossed out? Did he think she was hideous now? His opinion had always been important to her, but right now, the thought that he might be repulsed by her shattered her heart into a million pieces. When he turned away from the cabinet, his arms filled with medical supplies, Leni gasped and covered her face with her hands so that she wouldn't see the revulsion on his face,
"That's a pretty bad scratch," he said as he knelt and fanned the owie supplies across the floor. Leni watched him through her fingers. His head was down as he opened a bottle of peroxide, held a piece of cotton to its lips, and turned it quickly upside-down-then-right-side-up. When he looked up at her, she closed the gaps in her fingers, her breath catching in her throat.
"A-Are you okay?" he asked.
Leni shook her head, her hair swishing.
"What's wrong?"
Leni took a deep breath. "I'm ugly," she said.
"What? No you're not."
"You think my leg's gross."
"No I don't," he said. He patted her thigh. "It's a scratch. It happens."
The tone of his voice was reassuring. She fanned her fingers open and looked at him. He was wearing a tiny half-smile. "Really?" she asked.
"Of course," he said, "you're..." he paused, looking slightly uncomfortable, "...you're beautiful."
Leni's heart skipped a beat. Her hands fell into her lap. "Really?" she asked hopefully.
"Yeah," Lincoln said, the cutest little blush touching his cheeks. "Now...this may sting a little."
Leni clenched her teeth as he cleaned the wound. It did sting, just like it always did.
"So, how was the mall?" he asked.
"Oh, it was totes awesome. I saw the cutest dress, but they didn't have it in my size so I went to the shoe store and bought these adorable sandals...which I was just wearing." She sighed.
"At least you have one sandal," he said as he rubbed Neosporin onto her wound. It was cold against her skin.
She laughed. Like, really laughed. He was so funny sometimes. And cute.
He ripped open a Band-Aid and pressed it against her cut. She looked down at it. There was a picture of a cute cartoon doggie on it.
"All done," he said, and started gathering the supplies together. As she watched him put them away, she thought, her heart pounding, He'd make a good boyfriend.
It didn't occur to her until later that she didn't mean that, like, in general; she meant a good boyfriend for her. That was wrong. He was her brother and your brother can't be your boyfriend. It...just didn't happen. You could love your brother and think he's adorable and sweet and nice, but you couldn't be his girlfriend. Nope.
The more she thought about him, and the more she watched him, the more she realized she was right. He would make a good boyfriend. In general. He was thoughtful, kind, compassionate, loving, considerate, giving, loyal, charitable, sweet, gentle, responsible, determined, dedicated, and a thousand other words that Leni couldn't think of or didn't know. He was always there for his sisters when they needed him, even if he didn't want to be sometimes. That's how you know someone's really good. They do nice things even when they don't feel like it. Lincoln went one further. He did nice things even when he knew that doing those nice things would hurt him. Like the time he took the blame for clogging the toilet with that fairy unicorn book when it was actually Lucy's. Leni knew because she saw Lucy reading it one night, but Leni didn't tell because she didn't want Lucy to get made fun of.
How sweet of him to do that! Lori and the others still picked on him about liking fairy unicorns, and that happened, like, months ago. Not many brothers would do that. Lincoln was a rare gem, a precious stone that they were all lucky to have even if they didn't realize it.
Leni was so happy to have him as her brother, but she was sad too, because she wanted him as more; she wanted to be his girlfriend.
She grappled with these feelings for a long time before she finally decided she didn't care if he was her brother. She was in love with him and that was that.
But even if she was okay, she didn't know if he would be okay with it. He might think she was creepy or gross, and she couldn't stand the idea of him thinking that way about her, so she pined and longed from afar, her heart beating fast every time he was near, her stomach fluttering at the mere mention of his name. It hurt to love him, but it felt good too. It made her happy, and it made her sad. She got depressed, and after a while, Lori talked to her, and Leni told her everything.
"If you feel that way, tell him," Lori said.
Leni's heart seized. "What if he hates me?"
"He won't hate you. He loves you."
Her stomach was sick, and she hugged herself. "I'm so scared he'll think I'm gross and want nothing to do with me ever again."
Telling Lincoln how she felt was, like, a gamble. She could wind up with a lover...or she could lose her only brother. Even the slightest possibility of the latter was just too much. She'd rather be lovesick for ever and ever and have her brother than to try and end up losing him. Lori kept telling her that she wouldn't lose Lincoln, and Lori was smarter, and older, and knew what she was talking about, so finally, Leni decided to try.
And she was soooo glad she did because Lincoln loved her too, and they were so happy together!
Presently, Leni sat up and stretched. Lori was still asleep, which meant Leni would get to take her shower first. It didn't happen often, but it did happen.
Smiling to herself, she got up, tip-toed into the hall, and shut the door softly behind her. In the bathroom, she stripped and climbed into the tub. The hot water felt good against her skin, and she began to hum as she lathered her body. Another day of loving Lincy lie ahead, and she looked forward to it, just as she now looked forward to every day...
