Sunlight, Moonlight
Disclaimer: I admit it; my name is not T. S. Eliot. Therefore, I don't own cats or any of its characters, unfortunately...oh, the things I could do...
Warning: This is obscure, and plain weird. A lot of you may not like it. Adult themes, fo' sure. Watch out, friends.
I was going crazy.
I've known for a long time, of course. It was inevitable. Bast, I could feel it sucking every and any chance of normality away from me. I wasn't sick. No, I knew it wasn't that. It was the voices. The voices all around me, crowding me, pushing me into myself. How could any cat stand to live with all the noise?
I knew about them. About all of them. I knew that he loved her, but that she had her eye on another tom. I knew that these two were cheating on each other without even knowing, and that those two were making plans to run away from the tribe. I knew everything. But I never asked for it. I never wanted it, and I know that I never will. The voices chase me, beat me until I'm forced to listen. The endless babble, all trying to talk over one another, all unknowingly confessing their inner demons to me. Even when I walk and walk and walk to get away from the endless torture, there's always that hum in the background. It never shuts up.
They don't understand me. Often, when I pass through, I see their wide eyes. They only hear silence, but I hear their loud, obnoxious voices proclaiming that I was a freak. A loner. That I wasn't welcome. Their voices would press in on me until I would feel like curling up into a ball and screaming. I just wanted them to shut up.
They say that magic is a blessing. Of course, they only know him. That sparkly, tuxedoed tom who had a habit of shooting lightning from his paws. All the fricken' time. He'd dance around on his toes, deftly making things appear and disappear. The queens would gasp, would swoon, would cry out, 'Magical Mister Mistoffelees!' They'd crowd around him, touch his glittering fur, tell him of how they wished they could be magical just like him. Ha! If only they knew what true magic was like…
Those twins know as well. They're always seeing, whereas I'm always hearing. We have a sort of understanding, but that doesn't mean that they're like me. At least they can share the torture. I have to endure it alone, all the while watching the tuxedoed kitten prancing around. Glitterpaws. Oh, how I envied him. How I wished my magic were so simple.
I wasn't going to last much longer. Soon, I would have to leave. I'd been told it, by my own father no less, yet I'd been planning to anyway. In the Junkyard, I had no peace. I couldn't even sleep, because the voices kept up their chatter through dreams as well. In fact, it was worse at night. I'd hear voices crying, screaming, pleading. I just wanted to ignore it all, because I knew not even that type of pain could measure to my own.
I was told to leave because I was dangerous. I knew it myself, and so did my father. He told me too many had been hurt. That too many were terrified of me, of the shadows creeping about in my eyes. Of the fire that was my fur. I wanted to leave because maybe, just maybe, I could find a place where the voices would fade. Where I could curl up and simply sleep. It was all I wanted. To be able to close my bloodshot eyes and hear a perfect silence. My heart, or whatever was left of it, yearned for silence.
So I had to leave. Better sooner than later. Better today than tomorrow. My mind was made up; I was ready to go. There was nothing left for me in the Junkyard.
Not now that she didn't want me. Not after what she'd done to me.
The thought of her sent tingles down my spine. I'd imagine that I was running my hands through her silken, golden fur once again. I saw those ice-blue eyes everywhere, staring out at me from every shadowed corner. I couldn't even bear to think of her name anymore. I know that I will never taste those letters upon my tongue again as I feel her soft body beneath me. Those memories, they're unbearable. They haunt me, make my life even more of a living hell than it was before I met her. I sometimes think that she'll come back for me, because she claimed to understand me. But she never really did, and she's never coming back. I know that now.
She was the only one whose company didn't torture me. She was like sunlight; utter bliss. Sunlight had no voice, only warmth and beautiful, golden rays that spread across the world like liquid. That was why I compared her to it. Her thoughts never pressed in on me. With her, I was allowed some peace of mind. I explained that to her, told her that I loved her. She told me she understood, that she was sorry, that she loved me too. I told her, as long as I had her forever, I would be okay. She heard those words. She nodded and smiled. I believed her.
