AN: I hope that you'll all like this fanfic. It's my first one so please be nice! But I can take nice criticism. And as you can tell from the storys name it's based on Ron Popes song A drop in the ocean and October Trees.
This is just a oneshot, but if all goes well maybe I could continue on this story. :)
ENJOY!
Angie
A Drop In In The Ocean
Rose POV:
Have you ever felt that feeling, that feeling that you're falling even though you're acually standing perfectly still...
I just felt that and it's an excrusiating feeling. I just couldn't belive that Dimitri just told me that his love has faded. I'm standing here at the edge of a cliff and watching the ocean and wishing that it really didn't happen. But it did. He told me this yesterday at mass in church, and I just run away... Because honestly, I didn't know how to response to the fact that he don't love me anymore. And I sure as hell wouldn't show him weakness and cry in front of the entire court.
I don't even have the power to blame him for this heartbreak I'm feeling. I guess it was all coming down to this, with the age difference and him mentoring me and everything. The only thing I'm regretting is falling for him in the beginning... no that's acually not true. I really, really love him, with all my heart and I wouldn't change that feeling for anything. Even though I'm standing here, alone, and just thinking that it's like a drop in the ocean, a change in the weather everything that's happening. And even though I'm praying to a God I'm not even sure exist that we might end up together, it's like wishing for rain as I stand in a desert that we'll ever be the happy couple I'm dreaming of.
I know that Lissa told me to give him time to heal, time to figure things out. But how could I? When I've waited and fought for him for so long?
I was really deluding myself when I thought that he would welcome me with open arms. But the only thing that I really got whas heartbreak, and more heartbreak. I don't even know what I'm suppose to do now. Am I gonna stay here, or am I leaving?
My first impulse feeling was to run away, far, far away from court and from him. But I can't do that. My whole family, meaning closest friends, are here at court and I just can't abandon them because of one mans hurtful words. It's going to be hard to stay, but I'm not anyone I'm Rose Hathaway for God's sake. I'm no coward who's gonna run away. No I'm staying and hopefully everything will be easier than it feels like right now.
I, Rosemarie Hathaway, are not running away. I'm just gonna move on with my life even though I'm gonna hold him close to my heart, because in the end he's my heaven and he's the one planting my feets and sanity on this earth. And I really have to remember that I have the greatest friends in the world who's gonna stand by me and be there when everything seems falling apart. I know that Lissa will always stand by me, even though she's helping him through this, whatever he's going through. Adrian, yes Adrian will always be by my side. Even though I've hurt him too, I know that he'll stand by me against everything. In this very moment I really wished that I could love Adrian the same way he does to me. But I can't. Sure enough I love him, I'm just not in love with him. And he knows that by now, I hope.
Eddie... sure enough he'll be there for me, but we don't actually talk about stuff like love. Not yet anyway. Even though we're best friends we have limited topics on what to talk about.
Three month later...
This is pathetic, I'm still wounded up about his words. Okey, it's not been so long since he actually told me them but still... Will it never end? This heartbreaking feeling. I'm feeling that I'm in darkness and are just waiting for the light to come back on. I seem so lost even to myself, and it feels like my back's against the wall and even though it's summer outside it's winter in my heart.
Over these past month I've been thinking if we can change or if I'm acually surrendering to this so called reality. While thinking of Dimitri I remeber that I once loved his grace, and the strenght he brought to me while I was weak or hurt. But now, I'm just wondering what else he wants from me?
I can't sleep and at the moment it's moroi night, so it's actually daylight and I'm trying to relish in the feeling of the sun. But the wind cuts through and it chills me to the bone, the sunlight feels like a ghost that's so far gone. A sad old song keeps on ringing in my head;
Where is your dignity? Where is your pride?
Where is the love that you once had inside?
Where is your dignity? Where is your pride?
Where is the voice that was always your guide?
Where is your dignity? Where is your pride?
Where is the love that you once had inside?
Where is your dignity? Where is your pride?
It really suits my mood doesn't it?
But I really think it's time to move on. I don't have the time or strength to keep hoping, that some day he might come back to me. I need to be the old me, the strong me, the carefree me...
I can't stay like this heartbroken girl, because I have more important things than wallowing over old feelings. Feelings thats only gonna hurt me more if I keep on going at this path.
So, from now on, I'm Rosemarie Hathaway. A girl who doesn't get involved with boys or love, other than love from my friends and family. I'm just gonna dedicate my life to guard Lissa, forever.
They come first...
