Do you ever wonder what happened immediately after the events of Curse of the Black Pearl? Ted and Terry obviously didn't and decided instead to have an entire year pass so we are suddenly fast-forwarded to an image of raindrops spattering against delicately patterned teacups. Just as you are beginning to wonder if you stumbled into the wrong movie in spite of the opening title having previously been shown, we cut to a familiar face.
Elizabeth sat, mesmerized by the droplets of rain on each petal of her bouquet. The once fertile patch of grass meant to be the aisle her father would escort her down was now nothing but a mud pile against a stormy green sky. Suddenly, she felt the way she felt back when she was thirteen and catching James leering at her when she bent over.
There was Will, her groom, shackled and dragged by several armed men. Where in the world had he gotten that ascot, Elizabeth wondered as she ran toward him. And that hat. It's like it's too small for his head.
"Will, why is this happening?"
"I don't know," he said. "You look beautiful. And what a lovely wedding dress! Baby poop colored?"
"Yes, just as I had always pictured my wedding dress," she sniffled. "I think it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding."
"The fact it's pouring down rain and I was abducted from the blacksmith shop also seem to contribute," Will said thoughtfully.
"Make way, let me through!" They looked over to the side to see Governor Swann pushing through the guests crowded under the overhang. "Ruthless parasites! You're all the reason there was not going to be an open bar at the reception!" He turned towards the short man who looked like he was in charge. "How dare you! Stand your men down at once!"
"Governor Weatherby Swann. It's been too long." The man turned to face the camera at the same time a clap of thunder roared over the horizon. Somewhere in the distance, a horse stood on its hind legs and let out a panicked whinny. Further into the distance, the Phantom of the Opera played out five ominous notes on a massive pipe organ.
"Cutler Beckett?" Governor Swann asked, incredulously.
"It's Lord now, actually. We'll have to sit down to tea and scones so we can catch up!" Beckett clapped his hands together. "Oh it'll be so much fun! We haven't talked since Young Leaders of Tomorrow Camp. Remember those boys who made fun of us because of our strange first names? I had them beheaded! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
Everyone gasped. The Swann family hadn't exactly held the most pristine reputation as of late, what with the young governor's daughter spending nights on islands with pirates and marrying blacksmiths of all people, not to mention that scandal where Governor Swann insisted he "did not inhale."
"William Turner and Elizabeth Swann are under arrest," Beckett continued. Half of the armed guards enthusiastically let go of Will for a chance to grope, I mean, restrain Miss Swann.
"On what charges?" she demanded.
"I also have a warrant for a James Norrington." He held it up and waved it around for the crowd. "Is he present?"
Disguised as a peg-legged hobo, Elizabeth's former maid Estrella considered raising her hand and declaring herself James Norrington. He was a Commodore, rich, a man in a man's world. As a Commodore, the amount of power she would have would make the power a governor's daughter had small potatoes indeed. But it sounded like the man was in trouble, so she stayed hidden.
"Commodore Norrington resigned his commission some months ago," Governor Swann said.
"Oh," Beckett said. "Surely that has NOTHING to do with you guys. But that's not what I asked."
"Lord Beckett, in the category of questions not answered…" Will gritted his teeth.
"Oh, I know!" They all looked behind them to see Mercer, Beckett's henchman waving his arm wildly in the air. "What is, 'what is the mark Jack left on Beckett?'"
"This isn't Jeopardy," Elizabeth fumed. "We are under the jurisdiction of the King's governor of Port Royal and you will tell us what we are charged with." She knew that day she stole her veil would come back to haunt her. But the dress had just been so damn expensive! To sell her the dress and the veil at that cost was robbery! Arrest the people at David's Bridal, not her!
Governor Swann took one of the warrants, applied his monocle, and read out loud.
"The charge is 'conspiring to set free a man convicted of crimes against the crown and empire and condemned to desk…'"
"That's probably 'death,' Father."
"Oh, so it is! Sucked all the drama out of that sentence, didn't I? The punishment for said crime is…"
"Also desk. Fuck. I meant, 'death,'" Beckett said, an icy raindrop trickling off the corner of his hat and plummeting to the ground. "Perhaps you remember a certain pirate named Jack Sparrow."
"Captain!" Will and Elizabeth corrected him.
"Hey! That's the guy we branded way back when!" Mercer said, adorning some brass knuckles and punching his own knee. His eyes rolled back in pleasure at the sound of bones crushing.
"Captain Jack Sparrow, what a dreamboat," Beckett sighed. "How could anyone forget him?"
A/N: I do not own the Phantom of the Opera, character and work of the same name, or Jeopardy. The opener is sort of inspired by the first time I saw DMC. I was so hyped up on that I was actually seeing a sequel to one of my favorite movies of all time that it rendered me a two-year-old with the attention span of a gnat. My mind was trying to process DMC's beautiful opening and all it got was, "Thudding heartbeat...title card...teacups in the rain! Oh, it's like a Monet painting! How Colonial! Who the hell is this girl?" Yes. I did not recognize Elizabeth at first. Go ahead. Let me have it.