But she left me. She left me for my bastard brother, and she destroyed any chance I'd ever had of peace. Of silence. She betrayed me, and now I hated her, yet at the same time, I wanted her. I was a mere fool, and she was the devil. I hated her.
Those thoughts in mind, I padded towards the main part of the Junkyard one last time. I needed to see the place I hated, commit it to memory so that one day, I could express to them my pain. What I'd suffered all my life. As I neared it, though, the voices didn't pounce on me as usual. They held back, a dull murmur at the back of my mind. My eyes narrowed, because I'd experienced that a long time ago. Only she could make the voices quiet down. The closer I came to her, the more voices that shut up. I closed my eyes, enjoying it. I really didn't want to see her; I knew that if I did, I'd probably kill her. I'd gotten close to it very many times, and now when she saw me, she'd cry out in fear. It sent tremors of pleasure up my spine. But if I did kill her, I'd never be able to take her silence with me. I planned to return one day, to come back so I could claim her. My brother would hate me, and so would she, but I didn't care about their happiness any more. Only I mattered.
Before I could turn to finally leave though, a voice rang out clearly. It didn't force its way into my head; it was truly echoing through the air. I listened closely, smiling slightly as it drowned out the other voices entirely.
Burnt out ends of smoky days
The stale cold smell of morning
The streetlamp dies, another night is over
Another day is dawning
I took a step forward, and then another. And then I saw her face. That sweet, kitten face. It wasn't golden, not like her. It was the child of sunlight. As I saw how the light of the moon above embraced her, of how her voice sent silvery chills through my body, I named her moonlight. Sunlight had given birth to moonlight. How had I not found her before? How could I have so completely missed those wide, blue eyes, eyes the exact same color as hers?
As I inched slowly forward, she turned. Full lips, slightly parted. A faint rosy blush on her cheeks. Her voice faded as I approached her, and with a start, I saw that a smile graced her beautiful face. That was when I saw the tinges of red through her calico fur, and halted abruptly. This was the child of sunlight; moonlight. But who was her father?
I closed my eyes and shook my head slightly. I couldn't stop, couldn't miss this chance. The voices had all faded away; this kitten was granting me the silence I yearned for so much. I needed her. I needed those innocent eyes, gazing sweetly into mine just as her eyes had.
"The mystery cat," she murmured as I stopped before her. Her voice was filled with wonder. I was different from what she had expected. There were no shadows in my eyes, not when I looked upon her sweet face. I leant in to caress her face with the gentlest of hands, stroking her blushing cheeks. I closed my eyes and sighed, realizing her fur had the same silken quality as hers.
My mind was telling me to stop. That one tiny rational part of me clung on, making me doubt myself. But how could I stop? How could I resist the tender lips mere inches away from my own?
Who was this kitten's father? It could very well be me.
I didn't care.
A soft sigh escaping my lips, I pulled her towards me, pulling her into my arms, embracing her. The moonlight fell upon us, lighting us up as I kissed her, my heart pounding as her lips moved against mine. Never had I thought that I could feel this way again. Not after she had left me. Yet, here I was, with another beautiful, young queen. It was wrong, but I wasn't going to stop.
I would have my moment of bliss before I left.
As I pulled away, as I turned to leave, I felt her tiny hand upon my shoulder. "Wait," she whispered in that melodic voice. "Where are you going?"
I sighed wearily. "I'm going, that's all. I'm leaving here. This isn't my place."
Her hand remained in place. "Will you come back?"
I turned to face her once more, committing her perfect face to memory. "For you, I will," I promised softly, wishing I could touch those soft lips just one more time. But I couldn't. I was too dangerous for a delicate kitten such as her. Later, if I could, then I would. I didn't care that she was the daughter of sunlight, and that the identity of her father was a mystery.
But until then, I would simply remember the feeling of her lips caressing my own.
A/N: I find myself obsessed with magic and price that comes with it…I came up with this and I've been itching to write it since…well, yesterday. Nonetheless.
If people like it, I may make it into a two-shot. That is, if you're really that interested.
And just remember, if you wish you could hear peoples' thoughts…think again.
rawrrkitty, signing out. ;)
